Author's Note:
Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all your thoughts last chapter. They mean so much to me and they truly help.
So, good news first - I have one more chapter written and the one after that nearly done if Blaine and Kurt would just decide what conversation exactly they want to have. Bad news - the three chapters after that are not yet written. Good News - Glee doesn't start until January 9 to slow down my writing. Bad News - Glee starts January 9 to slow down my writing.
So what I'm saying is, the next two weeks should be on time. After that I may need to slow down slightly. I hope not, but I want to put out the best work I possibly can.
For anyone celebrating, Happy Chanukah. I hope you have a beautiful eight nights.
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life
~ Josh Groban
Kurt paced the floor of the loft, his phone in his hand. He'd been putting off telling his Dad for so long it had somehow become easier not to admit the truth than to admit it. But he and Blaine were getting closer and more serious and it wasn't fair to keep that from his Dad. No matter how loudly he might yell.
He dialed the number and waited, wearing out the hardwood, he was sure, until finally his father answered.
"Hey kid, what's up?"
"Hey, listen Dad." Kurt folded his arms across his chest to protect himself from the onslaught. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you."
"Mmhmm," Burt hummed into the phone. Kurt could hear the creak of his Dad's old office chair at the garage as he settled in for the news. "I'm listening."
"Well, it's...it's about Blaine," Kurt said. He was starting to get dizzy from the back and forth so he planted himself on the couch, a pillow in his lap. "Remember Blaine, from Christmas?"
"Yes Kurt, I remember Blaine from Christmas," Burt said and Kurt could hear his father's eyes rolling.
"Ok. Good. Well, I mean…" Kurt stuttered trying to find the words but there really were no other words than the truth. "We're sorta, kinda, well...we've been dating for a while now," he finally spit out.
Burt gave another quiet hum and Kurt's heart beat wildly as he waited for the screaming to begin. "So it's not so sorta, kinda then," Burt said. "It's for real?"
"Yes," Kurt admitted.
"Do you think that's smart?" his Dad said.
Kurt knew it wasn't smart, they all knew it wasn't smart. But smart had absolutely nothing to do with it. "Doesn't really matter if it is or isn't," he said.
"And how does his Dom feel about it?" Burt asked.
"Well, she fully supports us and I was...well I know how you and Carole feel about it, but I was kinda hoping you could too," he said sheepishly.
Kurt heard the chair creak again and he could picture his Dad leaning forward now, probably rubbing his face with complete exasperation. "Kurt. You know I will always support you. We will always support you. We may not like or agree with your decisions, and I'm gonna tell you honestly here kid that I don't, but we will always support you." Kurt breathed a little sigh of relief. "So how's it going? Honestly?"
"It's um, well, for the most part it's going well. We get along great and we have so many things in common. He's sweet and adorable. The biggest problem is-"
"His expectation of punishment," Burt finished for him.
Kurt huffed. He had no idea why on earth Doms and subs were so obsessed with it. "Yes," Kurt admitted. "I just hate it."
"You've always hated it Kurt, even when you were a baby."
Kurt was taken aback by the comment. "What do you mean?"
"Let's see," Burt started, a bit of amusement in his voice. "You were about 2 years old when your mom did something, I don't even remember what. Whatever it was, I had her lying on the couch. There was maybe a wooden spoon or something in my hand." Kurt's mouth gaped open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I got two smacks in before you ran up to my knees and pushed me away and started yelling, 'Don't touch my mama' over and over again while you climbed on top of her. She cuddled you up in her arms and she was laughing so hard but you thought she was crying and you kept saying, 'It's okay mommy, I protect you.'
Kurt shook his head. He didn't remember any of that, and he couldn't believe that his father would ever do anything like that.
"Your Mom and I immediately adjusted our contract with a hard limit for discipline and punishment to never be within your eyeshot or earshot. It took months for you to talk to me again and I don't think you ever really trusted me again as much as you had before. At least not until you came out."
"God Dad." Kurt was at a loss for words. "I had no idea. What about with you and Carole?" he asked.
"She doesn't need it and it doesn't bother me. Blaine will," Burt said matter-of-factly. "And that will be the hardest part for you."
"Already is," Kurt admitted reluctantly. "But that's why he has Santana."
"Don't be surprised son if that doesn't work for too long," Burt warned him. "He may always need Santana or someone else's dominant energy," Burt explained. "But the authority, he will want only from you."
Blaine checked his watch, straightened his tie, flattened down his hair one more time and hurried out of his room. "I'm going out with Kurt, be home later!" Blaine yelled, grabbing his coat to head out the door.
"Woah, hold on there Blaine," Santana called from where she was cooking in the kitchen. Her voice was warning. He closed his eyes and turned around with a sigh. "I don't remember you asking me if you could go out."
