Truth Be Told – Part Two

Weeks passed. Tensions stretched between herself and her mother and communication shut down. Toward the middle of her stay, they finally had words. It was not pretty, either. Clara didn't understand why her daughter behaved differently in public than she did behind closed doors. "I don't understand why can't you be yourself all of the time? Why are you showing the world two different people?"

"Not everyone, mom, just here on Vulcan when I go out. I don't want to shame Thev'elin's house. There's more at stake than you realize," she said as she thought of the situation with the House of Sowlon. It had come to her attention by a reliable source that she was being watched closely by them.

Since she'd attained the title that was due her as a daughter of the clan, the rival house was planning on challenging the seat held on the council by her adopted clan. But if they had nothing to base their claim on, they could not challenge. 'Sour grapes' was not the words she thought of for them. They were overly bitter because their prey had gotten away. They either wanted her to join their clan and so win the seat by showing the current council they'd 'changed' or have her marry one of their sons and perhaps their child by her and their son would make them eligible to hold the seat. But neither thing had happened and now they were just looking for something to be wrong so they could take it that way.

So while in public Kaira found herself using everything she was learning from her study of Surak's Tenets so that her clan did not lose their seat on the council. She did not have to stay on Vulcan forever, so she didn't see it as an inconvenience to have to control her emotions so stringently in the meantime. She shuddered to think of the way she would have been treated in the House of Sowlon by the Clan of Aremev. But she knew to share all of this with her mother would simply make the woman even angrier. Instead of listening, she would shoot down everything she had to say. She'd learned from the past, it was a mistake to take her mother into any confidence. It saddened her, but she knew she just couldn't do it.

"You shouldn't have to be someone else," her mother argued. "What about that girl that used to laugh and chatter and even sometimes gossip? Where is she? Where has she gone?"

"Are you forgetting that I'm under a lot of stress right now? The last thing I'm supposed to be is stressed out. My baby's life is in danger. I thought you understood what that was like! I have no reason to smile at this time, not right now."

"I don't believe that's the reason," she said. "I think you're trying to impress a bunch of people you hardly know."

Kaira had had it. "I don't care what you believe or don't believe. I'm not the person I was when I left home all those years ago. I have a right to be introverted from time to time, to think my thoughts, to be serious and give things careful consideration. I do not have to be who you or anyone else thinks I'm supposed to be."

"But you would willingly be who Thev'elin or your husband or your brand new clan thinks you should be!"

"Mom! Thev'elin has never asked me to follow Surak, not once! And neither has my husband! If I study Surak and follow his words and ways it's because I want to. Because it helps me keep from becoming too emotional! I'm not supposed to be emotional right now, for the baby's sake, I'm supposed to be careful and you're not helping that right now!"

"Oh so now your misery is my fault? You've always tried to make me feel so guilty!"

"What?" she asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't do enough for you after your father died. I know that. I was so stuck in my own grief you ran off to school and then ran into Starfleet. I barely saw you after that. And now you'll make me pay forever for being too grief stricken to talk to you!"

"You barely saw me after I left because I went to school and then after I graduated I was an adult and I joined Starfleet and Starfleet keeps those who join on duty in space. Mom, don't you understand what I accomplished? I was eventually assigned to the Enterprise, the Enterprise! That's the flagship of the Federation. Aren't you proud of that? Do you know what I had to do to get that assignment, how hard I had to work? How many people were passed over in favor of me? And when have I ever said to you I was angry with you and trying to make you guilty? You were in grief for daddy, but so was I. What could I possibly have to be angry with you about? We were both hurting and we knew that, I thought you understood that I understood."

"And then you went off and married a man that probably can't even support you emotionally and you didn't even talk to me about it first! I could have told you you were making the biggest mistake of your life if you'd only spoken to me before having your mind bonded to his!"

It was then that Kaira grew cold on the inside. "Don't you say a thing about my husband again, do you hear me?" she whispered.

"Or else what? What are you going to do?" her mother challenged.

Kaira got up, opened the door to her little apartment and went to leave. She found Thev'elin, standing there, about to knock. "Father, I have to leave right now," she said and then walked past him quickly.

