14
Today is the day before Visiting Day. I think of Visiting Day like I think of the world ending:
"A little melodramatic, don't you think?" Caleb says.
Tris shrugs. "It's just what I thought at the time."
Nothing after it matters. Everything I do builds up to it.
"You know, most initiates feel that way about the last test, not Visiting Day," I say.
"Maybe that's why some of them really sucked right before Visiting Day," Tris says.
I might see my parents again. I might not. Which is worse? I don't know.
"Not seeing them is definitely worse," Caleb says. "You get your hopes up then you start making all these excuses as to why they didn't show."
"They couldn't visit you, Caleb," Tris says. "The Erudite had that stupid rule against Abnegation visitors, remember?"
Caleb sighs. "I know." I study Caleb. Something tells me that while he does understand intellectually, he doesn't understand it emotionally.
I try to pull a pant leg over my thigh and it sticks just above my knee.
"I'm not sure I want to hear this," Caleb says.
"Yeah, let's skip this," Tris says. I look at her. Unlike Caleb, she looks antsy. Like something happened in this chapter that she isn't telling us.
"No," Uriah whines.
"I think that there should be another rule regarding the veto thing," Marlene says. "Both you and Four have to agree on which parts to skip."
Everyone consents to this. I don't know how Marlene stays so sensible when she hangs out with Uriah all the time.
"So, skip?" Tris asks me, looking hopeful. "Just until the fight with Molly."
"Why?" I ask. I understand that Tris can be uncomfortable about her body, but until the fight with Molly seems like a long time. Why not just until she gets some pants? Also, the fact that she knows where it is so well tells me that some big event happened. I think she's hiding something.
"Because I think it would make everyone uncomfortable," Tris says. She's lying. She's biting her lip.
"Well, it's going to be an uncomfortable read no matter what. I think we should read it," I say.
Tris sighs. "Then wake me up at the fight with Molly," She says. She snuggles into my chest, using it like a pillow, and then closes her eyes. She'll probably be asleep pretty soon. She has this weird ability to fall asleep quickly when she wants to.
"So, we're reading this?" Caleb asks, looking disappointed.
"Yeah," I say. "And it looks like Tris will be sleeping through it." I look down at Tris. Already, her breaths are starting to even out. She is a master at avoiding things.
Frowning, I stare at my leg.
"Is Tris asleep already?" Zeke asks.
"Yeah," I say. I don't know how she fell asleep so quickly. She should teach the class on napping, not me.
"Dang," Zeke says. "I wanted to make fun of her for being so confused at muscle."
A bulge of muscle is stopping the fabric. I let the pant leg fall and look over my shoulder at the back of my thigh. Another muscle stands out there.
"Dude," Uriah says. "Tris is ripped!"
"That's what happens to all Dauntless initiates," Zeke says. "Especially the transfers."
I step to the side so I stand in front of the mirror.
I shift uncomfortably in my spot, careful not to wake Tris up. I feel kind of weird hearing her brother read this. I can only imagine how he feels. I glance over at him, and sure enough, a blush is creeping up his neck. He has his face buried in the book too. I have a feeling he just wants to get this part over with as quickly as possible.
I see muscles that I couldn't see before in my arms, legs, and stomach. I pinch my side, where a layer of fat used to hint at curves to come. Nothing. Dauntless initiation has stolen whatever softness my body had. Is that good or bad?
"Tris used to be really indecisive," Lynn says.
"Yeah, but now she's as stubborn as an ox," Zeke says under his breath.
I snort. "Like any of us can say anything about being stubborn," I say.
"We'll all stubborn," Zeke says. "But Tris is in a whole different league." Can't argue with that.
At least I am stronger than I was. I wrap my towel around me again and leave the girl's bathroom. I hope no one is in the dormitory to see me walking in my towel, but I can't wear those pants.
I get a sinking feeling. By the way Tris was acting, I think that there was someone in the dormitory. I just hope it wasn't who I suspect it was.
When I open the dormitory door, a weight drops in my stomach. Peter, Molly, Drew, and some other initiates stand in the back corner, laughing.
Crap.
They look up when I walk in and start snickering. Molly's snort-laugh is the louder than everyone else's.
I walk to my bunk, trying to pretend like they aren't there, and fumble in the draw under my bed for the dress Christina made me get.
"At least she had something to change into," Zeke says.
I grunt in agreement. I never thought I'd ever be thankful for Christina and her shopping trips, but right now, I definitely am.
