A/N Thanks for the reviews guys and keep them coming. The updates may start to take a little longer because my posts have caught up with what I already had written so now I have to write the chapters as I go. Don't worry though I have so many things that I want to happen with this story it should last for a while. I just have to find time to work on it.
Chapter 13
Bo
I just stand there and watch her board the plane and then the plane take off. By now it is well after midnight but I just don't feel like going home yet so I just drive around for about a half hour. I find myself over by the park and remember Jay and Tamsin talking about an all night dinner that they frequent and decide to stop in for a milk shake.
The next week kind of goes by in a blur. The days are spent at the park with Jay and Tamsin playing basketball and the evenings are spent hanging out with Dyson and Kenzie at home. The Thursday after the doc left is my appointment with Dr. Hall. I really don't know what to expect and I am not looking forward to going. Of course, during our weekly skype session the doc always brings up the fact that I need to go and I promised her I would even though I tell her I haven't had any more incidents. She says I would still benefit from it and blah, blah, blah. I miss the fact that she isn't here in person but I have become used to just hearing from her by phone, once a week via skype and the occasional text messages.
The day finally arrives for me to visit Dr. Hall. Dyson and Kenzie both ask if I would like them to come with me but I tell them no. I just feel this is something I need to do on my own. When I get to the office, I'm greeted by a very cheerful and cute receptionist. She explains the paper work she hands me and says that once it is completed the doctor would be right with me. Great! I look at the paperwork and it is asking all kinds of questions that I don't really want to answer so I just answer them with as little information as I can.
Once I am taken back to the doctor's office, I really become nervous and break out in a cold sweat. Dr. Hall introduces herself, "Hello Bo, I'm Dr. Victoria Hall. It is a pleasure to finally meet you. Lauren has told me a lot about you and it is good to finally put a face with your name."
I groan, "Great what has the doc been telling you? I'm sure it is nothing good."
"Bo, why don't you go ahead and have a seat and we will get started." I take a seat on the couch across from Dr. Hall's desk as she sits in a chair directly in front of me. "Let me just start by saying that anything we talk about during your visits are confidential and will not be discussed with anyone other than you. So feel free to express any emotions or concerns without worrying about anyone else learning what you say inside this office. It is important that you know that you can be open and honest with me about anything or anyone."
"Sure, whatever, so you want even tell the doc what we talk about even though she is your friend and obviously already talked to you, probably telling you everything that she thinks is wrong with me and would want me to tell you?"
"Yes Bo that includes my friend Lauren. What is said inside this room is completely confidential."
"Ok well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I really don't have anything I want to talk about. I only agreed to come because the doc said I needed to and after all she has done for me I couldn't tell her no. So here I am, but I have nothing to say."
"I'm sorry you feel that way Bo, from what Lauren has told me she feels that you have a couple of things she thinks I can help you with. She also told me that you would probably not be very open with me so why don't we start with a few simple questions."
I just roll my eyes and say, "Whatever, what exactly has the doc told you about me since it is obvious you two have talked quite a bit about me."
"Bo, I am here to help you. Lauren is concerned about your anger issues and how you handle emotional situations. She is a very good friend of mine and I promised her that I wouldn't let you leave my office until you opened up a little."
I start laughing, "No offense but if I want to leave there is nothing you can do to stop me."
"She told me you would say that and for me to tell you that if you don't behave you would be breaking the promise you made to her. I take it that you don't like to break promises. Is there a reason for that?"
"Not really. I just don't trust many people and the ones I do, I don't like to let them down."
"I see. So let's start with something easy. I know you are new to town, where did you live before coming here?" "The doc didn't tell you about my past? I figured if you were such good friends she would have told you everything since she knew it would be hard to get it out of me." "She wanted to but I told her it would be better if I gained your trust and let you tell me what you wanted me to know. I am really here to help, sometimes just talking about things with someone is all you need. As I said before, I am not here to judge you and everything you tell me is confidential."
