The last time

i.

Daryl

We stopped outside the last store, a small one and a chain that I wasn't so familiar with. But then when I looked into the windows at a couple of customers inside, they seemed to be surrounded by a swirl of darkness making them invisible. Before it suddenly lifted.

What the fuck…? I thought to myself.

I told myself that it was a mere trick of the eyes. I hadn't been sleeping well lately, was just tired and stressed, that was all. Thought I had dreamt about Dad again recently when the nightmares about him had stopped.

Still, something about the store didn't feel right, very wrong in fact. Even though it looked no different from all the others we'd robbed.

'Merle…' I said warningly. 'I don't think we should do this one.'

He rounded on me then. 'Ya really bought all that sixth sense crap Mama fed us, baby brother? We agreed on jus' one more.'

'No!' I hissed, refusing to back down. 'I got a really bad feeling about this place...I'm serious this time...Merle...We can still do one more ...let's jus' go somewhere else.' I appealed to Mira, met her eyes but before she could answer he grabbed me roughly like he used to before he knew about Dad and shoved me hard against the wall. I heard her gasp in shock behind me – she'd never seen this bullying side of Merle with me before.

But then she hadn't known what he was like when I was growing up – sure, he could be thoughtful and generous sometimes – bought me new clothes, took me out for meals when he came back home with the cash. Never telling us where he got it from. He'd protect me from our father when he was there and sober enough but most of the time he was like this – bullying and mocking.

Dixon tough love to toughen me up.

Even underneath it all, I still knew he loved me and I knew that I was already tough.

But he'd changed after he caught Dad with me, like he was trying to make it up to me. Only now he'd gone back to how he used to be.

I felt myself starting to panic and struggled uselessly while he smirked me and had me pinned against the wall. I could sense Mira's indecisiveness – she wanted to stop it but she didn't know also didn't want to make me look bad. Besides, I could handle my brother and I knew, deep down, that he would never really hurt me.

I hoped.

'Merle, get the fuck off me!' I yelled.

'Or ya jus' lost ya balls, little brother?' He mocked.

'Fuck you!' I snarled at him, his jibe had stung. 'Get the fuck off me, Merle.' I snarled, trying to push him away with my hands on his chest but he was still a lot bigger and heavier than me and I couldn't make him budge an inch.

I was reminded yet again of how small and weak I still was and I hated the feeling.

How could he make me feel that sense of helplessness again – didn't he know that it reminded me of Dad?

However, I knew it wouldn't be forever, I was finally started to fill out – had grown a lot in the last few months since we'd left 't be weedy for much longer.

I hoped I would be as broad-shouldered and muscular as Merle and our father was.

But unfortunately, still not grown enough to be a match for my big brother who was looming over me then, enjoying my useless struggles to escape him.

Not much different from our father in fact. How much different was my brother from him anyway?

'Leave him alone!' Mira hissed in his ear and tried to pull him away from me but he easily freed his arm from her. I felt the burning blush of shame spreading over my cheeks because a girl was trying to defend me. Merle laughed and rudely shoved her away. He only pushed her but I knew if it had been a man trying to come between us – the Dixon brothers – he would have laid him out flat on the ground. But I knew he'd never hit a woman – he'd despised our father for beating on our Mama. 'Trina or Mira or whatever ya name is, this here is Dixon family business and ya ain't invited.' He growled back at her without taking his eyes from mine as he pinned me there against the wall with them and she backed off but not without cursing him first.

'Asshole!' She hissed back. 'Let him go! I care about him too.'

'Well, ya know what ya can do, don't ya, girl? Don't have to stay with us.' He countered without looking back at her as we were eye-balled each other, caught up in some kind of battle of wills..

And she never took her eyes off me.

Then it hit me, he'd be happy to get rid of her. No doubt he just wanted it to be just me and him.

Merle was jealous that I had someone in my life who I cared about besides him! And the closer me and Mira got, the worse his mood.

She said nothing to his angry outburst. It was a wise choice with the foul mood he was in. However, he decided to release me then, dropping eye-contact first but not without laughing at me mockingly.

'Hidin' behind ya little girlfriend's skirts, huh, little brother?' He smirked at me.

'Ya can be such an asshole sometimes, Merle. What the fuck's wrong with ya?' I tried to calm him down rather than get angry at his insults. I'd been doing this my whole life, mostly to avoid pointless fights when my big brother antagonised people.

He shrugged and didn't answer. 'We're doin' it, jus' one more, OK, baby brother?' Now his tone had turned wheedling and he ruffled my hair. He looked from me to Mira until we nodded.

I agreed reluctantly, hoping that after this one, we would either go home or find somewhere to settle for a while and look for work. I promised myself if they wanted to carry on thieving after that, I would go my own way. I was nearly 17 after all. Almost an adult, could find my own work.

Even if it meant leaving my brother and the only girl I had ever liked.

I mean really liked.

ii.

Daryl

Merle pushed me aside to get in front of me and raised his gun to train in on the cashier.

Things had got fucked up and very quickly. Turned out my initial misgivings were right about the place and Mama's 'sixth sense' was right on the ball.

