CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Trip Tucker was standing before the mirror in his quarters shaving when the razor went the wrong way and scraped the skin. "Aw, crap, not again," he said underneath his breath. It was the first time he had done it in a while, but it still irritated the crud out of him.

And then the chime rang too. Hoping it was who he thought it was, he put a bit of water over the cut and said, "It's open."

T'Pol walked in and stood by the entrance to the bathroom. With her arms crossed, she went straight to business and asked, "How do you plan on closing the anomaly?"

"And good morning to you too," Trip said, wiping his face with a towel. It slightly stung as it passed over the cut, but he didn't let it show through. He turned around to face her and smiled. "Well, I was thinking about using the deflector dish. That's as far as I got when you came in."

T'Pol raised her brow. "Fascinating."

"What?"

"We could use a deflector pulse similar to what we used in the process of destroying Sphere 41," T'Pol said, and Trip winced from the memory. She turned to walk to the door, adding, "Perhaps we could modify it to close the anomaly."

Trip shrugged. "You're the genius. Anyhow, I gotta fix this," he said, pointing to where he had cut himself.

T'Pol nodded, inclining her head to see. "Do you need help?"

"Nah, I think I have this. It's okay. I'll see you on the Bridge." And he walked back into the bathroom, as this tissue wasn't holding up well.

She paused by the door. "Commander."

"Yep?"

"Do you recall when we were working with the Aenar? When you asked me what I was thinking during our assault of Sphere 41?"

Trip walked back out of the bathroom, holding a piece of tissue to his cut. This was too good to pass up. "Yeah, I remember."

"I was viewing that situation from another point of view. However, I do understand what you were thinking."

"Oh, ya do, hmm?"

"I was worried about you as well."

Trip dropped his arm to the side and the piece of tissue stuck to his cut. T'Pol turned away, attempting to hide a little movement at the corner of her mouth, but thanks to the mirror right by the door Trip saw it. He saw her smile, just a bit. "I'll be on the Bridge, Commander." She pressed the door panel and walked out to the turbolift.

Trip stood, slightly dumbstruck until the tissue dropped to the floor. Bright red, he picked it up and disposed of it. He glanced to the mirror. The cut had clotted, but it was still red. Oh, well. There are some things you just can't avoid.

He straightened his neck, finished buttoning his black turtleneck under his blue uniform, and turned aside to look at himself long ways in the mirror. He smoothed out the uniform in front and wondered, just for a brief moment, what his counterpart was doing in that same minute.

Then he dismissed the thought, turned and walked out the door to the turbolift.

Across the subspace anomaly barrier, another Trip Tucker wondered if he had a counterpart. Right about now, his life was at a point that he could use a swap.

He had a great career on Enterprise. He was the chief engineer and managed not to get killed while doing what he loved. And the love of his life, T'Pol, was also secretly his wife. They were expecting a baby; in another person's life, nothing could be better.

In his life, nothing could be worse.

The tactical officer, Malcolm Reed, had a feeling about Trip and T'Pol. Frequently, in spite of no evidence, he acted on his "feeling" and it never ended well. After Trip's threat last night, he was sure that he would be in hiding from Reed for most of the day.

This made two people who openly made moves on T'Pol. Captain Archer, once his best friend but now a cynical man, had tried being nice to her when she came on the Bridge the other day. In his mind, Trip didn't know whether the captain was just trying to be nice or whether her outfit change had changed his opinion of her.

And Malcolm. In Trip's mind, he had been shooting darts at Malcolm's head the moment he saw him hovered over his wife. They went clean through the door as well. He considered mentioning "Hayes" just to irritate the crap out of Reed, but then he reconsidered, knowing that the tactical officer was at fault for Major Hayes' death in the Expanse.

Trip sighed, and then straightened his neck to get the kinks out of it. Last night, even with the dream, he hadn't slept well. He had been too concerned about T'Pol. From now on, he had to act as though he knew nothing about T'Pol.

He wondered what his counterpart knew about his T'Pol, whether they even knew each other, whether they were married or not, whether they were even alive.

