My eyes were trained on Bella's retreating form until she was out of sight. Go after her you douche! My subconscious ordered. But I was frozen in my seat, still staring at the cafeteria's swing doors willing her to come back to me. Willing her to tell me what the fuck was going on.
Why the hell was she so mad? I told her I was sorry. It probably didn't help that I tried to distract her by pushing her down on my erection straining through my dark wash jeans. She must think all I want from her was sex seeing that I always have a hard on while I'm around her. Heck! Even when I'm not around her and she's on my mind this thing won't go down.
I clenched my fists angrily.
What does she want from me? I turned my head sharply and was greeted with three pairs of accusing eyes and one pair that held anger and violence. Guess who? Emmett. Fucking shocker there.
"What did you do to my sister you jerk?" he growled.
"Go after her you big jerk" Alice interjected.
"Don't tell me what to do" I retorted angrily. Who the hell did they think they were? They can't order me around. I don't take orders from kids. Ha, the irony of that statement was not lost on me.
"If you really want to lose her..." Jasper mumbled quietly averting his eyes from my angry gaze. I could care less what his opinion was. Wait—what? His words finally registered in my mind.
My face paled and my palms became sweaty. Could I really lose her over this shit? I mean jeez. What does she want from me? So what if I didn't show up. I guess I should have called her or something but I had alotta shit running through my head at the time after that incident with Carlisle and Esme.
Bella would have wanted to know what was affecting me. She always knew when something was wrong with me, I could never hide from her and that was something I didn't want to share with her. That was something I was scared of sharing with her. Those beautiful chocolate eyes could render me defenceless.
I can't lose her. I can't fucking lose her over something this simple. I refuse to.
"Fuck!" I cussed loudly, pushing against the table roughly causing the drinks and food to spill on to the floor.
I pushed back from the table, scraping the chair against the tiles causing that screeching sound that always makes everyone want to cover their ears. Jumping to my feet I ran out the cafeteria doors causing lots of heads to turn in my direction. If I wasn't in such a hurry I would flip those inquisitive fuckers off.
The constant beat of my shoes hitting the floor calmed me slightly. This was stable, constant; predictable. This was good. It slowed and calmed my frantic thoughts and I was able to think clearly. I hurried to Bella's locker first only to find that she wasn't there. So, I checked the school library, jogging through the halls filled with books. Getting irritated as the minutes passed. Where the hell did she go?
I growled low in my throat, a sound of frustration. Classes were about to begin in ten minutes and I couldn't find her. It was like she was a chameleon, blending into our surroundings.
"Where the fuck is she?" I grumbled frustrated.
Hmm, somewhere she knows I can't go. Or thinks I wouldn't go. I smirked.
Minutes later, I perched myself outside of the girl's restroom. Leaning casually against a locker, hands crossed over my chest loosely and my feet crossed. It was a picture of ease to the ordinary observer… and I was far from it. My eyes darted from the roof to the floor, restroom door and my jaw was taught as I grinded my teeth together. That shit was gonna hurt tomorrow.
Fifteen minutes passed and I had to put up with girls deliberately brushing passed me on their way to class. I glared at all who tried to follow some of these bold girls examples and she still wasn't out yet and we were already 10 minute late for class. This was getting ridiculous; I knew she was in there. Wasn't she? I began to doubt.
Ah, now I understood. Our next class was together so I'm guessing she was planning to skip. "Well Bella baby…. We have a whole free period together then" I thought wryly. Slipping out of my relaxed posture and entered the girls' bathroom quietly.
My black converse made a muffled tapping noise each step I took. Glancing underneath each stall I came to a stop in front of the closed stall where a pair of brown boots was seen and that is when I heard silent sobbing and it damn near broke my heart. Bella was crying and it was all because of me. I am such an asshole.
With trembling hands I took a deep breath trying to gather every bit of courage I had and tapped lightly on the stall door. It was just something about the girl on the next side of this door that made me question everything and second guess myself and if I was being completely honest with myself I didn't like it. I felt vulnerable and weak. But the other smaller part of me, which was getting louder and more persistent, was telling me that it was okay, because it was Bella and I did want her to see all of me.
Her crying halted as a surprised squeak escaped from her and a muffled clanging sound was heard when I startled her. Hmm, she wasn't aware of my presence. She was sitting on the floor and could have easily seen my converse but yet she didn't. We needed to work on that, she's too unaware of her surroundings and from what I've learnt that is not a good thing.
The tingly sensation in my brain and the way everything was beginning to fade in the background alerted me that I was having another flashback. No! I can't deal with this shit right now! Bella fucking needs me! I gritted my teeth in an attempt to slow my harsh breathing. Beads of sweat trickled down the sides of my face and I curled my hands into fists in an attempt to fight off the hazy swirl of memories threatening to pull me under. My pupils began to dilate as my mind began to lapse, unsure of what was real or not.