One hand clamped around the towel and one holding the dress, I stand up, and right behind me is Peter.
I rub my face with the hand that isn't holding Tris. Reading about the past makes me feel so useless. I don't have a time machine, so I can't help. I hate the feeling.
I jump back, almost hitting my head on Christina's bunk. I try to slip past him, but he slams his hand against Christina's bed frame, blocking my path.
I look over at Caleb. He's gripping the book hard enough to tear the pages. He looks absolutely livid. I'm sure I look the same. I can't help thinking about all the different ways I could make Peter pay.
I should've known he wouldn't let me get away that easily.
"Didn't realize you were so skinny, Stiff."
"Get away from me." My voice is somehow steady.
"This isn't the Hub, you know. No one has to follow a Stiff's orders here." His eyes travel down my body,
I feel myself go cold. Forget being livid. I'm fucking pissed. It's a good thing I'm so self-disciplined or else I'd be going to find Peter right now to beat the shit out of him.
not in the greedy way a man looks at a woman, but cruelly, scrutinizing every flaw. I hear my heartbeat in my ears as the others inch, forming a pack behind Peter.
"What the fuck do they think they are?" Zeke growls. "A pack of hyenas?"
This will be bad.
"No shit," Uriah mumbles.
I have to get out of here.
Really.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a clear path to the door.
Thank God.
If I can duck under Peter's arm and sprint towards it, I might be able to make it.
I relax a little. She has a plan. That's something at least.
"Look at her," says Molly, crossing her arms. She smirks at me. "She's practically a child."
"Bitch," Christina says.
"Oh I don't know," says Drew. "She could be hiding something under that towel. Why don't we look and see?"
I bite my tongue and clench a fist, fingernails biting into my palm. It may hurt a little, but I've learned it helps me to stop myself from acting out stupidly whenever i'm angry. Although, I'm not exactly what I'm trying to prevent myself from doing since the only thing I seem capable of thinking at the moment is no no no no.
Now. I duck under Peter's arm and dart toward the door. Something pinches and pulls at my towel as I walk away and then yanks sharply- Peter's hand gathering the fabric into his fist.
Oh no.
The towel slips from my hand and the air is cold on my naked body, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
Laughter erupts, and I run as fast as I can toward the door, holding the dress against my body to hide it. I sprint down the hallway and into the bathroom and lean against the door, breathing hard. I close my eyes.
It doesn't matter. I don't care.
I wonder if trying to believe something she knows is false actually helps Tris.
A sob bursts from my mouth, and I slap down my hand over my lips to contain it. It doesn't matter what they saw. I shake my head like the motion is supposed to make it true.
"Wait," Caleb says. "She didn't tell any of you about this?"
Everyone shakes their head or says some form of no.
"Of course she didn't," Caleb mutters. I look over at him. I expected him to look angry, and he does, but I can tell he is also angry at Tris. For what, I don't know. They'll have to work that out before it blows up out of proportion.
With shaking hands, I get dressed. The dress is plain black, with a V-neck that shows the tattoos on my collarbone, and goes down to my knees.
Once I'm dressed and the urge to cry is gone, I feel something hot and violent writhing in my stomach. I want to hurt them.
I stare at my eyes in the mirror. I want to, so I will.
Zeke and Uriah shudder.
"Tris is so scary," Zeke says. Uriah nods.
"Why thank you," Tris says. She's still using my chest as a pillow. I guess she can't be bothered to sit up.
Zeke and Uriah jump and that's when I start thinking. The timing of her waking was just too perfect, unless. . .
"You've been awake the whole time, haven't you?" I ask.
Tris smirks. "Yep."
"Why did you pretend to be asleep?" Shauna asks. A good question, though I think I may have some inkling to what the answer is.
"I had a feeling that it would take longer to read that chapter if I were awake. Besides, I've gotten pretty much over this little event. You guys obviously haven't."
She's right. If she were awake, Everyone probably would have been pestering her for what happened next instead of just listening to the story.
"I think the real question here though, is how you managed to make everyone think that you were sleeping," Uriah says. I think about it a second and realize that for once, Uriah is right. The more I think about it the more confused I get. She was pretending to be sleep on my lap. How did I not notice that she was really awake when she was so close to me? There's only one explanation. . .
"Tris is a ninja," Zeke says. I nod. That is actually what I was thinking. It is the only possible explanation.
