Chapter Fourteen: What Have You Done?

Song: Hey Jude by The Beatles

By the time Mary returned, Sam and Gabriel were all but leaning against each other on the couch, captivated by Star Trek reruns on the television. Sam, being taller, was spread out and taking up most of the couch, leaning back against one of the arms with one leg thrown over the opposite arm and the other on the ground. Gabriel was contortioned between his legs, his knees bent in front of his chest, making sure to leave enough room between himself and Sam's crotch. Mary balanced a brown paper bag against her hip and stood in the doorway.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked playfully. The boys peeled their eyes away from the screen, Sam flushing a little bit, envying how Gabriel was able to keep his cool.

"Uh, no, Mrs. Winchester. But if you go next door you will be."

"Gabe, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Mary? And what do you mean by that?" She took the bag in both arms and walked it into the kitchen.

"Dean-o went over to make nicey-nicey with Cassie about two hours ago. With eighteen years of buried emotions boiling up, I think it's safe to say they're making something else by now." Mary would have dropped the bag on the floor if she hadn't already put it down on the kitchen counter. "Oh God, I'm sorry. I forget to turn on my filter sometimes and-"

"Gabriel, it's fine. It's about time, really." Both boys gawked at Mary, who was casually brushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Wait, mom, what?" Sam, who was still bright red, was now in a state of confusion and shock. Had his mother really just said that?

"I'm not blind Sam. I'm not stupid, either. I see a lot of things. I know a lot of things." She turned her attention to Gabriel, who was laughing and clapping. Mary wasn't an idiot. She had known about Dean's feeling for Castiel, and Castiel's feelings for Dean, since they were little boys. In fact, she was more surprised that it hadn't happened sooner. Her blue eyes narrowed on Gabriel in a protective, mother hen way. "And I mean A LOT of things."

Gabriel stilled. His mouth clamped shut and his shoulders dropped.

"Sam, why don't you start unloading while Gabriel helps me bring in the rest of the groceries? Then we can all plan on how to embarrass Dean and Cas when they decide to come over later."

"Really?" Sam asked as he got up and walked into the kitchen.

"No, not really. That would be mean. Now start putting things in the fridge." She kissed her youngest son's cheek and walked back out to her car. Gabriel followed, nervous as could be. Mary stopped when she reached the open trunk and immediately leaned in to grab more bags, but Gabriel swept them up before she could get to them.

"Thank you, Gabriel. Now, what's going on between you and Sam?" He had never seen Mary this serious before. Oh God, did it scare him shitless. But there was nothing going on between him and her son. Nothing romantic anyway. Not yet….

"I came over to give Dean and Cas some alone time. Figured I would catch up with Sam, see how he was doing. The teenage years are hard and he's just starting them. He's nervous. He's scared." Gabriel peeked at Mary from behind the bags. They were still standing behind the car. "He needs a male figure right now. Someone who's been there. He needs his dad, but John's out of the question. Dean's still a teenager, so that leaves me right now. He has a hard time trusting people." Mary's face fell to something sympathetic. Gabriel turned and walked into the house, six brown bags in his arms as Mary closed the trunk and quickly followed him inside.

"Samquatch! Got more goodies for you to unload!"

"Cool," he said as he took the bags from Gabriel's arms and put them on the counter. "What took you and Mom so long out there?" Gabriel took out a jar of peanut butter and gave it a small toss, catching it in his other hand.

"Just talkin' about you and the years to come. Listen, I gotta get home, okay? I have some stuff to do before the graduations tomorrow and I wanna be able to get to sleep at a reasonable time tonight. I'll see ya later, Jolly Green."

Sam watched as Gabriel disappeared out the front door even though he had come in through the kitchen door. Suddenly, he felt sad again. Outside, Mary was sitting on the porch in one of the two rocking chairs, slowly leaning back and forth as the little gusts of wind tickled her cheeks. She had her eyes closed, almost like she was holding back tears. Gabriel sat down in the rocker next to her.

"I'm sorry if what I said earlier was brash. I'm not sure what you think is going on between me and Sam, but-"

"Gabriel, you love my son. Now, I'm hoping that you have absolutely no intentions of acting on it due to his age, and yours." She was looking at him now. Her sad eyes piercing into his.

"He's just a kid, Mary. I wouldn't."