"Go on and run, just like you always have!" her mother shouted at her retreating back.

Thev'elin stood there for a minute and ensured that he no longer heard Kaira's footsteps. He heard the door to the house open and then close. He thought it was safe to assume she was outside now. He then looked at Clara's troubled face. "For what reason are you attempting to cause our mutual child to lose our grandchild?" he asked softly.

Lady Tenary's face fell and tears were in her eyes. "Oh my goodness. I'm such an awful person."

"That you may or may not be, but that statement does not help the situation. Your level of anger at T'Kaira is not at all justified. I do not understand what it is she has done to earn your wrath. And since we are both invested in her well-being, perhaps you will also explain to me the reason for raised voices in my home. You have shattered a peace that has remained even after my adoption of Kaira. It is imperative that peace remain for my new grandson that is newly born and for her while she carries our granddaughter."

Clara sat down on a chair hard. "My daughter…I'm not sure of anything about her right now, this person she's become. This man, this Sarkaal, I've only ever seen him on a view screen. Does he treat her well? Does he truly care for her? Is she hung up on him because he's emotionally unavailable like that other person she was mooning over all those years ago?"

"Why have you not spoken to your daughter about these things, previously?" he asked.

"Anytime I try to ask her questions about him, she goes quiet and gets this far off look on her face and refuses to answer any questions."

"I am certain you understand that the marriage bond is a complicated and very private thing. Yourself and Kaira's father were mentally bonded, yes?"

She nodded, almost silent. "In the way of his people, yes."

"She is under a great deal of stress and she is trying her best to control her emotions. A rival house has a plot against us and it all lies on her shoulders until she is off-planet. Anything that is construed as weakness will be used against her and in turn, us. We would be challenged and most likely stripped of our seat on the council."

Clara nodded angrily. "It's like being on Beleine all over again, then; having to hide her feelings, being duplicitous. I don't like any of this!"

"It is what your daughter has chosen for herself," he answered simply. "We must all choose our own path. As for Sarkaal, it is customary for a house to present a bride to a son, but he picked her and asked his parents to ask for her to become his wife on his behalf. If there is no other thought in your mind regarding our mutual son-in-law, remember this: He chose her. I did not choose him, though I would have. His parents did not choose her. He chose her. It should indicate to you the depth of things between the two."

Almost as if she didn't hear what he'd said, she went on. "My daughter just went ahead and did whatever she wanted throughout this whole situation, she didn't even think of what this meant for me. She thinks she can substitute one home for another. Well you can't! She should be on Earth, the only other home she's ever known, not here!"

Thev'elin grew quiet for a moment. Then he went and sat opposite Lady Tenary. "T'Kaira was offered a place in my home. It took her six months to decide she would join the original clan which gave birth to hers. Six months. And do you know what the deciding factor for her was?"

Clara nodded. "I don't know what she's thinking these days."

"You. She would only join if her mother would be taken in, as well."

She sat there not saying a word for a minute. And then, "I didn't know that," slowly came out of her mouth.

"Did you know T'Kaira can never return to Beleine until she denounces her father's name to her Abukan?"

"What?" asked Clara. "When did she-"

"I am not supposed to know this, but Sarkaal felt it was important that I know. She can never go home. Vulcan is a pale shadow of home for her, but it is hers now, fully. Months after her father was killed the Abukan called and told her she could never return until she denounced him. When she did so she was to become a concubine in his home."

She stood, horrified, and began to pace and rub both her arms as if she were cold. "That's disgusting! She was still just a child then."

"Kaira has much to deal with. As for Sarkaal, the two of them are well matched. They were friends for quite sometime."

Clara didn't say anything else. She wondered when her daughter would return. She didn't know whether she should speak to her or not. Maybe, she figured, it would be better if she just left her alone for a little while first. Their conversations, lately, had been edged with tension. And this last one had been volatile. What was happening to her daughter, really?

####

Kaira didn't want to return to the place her mother happened to be. She kept driving and found herself at Sarkaal's family home. T'Maar answered the door and seemed quite gratified to see her. "We have been looking forward to your next visit. Please, enter."