"Uh, I don't remember that being something in our contract," he said flippantly.
Santana's eyes narrowed. "Respect is though," she said.
Blaine rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Santana, it's not disrespectful for me to go out with my boyfriend without asking for permission. I'm not 12."
"It is disrespectful to not let me know that you have plans for the evening on family dinner night and it is absolutely disrespectful and completely unacceptable the way you are talking to me right now. Corner. Now. 10 minutes," she ordered.
"That's bullshit Santana, I didn't do anything wrong and I'm going to be late!" Blaine argued.
"And you just made it 15. I won't stop you from going, but step out the door now and you can bet there will be hell to pay when you get back," she threatened far too calmly.
Blaine contemplated his choices. He could leave now and meet Kurt on time knowing he'd be hurting as soon as he got home. Or he could do as he was told and keep Kurt waiting. He was very tempted just to walk out, but the blazing fire in Santana's eyes as he hesitated to obey was powerful. "Can I at least text Kurt to tell him I'll be late? That's the respectful thing to do after all," he said with a hint of defiance.
"Yes. And tell him it will be 20 because that attitude just earned you another 5," she said. She grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and held it out for him. "Push me one more time and you'll be nursing a sore backside before you go as well."
He lowered his eyes and took the phone. "Yes Ma'am," he answered.
Blaine nearly ran to the restaurant Kurt had chosen, not wanting to leave him waiting one more second. He was breathless when he came in. "Kurt…Hummel…reservation…" he panted to the host. With a look of derision the tuxedo-clad host led Blaine up the dark wood stairs to the romantic table for two, where Kurt was sitting scrolling on his phone by the candlelight. Soft classical music from the grand piano below only added to the warmth of the room and the perfection of it caused Blaine's heart to fall just a little bit more with regret. "Kurt I am so sorry," he began apologizing, just grateful he could sit without a consistent reminder of why he was late. "Santana was in a mood and thought I was being disrespectful-"
"Don't worry about it Blaine," Kurt snapped, barely looking up.
Blaine frowned pulling his red cloth napkin onto his lap. "You're mad." He knew he would be and Blaine deserved it. Kurt had every reason to be mad having just been nearly stood up and left to sit alone on a table with half a dozen red roses…aww, Kurt brought roses…
"Yes I'm mad," Kurt said, fixing Blaine with a tired gaze. "I'm just not sure at whom."
Blaine lowered his eyes. He'd made the selfish choice keeping him waiting and more than anything he just wanted to beg his forgiveness. But he didn't. "Me, Kurt. I'm the one you should be mad at."
"Are you?" Kurt challenged. Blaine looked back up confused. "You don't belong to her Blaine, you should be able to come and go as you please and not have to answer to her. You're a grown ass adult with a boyfriend and the only one who should be concerned about whether you're being disrespectful or not is me," Kurt snapped. Blaine's mouth opened slightly. But Kurt immediately took it back. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."
"Oh," Blaine said with disappointment that he failed to cover up. "Of course not, I didn't think…" He took a breath and rubbed his neck. "Look Kurt, can we just start over? Pretend I got here on time? I'd like to tell you how beautiful the flowers are. And how gorgeous you look."
Though he knew Kurt's upset wouldn't dissipate so quickly he was pleased to be able to draw the beginnings of a smile out of him. "Yeah. Sure," Kurt allowed.
Blaine reached across the table and took Kurt's hand. The tension he didn't realize he was holding relaxed a bit when Kurt squeezed it back. "The flowers are beautiful Kurt. And you look absolutely gorgeous," he said, taking in the crisp white shirt accented perfectly with a bright colored vest and cravat that expertly highlighted the blue in his eyes. Blaine couldn't wait to see how Kurt's pants hugged his form perfectly. "And this restaurant looks amazing," he continued, glancing down at the menu. "What would you recommend?"
"I'd recommend getting here on time next time," Kurt admonished and before Blaine's eyes he could see Kurt's anger transform into something else. A quiet confidence. A strong air. The natural dominance that Blaine had fallen in love with the first day they had met and had been oh so present that day in the classroom. Blaine's heart started beating quickly. "And I had been planning on recommending the oysters, but I don't know if you deserve them anymore," Kurt added smartly.
Blaine's breathlessness quickly returned but it had nothing to do with his sprint to the restaurant. "I promise I'll earn it," he answered thickly.
Kurt's eyes sparkled in the dimness. "Well, then I was planning to have the salmon. You'd probably like the Beef Wellington," he said and though it was far from ordering for him just the thought of Kurt choosing his dinner made Blaine's head spin. "And I thought we might end with the dark chocolate, coconut and almond gelato."