"Not yet." Gabriel didn't answer. Mary let out a long breath. "I'm happy that they have you and Castiel." Gabriel's ears perked up at her words.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sam and Dean. I'm happy that they have you and Castiel, whether it's romantically or platonically. Sam's always had a bit of a crush on you. Don't hurt him."

"That's one of the things I talked to him about today."

"What?"

"You're not the only one who sees everything. Hell, if Dean and Cas didn't sort their shit out today I would have locked them in a room tomorrow after graduation until they did." Gabriel bit his lip and rubbed his chin. "Look, Sam needs an adult male in his life. I am probably the saddest excuse for one right now, but I'm also the only one who fits into that place. It's gonna make things complicated, but he needs to learn that sometimes things don't always work out."

Gabriel folded his hands between his knees and looked out at the road. Mary's gentle hand reached his leg.

"I've known you for most of your life, Gabe. Half the time I look at you and I still see that chubby little boy blowing bubbles in his chocolate milk."

"Take the chubby out of that sentence and you have me at breakfast earlier today." Mary laughed and shook her head.

"If when he's ready, if he still wants to be with you, are you going to let him down easy or are you going to hurt him?" Gabriel furrowed his brows, a little taken back by her words.

"If when he's ready, and if he still wants me, I'll be right here waiting for him. I'm not going to hurt him. I'm not going to let him down easy. I care about your son, yes. And I really wish that he were older or that I was younger, but the age difference is still there. So if when he's eighteen, or twenty-one, or hell, even fifty, if he still wants to be with me, then I wont stop him. I've been watching out for him his entire life. That's not gonna stop any time soon. Not ever. I-" Gabriel was interrupted by Mary pulling him into a tight hug. He was shocked and confused and all around stunned. He didn't know where those words came from. He knew that he cared about Sam, but not like that. They just came out…and they were one hundred percent true.

"You take care of my boy. And when I see Castiel I'll be telling him the same thing. But this," she said as she let go of Gabriel. "This talk stays between you and me. I don't want him getting any ideas."

"Did you just give me your blessing?" Mary slapped his arm playfully.

"Go send my other boy home so I can interrogate him about his not so secret sex life."

"Oh, you wouldn't."

"I just want to be sure he's being safe. A quick talk and it will be over. Just…make sure he has pants on." Gabriel chuckled and stood up, brushing off his khaki shorts.

"Will do. And Mary? While Sam needs a man in his life, he needs you more. Send Dean back over after dinner. I can give him the "big brother to boyfriend" talk while you and Sam have a little talk of your own." Mary watched as Gabriel paced back to his house, moving to the section of grass between the two properties. He was out of sight, but she could still hear him throwing what she assumed to be rocks at Castiel's window.

"Hey, Cassie! I'm coming in! You have approximately forty six seconds before I'm up those stairs and by the time I get there you and Ken Doll better be fully dressed and out of bed!"

Back inside the house, Castiel hid his head under a pillow.

"I'm gonna kill Gabe. Half the neighborhood probably heard that." Dean was sitting up next to him, the sheets pooling around his waist. He looked down at Castiel's bare chest. Purple marks were starting to form below his collarbone and damn, did he ever look delicious.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get dressed before your brother shoots me for taking your flower or some shit like that." Dean stumbled off the bed and was knocked over when Castiel threw a pillow at him.

"He'll be too busy laughing at you not being able to walk to shoot you properly." Dean pulled his shirt on before he stood up.

"Shut up."

"I love you too." Dean couldn't help but smile. He knew that he would never get sick of hearing Castiel tell him that. Every time he said it, the way he said it, it made it feel like that time was the first time. There was something about the tone of his voice, the tenderness and sincerity that flowed peacefully with the words, the sparkle in those magnificent eyes- there was just something about Cas.

"You're thinking again." Castiel was standing on the other side of the bed, naked, watching Dean dress.

"Yes. Believe it or not, I do tend to think every now and again." Dean turned his attention back to his belt, pausing only when he felt the warmth of another body press against his back. Castiel kissed the crook of his neck, letting his lips linger over the freckles. "Now put some clothes on before your brother decided to barge in here."

