Sasuke's No Good Very Bad Teammates

Summary: Naruto and Sakura have gone insane.

Or: Just after becoming Team 7 Naruto and Sakura go through a massive shift in personality, leaving Sasuke out of the loop and wondering what in the name of sanity could have happened to them. His only consolation is that Kakashi is just as weirded out as he is.

Chapter 14

They walked in silence as Kumo disappeared from sight behind them. The atmosphere between them was strained, Naruto and Sasuke pointently not looking at Sakura. She didn't even have the decency to look guilty.

Naruto was the first to give in. "You just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"He challenged me," Sakura said, crossing her arms.

"We are banned from Kumo for life," Sasuke said.

"Do you know how much less of Kumo there is than there was before?" Naruto, his hair short and Henge dropped, frowned. "And you made Killer B cry, Sakura! You made him cry!"

"He challenged me!" Sakura repeated, as if that justified anything. "What did you expect me to do, refuse?"

"Yes!" Naruto threw up his hands in exasperation. "That way we would still be allowed to come back. How am I supposed to visit him now? He's my friend!"

"Everyone's your friend," Sasuke muttered.

He still hadn't quite recovered from the… experience, that Killer B had been. Whatever Sasuke had expected from a jinchūriki after meeting Naruto and Gaara, it had not been that. The atrocious rap and bad rhymes played on loop in his ears whenever he didn't distract himself quickly enough.

"It's not my fault he doesn't know his limits," Sakura said.

"You're thirteen! And tiny! With pink hair! How could he have possibly known that it would end in a gigantic crater?"

Sakura let out a huff. "I warned him."

"You provoked him," Sasuke corrected.

"Same difference. Look, I don't know what you want from me. It's too late now, isn't it?"

Naruto pouted. "We didn't even get to stay the night. And Sasuke could have learned a lot from Killer B."

An icy shudder travelled over Sasuke's spine. The rap haunted him. "I'm good." Besides, he could do without a fighting style that used a ridiculous amount of seven blades. Where did Naruto even find these people?

"Stop dwelling on the past," Sakura said, throwing one arm each over their shoulders in what might have been a placating gesture. Naruto huffed and Sasuke rolled his eyes, but neither of them tried to shake her off. They knew better than that.

The downside to camping outside was that not one of them was a morning person. Sasuke suppressed a grumble as he dragged himself out of his sleeping bag, shivering at the chilly morning air. He peeked through half-lidded eyes at his just as grumpy looking teammates.

Somehow, Sakura had already managed to dress herself. "Naruto," she said, breaking off into a huge yawn. "Want me to do your nails?"

Naruto groaned, flopping over and facing away from Sakura. "'s okay."

Sasuke noted the deeper voice and the relatively short hair. Naruto had worn nail polish before as a boy, so it was better to double check.

Sakura seemed to have the same thought, and asked, "Still a boy?"

There was no answer, just a distracted humming sound. Naruto had straightened up, but didn't face either of them. Sasuke shared a look with Sakura. "Naruto?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah." He didn't look at them, staring off into the distance instead.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

Naruto looked up and gave them a bright grin. "We gotta make another pitstop."

Naruto's connection to other jinchūriki, as Sasuke found out, only worked within a certain distance. He could not communicate with all of them at all times, but he immediately realized when one of them came within range.

Which was how they found themselves discussing their approach – or rather, how Sasuke found himself listening to Sakura and Naruto bicker. Sakura was all for a frontal assault – because of course she was – while Naruto insisted that they could solve the issue diplomatically.

"You don't know how they'll react," Sakura said. "For all we know, they might immediately attack. It would be far easier if we had the moment of surprise on our side."

"We won't know until we try," Naruto insisted, sporting the kind of earnesty that Sasuke would instinctively distrust coming from anyone but Naruto. "And what if she doesn't want to leave? We gotta ask her, first."

"I agree with Sakura," Sasuke said. "Why would they listen to us?"

From what Naruto and Sakura had told him, jinchūriki were widely hated within their communities – and hadn't that been an eye opener – but also considered a huge asset. The irony of that was not lost on Sasuke. The point was: Sasuke doubted that the jinchūriki's escorts (Her team? Her companions?) would welcome them with open arms to take away their asset.

Naruto admitted defeat with a huff. "Fine. Let's compromise."

A compromise, as proven a few minutes later, meant using an approach no one was happy with.

"You owe me for this," Sakura muttered, and Sasuke silently agreed.

"Pssht! We're nearly within range." Naruto gestured for them to follow him. "Come on, what we discussed!"

Sakura heaved a sigh, expressing their discontentment for the both of them. Sasuke's hand hovered over the storage seal that held his sword. He was itching to try it out in a real fight, and had not been happy about the part of the plan that forbade him from using it.

Their forehead protectors were carefully hidden from sight, and Naruto's whiskers covered under a Henge, "just in case".

They brushed through the undergrowth far louder than they were used to. It didn't take long for them to stumble over their targets: Three shinobi, one of them a teenager with green hair and orange eyes who Sasuke suspected to be Fū.