Tris just laughs. "A magician never reveals her secrets," she says.
"She's always been able to do that," Caleb says. "And I've never been able to figure out how." He looks and sounds frustrated, like he's given long stretches of time to trying to figure out how but never succeeding.
"Enough about how magical I am, let's finish this chapter and then go get some dinner," Tris says.
Zeke and Uriah suddenly stop the side conversation they were having and turn their full attention to Caleb. I guess they're really hungry.
I can't fight in a dress, so I get myself some new clothes from the Pit before I walk to the training room for my last fight. I hope it's with Peter.
I frown. It's a good thing that she didn't get matched up with Peter. Her anger was clouding her judgement, and that's bad for a fight.
"Hey, where were you this morning?" Christina asks when I walk in.
"They didn't tell anyone?" Caleb asks, looking perplexed. I have to admit that it is out of character for them.
"They knew I would beat them up if I found out," Christina says. I snort.
"My hero," Tris says.
"Any time boo," Christina says.
I squint to see the blackboard across the room. The space next to my name is blank- I haven't gotten an opponent yet.
"I got held up," I say.
"Technically, it was true," Tris says, effectively stopping Christina from saying whatever it was that she was going to say.
Four stands in front of the board and writes a name next to mine. Please let it be Peter, please, please. . . .
"I predict that it won't be Peter," Caleb says. He sounds annoyingly confident.
"Why do you say that?" I ask.
"From what I've heard, there haven't been any repeated matchups, and Tris has already gone up against Peter."
He's right and he knows it.
"You okay Tris? You look a little . . . ," says Al.
"A little what?"
"Sassy Tris is sassy," Uriah says.
"That's right," Tris says sassily.
Four moves away from the board. The name written next to mine is Molly. Not Peter, but good enough.
"Knew it," Caleb says in a sing song voice.
"Yes, yes," Tris says. "We are all amazed at your incredible wit." Pretty much everyone is now laughing at Caleb.
"Whatever," he mutters. He sounds like Uriah.
"On edge," says Al.
My fight is last on the list, which means I have to wait through three matches before I face her. Edward and Peter fight second to last- good. Edward is the only one who can beat Peter.
"Was he really that good?" Caleb asks.
"Unfortunately," says Will.
Christina will fight Al, which means that Al will lose quickly, like he's been doing all week.
"Go easy on me, okay?" Al asks Christina.
"I make no promises," she replies.
"You're so nice to people, Chrissy," Uriah says.
Al didn't deserve the kindness he received.
The first pair- Will and Myra- stand across from each other in the arena. For a second they both shuffle back and forth, one jerking and arm forward and then retracting it, the other kicking and missing. Across the room, Four leans against the wall and yawns.
"Oh, so Four yawning is more interesting than my last fight?" Will teases.
Tris blushes and I smirk.
I stare at the board and try to predict the outcome of each match. It doesn't take long. Then I bite my fingernails and think about Molly.
"I think about her annoying snort-laughter, the same laugh that makes me love her so much," Caleb says. Something tells me he's making that up.
"Caleb! It does not say that!" Tris protests.
"Gosh Tris, I didn't know that you felt that way about Molly," Christina says.
"Yeah," Will says, nodding. "You should have told us. We could've found a way to set you two up."
"Tris," I say seriously. She turns back and looks at me. "If you really love Molly, you should be with her. In fact, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm actually in love with Peter."
Tris scrunches her face. "Peter? Really? Gross."
"Ok, fine," I say, trying not to laugh. "I'm actually in love with Zeke."
"I love you too bro!" Zeke yells.
"Four, stop trying to steal my man, it gets kind of old after a while," Shauna says.
"As long as everyone is coming clean, I love Uriah," Lynn says. Uriah looks petrified.
After everyone stops laughing and confessing their love for random people, Caleb picks up the book and starts reading again.
Christina lost to her, which means she's good.
"Aw, thanks Trissy," Christina says.
She has a powerful punch, but she doesn't move her feet. If she can't hit me, she can't hurt me.
"Whoa, I had no idea that that's how it worked," Lynn says.
"I know, right?" Will says. "Tris is a fighting master."
As expected, the next fight between Christina and Al is quick and painless. Al falls after a few hard hits to the face and doesn't get back up, which makes Eric shake his head.
"Why didn't Eric force Al to fight?" Caleb asks.
"He probably figured that since Al was probably going to get cut, it wasn't worth it," I say.
