Hi guys! Here's "Who Knew" for Love and Peace Forever =)
BTW, sorry it took me so long to get this out!
Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the song.
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me
You'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Lost.
That's all I was. Lost in the world that threatened to tear me down. I wanted to end my own suffering. To end my existence in the world...
My best friend saved me from doing so.
Kendall Knight showed me a much brighter path to take as appose to the one I had been wandering alone for so long.
I would always fear the day when Kendall and I had to go our separate ways. The fear grew stronger every day, and I think Kendall could tell something was wrong. So he made a promise.
He promised me that no matter what, he'd always be there for me.
I believed him. Then again, why wouldn't I? After the promise was made, we seemed to grow particularly close.
If someone
Said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up
And punch them out
Cause there all wrong
I know
Better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew...
Everything, everything was perfect; in balance, and perfect. Until that happened.
Until I started to doubt him just once. That's when it just about started to crumble beneath me.
Kendall, James, Carlos and I were sitting in our usual seats at the pool, when they walked up to us. Jett and 'Wayne-Wayne' (who is holding his backpack by one strap).
"Jett, Wally," Kendall greeted, finishing in a taunting way.
Wayne-Wayne growled in a low voice, "Hi Logan, James, Carlos...Kendork."
Kendall rolls his eyes in response. "What do you two want?"
Jett shrugs and exchanges a glance with Wayne-Wayne. "Well, we made a bet...well, not really a bet seeing how we know it'll happen."
"What's that suppose to mean?" Carlos questions, sitting up.
"Okay, listen." Jett took a step closer. "Big Time Rush won't last," He says, a cruel chuckle escaping his throat.
James crosses his arms over his chest. "Says who?"
Wayne-Wayne laughs and gestures to himself and Jett. "We do!" He places his bag on the ground and pulls two things out of it. When I see what he's taken out, I am confused at first.
A CD and a year book.
"What are..." I begin slowly, but trail off as I examine the items closer.
The CD is more specifically from Boys in the Attic. The year book is more specifically (and more horrifyingly) my year book...from eighth grade.
"W-where did you get my year book?" I demand, trying hard to keep my voice even.
Both Jett and Wayne-Wayne ignore me. "First of all, as everyone knows, Boys in the Attic is exactly like Big Time Rush," Jett said, taking the CD from Wayne-Wayne. "Two or three years after they became famous, Gustavo abandoned them and now they are nobody's." He tosses the CD and I catch it. "That'll happen to you guys too."
I clench my fists and am I about to get ready for some heated defending, when I feel Kendall's hand placed warningly on my shoulder. "You and I both know Gustavo wouldn't do that to us," He whispered in my ear.
I sighed and nodded my head, but the relief washes away when I hear Carlos say, "Okay, then what about the year book?" He challenges, "You can't prove anything with a year book!"
The color washes from my face as Wayne-Wayne looks through my year book. "What's wrong?" Kendall asks in a hushed voice.
"That's my year book," I hiss flatly.
"So? What's the big deal?"
The 'big deal' was, that I write things in my year books. I write things on specific peoples' pages and photos. That thing is like a journal to me...I realize now that this wasn't just about crushing our spirits on how BTR would turn out, this was about crushing me. I swallow hard and glance up at Kendall who has moved to my chair, and is now sitting behind me. I can't tell him. What's the point? He'll find out any second now…
"Ah, Logan," Jett grins as he notices my expression. "Yes, this is your year book, and you know what that means."
Wayne-Wayne smirked as he flipped the page. "Of course he does...let's see...ah-ha!" He turns the year book around so we see the writing and quotes, "Kendall Knight, my best friend-or could it be something more?"
I feel Kendall's hand leave my shoulder. I don't dare look back. I don't want to see his reaction.
Jett nodded, a smug look flickering in his eyes. He continued, "There's no possible way I can deny it; I want mine and Kendall's friendship to be something more! I don't know, but ever since I first met him, I felt sparks fly instantly. I never thought of myself as homosexual though; I just thought it was normal to feel that way around friends whom you are close to."
My eyes widen. I know what's coming next. I shake my head rapidly to cue them to stop. To tell them, 'that's enough!' But Wayne-Wayne and Jett finish in unison, "I guess I'm just in love with my best friend."
For the first time, I notice all the people who have gathered around to listen. All the people who now know my secret. "And you know what Logan," Jett sneers. "Just like Big Time Rush; he'll-" He nods towards Kendall, "Be gone too!"
Wayne-Wayne agreed, "Yeah, because who wants to be friends with someone who's-"
A surge of pure anger rushes through me and completely takes over. I jump up from seat, rip the year book out of Wayne-Wayne's hands, and I punch him with so much force, he falls backwards into the pool. Kendall, James, and Carlos jump to their feet and everyone around us start whispering with each other. Jett crouches down by the edge once Wayne-Wayne surfaces.
"What was that for?" Jett spat; turning to me.
I shake my head again. "You're wrong! Y-You're both wrong!" I step forward, ready to punch Jett as well, when a feel someone wrap their arms around my waist and pull me back down to the chair.