"Fine, since I obviously don't have a choice I will tell you what I remember, which isn't much." "
What do you mean by that?"
"Didn't the doc at least tell you about my memory loss?"
"No Bo, she legally can't because she was the doctor that treated you, therefore all of your records fall under Dr./Patient confidentiality. I told you all Dr.'s are bound by the law about discussing patients with anyone unless the patient gives consent."
"So you really can't tell the doc what we talk about?"
"No, all I will tell her is that you behaved and talked to me unless you tell me I can."
She smiles at me. I am quiet for a few minutes while have an internal debate with myself on if I want to talk to this lady or not. On one hand, she can't tell anyone about what we discuss which is great and maybe she will be able to help with some things that Dyson can't. But, on the other hand, I could probably eventually work things out myself but I really don't want any more trouble like what I had with Ben. Maybe I should give Dr. Hall a chance, after all, she is Lauren's friend and I trust the doc completely. She wouldn't send me to someone that I couldn't trust. What the hell!
"Ok, Dr. Hall since I trust the doc and she trust you, I'm going to trust you at least for now. So here goes, the only real memories from my past is the last fight I had with Cassidy Mendez in South Africa." I go on to tell here about the fight and how I woke up here in the hospital where I met the doc. I went on to tell her everything that has happened since then except the feelings I have for the doc and the unexplainable safety I feel when she is around. I told her the best I could about my injuries but said that next time I talked to the doc I would tell her it was ok for her to transfer my full medical records to her.
When I was finished she asked, "Do you know why you were fighting in South Africa?"
"Well, I know what my brother, Dyson and the doc have told me about my past but as far as what I remember I only remember the fight and waking up in the hospital. Although, apparently my body still remembers how to fight."
"Ok, first why don't you tell me why you say that your body still remembers how to fight?"
"So I may have gotten into a fight at the park a few weeks ago and did a pretty good job of beating up a boy whose parents want to press assault charges. I didn't even know what I doing until the doc was pulling me off of the kid. All I saw was Cassidy not the kid who I was beating the crap out of. I think that was what worried the doc and my brother. There may have also been an incident with the doc where she pushed my buttons a little too hard and I lost it on her also seeing Cassidy and not her. That is when I decided maybe I did need to see someone about the flashbacks. The last thing I want to do is hurt her."
"Alright Bo, I understand. I'm going to need to ask you a few questions and then we will go from there. How does that sound?"
"Whatever you say is fine. I just want to learn how to function in my new surroundings."
"First let's talk about South Africa. Do you know why you were there and why you were fighting?"
"Like I said before, I only know what they told me."
"Which is what?"
"The short version is my parents were doctors in a remote village that was raided by local drug lords. They were apparently executed and we were taken as slaves and forced to fight for our owners."
"That is horrible, Bo. I am so sorry. Would it be ok with you if I talked to your brother in order to find out more about your past since you don't remember? It will help us get to the bottom of why you are having these flashbacks."
"Sure, I will have him call you."
"Great. Now can you tell me what triggers the flashbacks? What happens right before you have one?"
"Well the first time that kid Ben charged at me. I was trying to walk away but he charged at me just like Cassidy did in our fight and I guess that is what triggered it. The next time the doc pissed me off and I just sort of blacked out until she finally got me to calm down."
"Ok, the next couple of questions are going to be more personal but I really need you to answer them honestly so that I can help you. Is there something going on between you and Lauren that is more than just friendship?"
I can feel myself turning red and I am beginning to sweat. I don't know how to answer this question. "What the heck, no there is nothing more than a friendship between us! I don't know anything about feelings. All I have ever done is what I am told. I have never had to worry about feelings before and that is why I don't know how to interact with anyone other than Dyson. Also, I really don't like this line of questioning."
"I know this is hard for you Bo but I really need as much information as you can give me in order to help you best. As far as Lauren, when you talk about her it just seems that there is more than just friendship there. I would completely understand if there was more. She is an amazing person who is kind, caring and loyal."