Edward and Peter take longer. Though they are the two best fighters, the disparity between them is noticeable. Edward's fist slams into Peter's jaw, and I remember what Will said about him- that he has been studying combat since he was ten.
"Is it common for an Erudite to study combat?" Marlene asks.
Will shrugs. "It is considered smart to at least know how to protect yourself in dire circumstances, so there are people who teach it, but few study it to the extent Edward did."
It's obvious. He is faster and smarter than even Peter.
"I bet Peter didn't like that," Caleb says.
That's an understatement.
By the time the three matches are done, my nails are bitten to the bed and I'm hungry for lunch. I walk to the arena without looking at anyone or anything but the center of the room. Some of my anger has faded, but it isn't hard to call back.
I look down at Tris. I wonder how long it took her to get "pretty much over it". It does bother me that she never told me, but then again, I haven't really talked to her extensively about Marcus, so I guess we're even.
All I have to do is think about how cold the air was and how loud the laughter was. Look at her. She's a child.
I hold Tris's left hand with mine. Reliving all these things must be pretty hard on her.
Molly stands across from me.
"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek?" she says, smirking. "God, you're pale, Stiff."
"Well, we know where she was looking," Lynn says dryly.
She'll make the first move, she always does.
Molly starts toward me and throws her weight into a punch. As her body shifts forward, I duck and drive my fist into her stomach, right over her bellybutton. Before she can get her hands on me, I slip past her, my hands up, ready for her next attempt.
There is cheering.
"They grow up so fast," Zeke says, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing at his eyes. Uriah nods and also pulls out a handkerchief.
She's not smirking anymore. She runs at me like she's about to tackle me, and I dart out of the way. I hear Four's voice in my head, telling me that the most powerful weapon at my disposal is my elbow.
So, she actually listened to me.
I just have to find a way to use it.
"Shoot lasers from your elbows!" Uriah says.
Even Caleb is past the point of questioning Uriah.
I block her next punch with my forearm. The blow stings, but I barely notice it. She grits her teeth and lets out a frustrated groan, more animal-sounding than human. She tries a sloppy kick at my side, which I dodge, and while her balance is off, I rush forward and force my elbow up at her face.
"Yeah!" Uriah and Zeke cheer.
She pulls her head back just in time, and my elbow grazes her chin.
"Boo," Uriah and Zeke say. They sound so disappointed.
She punches me in the ribs and I stumble to the side, recovering my breath. There's something she's not protecting, I know it. I want to hit her face, but maybe that's not a smart move. I watch her for a few seconds. Her hands are too high; they guard her nose and cheeks, leaving her stomach and ribs exposed. Molly and I have the same flaw in combat.
At least she knows she has combat flaws. As they say, one disease, long life. No disease, short life.
Our eyes meet for just a second.
"Is that when you knew for sure that you loved her?" Caleb asks, smirking.
"Totally," Tris says. "Her eyes were such a beautiful shade of whatever color they were."
I aim an uppercut low, below her bellybutton. My fist sinks into her flesh, forcing a heavy breath from her mouth that I feel against my ear. As she gasps, I sweep-kick her legs out from under her, and she falls hard on the ground, sending dust into the air. I pull my foot back and kick her as hard as I can in the ribs.
Everyone cheers.
Zeke exaggeratedly blows his nose on his handkerchief and says, "That's my girl."
My father and my mother would not approve of my kicking someone when she's down.
I don't care.
I see Caleb frown. He'll have to come to terms with the fact his sister is in Dauntless for a reason soon if he really wants to understand her.
She curls into a ball to protect her side, and I kick again, this time hitting her in the stomach. Like a child.
Honestly, If I had known why Tris was so upset I would probably have let her keep going for longer than I did.
I kick again, this time hitting her in the face. Blood springs from her nose and spreads over her face. Look at her. Another kick hits her in the chest.
I pull my foot back again, but Four's hands clamp around my arms, and he pulls me away from her with irresistible force.
I see Caleb relax a bit. "Would you have stopped if he hasn't pulled you back?" he asks.
"Eventually," Tris says evenly. She doesn't elaborate on when eventually would have been.
I breathe through gritted teeth, staring at Molly's blood-covered face, the color deep and rich and beautiful, in a way.
"Kind of disturbing, Tris," Will says.
Tris shrugs. "I'm not the one who was speculating about how people would taste the other night at dinner, Will."
