Chapter Fourteen: Clarity

07/23/18

xXx

It was daybreak when I felt Jon stirring from underneath me. I had awoken a few moments before him, and our bodies had somewhat become entwined during the night. My leg was wrapped around his, and my upper body was sprawled across his chest. Jon's arm still gripped my body protectively even in his sleep.

My slumber had been an extremely short one, but without any nightmares or psychological visits from Eddith- the psychopath that haunted me. I gently lifted my head and stared at Jon, whose face was mostly obscured by the amount of black hair that framed his sleeping face.

He looked so at ease, without any worry or frown adorning his face, that it felt like a crime to wake him. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

"Jon?" I whispered quietly, shaking him. He groaned and shifted his body, and his arm slid away from me.

I shook him again, a bit harder this time. "Jon, you have to get up or we will both be in trouble."

Jon's eyes shot open and he was up in an instant. "Seven hells." he muttered, throwing off the blanket and dressing himself quickly. I noticed his face was extremely pink. I stayed slumped in the bed, watching him fumble around the room for his sword and boots.

It seemed a like millenium before he noticed my presence, "Good morning." he said to me, and I laughed.

"Good morning, and thank you or staying with me." I replied, giving him a reassuring smile. Even through all of the awkwardness, especially after the previous night, being with Jon felt normal- like there was nothing to be ashamed about.

He nodded curtly, "I had to make sure he would not return."

I rubbed my face, dreading the talk with maester Aemon that would have to transpire today. "Can we just not say a word about this? We could stay here all day, in bed." I joked, but Jon's eyes grew wide and his face turned a deeper shade of pink.

"We cannot, I meant what I said. Last night was...different." he said strictly. I sighed and nodded, it was back to all formalities I guess. But, in the back of my mind, I knew he was right. Love did not matter here. Jon was too honorable to conceit to his feelings, and I did not blame him. His life could be threatened because of our relationship.

Knowing that I could not remain in bed forever, I slowly stood and made my way to the washroom as Jon hurried out of the door, promising to reunite with me for breakfast after he met with Commander Mormont.

As I finished my business, a horrifying realization rose to my attention, I had gotten my period. I stared at my soiled undergarments in shock, it had been months since my arrival and I had completely disregarded my period at all. Logically, I figured that my body was recovering from the shock of everything, but it still upsetted me nonetheless.

Another terrifying thought, did Jon notice? I prayed to whatever existed up above that he did not. After checking the bedding, miraculously there was no trace of blood. I sighed with relief, that could have been another embarrassing moment to add to the growing list.

The next step was figuring out how to manage it. Westeros clearly was short of modern day feminine products, so I cut a cloth with my knife and fastened it into my undergarments, praying that it held throughout the day. I would have to wash everything by nightfall.

After dressing and braiding my hair, I headed to the hall for breakfast- finding that I was extremely starved from the fiasco that was last night. As per usual, I greeted Sam and the others with a friendly smile. The encounter with Eddith had gone unnoticed by Castle Black, as it was all in my head.

"Morning, my lady." Sam piped cherrily, "Have you slept well?"

If only you knew, I thought solemnly. "Fine, how about yourself?"

Sam shrugged as well, "Does any man here actually get a well night's rest?" he asked sarcastically.

I chuckled and shook my head, "I guess not, it is extremely cold and desolate."

From across the hall, I spotted Jon heading in with the commander, both looking quite stressed.

"They are burnin' the corpses today." Grenn said as he set his plate down. The mention of the walking dead sent a wave of nausea through my stomach.

"Good, they ought to." Sam whispered, shuttering. I didn't blame him, the entire hall seemed to be burdened by the loom of the dead this morning. Whispers and strange looks at Jon were cast between the men. The story of the wight had spread quickly through Castle Black, better that than of us kissing.

I rubbed my heavy eyes with my gloves, feeling both exhausted and unnerved at everything happening, the dead man coming back to life, the kiss Jon and I shared, and the psychological attack by Eddith. It all seemed too much to manage at once, and the one thing I desired most in the world in this moment was a cup of coffee.

Jon took his seat between Sam and I with his bowl of cornmeal, the food was not exactly divine this morning. I took many sips of my water to fight the urge to vomit at the mush that was my breakfast. The other men gulped down their cups of ale, which I could not handle right at dawn.

I leaned my head in my hands and closed my eyes as the steady conversations flowed between Jon and the others at the table, until Jon nudged me with his elbow.

"Kiera, it is time to clean up." he whispered. My eyes shot open, I did not realize I had actually dozed off during breakfast. Bowls and cups were clattering in the hall while most of the men headed out to resume their daily tasks.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I clumsily stood up, stretching my sore limbs.

Jon looked me over worriedly, "You need to speak with maester Aemon, and then you need to rest."

"But training-"

"Training can wait." Jon said sternly, giving me a pointed look. There were times when Jon seemed like a shy boy who did not know what he wanted, and there were also times when he appeared and spoke with the voice of a commander. I nodded and brought my bowl to the tub for washing.

Jon's hand brushed my arm before he left with the commander, and I headed to see maester Aemon. When I arrived at the tower, the men outside let me in without question. My visits were regulated at this point.

"Hello, maester Aemon." I greeted as I caught him sitting at his table, while his steward read letters aloud to him.

The maester waved his steward away, who shot me a reluctant glance before he exited the library. "Kiera." he rasped, nodding his head at me while staring at nothing.

"I came here to tell you something that happened last night." I began, fumbling with my hands.

"Ah, it was quite the scene, as I have been told."

"I'm not talking about the wight." I said to him.

"I am speaking about you and Jon."

I paused, unsure of what to say. How could he possibly know? "What do you mean?" I asked innocently, fear struck me. If the maester knew Jon was with me last night, who else knew?