A faint unsure voice travelled to my ears. Who was that? I couldn't remember but I really fucking tried to and I kept getting aggravated because I couldn't move. I was paralyzed, trapped in my own body.
Tiny palms felt hot against my cold flesh.
"Edward! Edward? Listen to me please" the distorted voice sobbed into my ear. For some reason my heart ached at the sound. This crying sounded so familiar, so- I don't even know how to explain it. Something inside of me snapped and clawed to the surface. My pupils began to get larger letting in the harsh industrial lights of the bathroom and my green eyes came face to face with a pair of wide caramel brown eyes. My eyes sucked in the image greedily cataloging the changes I say.
Her eyes were red rimmed and slightly swollen and salty streaks were visible on her cheeks. I felt as she tugged on my hair, tangling her fingers into my hair and grasping tightly.
"Bella?" I rasped out.
"Edward!" her voice full of relief. "What happened? I was so worried. You sounded so panicked and I got scared so I came out of the stall only to c you kneeling on the ground staring into nothing!" she exclaimed simultaneously bursting into hysterics.
I winced and forced my eyes away from the crying girl clutching on to me. Well I'll be damned. I was kneeling on the white tiled linoleum floor, leaning on the stall door Bella was in. The strangest part of all of this is that I don't remember how I got into this position.
"Edward? Can you hear me?" Bella whispered.
"Yes. Bella bee I'm so fucking sorry. I should have told you I wasn't coming over. So much shit was on my mind and I didn't want to bother you with it. I'm sorry, please- just please forgive me." I begged.
She looked at me strangely at first like she had forgotten why we were in here in the first place before she lowered her eyes and turned her head away from me.
"Edward, you don't have to apologize to me. I know I overreacted and it was stupid of me. I shouldn't be upset that you didn't come." She shrugged nonchalantly like it didn't fucking matter. "I mean, hey, I know you need your space and whatever and you certainly don't need me hanging around you making your life a hell of a lot harder than it-"
"What the fu—what the hell Bella? Don't ever say that. You're important to me and I don't want to lose you." I grabbed her chin gently and waited until she met my determined eyes.
Her small fingers released their death grip on my hair and travelled down to my shoulders and then to my chest.
"Thank you for being there for me Edward" she replied earnestly. "I just need you to trust me enough to be there for you"
I couldn't stop the feeling of self doubt that washed over me. If I do trust her like she wants me to I could possibly lose her. "Would you rather keep hurting her or give her the chance to run away from all your fucked up shit" my subconscious added shaking his head solemnly like it was doing me a big fucking favor. Even my subconscious was an asshole.
My eyes locked with hers and I inhaled a shaky breath.
"I will tell you Bella bee…" I said resigned but hastily added "but just not right now. Please" when I saw her eyes harden. My eyes implored her to understand and I could tell the minute it worked because her eyes softened and she unconsciously loosened her grip on my shirt.
I unfolded my feet from underneath me and crossed my ankles in front of me. Bella did the same, bringing her knees up to her chest and I curled my right arm over her shoulders and she scooted into my side more securely.
Warm fingers intertwined with my free hand and Bella rested her head on my chest.
"I've missed you" she whispered tenderly into my chest.
"I've missed you too Bella bee" I whispered back, kissing her hair. I don't know how long we actually sat there cuddling, yea that's right, me… cuddling. Never thought I would see the day but I have to admit, I enjoyed the warmth of Bella's body tucked into my side, and the way I could feel her heart beating. It was wonderful. I fucking loved it.
The bell rang signaling it was time for gym and I hesitantly spoke not really wanting to break the silence.
"We should get to class…"
"No, I don't want to Edward" she whined.
I chuckled quietly.
"We have to, unless you want someone to walk in on us sitting on the girl's restroom floor alone" I explained.
"ugh!" she groaned "fine lets go then"
I undraped my hand from over her shoulders and un-tucked her from my side, springing to my feet. She scowled at me.
"What?" I chuckled.
"Nothing, just help me up already" she grumbled.
I smiled at her and offered her my hand. She grasped it tightly and I jerked her to her feet making her stumble and grab hold of me for support. Her body was now crushed to mine and our eyes almost on the same level. I glanced down and then back up smirking as I saw her scowl deepen.
"Nice boots" I complimented thanking whatever god was out there. Now I didn't have to bend too low to kiss her. I leaned in inches away from her lips but changed course at the last minute and kissed her on her cheek.
Shit, where the hell did that come from? I don't do sweet! That was until I saw Bella's cheek flush a lovely red color and her nose tinged with pink. Beautiful.