"Clothes are the devil's creation," he mumbled into Dean's skin, his arms wrapping around his middle. Castiel let out a sigh and removed his body from Dean's so that he could put his pants back on. Dean wanted to turn around and watch him, to look at his bare skin from a distance, but he was too afraid of seeing those scars. He didn't want to see Cas hurting. This was the first time anyone had ever seen those battle scars, and in the back of his head, a little voice was telling him that by looking at them, he would make Castiel uncomfortable.

They could hear Gabriel charging up the stairs. He was purposely stomping to give them a fair warning. They had expected that much from him, but they did not expect him to actually open the door. Dean was fully dressed. Castiel was not. The dark haired boy was in the middle of pulling on a shirt when his brother froze in the doorway, eyes growing in fear and fixed on his chest.

"Cassie…. Cassie, what the fuck?" Gabriel was backing up slowly. There was no use trying to hide the past from him. Castiel finished bringing his shirt down over his chest and hung his head.

"Dean, I think you should go. It's time I had a very long overdue talk with my brother."

"Cas, I can stay if it would make it easier, if you wa-"

"This is something that needs to be between me and him. Thank you, Dean, but I really do think you should be leaving." Dean wanted to protest. He wanted to stay and hold his boyfriend's hand through what was about to come, but he knew that they would need their time alone. He would just come back later and comfort Castiel then. With a heavy heart, he left. Gabriel was up against the wall in the hallway, still in his state of shock. He didn't look at Dean or say goodbye when he passed. The brothers remained silent until they heard the click of the front door and Dean yelling out to Sam from the front lawn.

"We should go downstairs. This is a conversation meant to have sitting down." Castiel walked over to his older brother and put a hand on his shoulder. "Gabe?"

"Cassie, what the fuck is going on? Who did that to you? When did that happen?"

"Gabriel, I will tell you everything once we get downstairs. Or perhaps you would rather talk in you room?"

"We're right by yours, why can't we, because you just had sex in there and that would be awkward…."

"Actually I was thinking along the lines of, 'if I need to leave you alone after, your room would be best for you,' but yes. That excuse works, too." Castiel walked into Gabriel's room. It was in pristine order minus the candy wrappers and porno magazines littered across the floor by his bed. The red sheets were tucked neatly around the mattress, no posters were falling off of the cream walls, the movies by his television were stacked in an almost too-organized manner- but then again, most of the time, Gabriel wasn't home, so of course his room would be neat.

Castiel sat on one side of the bed, his legs crossed under him and his shoulders slumped. Gabriel walked in slowly after him and sat down at the head of the bed, leaning against the headboard. They did not face each other. They did not make eye contact.

"Cassie…."

"It started in second grade."

"You mean when those dicks started all that trouble over you and Dean?"

"No." Gabriel was confused. What else happened when his baby brother was in second grade that could have started something bad enough for him to be damaged like that? "Gabriel, before we get into this, I want you to promise me something."

"Yeah, sure, anything."

"Promise me that you wont blame yourself. What happened was not your fault in any way whatsoever."

"Cassie, what are you talking about?"

"You came out when I was in second grade." Gabriel forgot how to breathe. He was in sixth grade when he realized that he liked both boys and girls- that he was bi. Up until a few years ago, though, the only people who knew about it were Castiel and….

"Dad…."

"Yeah. Dad. He was a lot like John. When you came out, about a week before the incident with the boys in my class, I heard Dad mumbling one night while he was drinking. He was talking to Mom, praying to her, I guess. Saying how he failed as a parent and that if she were alive his son would be normal. Went on to say how at least there was a chance he would still end up marrying a girl. Anyway, he caught me listening."

"Where was I?"

"You were over at a friend's house. Some kid you had class with. I think his name was Marv or something, but anyway, Dad grabbed me by the arm. He was pretty pissed. He told me that he couldn't handle having a son who was a complete abomination and that at least there was still hope for you. Me, on the other hand, he wasn't so sure about. I think I already knew then, that I was gay. I didn't tell him that, though. I didn't have time. He started hitting me."

"Cassie…." Gabriel was moving forward on his bed to sit next to his brother. His voice was cracking and he could feel the tears begin to swell up in his eyes. He had promised that he wouldn't blame himself, but how could he possibly keep that promise? If he had never come out, Castiel would never have gotten hurt."

"The smacks and punches weren't all bad at first. They were never hard enough to leave a mark."

"But?"