"Sounds delicious," Blaine approved trying to keep the moan in his throat from escaping.
Kurt flashed a sly grin and it remained, as one eye stayed firmly on Blaine while he ordered for the both of them. Blaine's arousal was evident, everyone's advice echoed in Kurt's head, and maybe he owed Santana a debt of gratitude after all for putting Blaine in the right mood from the start.
Because Kurt had plans for that evening and despite the rough beginning, everything seemed to be going perfectly for now.
"God Kurt," Blaine muttered in between desperate kisses and Kurt's attempts to rip his clothes off. "Your lips…taste…delicious." Kurt pressed him against the door of the thankfully empty loft and managed to rid him of his shirt. Blaine shivered as Kurt's thumb brushed over his nipples. "Want you…so bad."
"I want you too." Kurt hooked his finger in Blaine's waistline and led him to his bedroom. The curtains offered only a modicum of privacy but Rachel was gone tonight and Kurt was going to take advantage of it as much as he possibly could. "I want this off," he almost growled, unbuckling Blaine's belt and throwing it to the ground.
He was interrupted though by Blaine's frantic fingers fumbling with Kurt's shirt. "Too many layers Kurt," Blaine complained, fiddling with the cravat and vest, untucking Kurt's shirt and unbuttoning the pants that were swelled beyond their limit. Blaine proudly bit his lip when Kurt moaned at the release. "Oh I plan to make you feel even better than that, love," he promised and he lowered Kurt's pants quickly.
"Not so fast Blaine," Kurt growled as he raced to catch up. Before Blaine knew it his ass was bare, pants and underwear on the floor and he hadn't even gotten Kurt half naked.
"This isn't fair," Blaine complained, nibbling at Kurt's neck beneath his ear. "I'm naked and you aren't."
"I thought that's the way you liked it," Kurt said roughly and Blaine stopped mid bite.
His breath hitched and he pulled back. Kurt's hands rested on his hips, almost but not quite pressing with the strength to leave marks. Blaine's cock was full and throbbing just waiting for attention with no idea how long the wait would be. Kurt's lips were kiss swollen and red and his eyes were piercing, a blue so sharp that it made Blaine shiver. "Touch me," he whispered. "Please?"
Kurt smiled as if he'd been waiting the whole night for those words, but he traced a finger on Blaine's cheek softly. "Are you sure that's what you want sweetheart?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
Kurt nodded gently, lowering his gaze. Blaine closed his eyes and he gave in to the sensation as Kurt traced slowly up his sides, around his shoulders and down his arms until both of his hands were firmly held by Kurt's. His eyes fluttered open to see Kurt smiling at him, shy now, with just a hint of pink coloring his cheeks. "Come on," he coaxed.
Kurt led him to the bed and laid him down gently on his stomach, straddling him from behind. Blaine's mind swam with the possibilities of what Kurt had in store for him, but the soft pressure to the muscles in his shoulders was not one of them. "I'm going to take such good care of you," Kurt promised. "Just close your eyes and relax."
The scent of the oil in Kurt's hands reached Blaine's nose and it smelled of vanilla and sandalwood, while the glide of it on his skin felt luxurious. Kurt's touch was soft at first, just firm enough to avoid tickling while still make him wish for more. Hand over hand Kurt swept over his skin, waking it from what felt like a lifetime of sleep and beginning to light it afire. Slowly he made his way further down from his shoulders to his lower back, then down to Blaine's ass. Blaine buried his face in Kurt's pillow, breathing in his scent as long and slender but strong hands firmly stroked his most sensitive skin. He was glad he'd escaped Santana's spanking that night, but then he couldn't help but wonder how it would have felt if he hadn't. He'd have to find out some night. "God Kurt, don't stop, don't ever stop," he muttered into the fabric.
The pressure in his cock built as Kurt moved deeper from skin to muscles. He kneaded with his knuckles, causing pleasure that was just this side of painful and altogether perfect. "Harder Kurt, want more, please…" Blaine begged and he pressed himself into the mattress.
Kurt stopped, grabbing his hips to pull them away. "None of that. You're all mine tonight," he said.
Mine. The word echoed over and over in Blaine's head and he began a slow descent, groaning while Kurt gently turned him over, once again straddling him at his thighs, just beneath his cock but refusing to touch it. Instead Kurt started once again at his shoulders, massaging firmly, lovingly.
"That feels amazing," Blaine crooned and he closed his eyes again.
Blaine felt the loss of Kurt's hand only seconds before a thumb brushed over his left nipple and Blaine's whole body jumped as sparks shot through him. Kurt repeated the motion on the other side and electricity continued to build. Kurt tried different speeds and pressures and Blaine was in heaven on the edge of pain and pleasure. Then suddenly Kurt's mouth replaced the thumb on his left side, his lips sucking while his tongue twirled and Blaine keened and gasped.