She did so. After observing protocol and accepting a refreshment (which she realized she badly needed after all), she was also pressed into eating something. She was suddenly very hungry. "I don't know what it is but I feel like I could eat two plates of food," she remarked with wonder.

"Is the baby making great demands on your system?"

"No, not now anyway. But I suddenly just want to eat everything I think of."

T'Maar got up and made her a real plate of food instead of the mundane finger foods put before guests. She bid her to, "Come to the table and please partake a full meal. I will feed you and my niece now."

She smiled. "Thank you. How are things going for you?"

"Classes are going quite well. My betrothed has been sent to the other side of Vulcan on an assignment. We will not see one another again for nearly six months. I will be able to devote my full attention to my studies."

Kaira found tears welling up in her eyes and found herself sniffling. "That's so sad. Oh no, I'm so sorry! I don't know why I-"

"I have heard that pregnancy makes you more emotional. Is that true?" asked T'Maar almost casually, as if she didn't notice her sister-in-law was fighting back tears.

"Oh, it's very true."

"That must be quite uncomfortable."

"And inconvenient," she laughed as she continued to eat. Afterward she asked, "Can I go and see Sarkaal's room?"

T'Maar nodded. "Of course you may."

She was brought to his doorway and left alone. Kaira walked inside. The walls were painted a shade of brown that looked like wet sand. But on his wall was art work he'd done obviously in his youth. In her opinion, it was very good; charcoal drawings of the desert, some in paint. She saw the organized disarray of his books and some scrolls, memory disks in a corner on a shelf. His room was altogether neat, well organized and somehow him. He had an area rug of brown with silver-thread accents. She walked to his closet, opened it and looked at the clothes inside. Desert robes, most of them. She couldn't believe herself as she pulled one of the robes forward and smelled it. It was him. She held it to her face closer and inhaled deeply. It was almost as if he were standing there before her in those robes and tears stung her eyes. She missed him so much.

She found herself sitting in his large closet, surrounded by his things. If she believed it hard enough, she could almost expect him to come through the door any minute even though he was so far away.

####

Sarkaal was working on the Enterprise. It had become a solitary time for him since Kaira left. He hardly spoke to anyone. Though no one came out and said it they could tell he missed his wife. Deanna and Data paid him a visit and so had Miles O'Brien, but they could tell he wasn't himself. He did his duty, arrived for his shifts on time, even ate on a daily basis (Doctors Selar and Crusher checked on his replicator records to be certain). But he seemed to be waiting for something to happen.

At his station in the lab that day, he felt a dark mood descend. It was one of grief and intense depression. It was not from within himself but- Kaira! T'Hy'La, what has happened? He sent along the bond, instantly.

I am in the hospital, my love.

The baby-! He immediately thought.

The baby is fine now. I am stable. Thev'elin has gone to call you, but I wished for you to know ahead of time before he had a chance to speak with you. I didn't want you to worry too much when you saw who was calling.

What has happened?

He could feel a pause through the bond as if she were hiding thoughts from him. The pregnancy has made me very emotional, more than usual, that's all. I am well now.

But he sensed she was not at all well. You are not speaking truthfully with me, my wife. You know that is unacceptable to me.

I am tired. I must rest now.

Do so. I shall speak with thee later…

Sarkaal received a message from Thev'elin to call him as soon as possible. He made his way to his quarters ahead of time and did so. He knew it was something not good since not only was Thev'elin but also Thanek, his father, was on the connection. They were at the hospital. It caused the parental side of him to worry deeply. However, they confirmed what his wife had already told him through their bond, all was well again. She had nearly lost their baby, but the team of geneticists were able to get to her in time to save their daughter.

He went to sleep that night and searched for his wife's mind. He was in a dream on a stormy landscape and he couldn't find her. A sandstorm was there, between them. He sensed she was on the other side of the storm, but no matter what he did he could not reach her. Every way he turned, the storm moved and kept her hidden from his sight, even from his mind. He was obstructed in every way.

For the first time in years he awoke in a near state of panic, his hearts hammering, causing his breath to quicken. He looked over at the empty space beside him and tried to slow his breathing. She needed him. He didn't understand why she did not tell him, but he could only guess perhaps she was trying to be strong and not trouble him. But she needed him and he was not there with her.