"But," Castiel began as he let out a shaky breath. "But soon he became more violent. He told me that he would rather kill me than have another queer kid. He almost did a few times. He always made sure that you weren't around when he beat me. He didn't want you to know. Eventually he figured out that I was gay, and that's when he started using…other…methods." Castiel pulled down the collar of his shirt to show off the burn marks his father had gifted him. "Once a week, sometimes twice a week depending on how much he drank." He let go of the fabric and let his head fall more. "Crying earned an extra kick, whimpering earned an extra punch, and so on. Over the past few years, especially when it was just me and him in the house, I sustained more serious injuries. I've had a total of three broken ribs, just from his boots. More bloody noses than I can keep track of. Almost all of my molars are cracked somewhere."

Gabriel was curled up on the bed. He was confused as to how his brother could be so calm about everything, but then he put two and two together. Ten years of abuse. One beating a week, at the least, with fifty-two weeks in a year. Castiel had been beaten at least five hundred and twenty times by their father. He was used to it. Abuse was a norm.

"You became Dad's punching bag because I came out of the closet."

"No. I became Dad's punching bag because three boys in my second grade class and a headmaster decided to turn something as simple as a hug into World War III, elementary school edition. I would have come out sooner or later. It would have happened no matter what."

"We need to do something about this. He can't keep hurting you. It needs to stop."

"Gabriel, Dad will be gone for the next week. We have time to figure things out."

"What is there to figure out, Castiel!?" Gabriel got off of the bed and stood in front of his brother, arms out and face raging. "The bastard abused you for half of your life and you think we need o sit around and twiddle our thumbs until we figure out what to do? We call the fucking police!"

"And tell them what, exactly? That Dad beat the shit out of me because I'm gay and that he isn't here and the only thing I have to prove the abuse are decade old scars covered by a hickey here and there? That we'll give them a 'rain check' for when he gets back?"

"Cassie, I didn't mean it like that." Castiel hugged his brother tightly as they cried together.

"I'm scared, Gabe. What happens when he comes back and finds out about me and Dean?" Gabriel stroked his brother's hair. "He's gonna kill me. What if he hurts Dean? Gabe, I don't want anyone else getting hurt."

"No one is going to get hurt. Not me, not Dean, and not you. Not anymore."

Dean was sitting at the kitchen table pushing his food around on his plate. He could feel two sets of eyes watch him on and off- one in a comforting way while the other one, not so much. He huffed and looked up from his mashed potatoes.

"Alright, just say it."

"So who bottoms?" Sam was glaring at him now, the words out of his mouth the second Dean had finished his sentence.

"What the hell, Sam!?" Dean shrieked, his fork practically flying out of his hand as Mary chocked on her water.

"Relax, I'm just kidding. I don't actually want to know. But seriously, I'm happy for you guys." Sam chuckled as he turned his attention back to chicken, grinning and shaking his head. Dean was so the bottom.

"Dean, sweetie, are you alright?" Mary was dabbing her mouth with a napkin.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mom." And Dean really was. After years of pining over his best friend, he was finally able to be with him. He was in love and would soon be going off to college and living with his boyfriend, even though they were going to be in a dorm room for at least the first year or two. He hadn't even graduated from high school yet and he was already focusing on college graduation. He would buy a house with Cas, maybe get a dog…by that time, maybe Kansas would legalize gay marriage. Marrying Cas would complete everything. He smiled to himself as he thought about what the future would hold. He took a swig of his coke and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes closed in content.

"Dude, are you blushing?" Dean snapped out of his thoughts. Mary was smiling at him while Sam was trying to hold back a laugh, as per usual.

"Shut up, Bitch."

"Jerk."

"Language, boys. I'm not going to have you cursing at the dinner table. Now, Sam, if you're done, I would like to talk with Dean. Would you go upstairs for a little bit, sweetie?" Mary had gotten up and was starting to clear the dishes, but Dean jumped up and gathered the plates in his arms before she could. After years of seeing his father mistreat his mother, he swore to himself to do everything that he could in order to make it up to her. Sam put his plat and glass in the sink and ventured up the stairs into his room while Mary sat back down at the table.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" Mary turned around to see her oldest son looking at her, fear creeping into his eyes.