"God Kurt, I could...I could come...just from..." Blaine wasn't sure if he was protesting or pleading.
Kurt decided for him, popping off immediately but filing the information away for another day, and gave Blaine a break to get under control. "Wouldn't want that," he said. "Not yet."
It was only a brief respite though because soon Kurt's fingers traced down Blaine's chest and stomach, and Kurt crawled backwards until his touch reached his thighs. Kurt gently parted his legs, positioned himself between them, and brushed a thumb over his balls.
"You are beautiful Blaine," Kurt whispered. "Beautiful and perfect and mine."
There it was again. Mine. Blaine's head was reeling and he could feel himself falling further, Kurt's lips on his thighs each a tender kiss to feed his submission. But he knew that he couldn't and he forced himself out, just to the edge where he was neither there nor here. And in that beautiful space of in between he could feel Kurt's long, slender fingers wrap around his cock and begin to stroke him. "I want you to come for me," Blaine heard Kurt say through his tunneled mind. "Can you come for me Blaine?"
"Yes sir," Blaine whispered and he knew he shouldn't have said the word, but Kurt didn't stop him, he just stroked harder. Blaine could feel it with this incredible heightened sense of awareness; every press, every pull, every wrinkle on Kurt's skin, he could feel it to the point where it stood between pleasure and pain and it was the most incredible feeling he'd ever experienced. "Come for me beautiful," Kurt repeated.
If you don't come for me on the count of ten I will spank you, Blaine imagined Kurt saying in his mind and though he wanted that spanking more than anything, he wanted even more to be good for Kurt. Three, Four, Five, Blaine's breathing was heavy, and Kurt's caresses were intoxicating and he never wanted them to stop. Six, Seven, Eight, Blaine focused on the storm building in his belly, wanting to wait but knowing that Kurt had ordered him not to. Nine, Ten, he let himself go, crying out with the release of his submission as he spilled with an intensity he had never felt before. He knew that if he let himself he could fall long and hard into a beautiful serenity that would feel amazing in the moment but would soon turn to loneliness and despair if left too long. So he fought his way back, and as he did he could feel Kurt rest his hand gently at his base, his thumb brushing softly at the sensitive skin below.
He opened his eyes to see Kurt smiling brightly down at him and he returned his gaze in kind.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, biting his lip with a touch of worry. Blaine wasn't sure if that was the first or the fifth time Kurt had asked.
"Yes," Blaine whispered, breathless. He leaned up slowly on his elbows to find that Kurt had already cleaned him off, then sat up, kissing him softly on the neck. "Let me return the favor," Blaine whispered. "Get it right this time. Please?"
It only took a moment for Kurt to look at him and understand before he answered, "Okay."
Blaine spun Kurt to sit on the edge of the mattress, then flew out of bed with the energy of superman, a grin so broad he thought it would never leave. He pulled Kurt's undershirt off over his head, both of them laughing giddily, then nudged him slightly to lift his hips so he could slip Kurt's boxers off. Blaine neatly folded the clothing and placed it on the chair then returned to kneel between Kurt's legs before Kurt could even say a word.
He looked up at Kurt and Blaine's breath hitched as an expected rush of submission overcame him once again. His smile faded and his eyes dropped to the floor as he knelt back against his heels.
"Blaine," Kurt said, fear lacing his voice. The change in Blaine was palpable, and frightening for the Gray. "You're falling too far."
"I'm okay Kurt, just give me a moment," Blaine breathed and his voice was reassuring. "Please."
The position itself held so much power, and Blaine's desire for redemption was strong. He allowed himself to fall but he was able to control the speed and the depth. He took a deep breath in and as he blew it out he let his submission wrap fully around Kurt, holding on. And he stayed where he was.
Kurt's worry disappeared as a warmth filled him and he almost felt like he was floating. He leaned back on his arms and gave in until he felt Blaine's hands, reverent on his thighs. Kurt closed his eyes as Blaine pressed forward, taking Kurt in his mouth, so warm and perfect, no sense of urgency but not teasing either, just a loving care that despite his experience Kurt had never felt before. He sat up and laced his fingers through Blaine's hair, not to guide him but simply to hold him, to let Blaine know that he was there.
Kurt's fingers in his hair sent shivers down Blaine's spine. He took his time, worshiping not just Kurt's body but the faith and love and trust Kurt was giving to him. Just as before, hovering on the edge of subspace, Blaine's senses were heightened and he savored every touch, every taste, every sound and scent and even the images floating in the darkness beneath his own lids. His heart swelled with the privilege to serve his Dom so intimately. Not your Dom, said a small voice in the back of his head that left him with a fleeting ache. Just Kurt. Blaine couldn't help but think back to Elliot – the force and demand. And while that from Kurt would be incredible, this was incredible too. No demands. Choosing to serve. Choosing to submit.