Though it was the middle of the night he stood up from their bed quickly and began to pack. He put in his vacation request as soon as he was done packing and then he went to the lab to finish up two hours worth of work. By the time the day shift came on, he was approved for departure and on a shuttlecraft headed for Deep Space 9.

####

Kaira was newly home from the hospital and ordered to stay in bed for the rest of the week. She was discharged from duty until her uterus stabilized. She'd fallen asleep in Sarkaal's closet that day, comforted amongst his things. Next thing she knew she was being awakened by being lifted by Thanek, Sarkaal's father. She saw true worry on his face.

"All will be well," he kept saying to her, over and over. But she could tell from the strained look on his face he did not believe that.

She felt a small gush of fluid from her birth canal and knew what was happening. She was losing her baby. She couldn't speak. She only lay back and gave herself up to the oblivion of a black mental void. Once she arrived at the hospital, the team was working quickly on her. It was not a defect with the child, this time, her body had simply stopped producing a vital hormone to continue the pregnancy. It was not uncommon in human women carrying Vulcan children. It had happened once to her mother, as a matter of fact. Since her mother had a template of other human women that that had happened with, it was anticipated. But since she was mostly Vulcanoid in physiology they had not anticipated anything like this going wrong. But it had. Her hybrid nature asserted itself at the most unexpected time.

At first the team members, working frantically, didn't know what was happening. It would take too long to take and wait for tests to return, so the human doctor, Dr. Trask, went out on a limb and followed a hunch. He grabbed a hypo spray full of the hormone and injected her. Her premature labor stopped in its tracks. Tests were performed then and it was discovered her body had stopped making the hormone. The shot given her by Dr. Trask jump-started the production of it again in her brain. But most importantly to her, the baby was fine, alive and thriving.

At only 11 weeks along the child would not have survived, she knew that. It was too close to comfort for her. Through it all she leaned on her bond with Sarkaal to suppress the showing of emotion. So much depended on her for Clan T'Nary'Orlon! The strain was too much for her overwhelmed mind. She simply lay in her hospital bed on her side for the two days afterward, curled up in a ball, her arms protectively wrapped around her midsection and said next to nothing. Both her mother and Thev'elin were very concerned. She seemed to have shut down completely. She didn't want to talk to anyone, not even to them.

Her mother, as usual, took it with intense anger. "Why does she have to be so mad at me?"

"Clara, this is not about you, this is about Kaira's child. The baby's life is in danger and she is not taking it well," said her adopted father. "We must give her time to accept what almost happened and adequate distance to come around on her own."

She became huffy with Thev'elin. "I know you're older than me but you don't have to talk down to me."

Thev'elin reflected that Lady Clara could try the patience of an Earth Saint or a Vulcan disciple of Gol. He took a deep breath and said, "Give her the week until her uterus has stabilized. Only then will she feel her child is out of danger. She will likely return to herself then."

"I'll give her a week all right," she said angrily. But she kept her mouth shut after that.

Three days after getting home from the hospital, Thev'elin and Clara were sitting in his kitchen. It had been five days and Kaira was still keeping to herself.

"I bet she blames me," said her mother sadly, for once not angry. "I suppose it could be my fault."

"But the same thing happened to you when you were pregnant with Kaira. Did you have an emotional catalyst?"

"No, it was just random. One day I was fine, the next I woke up in premature labor."

He opened his mouth to respond and then heard a knock on his door. Stekel beat him to it and answered the door. "Sarkaal!" exclaimed his son, almost surprised.

And in walked their son-in-law, trying to mask his worry, unshaven, eyes looking tired as if he hadn't slept in days. "The baby?"

"She's still fine," said Thev'elin. "Kaira is resting in bed."

He saw Kaira's mother just then and bowed his head to her. "We meet in person at last, mother," he said to the woman who was the spitting image of his wife, just older and full human.

She was charmed out of her socks. For one thing he was much better looking in person and his height was impressively intimidating. He had eyes that could certainly be called 'piercing'. They were serious and deep. She saw what it was that had sucked Kaira in. And he'd called her 'mother' without hesitation. She hadn't wanted to like him so quickly. Damn! "Nice to finally see you up close, son," she said with a smile.

"I must see Kaira now," he said to them both and then excused himself.

Thev'elin saw Clara Tenary follow.

Lady Tenary followed behind, but not close enough for Sarkaal to notice. He was too distracted by the thought of finally getting to his wife's side. He opened the door to her room and saw T'Mey there with her infant son. He was at her breast as the two women talked.

"He is quite impatient to nurse when he first awakens," the new mother was observing to Kaira.

"I beg pardon," he said as both women looked over at him. They both seemed equally shocked but for different reasons.

"Brother, I am certain my sister is gratified to see thee. I will depart now," said T'Mey as she stood, her son still at her breast, and she went on her way.

Lady Tenary watched at the door as Stekel's wife passed her by and left the room. If this Sarkaal simply stood across the room while he spoke to Kaira, she wouldn't like him. And if he was cold toward her daughter, she wouldn't like him. She tried to tell herself that he was there for the baby's sake, nothing more, just so she wouldn't like him. He couldn't be there for her daughter because she honestly didn't want to like him.

Sarkaal took his time reaching Kaira's side, but there was urgency in his eyes. "Kaira," was all he said as he held out both of his fingers to her.

She sat up, still in shock as she extended her two fingers to his. "I thought I was dreaming," she nearly whispered. "You're here early. What are you doing here?"

He never answered. Instead he took his fingers from hers and used his hands to put them to her face at the correct psi points and proceeded to check her from the inside, out. He was reassured by what he saw, physically. She was better. But she was trying to hold herself together, mentally. And apart of her was… angry with him? His hands abruptly dropped from her face. "Adun'a?" He sounded almost panicked.

She looked away and then back at him. "Well no one told you to touch my mind so quickly. You should have warned me. You didn't give me any time to shield-"

"Do not ever shield these things from me," he said, the shadow of outrage in his voice.

"My anger at you is not logical," she defended. "I know that. Because I know that it is uncalled for I'm able to handle it better. And because I know it isn't fair I have the right to keep you from it."

He sat down at her side and held her hands in his own. "You have still not explained adequately, why would you shield such a thing?" he asked, his eyes holding hers in earnest.

"I knew who I was marrying. To expect you to behave any other way wouldn't be-" she floundered as she looked for the right word, "—logical," she finished. Kaira laughed lightly and looked away from him.

He could see the strain of the past few weeks there in her body language. He could also tell she'd most likely stopped talking to everyone around her, trying to keep herself together.

"And what did you wish for me to behave as?"

She didn't want to have this conversation, not right now. It hurt too much. "If I can't handle being away from you for a few weeks, how am I going to handle being away from you for big stretches of time? That's not your fault. I know you're used to doing things that way…" She sniffled. "I can adjust to a lot of things and this is just one more thing I'll adjust to. Military families have been doing this for thousands of years. That's why I didn't want you to read that in my mind. I haven't had enough time to adjust to the thought yet, that's all. I wasn't ready for you to see that."

He thought of all those years he and his first wife had spent apart and how he'd almost continued that legacy with this wife. Her Starfleet career would be over before the baby arrived, her five-year mission on the Enterprise was on the edge of finished. He knew she had already decided years ago that her second stint on a starship would signal the end of her Starfleet career until a much later time. After she was done, he still had a year of his own left in Starfleet. He hadn't really considered what that meant for them. When he took out his intentions and examined them he realized he was perfectly content to allow his wife to leave his side, again, after their child was born and settle…wherever.

When he was done in Starfleet, he could return to Vulcan, take a seat at the Vulcan Academy Hospital as a geneticist or any other world that needed him, help species across the galaxy have children together who ordinarily would not have been able and neglect the one growing inside her by only seeing her who knew how often. And Kaira knew that. She was trying to handle it. Vulcans had been doing such things for centuries, it didn't seem to matter. It was not logical to 'miss' someone. What difference would ones presence make to a child whom would receive the same education and instruction no matter which relative it lived with?

He looked at his wife and saw, there was a flaw in that system. At least when it came to this woman, it was a flaw. She didn't come from his society and would not automatically see things the way that they did. She may have looked like a Vulcan but she was not one. He had taken that for granted as much as the time she'd become angry with him expecting a Beleine standard from her Vulcan husband. And yet she was still trying to accustom herself to it though it was not her way. He appreciated who she was more in that moment than any moment previous to that day.

He knew of only one way to heal the slight rift between them. "My T'Kaira, I…I did not function efficiently without your presence," he admitted.

"I know the feeling," she said with a slight smile.

It was not the Vulcan way to apologize but- "I was not here when I was needed. Can you forgive that transgression?"

She found herself tearing up. It was not what she'd expected to hear from him. She'd expected him to tell her of all the outrageous things that had occurred on the Enterprise without her being there; or maybe how well his work had advanced without her presence to distract him; or maybe even how efficiently he was able to keep their quarters clean without her uniform on the floor while she was in the shower or her socks on top of their unmade bed. "There is nothing to forgive," she said truthfully. It was not easy to get time off in Starfleet. These circumstances were a surprise to them both and they'd been woefully unprepared.

"Then I make a request of you now."

She looked up at him. "Request?"

He was still holding her hands in his. "Do not leave the Enterprise once the baby is born. I know you will no longer be on duty, but I shall be for another year. Perhaps we can take family quarters and raise her there her first year. Afterward, we can return here, to Vulcan. We can stay with my family or yours, here the House of Thev'elin. If you wish to we may claim my desert home and I can have a house of my own. Your mother can come and live with us if you so desire."

"And my twin cousins from Beleine who've been having a hard time there," she said out of nowhere.

"Your twin cousins?"

"A girl and a boy. They're sixteen and itching to leave. My father…he did something scandalous. He left The Tenets of Discipline there before he died and his brother got his hands on it. They've raised the children with the concept of logic and they are eager to see Vulcan and live here."

He was taken aback. "How many people on your planet are studying Surak in secret?"

She thought long and hard. "Well it's been nearly fifteen years since I was there and I get messages in and out from time to time." She smiled up at him. "I have my methods." She thought some more. "It's spanning a secret network between 5 families."

"Five families," he remarked, bordering on actual surprise.

"Well not everyone in the families, but enough people from each family." She thought of each clan on her world and how many were studying Surak. "When I left, it was around thirty-seven people. Now, according to what the twins tell me, I estimate it's nearly 150."

He looked dumbfounded. There was a movement on Vulcan for the Reunification of Romulans, he knew. Was it happening on Beleine, as well? Time would tell. "Have you done anything, yourself, to further this movement?" he asked, suspecting she had.

She shrugged almost coyly. "I might have left a book or two of Vulcan philosophy which expounds on Surak's writings, nothing more. Right after my father's funeral, before I left Beleine, I just handed them over to my uncle. I figured he'd want something that used to belong to my father so I, you know, gave them to him as a memento of his brother."

He returned their conversation to where it had been. "You may have whomever you wish of your relatives to stay with us. However, warn your twin cousins, it is not easy for those who stumble upon the teachings of Surak to master them. If they truly wish to blend in with Vulcan society it will take a deep, concentrated effort that will require them to use not only their intelligence and reasoning minds, but their telepathic abilities."

She nodded, satisfied. So the two would stay together physically! She hadn't expected that. Leaning her head forward onto his chest and inhaling him, Kaira whispered, "I'm so happy to see you, again."

He didn't answer verbally, but simply moved closer and put his arms around her, his hand snaking up her back and gently rubbing the tense muscles of her neck. Pressing her closer to him, he was finally able to breathe easier. He should never have allowed her to come here without him under these circumstances. He would not make the same error in judgment again.

Clara sighed, almost defeated. Well she couldn't dislike him now, he apparently was a stand-up man where her daughter was concerned. But her mind kept returning to that incident in the past that hurt her daughter so deeply. At least this man wasn't like that other one. If he had been, she wouldn't have been able to blame him. He was, after all, a Vulcan. But that other guy, she didn't know what his problem had been. Whatever it was, thank goodness he was far away from her daughter and she'd found someone able to truly care for her.