"Logie, calm down," Kendall whispered.
I struggle to free myself from his grip. "Let go, Kendall!" I hissed. "You're embarrassing us both!"
Kendall let's go and turns me around. "I'm embarrassing us?" He inquired.
Jett snapped, "Both of you shut up!"
Wayne-Wayne adds to me as he hangs on to the edge, "And you know we're right!"
I close my eyes and storm away.
Remember when
We were such fools
And so convinced
And just too cool
Oh no
No, no
That was three years ago. I shouldn't be lost in the past; I know this to be true, but with the way it ended so abruptly…I can't help but be thrown back in time to that day...
"Logan!" Kendall slipped into the elevator after me. "Logan, we need to talk."
"No we don't!"I spat, tuning so he was facing my back.
Kendall sighs. "Please Logan...I need to know if...to know if it's true."
I take in a frustrated breath and face him again. "Yes, Kendall; it's true, you're best friend is gay!" Before I let him respond, I snap, "Now if you want to completely disown me, then I'm completely fine with it!" Our gazes meet. "You have nothing to say to me!"
The elevator opened, and I step out and start walking to apartment 2J; still very aware of Kendall behind me.
"Logie, wait!"
I stopped and flinched at the sound of my nickname. I spin around on the heels of my feet. "I said you have nothing to say to me!" I repeated coldly before turning around and walking away again. I quickly unlock the door and enter the apartment, slamming it behind me.
"Logan-Logie!" Kendall called from the other side. "Please just let me in!"
I should. I know I should. I slowly open the door. "What?" I mutter.
He grabs my shoulders roughly with both hands and begins to lean down. "Wait-are you going to kiss me?" I demanded, shrugging his hands away.
Kendall blinks in surprise. "Y-yes; I just-"
"That's the cruelest joke someone has ever played on me!" I cough out.
Kendall's green eyes flickered. "Logan, it's not a joke!" He takes my hand in his and leads me to the couch. His gaze softens as he says, "Because...I love you too."
"No kidding..." I murmur, meeting his gaze again. "How can I be sure you mean that?"
Kendall moves closer until our foreheads are pressed together. Are lips meet in a soft kiss. I am the first of us to break it, and I can't look back into those eyes. I rise to my feet and walk to our shared room, locking the door behind me.
This time; Kendall doesn't bother coming after me...
I hate myself now for not believing him. I hate myself full-heartedly.
I wish I could
Touch you again
I wish I could
Still call you friend
I'd give
Anything...
I shouldn't let myself get pulled down. I have college to focus on...I'll be going back for my last year in a month...I wouldn't even be in college if Big Time Rush had stayed together.
Yup, we were definitely not a band anymore...my distrust in Kendall's word had caused a rift between us all, and I guess the opportunities we found urged us to break up the band.
When the producer of 'New Town High' offered James and Carlos main roles on the show, they both quit BTR to be apart of it.
Kendall, was offered that same hockey scholarship he had turned down back when we were trying to save our band. He took it this time...
I only saw him when I visited...then again; I didn't...really I avoided him at all cost...but, why?
Why had I chosen to crush our carefully built friendship into a million pieces? I know my heart aches to see him again, at least once. But would Kendall forgive me?
Forgive how I've been treating him?
When someone said
Count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew
Better
But still you said forever
And ever
Who knew...
(Yeah, yeah)
He won't...I just know he won't. Kendall meant what he said three years ago; I see that now...
But maybe...maybe he's still keeping his promise; maybe he'll speak with me, maybe he'll still want to be with me.
Then again, Jett and Wayne-Wayne were right...Big Time Rush ended and Kendall and I weren't talking to each other.
Still...Kendall promised me he'd be there for me...
I'll keep you locked in my head
(My head)
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened...
I wanted to try...because truthfully...I still loved him. Maybe I was just being delusional...I mean, who in their right mind would love someone who ignored them for three years?
Maybe my flaw was too much love. I loved Kendall to much to have others make fun of him for my emotions...
But I think it's time to erase it all from my mind. Perhaps after that happens, I can continue on with my life...I know I won't forget though. He'll always be in my mind and heart.
When someone said
Three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up
And punch them out
Cause there all wrong
And...
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
I think, if only I was right. Right to say otherwise against Jett and Wayne-Wayne's theory. But I wasn't...and now look where it's all lead to.
I won't see him for quit some time I assume...but until the day we do, I'll forever cherish that last kiss...the kiss that would always mark the end of our friendship. Time would tell if we'd be together again...
To be completely honest; the wait was harder than you may think...I think my mind is subconsciously creating another Kendall I can be with in my dreams. Perhaps I am going crazy.
I have myself to blame.
Because, really? Who knew? I did. I knew it would happen if I walked away from him and from everything familiar to me.
And there was no going back.
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew...
Who knew...
So, I apologize if that was really cliché...
But anyways, the next chapter, "Hero" is going to be a sequel to this =)