Santana had always known.
Blaine thought he could have stayed the whole afternoon right where he was, savoring Kurt for hours, but he could tell that Kurt could not contain himself much longer. With one last swirl of his tongue, he sped up and he felt Kurt's muscles stiffen beneath his hands. Kurt managed one brief warning and then Blaine was swallowing down around him, refusing this time to disobey the phantom order. And learning that he never wanted to disobey it again.
When Kurt finally eased him back from his oversensitivity, Blaine sat back on his heels, resting his head on Kurt's lap and pulling back his submission with both a content and a reluctant sigh. Blaine cradled Kurt's legs and Kurt caressed Blaine's now mussed curls, but neither said a word. They both knew it wasn't perfect; Blaine longed for more domination, Kurt wished for less submission. But this moment was perfect and sharing the thoughts inside their heads would only ruin it. Because whatever was missing, it wasn't the love they had for one another. Their love they wouldn't change for the world.
It was Santana that ruined the mood. Blaine's phone buzzing with the words: I expect you home tonight. Kurt found it difficult to contain his frustration at her ruining both the beginning and the end of the night.
For once, Blaine didn't defend her.
At least she hadn't sent Brittany to pick him up like a child. But it seemed that as little as she had wanted to control his relationship with Kurt before they were together, she wanted complete control of it now that they were. His annoyance only grew on his way back from the loft to his apartment and he had hoped for everybody's sake that he would walk into a dark and quiet home, the girls having gone to bed early.
He had no such luck.
The lights were bright when he opened the door, Santana seemingly waiting up as he should have suspected, as she always did. Brittany was nowhere to be seen so she had probably known enough to leave them alone. He kept his mouth shut, took off his shoes, put away his coat and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.
If Santana sensed his mood she made no mention. "Hey," she said with a smile, grabbing her mug from the coffee table and bringing it over to the kitchen counter. "How was your date?"
Blaine took a drink of his water and scoffed as he put it down on the counter. "Oh so now you care?"
Santana's brow wrinkled in confusion. "I always care-"
"That's bullshit. You didn't care before my date and you didn't care when you ended it," Blaine snapped. He was beginning to realize exactly what all this was about. "Look Santana, you can punish me all you want, it's fine, but don't take it out on Kurt. Don't make him wait just so you can prove that you're in control of me and not him."
"Blaine, that's not what I was doing," Santana said defensively.
"Isn't it though?" Blaine's hands flew to his hips. "Telling me I can't go out without asking permission? Telling me when I need to come home? I mean seriously Santana, who gave you the right?"
"You gave me that right," Santana said firmly. "I'm your Dom!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't be anymore!" Blaine yelled and he stormed past her to his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
Santana stood motionless, stunned into silence until Brittany peaked her head out her bedroom door. She'd obviously been listening. "You okay?" she asked gently.
"Go back to your room," Santana told her more harshly than she'd intended.
Brittany shook her head and did as she was told. Santana stormed to Blaine's room, knocked three times and opened the door.
She found him standing slumped in the corner, his forehead against the wall, face in his hands. She closed the door quietly behind her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't meant that," Blaine muttered.
"Yes you did," Santana said, all of her frustration and hurt evident in the tightness of her voice. "Lately you've been growing more and more insolent and disobedient and combative and honestly Blaine, I don't know why you're acting this way."
"I don't know either Santana," he lied. She could tell that he was crying. She could tell that whatever was going on was breaking his heart, but for the first time she had no idea how to fix it. And neither did he. "I need some space. Please. Could you just please leave?" Blaine pleaded softly.
Her lips pressed together, her dominance warring with her head, she left the room without a word, closing the door behind her. She walked as if in a haze of sadness and confusion into her bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. Brittany put her book down and crawled over, rubbing Santana's tension-filled shoulders. "I warned you Santana," she said sadly, wrapping her arms around her Dom and laying her head on her shoulder. "None of you wanted to listen to me, but I warned you."
Blaine's dreams had been filled with Kurt and Santana fighting for domination and control of him. He didn't know which way to go, he wanted both, but they were yelling at him that he had to choose. In the end he'd ended up in the darkness alone, falling with no end in sight as Brittany stared down at him.
He was shaking as he woke, the sun just barely shining through the window. He was also hard, and with barely a thought he reached down and with his eyes shut he kept himself in the darkness, working himself to release the fear and the anger and the multitude of emotions in between that he couldn't even name if he wanted to. He had hoped that when he was done they would all go away, but they only retreated to a faint simmering in the background. He fell back on the pillow, sweating, breathing hard and lost.
