Characters: Kuukaku, Kenpachi, minor Yachiru and Ganju

Genre: Humor

Setting: Soul Society, sometime after the SS Arc

Word Count: 496

Kuukaku sighed in relief as she put down the receipt signifying the final payment of her new house. While she liked to move a lot, it was always a pain to deal with mortgages.

Her brief moment of tranquility was interrupted by a large crashing. The veins in her forehead began to throb as an anatomical tip-off that her irritation levels were rising; the only person who had permission to go around and destroy property inside this building was her.

"Yachiru, are you sure this is an underground passage back to the barracks?"

"Absolutely, Ken-chan!"

Kuukaku growled as she got up from her seat and confronted the intruders, her favorite pipe in hand.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing?!" she yelled as she walked into the hallway.

A large man with a small pink-haired girl perched on his shoulder glanced her way indifferently. Kuukaku took note of the haori the man wore, and immediately identified him as a Gotei 13 captain. Judging by his size and eye patch, this was probably…

"Zaraki Kenpachi," she growled, "Why are you busting up my home?"

"Eh?" the large man grunted as he acknowledged her, "Who're you?"

"Shiba Kuukaku," she snapped, "Now, tell me, what are you doing here?"

Zaraki looked as if he was going to answer, but then reconsidered as he gave her once-over.

"Eyes up here, bozo!" Kuukaku snarled, gesturing to her face with her pipe.

Zaraki grinned at her hostile attitude. Then he looked to Pink Shoulder Pet and said, "Yachiru, get off." Pink Shoulder Pet obliged. "This one looks strong."

One battle too-awesome-to-be-described later.

Kuukaku growled in frustration as she looked at her destroyed house. Her twin servants Koganehiko and Shiroganehiko were on her right and behind her, weeping dramatically at the impromptu demolition of their home. The man responsible for the mess was standing to her left, Pink Shoulder Pet back in her original position, and he looked completely unrepentant at his actions.

The battle-hungry captain had been generous to keep the fight fair by not drawing his sword, but the resulting fisticuffs/wrestling/boxing/punching match still left the two combatants bruised and the immediate vicinity leveled. The grand total of her injuries included a black eye, too many bruises to count, a bleeding lip, and what she presumed to be a fractured rib. Zaraki looked just as bad; he was only standing up straight because he was using his nodachi as a walking stick, as she had managed to score a good hit on his left leg.

"Great," she snarled, "Now I'll have to move again."

"Thanks. That was a good fight," Kenpachi grinned, seemingly oblivious (or perhaps apathetic) to her anger, "We'll have to do this again sometime."

Kuukaku was about to berate her unexpected sparring partner when she heard a familiar sound of hoof beats, and turned to see her little brother going as fast as his boar could carry him.

"Nee-san! I saw the smoke! Are you all r-AAAAAAAHHHH! ZARAKI KENPACHI!"

Author's Note: This story came to me after I read a story about a Crack pairing between these two aggressive characters. So I envisioned what would happen if Kuukaku and Kenpachi ever collided in canon, and this was the result.

No weird houses were harmed in the making of this chapter.

I don't like having a character being featured two times in a row, but this chapter was pretty much written, and I didn't have anything else, so here it is.