"It sounds to me like you want more with the doc, Dr. Hall. Is that true?"
"Bo, my relationship with Lauren is not something I feel we need to discuss. We are here to work on you and your difficulty dealing with emotions."
As she talks about Lauren I begin to feel the monster in me wanting out and I don't know why. It just pisses me off to hear someone talk about her like that. "Ok, Dr. Hall I think now would be a good time to stop!"
"Why, Bo? What's wrong?"
"I don't like hearing you talk about the doc like that. It is waking up my monster and I don't want it to get out."
"Monster? What are you talking about?"
"Trust me you don't want to see it. My monster is what I call my anger. I can feel it start in the pit of my stomach with a slow burn and the angrier I get the less I can control it and it usually doesn't end well when he finally escapes my control. It's what used to happen when I fought but back then I could control it because it was the only emotion I had to deal with and I knew what to do when I was in the ring. Now that I am so confused about all these other emotions I am feeling I can't control it as much."
"That actually helps me a lot with what triggers your flashbacks. When you become confused about your new emotions it makes you angry that you don't know how to control them or what to do about them. Then when you are angry the only thing you know to relate it to is being in the ring and fighting so you flashback to the last fight you can remember, which is the fight with Cassidy. This is great Bo, I think we just figured out what your trigger is. Now we can work on how to control your anger."
"Awesome." I say with a roll of the eyes.
"What is it that I said about Lauren that made you angry?"
"All of it!"
"Why?"
"I don't know, if I did then I wouldn't really need to be here would I?"
"Bo there is no need for you clam up. I am here to help you and I think we are on the right track. I just need you to explain what it is that you are feeling that makes you angry."
"I already told you. I don't like the way you are talking about the doc. It's like there is more to your relationship with her than just friends and that bothers me."
"Why does it bother you?"
"I don't know! Isn't that why I'm here so you can tell me?"
"Calm down, Bo. We are going to figure this out but I think this is a good place to stop today. Why don't you come back on Wednesday and we will continue. In the meantime please have your brother give me a call."
"Ok, I will tell him but I don't know if I will be back. I don't really feel like we have accomplished anything and I never promised I would continue to come only that I would come."
"I'm sorry you feel that way but I feel like we have made pretty good progress for the first session. I will let you discuss this session with Lauren if you would like and just give me a call if you aren't coming back."
"Ok, thanks." I get up and walk out the door.
As I leave the office, the receptionist gives me a big smile and says, "Here is the Dr.'s card with all of her numbers on it and I wrote my cell on the back if there is anything I can help you with." She says with a goofy smile.
I have no clue what to say so I just say, "Thanks." Then I just walk out.
As soon as I get outside the office I call Dyson and give him Dr. Hall's phone number and tell him that she is expecting his call. He wants to know how it went and I just tell him that I didn't think it helped but to call her anyway. Once I hung up with him, I called Lauren. I wasn't sure she would answer but I needed to talk to her about the appointment.
The phone only rang twice before she answered, "Hey, Bo. How was your appointment with Victoria?"
"Well that is kind of what I called to talk about. Do you have time to talk? It may take a while but I have some things I need to talk about."
"Sure, I have a few things I need to finish. Can I call you back in about an hour?"
"Sure doc, no problem. Thanks." I hung up and thought great, I will go home and think and wait for her to call back.
When I get home, I head up to my room. A few minutes later Dyson sticks his head in my door and says, "Hey do you have a minute to talk?"
"Sure, what's up? I'm just waiting on Lauren to call me back so that I can discuss a few things from Dr. Hall's session."
"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I called her like you asked me to and she said that she just wanted to get some info on our background and stuff since you said you didn't have any memories from before your fight with Cassidy. I just wanted to make sure it was alright with you if I go in to see her tomorrow and answer her questions."
"I appreciate you checking with me but its fine. Although I'm not sure if I'm going back to see her again."
"Why? What happened?"