He showered and dressed but stayed in his room, not wanting to face the day. They were supposed to go shopping with Rachel while Kurt was in rehearsal but Blaine knew that the worst thing he could do was go. His anger and resentment toward Santana had been far from quelled by the dream and he had no doubt that going out with the girls would end up with him very publicly in trouble, which he could very much do without. The girls would all be better off on their own.
Santana knocked and he opened the door but went straight to sit on his bed, facing away from her. She remained in the doorway, wary, obviously hurt and angry but wanting to make things right. "How are you?"
"Fine," Blaine said with barely a glance her way.
Santana sighed and came to sit next to him. Her presence felt like intrusion to Blaine, something it had never felt like before. "Look, sweetheart, I know this must be hard for you."
"You don't know anything," he snapped without even meaning to. It was almost automatic. He rested his elbows on his knees and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He expected Santana to snap back, to say anything, but her silence said she didn't know what to do any more than he did. When they'd dreamed up their white contract, written it and claimed one another, they had known it had an ending but it was supposed to be smooth and full of love. Neither one of them could ever have imagined this. The feelings inside Blaine were vibrating and he wanted more than anything to make them stop, he just had no idea how. "Look, Santana, I know we were supposed to go out today. But I…I won't be respectful of you. I can't. I think it would be better if I stayed home."
Blaine could feel her dominance swirling and she got up before she did something she'd regret. "Thank you for your honesty," she said coolly. "I expect you to stay home. Until you and I can talk respectfully about what's going on here, you don't leave the house. You don't leave your room except for school, food and the bathroom. And Kurt doesn't come here."
"That's fine," Blaine said.
She stepped back to his side and held something out to him. He looked up to see his cuff in her hand. He had left it on the nightstand last night and hadn't put it back on when he'd gotten dressed. "Hold out your arm," she demanded. He looked her in the eye for the first time. They were hard, and hurt and frightened. He did as he was told, holding his right arm out and she turned the cuff, putting it on inside out, latching it tight so that the four studs dug into the soft side of his forearm. It didn't hurt, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to forget it was there. "You don't take it off until I tell you that you can. You are mine Blaine. Nothing changes that."
"Yes Ma'am," he said.
He waited for her to say something, but she didn't, crossing the room and closing the door behind her instead. He let out the breath he had been holding, picked up his phone and sat back against his headboard.
From Blaine to Kurt: So…I'm grounded.
From Kurt to Blaine: Like you can't leave the house grounded?
From Blaine to Kurt: Like I can't leave my room grounded. Though I kinda did it to myself.
From Kurt to Blaine: Why?
From Blaine to Kurt: Because I can't stop snapping at her. It's like everything she says is grating on me and honestly I just want her to leave me alone.
From Kurt to Blaine: Do you know why?
From Blaine to Kurt: Yes.
From Blaine to Kurt: But I lied to her and told her I didn't.
From Kurt to Blaine: Why did you lie?
From Blaine to Kurt: Because I'm afraid to tell her the truth.
From Blaine to Kurt: I'm afraid to tell both of you the truth.
From Kurt to Blaine: It's because of last night.
From Blaine to Kurt: I don't regret anything. I'd do it all again in a moment. It was the best night of my life.
From Kurt to Blaine: But it's still because of last night.
From Blaine to Kurt: It's not just last night. It's been building for a while.
From Kurt to Blaine: Maybe it's a sign Blaine that we're moving too fast. Maybe we need to slow down.
From Blaine to Kurt: No, the last thing I want to do is slow down. I love you Kurt and I want to be with you. Don't let my behavior toward her change your behavior toward me.
From Kurt to Blaine: You need her Blaine. Don't forget that.
From Blaine to Kurt: I need you more.
XXXX
Santana was glad to have some time to spend with Rachel, not because she truly liked the Dom, especially after what she'd pulled with Blaine, but because she was a Dom and Santana really needed one to talk to. One who understood the situation. And knew Kurt far better than she did.
"Santana what do you think of this dress," Brittany asked, holding up a modern and romantic pink lace mini.
"That's cute, love," Santana said with a smile. "Go add it to the pile in the dressing room and start trying stuff on. Rachel and I will wait out here."
Brittany did as she was told and Santana and Rachel took a seat on the leather couch set out for those waiting. Santana pulled out her phone and turned it on, thinking maybe she'd missed a text from him. But there was nothing.
It didn't go unnoticed. "It's probably better Blaine didn't come anyway," Rachel noted with a glance to Santana. "Sometimes it's nice to just have a day out with the girls."
"It's better because he would have bitten my head off the entire day," Santana said sullenly.