"Oh, honey, no. Of course you aren't in trouble." She didn't have to ask why he would think that. She could tell that he was petrified. John had pushed him to like girls, and when Dean said otherwise, John drove him to his breaking point and made him feel as though it were safer to die. Mary hurt for and with her son- for both of her sons. She opened her arms and Dean walked into them, letting her hug him tightly. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I'm so happy for you and Castiel. It took you boys long enough, that's for sure."

"How long have you known?"

"Dean, I've known since you were little boys. Before prom, before you came out, before second grade. You were getting ready to start kindergarten and you were so worried that you and Castiel wouldn't be friends anymore. You had heard Gabriel talking about one of the boys he was friends with and how when school started, they grew distant and stopped being friends. We were sitting here when you told me that you didn't want to stop being friends with Castiel because losing people you love hurts."

Dean sniffled against his mother's shoulder and tightened the hug.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mary asked as she rubbed his back. "Are you scared because of what your father did? Because if you are, I understand, but please know that you have nothing to be scared about." Mary thought she was right, but didn't have the slightest idea about what Cain had done to Castiel. What would happen when he came back? Dean didn't want to hide their relationships, but he knew that if they made it public, Cain would kill Castiel. Keeping it a secret would open up Pandora's box when it came to Sam and Mary. They would ask questions and sooner or later the truth about Cas' past would come out and all Hell would break loose.

And then there was the trauma from John. Now, more than ever, Dean feared that John would stumble through the front door, half drunk and half pissed off, and finish what he started years ago.

The thought sent Dean into a small breakdown. His memories and thoughts were the biggest triggers, and when it came to his father, he was hopeless. Mary tried to sooth him, singing Hey Jude quietly, but Dean only pulled away. He hated being weak in front of the people he loved. He hated being weak in general. He sat down next to his mother and dried his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Do you think…do you think that if I had just let Dad teach me all about picking up girls and everything…if I let him keep thinking that I was straight…that he would still be here? That everything would be normal and happy and-"

"Dean Winchester, do not think that for a second. Your father had his issues. Many of them were habits that he picked up while in the Marines. He pushed you too far and reacted badly. What happened, happened, and we cannot dwell on the 'could have been's. Just because he's gone doesn't mean that things aren't normal or happy. You and your brother, you boys make me so happy and proud and I love you both so very much. And no family is normal. But the three of us? We're perfect." She placed a kiss on his forehead and ran a hand through his hair. "Now, Gabriel was over here earlier. He told me to send you back over after dinner. Go pack what you need to and get back to your boyfriend."

Dean was shocked at how calm Mary was about all of this. He would have thought that she would give him the "safe sex" talk over and over again, but instead she told him the basics on being safe and encouraged him to enjoy the relationship. He had been holding in so much pain for so long. She just wanted him to be happy, and she trusted and loved Castiel. Dean thanked Mary and got up from the table. When he was half way through the living room, he heard her start to sing.

"Hey, Jude. Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better." Her soft voice was carried effortlessly throughout the house. As the words washed over him, a weight was lifted. "Remember, to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better."

Dean climbed the stairs and went into his room. He grabbed his now empty backpack and threw in a pair of sweatpants and a Van Halen shirt to sleep in, as well as some boxers. He would grab his toothbrush on his way back down the hall.

"Hey, Jude. Don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin, to make it better." Dean made his way back to the kitchen and hugged Mary, who was drying a plate. He locked the door behind him as he headed next door. Once he was out of sight, Mary let her tears begin to fall. She put the plate on the table next to her and fell into a chair, her head collapsing into her hands and her soft skin became soaked with salty drops of water.

"And…anytime you…feel…the pain…," she chocked out between sobs. "Hey, Jude…refrain…. Don't…carry the…weight…upon y-your shoulders…. For well y-you…know that it's…a…fool…. Oh, John. What did you do to my boys? W-What did you do to them you b-bastard!" She clamped her normally bright eyes closed and crinkled her tear stained face as she picked up the plate and threw it to the ground. "You bastard…" she said, gagging on the words and she fell to the floor, weeping. "You bastard…. I needed you. We all needed you, but you were so…so…. You left us. I can't do this on my own, John. I can't keep doing this on my own…. We're all so scared, and it's all thanks to you. How could you hurt my boys? OUR boys?"

Sam was at his mother's side by the time she got the last words out.