'Get the fuck out of here!' He yelled at both me and Mira but for the life of me, I couldn't make my legs move. 'What ya waitin' for?' Aware of what could go down, I was transfixed, couldn't abandon my brother to take all the heat. She stayed too. Curling her fingers around mine and for once, I didn't shy away from her touch.

Merle didn't seem to notice my non-compliance and he turned back because all his attention was taken by the store-worker – the only one left who was conscious and a potential threat. The other two were slumped somewhere in the aisles where me and Merle had pistol –whipped them, coming upon them in surprise in the aisles we had stalked along.

It had never struck him how strange it was until too late that there were apparently only two 'customers' in the store during the busy lunch hour where many working people all around would usually come in to buy something for their lunch. I had sensed that something was wrong, however but he had refused to listen to me.

And now we were ass-deep in shit because it had turned out one of the store patrons was an undercover detective and the other was a cop in disguise.

We'd been set-up and they'd been onto us the moment we stepped into the place.

They knew we were coming.

'Don't do it if ya want to live.' He commanded the slim, middle-aged man, waving the weapon pointedly below the counter.

The man shrugged. His name was Tim apparently – it was written on his name badge. 'Already done it and ain't nothin' ya can do 'bout it.' He smirked, apparently un-intimidated by the weapon or my brother and I wanted to scream at him not to because I knew Merle kill him for it. Especially because of the colour of his skin. He'd already killed one person I knew for sure – our 'beloved' father no less and somehow, maybe more during his mysterious 'work trips' away. Something whispered to me that once you've done it once, it was easier the next time. Don't ask me how I knew this. Worse – the man was black – 'a low-down, dirty nigger' our father would have called him and Merle had inherited his views and I wanted to warn Tim not to be so cocky.

Not to underestimate my big brother who could turn on the charm and act harmless with women when he was out prowling for a lay but who was a rattlesnake underneath it all.

I remembered how he punished our father for what he did to me before allowing him the mercy to finally die. It was a mercy in the end because Merle was fully capable of dealing a bad death to anyone who crossed him.

He hissed and turned around to glance briefly outside when we heard the howl of sirens rapidly approaching. He saw me then. 'What are ya two still doin' here? I thought I told ya to scat! Go!'

But I didn't move – couldn't abandon my brother to his fate and Merle's attention was soon occupied again by the rebellious cashier who had got half away across to him why we'd been focusing on each other. Almost as silent as a Dixon when he goes a-hunting.

But unfortunately for him, not quite our equal because Merle whirled around, apparently unsurprised like he'd known the whole time he was being stalked.

'Get back behind the counter, nigger.' He snarled contemptuously. 'Still ain't decided whether I'm gonna let ya live or not but now that ya pressed that panic button, don't look like I got anythin' to lose, does it?'

Now the man looked as scared for his life as he should.

'In fact, as our dear old Dad always said, ''The only good nigger is a dead one.'' Ain't none of them worth a dime 'cept for slavery and workin' the fields, huh, chocolate-face?'

'Fuck you, ya racist prick.' The man was defiant now, his natural indignation at my brother's racist diatribe taking over his natural self-preservation instincts.

As the sirens drew nearer, I tore my hand out of Mira's who was watching everything that was going on with detached amusement. She drew back in surprise but I could see that she was stuck in some kind of immobile trance..

'This ain't a game.' I hissed at her to break her out of it. 'When I make my move, ya gotta go. Meet ya at the place we talked about. Try and sneak out the back if they ain't locked it.' I whispered even though I was sure they would have cut off all our avenues of escape.

She started to argue but I quickly shut her off with a kiss, surprised at my own boldness.

She kissed me back briefly on the mouth then and just as I had dreamed, her lips tasted like strawberries.

Our first kiss.

But there was no time.

I knew then that whatever happened to me and Merle, that kiss would sustain me until we could meet again – I dared to hope that we would when we got out of this mess.

Somehow. Part of me was expecting my big brother to save us again.

I didn't even have time to check that she really left and Merle didn't notice any of this – he was too focused on keeping the cashier in his sights. The man had already proved himself to be difficult.

Merle narrowed his eyes at the unfortunate man. 'Time to die but won't ask if ya got any last words. 'Cos nothin' that comes out of a nigger's mouth ain't worth a dime anyway.'

'Merle! Don't! We said no killin'!'' I cried out behind him but he ignored me.I knew that he was really going to do it, no bluffing now as he raised the gun and aimed it at the shaking, now finally terrified man. Tim started to gabble pleas and promises to Merle to spare his life. That he was sorry for pushing the button.

But Merle only callously smirked as he cocked the weapon at the his head. 'Shouldn't have fucked with me, bro. Ain't that what ya people call each other?' He mocked, smiling cruelly at the same time so that I saw our father in him and not for the first time either.

I could see his finger drawing back the trigger and knew that he would never show mercy or miss. A child couldn't miss at this range, let alone a Dixon with hunting in his blood.

The sirens were outside now and I could hear shouts. Banging on the locked door, I just hoped that they'd left the back open or that she could find the keys – maybe from one of the unconscious men to open it.

I smiled inside despite the deep shit we were in because I knew Mira – born thief – would escape.

Somehow.

I heard the door crash as they smashed the glass but I knew it would be too late.

Because the defiant black man was dead.