"You need to remind him that no matter how things are with him and Kurt, you're still his Dom," Rachel said pointedly.
"Do I?" Santana asked a little more harshly than she'd intended. Perhaps her feelings had been hurt a little more than she cared to admit. "Maybe this is what's supposed to happen. If Kurt were a Dom-"
"But he's not," Rachel said. "And he's not going to be. Look, I've known Kurt a long time, through many relationships. And he loves Blaine and is caring for him better than I've seen him care for anyone else. But he's not a Dom and he's not going to be one. And Blaine may pull away from you but you know in your heart it's not safe for you to let him do that. Especially if he's been falling into subspace-"
"But I don't think he has, not since that first time," Santana said. "I think it scared him and I really do think he or Kurt would call Brittany or me if something like that were to happen again. Still, I can't help but think they're going too far, too fast."
"They've never done anything around me, they're careful that way," Rachel told her. "But if they are and if he's not going under then he's fighting going under, which could be even worse." Rachel frowned. She wanted to support Kurt as much as she could, and she promised herself she would do everything she had to in order to do that. "Look Santana, it's not like there are books out there to tell you guys what to do. You're forging your own paths. It's gonna be bumpy. And I know all you've probably wanted to do for a while now is punch me for what I did with him. But that was a huge mistake and I'm gonna do everything I can to support them. And that means supporting you too."
Santana felt the lump in her throat. She felt the tears shining in her eyes. Every time she thought she understood her responsibility to Blaine it shifted. "I can't screw this up Rachel," she said.
Rachel took Santana's hand in her own. "You are going to screw it up. And Blaine's going to screw up and Kurt's going to screw up. It's how you handle it that matters. But I'll tell you one thing," she said.
Santana looked at her. "What?"
Rachel smiled gently. "I'm here for you. If you need me. You can't go through this alone. If anyone knows about screwing up as a Dom and trying to make it right again, it's me," she chuckled softly. "I was a mess in high school. I even wrote a song about it," she smirked.
Santana laughed gratefully. "Was it any good?"
Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You'll have to ask Brittany. But personally, I think it was brilliant."
Blaine was eleven when he learned how to braid hair and he learned that much like playing piano, it was something that soothed him. So when Brittany knocked on the door and climbed onto Blaine's bed with a handful of hair ties, he relaxed for the first time that day. She sat between his legs and his fingers worked, creating a crown of thin braids atop her long blonde locks.
"How was shopping?" he asked, tying off the first braid and starting on the second. "You guys were gone a long time." It was already dark.
"It was fun," Brittany said. "I got lots of cool stuff. Santana and Rachel talked a bit. I think they bonded."
"Over me and Kurt?" he asked grumpily.
Brittany shrugged. "I don't know. But if they did it's only because they love you both."
"I guess," Blaine sighed. He tied off the second braid and started on the third.
"So what happened with you two?" Brittany asked. "Did you have sex? Is that why you're acting like this toward Santana?"
Blaine was glad she couldn't see him blushing behind her. "Well, not like sex sex." As much as they both wanted to, as much as Blaine was beginning to think he could handle it, fear was holding them back. Fear, and something else Blaine wasn't sure about, but he was sure it wasn't time. "But, yeah, I guess enough."
"Do you feel like you're cheating on Santana with Kurt?" Brittany looked over her shoulder at him.
He stopped braiding a minute. "No," he said, his voice soft. "I actually feel like I'm cheating on Kurt with Santana."
"How?" Brittany asked and she turned her head back to face front. "You don't do anything with Santana."
"I submit to her," Blaine said, tying off the third braid. He didn't start on the fourth and Brittany turned all the way around to look at him, crossing her legs beneath her. He was staring at the blanket. "That feels like I'm cheating on Kurt."
"He's not your Dom Blaine," she reminded him. "And submitting to him is dangerous, isn't it?"
Blaine shook his head. "No," Blaine said with a small smile on his face. "It's beautiful."
"You have to tell her that, you know," Brittany said, turning back. He pulled out the hair for the next braid and started again. "You have to tell her how you feel and be honest with her. Or she won't understand and she'll just think she did something wrong. She thought I was sleeping last night, but I could feel her crying. She feels like she's losing you and she's scared she won't be able to protect you."
Blaine's heart fell. That was the last thing in the world he wanted. Brittany was right. He needed to stop acting like a moody teenager, and talk to her like an adult.
The apartment was quiet, humming with the sound of the heat and the cars flying by on the wet roads below. Brittany went to bed hours ago, but he couldn't sleep and he knew Santana was still up. He could feel her dominance swirling.
He opened his door and walked out, heading straight to the kitchen. The room would have been pitch black if they hadn't lived in the city, but it was dark, rain drops painting the windows and creating shadowed patterns on the floor. He could see her sitting on the couch, curled up with a blanket and a mug.