And at that moment, Trip was glad for everything he had.

Walking to the turbolift without Trip that morning, which she hadn't expected, T'Pol stood straightly and walked slowly. Subconsciously, she wondered what was going on in her counterpart's life at this moment. If she knew the truth about what was going on, T'Pol would have been scared out of her mind.

Inside of her, she was happy. She was glad she didn't know.

Behind her, she heard pacing footsteps trying to catch up with her. Someone tapped her on her shoulder, saying rather close to her ear, "Ya waiting on me?"

She stopped walking. "Inadvertently."

Trip smiled and walked alongside her. T'Pol found herself slightly speechless, but thankfully he had been prepared as well and began discussing his plans for sealing the anomaly with a deflector pulse. When they reached the turbolift, Trip paused and looked at her. "So, what do ya think? Could it work?"

"I believe the correct version of that question is, will the captain agree to it?" she shot back as the turbolift opened.

Trip shrugged and prodded her inside, pushing the button for the Bridge. "I think he will." He reached into his pocket for a padd he had hidden earlier in their discussion and glanced it over. "I've got everything listed on here," he said as he handed it to her.

She took hold of the padd and suddenly her hand went to the emergency button. The turbolift shuddered, and Trip looked at T'Pol. "What happened? You okay?"

She lowered her voice. "It has become increasingly apparent to me that I am beginning to lose my emotional control."

"T'Pol, I kinda figured that out a while ago," Trip mentioned to her. "We all did."

She shook her head. "When Phlox was kidnapped, I performed a mind-meld with Ensign Sato to help her recall the memory of who attacked them. Captain Archer helped to guide me. When he suggested I lower my emotional control, I did so but something hasn't been right since then."

Trip shrugged, but his knowledge in the field was near zero. "You hadn't ever conducted a mind-meld before then, right?"

"Before the Kir'Shara was discovered, mind-melds were almost considered taboo," she answered. "Something happened when I was . . ." The memory of Tolaris came over her like a cold wave of water, and it scared her. Yet, she knew that if she was ever to open up to Trip, she would have to start someplace. "I was forced into a mind-meld when we encountered the group of Vulcans who accepted emotion as a part of their lives."

Trip's eyes opened wide, but before he could think of anything to say, T'Pol continued. "And as a result, I contacted Pa'nar Syndrome. It's another facet of Vulcan culture which was considered taboo until the Kir'Shara was found by Captain Archer. My Pa'nar Syndrome was healed by a mind-meld with T'Pau, and it is no longer considered a stigma."

Trip sunk against a wall. "T'Pol, why didn't you ever tell me any of this? I mean, I realize some of it happened a few years ago but still, why?"

Quietly, again she replied, "I was afraid. And along with the Kir'Shara I was still afraid that you wouldn't take it the proper way."

"What's to take the wrong way?" Trip asked, throwing his arms up in the air. "I mean, in a literal sense you were date-raped mentally and then you just never told me anything. T'Pol, I care about you. I have a right to be mad."

"Trip, it happened in the past. Personally, many things that happened in my past I have not told you. As a result, you have not told me many things about you."

Trip paused against the wall again. "So when are we going to start?"

His question had no answer at the moment. After five seconds, T'Pol replied, "I started when I told you about my Pa'nar Syndrome. I believe that after this shift, we can continue the discussion we started last night and incorporate some of this information into it."

The engineer glanced around the turbolift and sighed. "All right, if that's what you want."

"If I don't talk about this, my emotional control will dissipate. I assume that is something you wish not to happen."

Trip nodded and T'Pol unlocked the emergency button. In less than a few seconds, the turbolift opened at the Bridge and many crewmen stood looking. One of them was Malcolm Reed. "Are you all right?"

Trip shrugged. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well, according to your console, the turbolift was stuck for nearly three minutes. We were a bit worried," Reed said emphatically.

Trip and T'Pol glanced between each other, and then in the same second, in the same tone, both replied, "We're fine."

In the center seat, Jonathan Archer repressed a smirk. T'Pol noticed; she would have a conversation with him later.