Just according to their plan, Naruto blended into the background while Sakura took the lead.

"S-Shinobi-san!" she choked out, her voice pitched in a frightened, incredibly childish way. She sounded years younger than she actually was. "I'm so glad! I thought we… I-I thought…" She broke off in a muffled sob and Sasuke was impressed against his will. She was good at this.

Fū stepped forward with a kind, if slightly alarmed, smile. "It's alright! We can help you, what's wrong?" She tensed and whirled around to face Naruto, and Sakura hurriedly went on to capture her companions' attention.

"Really? You can help us?" She directed puppy eyes to the stoic shinobi. "We're apprentices to our local healer. He took us into the forest to collect herbs, but we've heard noises. We've had problems with bandits lately, so he told us to hide, b-but… But…" Sakura sniffled pathetically, and Sasuke wanted to roll his eyes. "W-We got lost. We don't know how to get back to our village."

Sakura decided to dial up the 'scared little children' front by taking Sasuke's hand. His first instinct was to swat it away, but he let it happen at her warning squeeze. He tried to warp the scowl creeping onto his face into something resembling fright instead.

Damn Naruto.

At least their performance seemed to work somewhat, as the two shinobi were busy arguing about what to do with them.

"We don't have time for this," one of them growled. "We're late as it is, we can't afford any more detours."

"We can't just leave them alone," the other argued, although he sounded reluctant about it. "Look at them, they'll starve out here."

Yeah, right. Sasuke had to suppress a snort.

"It's not part of our job to help random little kids. They'll find their way back."

"They're civilians." He said the word like it was an insult. "Besides, do you really think Fū–" He frowned, and Sasuke suppressed a curse. They'd used up their time.

The shinobi turned to Fū. "You've been quiet. Don't you have anything to say?"

Fū flinched, her eyes widened as if caught doing something forbidden. Naruto had moved and stood far too close to her.

"What are you doing?" the first shinobi yelled, and grabbed for a kunai.

Sasuke twitched with the urge to retrieve his weapon, but followed their plan. They had to wait for Fū's decision.

"It's your choice, Fū," Naruto said, completely at ease and not bothering to keep up their front anymore.

"We're going," the second shinobi decided, and grabbed for Fū's arm roughly. "Right now."

"Alright!" Fū shook off the grip forcefully, and retreated a few steps. "Alright, I want to come with you!"

Finally. Sasuke unsealed his sword as Fū yelled, "But don't hurt them!" He faltered, but obeyed. Fine then.

Changing tactics, he rammed the blunt side of his sword into one of the shinobi's gut, strengthening his blow with chakra the way Sakura had taught him. His opponent dropped with a grunt.

A glance showed that Sakura had taken care of the other one, and Fū hovered around them anxiously. "Oh! Oh, this was a bad idea… What am I going to do..."

"They'll be fine," Sakura assured her. "They'll wake up soon."

"I know, that's not what I mean! I'll be declared a missing nin, they'll look for me. But oh, you're a jinchūriki!" Fū turned to Naruto with a bright grin, and Sasuke blinked at the sudden mood swing. "That's so amazing! I've never met another one before."

"I have," Naruto said, beaming just as widely. "Two, in fact. My name's Naruto. Maybe Chōmei told you, but I've got Kurama, the Nine-Tails, sealed inside of me."

"You know their names!" If Fū's smile grew any brighter, Sasuke knew for sure it would start to blind him. "Chōmei is really excited. Why are you here? Don't you have a village? Where are you going?"

Sasuke felt his eye twitch. Fū was far too energetic for his liking. He'd already gotten used to Naruto, but the two of them together? They sounded exhausting to be around.

"We're from Konoha," Sakura said. "But at the moment we're travelling."

"You can do that?" Fū's eyes went wide. "You can just leave your village and come back? They let you do that?"

"I mean," Naruto rubbed his neck with a sheepish smile. "They didn't stop us?"

"Because we didn't let them," Sasuke muttered.

"That's amazing," Fū said, her smile dropping. "Taki would never let me. I don't know if I could come back if I leave now."

"But I thought you didn't like it there?" Naruto asked. "Why would you want to come back?"

Fū fidgeted uncomfortably. "It's… not that bad…" She didn't sound convincing in the slightest. "But being on the run all of the time… Having no village to return to…" She frowned.

Sakura hummed thoughtfully, but Naruto lightened up. "Oh, I know! Why don't we just bring you back to Konoha?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

Naruto, apparently, did not see the issue of bringing a foreign jinchūriki back into their home village. He waved a hand dismissively. "Sure I am. It'll be fine."

Sasuke could almost hear the 'What could possibly go wrong?' and decided to hold his tongue. Whatever was about to happen, he could say with a clear consciences that it was completely and utterly Naruto's fault.

Ahh yes, the joy of having a few days off from work. Drop me a review to distract me from the fact that I'll have to work all throughout Christmas? :P

Beta'd by the amazing Igornerd, PyrothTenka, To Mockingbird and phirephox666!

I'll see you next time!

~Gwen