"Do you want a refill?" he asked softly as he brewed his own cup of decaf.
"Sure," Santana said. He came to get the mug from her and brought it back to the Keurig, swapping his own mug out for hers. He watched her while he did. Her long dark hair scattered along the arm of the couch where he all too often found himself. Her hands lay clasped on her lap, the hands that knew exactly what to do for every punishment, even when what was right seemed so wrong. Her breath, moving her shoulders up and down, always supporting the words that he needed to hear at just the right times. How had he forgotten everything that she meant to him?
He came around and handed her the mug. He sat on the other side of the couch, curling up himself into the warmth of a pillow. He'd had his own words planned but he couldn't make them come out in the heavy silence.
"I understand now," she said after a while. Her voice was soft. She wasn't looking at him, she was looking out into the distance as if seeing a memory. "How you felt when I said I was going to claim Britt. I've been prepared since I was 15 years old that claiming you would someday mean letting you go. I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for this. This is terrifying."
Tears came to his eyes. "Santana, I'm sorry-"
"No." She finally looked at him and she had been crying herself, he could see. "Don't apologize. It's in your blood to submit to the person you love. I would never ask you not to."
Blaine lowered his eyes, looking into the coffee in his hands. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He'd known things were going to be hard with Kurt. He hadn't even thought about Santana though. "I feel pulled in two directions," he tried to explain. "The way you two are...submitting to him means defying you. Submitting to you means defying him."
"There's a reason subs don't have two Doms," Santana mused.
Blaine nodded. "Back in Ohio. When you talked about submitting because I require it of myself, not because someone requires it of me. You knew. You knew all along. It's all I've ever wanted, it's the kind of sub I am. Having a Dom that every day I'd have to make the choice to be faithful. It sent shivers down my spine." He looked up at her shyly. "And you knew it would. You knew it would be as true with Kurt as it has always been with you."
"Truer," she smiled gently. "I used to laugh at you because you believed in soulmates. It seemed ridiculous to me given our situation. But maybe it's not as ridiculous as I thought."
They fell back into a silence, drinking their coffee. Blaine finished his and placed the mug on the table. The air between them was back as it had always been. The tension was gone and with it went any need for the secrets he'd been keeping.
"I can control it," Blaine nearly whispered his admission.
Santana looked over at him, confused. "You can control what?" she asked.
"Falling." He looked up at her and her eyes were wide. "I can control how far I go into subspace." Santana put her mug down as well and moved closer beside him, taking his hands in hers. "There's this place Santana, in the middle, between here and there, hovering on just this side. And instead of all my senses being dimmed, Santana, I can feel and see and hear and smell and taste everything. It's insane."
Santana just looked at him in wonder. "I've never heard of that before," she admitted, and she'd read all of her father's books plus a number more since she started college. "But how do you keep yourself there without the dominance instead of falling further?" Everyone was taught a sub needed a Dom to keep from falling too deep. She'd always suspected but…
Blaine thought he knew, but he wasn't sure. And as much as he loved her, when he was sure, Kurt would be the first that he shared it with. "I guess I'm just strong enough," he said instead with a shrug. "You always said I was the strongest sub you know."
"Yes, you are," Santana said and her eyes grew dark and hard and Blaine knew this was where the easy part ended. She lifted his right arm, turning it over to where his cuff was still clasped inside out and she unlatched it. She placed it aside and held his arm in her hands. He closed his eyes as her thumbs brushed over the four triangular indents in his skin. "And I am still your Dom. And I will do what I have to to remind you of that. You may choose to submit to both Kurt and me. But that choice is on you, not us. And the consequences of your choices are on you. If you need to safeword with me I will respect it Blaine, but if I see it becoming habit we will be having a conversation. Is that understood?"
He looked her in the eye. "Yes Ma'am."
"Now, about last night. Though a part of me feels that you have not really been punished for your behavior, I am going to let it go. But the way you spoke to me is completely unacceptable, do you agree?"
Blaine nodded. "Yes Ma'am."
"And if it happens again you will find yourself with a mouthful of gum, which I happen to know is the last punishment in the world you would ever choose," she said with a knowing glance.
Santana had never been more right in her life and Blaine swallowed. "Yes Ma'am," he said meagerly.
"Good," she said firmly, but then her shoulders relaxed, her eyes softened and her lips pulled up in a smile. "Now I could really use a hug," she said.
Blaine smiled and opened his arms, pulling her in and squeezing her tightly. He kissed her on the top of her head and hummed. "We're gonna be okay Santana," he whispered.
"Yeah," she said against his chest. "I think we are."
~S~
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Author's Note:
Love you guys. See you next week!