Her eyes twinkled up at me and she smiled softly at my not so ordinary intimate gesture of affection. Bella stared shyly into my eyes and I watched as the pink tinge to her cheeks and nose slowly subside. I smiled in return.
"You really are beautiful" I whispered, triguing a whole new round of blushing. My lips lifted into a smirk and she smacked my chest playfully with her palms.
We exited the restroom and headed out into the now vacant hallway, my hand lazily draped over Bella's petite shoulders. I stared straight ahead of me, smiling internally as I peered at Bella through the corner of my eye.
I bet she thought she was being inconspicuous, sneaking glances at me. She alternated between staring at my lips then biting her bottom lip in response and looking at my hand that was over her shoulder with a shy smile.
It's almost like she wanted more from me. sometimes I get the feeling that she really did want more, the longing I saw in her eyes when ever she looked at me-or she could be daydreaming about some other guy! Woah.
I don't even want to go down that line of thinking. No need to turn into the jealous best friend/ boy toy.
We finally reached the locker rooms not really wanting to part but now that we were on good terms again but knowing we had to… I released her from my hold and smacked her on her ass.
She squealed and playful swatted at me and I dodged smirking and watched her as she entered the girls locker room shaking her head with a smile on her face. I couldn't really help myself as my eyes travelled down to her ass. I'm still a guy…. I just make sure I don't get caught.
Oblivious to the now common stares I got, I headed to my locker to change. To tell you the truth, I was on fucking cloud nine, Bella wasn't mad at me anymore and I still had my best friend. Taking off my clothes and shrugging on the ridiculously short gym shorts I was on my way to the gym to meet up with Bella.
That's until I heard that douche Mike speaking.
"Holy hell guys! Did you see what Bella was wearing today? She never wears heels!" Mike exclaimed excitedly.
"Did you see the way it made her legs look extra sculpted and her ass-mmm! God only knows how bad I want to bed her over!" Tyler added his eyes rolling back in his head slightly. There was a collective murmur of agreement and head nods.
Those fucking assholes.
"Bet you wish that Cullen dude wasn't here after all Mike" another commented playfully shoving Mike.
Mike snorted. Asshole.
"So what if he's here? I can still bang the shit out of Bella. You know what they say about virgins" Mike snickered.
I froze. What? Bella was –still a—virgin?
Well I could fucking deal with that shit later. I had other more pressing matters to deal with.
Stepping out from the wall of lockers separating us, I made my presence known. Cracking my knuckles and then my neck and shifting into a subtle fight stance.
"So you want to bend her over huh?" I repeated his words to him my words laced with menace.
"Let's fucking see you try then" I threatened.
Poor fucker wasn't fast enough to dodge me before my fist struck out and landed square in his face. I reveled in the image of Mike's eyes widening as he saw my fist coming towards his face. I probably looked like the AVENGER or some shit like that.
Mike flew into the lockers behind him, groaning as back met with the solid hardness of the steel locker. Grabbing him by his white gym shirt I threw him down on the floor placing my knees on either side of his chest, pinning his arms to the floor with my knees.
I almost cracked a smile. Let's see this jerk try to move his hands now. My fist met with his face rapidly. I knew better than to bloody him up too badly but some injuries just couldn't be helped. So I settled for aiming for his jaw and eye. Those places never bleed as much as the nose and lip would.
Ow.
I stopped my assault on Mike. Hmm, never knew they had it in them. Not surprisingly, it took about five minutes for his "friends" to try and defend him. Well I could take them on easily and I did.
Tyler gave me a blow to my back, probably used his foot. Springing to my feet, I grabbed Tyler by the neck and punched him in the stomach. Smirking as I heard the breath whoosh out of his mouth.
What the fuck was I doing? I landed my last blow to another nameless crony. Smiling in satisfaction at the almost limp forms piled together on the gym locker room floor. They should be lucky that I barely touched them.
But I was sending all their sorry asses a message. No one fucks with Bella. I don't even care if something was in their eye making it look like they were winking at her. That wouldn't end well…..for them.
Author's note
I'm really really sorry guys! I really have no excuse this time! Well I'll tell you anyway! my friend was shipping off for summer and we wanted to have as much fun with her as we could.. so that meant… 4 parties… 2 of them back to back… a sleep over…me coming home at 4a.m because I didn't WANT to sleep on the floor... which got my dad thinking I really didn't go to a sleep over because I had on party clothes…lol…then blabla lol… anyway! You get the picture right! I won't ever neglect you ever again! I promise! It's just you and me now! =)
Please click that blue button that says review! It'll only take you a couple seconds for one tiny review! =) heck… You could even cuss me off for taking so long!