"We just talked, and I don't think it is helping. I'm no better off now than I was before I went in and I just don't like answering all the questions."
"Bo I think it will take more than one time before it will begin to help but I'm not sure. Maybe when Lauren calls you can ask her about it."
"Trust me I will, along with about a million other things."
He just shakes his head and laughs as he leaves. I have so much going through my head right now it feels like it is going to explode. I pick up the phone and text Jay and Tamsin to see if they want to meet me at the park in a couple of hours to play some basketball. Maybe that will help me calm down. They both reply back sure. Now all I can do is wait for the doc to call. About ten minutes later my phone rang.
"Hey doc, thanks for calling me back."
"Bo, I told you before I will always be here for you. What's up?"
"Well first of all, are you all more than just friends?"
"Bo, what is wrong? Why does that matter?"
"I don't know doc, it just does. When she was talking about you earlier, the way she was talking about you early…it just pissed me off."
She laughs, "I'm sorry Bo, I don't mean to laugh but you are just so adorable sometimes when you get confused about emotions."
"You know what doc, just forget it. I've got to go. I'll talk to you later."
"No, Bo talk to me now! Please don't shut me out. I will answer your questions. Yes, I have known Victoria a long time and we have seen each other off and on for a while."
"I figured, thanks for telling me. She wouldn't."
"Why does that piss you off?"
"You should know why doc. I thought I made it clear before you left!"
"I know how you feel, Bo but like I told you it is not a good time for us. You have your whole life ahead of you and the world to explore. I know you think that I am the one you want but you don't have anyone to compare me to. You need to date people your own age, maybe you will find someone, maybe you won't but you need to try. Things with us is complicated and right now that is something neither of us need."
"So what are you saying? That what I feel doesn't matter. That if I only want you it's wrong because I have nothing to compare my feelings for you to. I don't get it. I thought you said you cared for me too."
"I do Bo but right now I think it is best if we are just friends. I will always be there for you when you need me, but as a friend. Do you understand?"
"No, but I need you in my life. You are the only person that makes me feel safe when I am around. I can't help the way I feel doc, but for you I will wait."
"Bo that's not what I mean at all. I need you to live your life and experience things for yourself, like love and friendships. You need to allow yourself to find your own way in this world instead of having everything dictated for you."
"Ok doc, I don't understand completely but I will try. I don't think I'm going back to see Dr. Hall again though. I don't think she can help me and now all I will be thinking is that she has more with you than I ever will and that pisses me off."
"Don't be that way Bo, she can help you. She is the best in her field."
"Whatever, doc. I went but I don't want to go back. I think she confused me more than I already was."
"How about this, you have made some pretty good friends' right, the ones you play basketball with?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Why don't you tell them about what's going on see what people your own age have to say, then go back for one more session with Victoria and then if that doesn't help you can do it your own way. How does that sound?"
"I don't know. I don't want my friends to see me differently than they do now when they find out about my past. I'm just getting used to having people to hang out with. I don't want to do anything to scare them away."
"If they are really your friends then you need to trust that they will have your back and not feel any different towards you. If they do then they are not really your friends anyway. Bo, you are going to have to learn to trust some people other than your 'family'. I'm sorry but I have to go, just think about what I said and I will skype you on Thursday evening, but it will be late your time."
"Ok doc. Thanks for everything. I will get my shit together, I promise. Be safe and see you Thursday."
"I know you will Bo, I have faith in you. See you later."
Well great now I have even more to think about! I know Jay and Tamsin have said they have my back and that I can trust them but can I? I don't know. I'm just not sure, I'm just going to have to play it by ear. I guess, maybe I will invite them over to Lauren's tonight for pizza and talk to them. I don't know. All I know for sure is that I need to expel some energy. I think I will jog over to the park and then wait on them to play some bball. On my way out, I let Dyson know where I'm going and that I will probably not be home until tomorrow because I am going to have dinner with Jay and Tamsin at the doc's and just crash there for the night.