"Key word there is speculating. And don't act like you didn't toss out some theories," Will says.
Tris shrugs. "Just saying that I'm no more disturbed than you."
"I think that both Four and Christina should watch their backs around you guys," Marlene says. "We don't want either of them used for art or food."
I find myself nodding. Sometimes, Tris does scare me. Ok, most of the time.
She groans, and I hear a gurgling in her throat, watch blood trickle from her lips.
"Think about how tasty she would be," Uriah says.
Tris glares at Uriah and I cough to hide a laugh.
"You won," Four mutters. "Stop."
"Tsk tsk, Four," Zeke says. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to mutter?
I wipe the sweat from my forehead. He stares at me. His eyes are too wide; they look alarmed.
"Because I was alarmed," I tell her. " I had never seen you acting like that."
"I think you should leave," he says. "Take a walk."
"Find a good therapist," Uriah says.
Zeke snorts "I don't think that there's a therapist who is that good," he says.
"Well, then that's bad news for you guys," Tris says. "Guess you guys are just a lost cause."
Tris and Lynn air-five while Zeke and Uriah sulk.
"I'm fine," I say. "I'm fine now," I say again, this time for myself.
I wish I could say I felt guilty for what I did.
I don't.
"Well, on that cheerful note, this chapter's over," Caleb says.
"Food!" Uriah shouts. He jumps up and dashes off towards the cafeteria.
"You guys go ahead, we'll catch up," Zeke says, looking at me. I grab Tris's arm, stopping her from getting up. Something about his tone of voice makes me feel like I'll want her here.
After everyone else leaves, it's just me, Tris, Zeke, and Caleb. Caleb and Zeke are both sitting in front of Tris and I now. It's making me just little uncomfortable. Zeke and Caleb exchange a look. Since when did they even talk to each other?
"What is it?" I ask, one the silence gets to be too much.
"Umm, Four," Zeke starts. He's nervous. Zeke is never nervous. He looks to Caleb for help.
"You're from Abnegation, aren't you?" Caleb says bluntly.
The way Caleb says it, I can tell that they aren't really asking. They both know I'm from Abnegation. I close my eyes. The secret I've kept for years, guessed by Zeke and Caleb. I must be losing my touch.
"I think you already know the answer," I say, opening my eyes. They don't look surprised.
"You knew this?" Caleb asks his sister.
Tris nods. She grabs one of my hands in her own and squeezes it reassuringly.
"Why did you keep it such a secret?" Zeke asks. He sounds hurt. I look over at Caleb.
"I think Caleb knows the answer to that one too," I say.
"The Erudite articles were true, weren't they," he says. "Marcus abused you."
"Yeah," I say, trying to ignore the panicky feeling that comes whenever anyone mentions Marcus.
Zeke's eyes widen. "Marcus? As in one of the councilmen?"
"Yeah, Marcus Eaton. Councilmen and all around perfect Abnegation," I say bitterly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Zeke asks. I look at him. He doesn't have that look on his face, the "oh you poor dear" look.
I sigh. "I didn't know how to say it, really. I mean, it's not like there is some portical to this. There isn't a rule that says "wait 5 days into a friendship before telling someone about your abusive father and then start the conversation by saying this". And also, I guess I just didn't want you to look at me and think of me differently," I say.
"You're and idiot," Zeke says.
I look up. I wasn't expecting him to say that.
"I'm your friend. I wouldn't stop being your friend just because of something your father did," he says.
I smile. Despite his insanities, Zeke is a pretty great friend. "Can you guys do me a favor and not tell anyone?" I ask.
They both nod.
"Ok! Let's go get food!" Zeke says.
***page break***
After dinner, we all sit in what seem to be becoming our regular seats. Caleb hands me the book and when Tris is situated in my lap, I begin to read.
"Chapter 15. . ."
A/N: So, were you guys paying attention in past chapters? Specifically, the chapters where I said Zeke and Caleb figured out who Four was. I've been waiting forever to do that bit with Zeke, Caleb, and Four. But anyways, thanks for the reviews and such! I look forward to what you guys have to say about this chapter.
Oh, and someone asked if Tris and Four have said I love you yet, and the answer is that I don't know and don't care. Rest assured, it won't be relevant to this story. And as for the suggestion that say I should do a fluffy scene; I don't do fluff. What I've done so far is pretty much the extent of how fluffy get. So, if you really want fluff, go read something else.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT