I struggled to open my eyes.
Everything felt like a struggle.
They say I've been responding well to the medication. They say I'm improving.
It doesn't feel like an improvement. It feels like a step back.
My body feels heavy and my thoughts sluggish.
I don't feel like me anymore.
They say that's a good thing. The me I was before was incapable of functioning properly. Therefore, I couldn't continue the way I had been.
Now I'm on my way to being 'fixed' and returned to 'normal.'
Too bad I don't like the new normal.
But I do like Edward. If only I had told him so. Everything just happened so fast. After his confession, I didn't know what to think. Before I could get my drug-addled brain to focus, Jacob showed up and screwed everything up. Hopefully I could focus when Edward came back.
Too bad he wasn't coming today. Doc says that he's readjusting my meds. Again.
I definitely did not miss this.
At least I felt like more of a person now. I no longer felt like a walking zombie. My anxiety about being in a germ factory, or what others might call a hospital, was no longer as bad as when I first got here.
Maybe it won't be as bad this time. Maybe.
Too bad my anxiety about Edward hadn't lessened. If anything, it got worse with my newly acquired ability to think like a normal person. I'm being told how to think, how to feel about germs, my fears, my rituals. If only someone could tell me how to feel about Edward and what he revealed.
"Bella? Are you ready to go?"
"S-Sure Dad," I said somewhat startled. I wasn't expecting my release from the germ – the hospital – to be so quick.
"Let's go then, kiddo. I got all your stuff together. Jake may be joining us later. I wanted you to have some time to yourself before you started having guests come over. Edward called me. He really wants to see you, Bells. Now, I don't know what happened with the two of you, and I don't want to know. But he sounds awfully sorry. He's also coming over soon to talk to you."
Even if I could speak, I wouldn't know where to begin. I was shocked into stunned silence. Rarely had I ever heard my father say so much at once.
It wouldn't matter even if I did know how to respond. Speaking seemed to be too much of an effort. At least I managed to dredge up the energy to walk from the car to the house. Maybe these new pills were working after all?
I didn't have enough energy left to worry about tracking in germs from the hospital into my nice, clean house. All I could do was sit and wait for Edward. Since I don't have the energy, thankfully I didn't have to spend the time thinking about what I was going to do when he got here.
I already know exactly what I am going to say.
I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. I received many people's compliant that Bella had been unnecessarily unresponsive and cruel to Edward. I just wanted to explain why that was because my goal is not for you to hate her. I don't even want you to hate Jacob. At least not until you hear his side of the story. Believe me, he has a story to tell too. Hopefully this clears up why Bella was acting almost dismissive of Edward. Don't forget, Bella had undergone a long psych eval and intensive medications. We'll find out how she reacts to Edward's confession in the next chapter! Let me know what you think she'll do!