"I know that Jon was in your quarters, but I assume it must have been for something important." he replied, though there was a slight irony lurking in his tone.

"Jon came in my quarters because I saw Eddith last night."

Maester Aemon's expression was difficult to interpret, "Tell me every detail."

And so I told him everything, I admitted that I was with Jon beforehand, and when i returned to my room there was a knock at my door. I told him of how I physically felt Eddith's hand on me, and felt his breath against my ear. I also added how he wanted me to go away with him, and spoke of my brother. It was a long moment before the maester spoke again, and when he did, the chains on his chest seemed to weigh down his chest as he breathlessly spoke.

"As you have explained, the connection must still remain. However, there cannot be a way for Eddith to return to this world again. The gods will not allow it as long as you are here. He is toying with you, and you must remain strong. Resist his torture and do not give in, because that gives him the power to overtake you." he told me. There was a certain pain that adorned his face, which saddened my heart. I could never imagine what he must feel, knowing that his only living family member was as evil as Eddith was.

"I wish there was a way to block him out. I thought that I had done so, but apparently I was wrong." I said. I felt so vulnerable now, knowing that Eddith had complete access to my mind.

"You told me that you managed to fight him off."

I shrugged, "Yes, but that was after he invaded my mind. I want to know how to shut him out completely."

Maester Aemon thought for a moment, fiddling his hands in his lap. "Try to create a wall inside of your head. Rid all of your thoughts of Eddith and replace them with something else."

"Like what?" I asked, Eddith was one of the top things that plagued my daily thoughts.

"Your brother, or maybe Jon. Something that is stronger than your memories of Eddith."

"There really isn't anything to think about with Jon-"

The maester waved his hand and cut me off, "I know about the kiss you shared with the boy."

I stopped, "How could you possibly know?" I whispered, I knew that Jon and I were alone and I was careful to not encounter anyone as I left his room.

"I may be blind, but that does not mean that I cannot see." he said pointedly, "Remember that Jon's duty is to the Night's Watch, and it will always be just that."

"Maester Aemon I am so sorry." I told him sincerely, and I meant it. The guilt of kissing Jon was growing by the minute, knowing the danger I had placed him in.

"I will not tell your secret, but I do not approve of it either."

"It will not happen again." I promised him.

"And yet you are lying." he sighed, turning his white eyes to rest directly on me.

xXx

The smell of rotting corpses blew in the wind as I made my way to quarters, they must have burned the bodies, I realized. There was a slight comfort in knowing that whatever had prompted the dead man to come back to life was destroyed now, but that did not disperse the growing threat in the back of my mind and the uneasiness in my heart.

I noticed a crowd forming around the hall, there seemed to be an array of excitement floating through the air between the men. I descended the steps leading to the training yard and pushed through the crowd to see what everyone was looking at.

A smile crept on my face as I found Jon, surrounded by Sam, Pyp, and Grenn as they examined a sword. It was extremely long and sharp, with a white wolf engraved on the hilt. I was no expert in swords, but I could see why there was a buzz of anticipation among everyone.

When Jon caught my eye, he smiled a bit. I walked over to the group to get a closer look at the sword, seeing my own reflection in the metal.

"It is Valyrian steel." Sam remarked, in awe of the sword.

"What's the significance?" I asked, reaching out to touch the cool and reflective metal.

"It is a very old and rare metal, there isn't much left now. Whatever is left is passed down as heirlooms through noble houses, Commander Mormont gave his to Jon because he killed the wight." Sam explained enthusiastically.

I turned to grin at Jon, but I noticed that his face did not match the excitement of the others. "Congratulations." I told him sincerely, and he nodded in thanks.

As the others took off with the sword, I turned to Jon and raised my eyebrows. "Why don't you seem as happy as the others are?"

Jon frowned, "I feel as if I am not deserving of the sword."

"Why not? You were so brave, you killed a damn wight."

He shook his head, "No. It is not because of that."

"Then what is it?" I asked, looking up at him. "Tell me."

Jon sighed and sat on the bench. "I always dreamt that one day, I would do something honorable and heroic for my father, and he would name me a Stark. It is tradition for fathers to pass their swords to their sons. Commander Mormont gave me his because his son, Jorah Mormont, brought shame to his house. I do not feel as if I truly deserve this, because I am a bastard."

There it was again, that word. "Jon, you truly deserve this. I told you that I do not care about your customs of bastards, you saved his life and you earned the reward."

I grabbed his hand and looked him directly in the eyes, hoping to convince him of my words. His dark expression lifted in some ways, but not entirely. "Thank you." he whispered.

I smiled and squeezed his hand, "I will always tell you what you need to hear. Now go get your sword, you earned it."

He grinned at me and promptly stood, "You spoke to maester Aemon?" he asked.

I nodded, "We talked, I'll tell you about it later. I think you'll want to retrieve your sword before Pyp stabs himself with it."

Jon emitted a deep, throaty laugh that warmed my heart. "I shall, and please Kiera, get rest."

"I will." I replied, smiling at him as he rushed over to where Pyp and another boy were waving the sword around in the air. The moments like this reminded me that life was not entirely encompassed of darkness in this world.

xXx

I found myself standing in a cave. Around me were vast arrays of roots and vines, and the air felt tight, as if I was far underground.

My feet lead me through the tunnels that seemed to stretch on for infinity. I felt exposed, as only a thin slit of cloth covered my body, and my feet were bare. My hair was loose and fell to my bottom as I walked.

I had no knowledge of where I was going, but I continued to walk on through the dirt pathways for hours until I reached a tree in the middle of an opening. The tree was surrounded by thousands of roots, where an old man sat within. His eyes were white, like maester Aemon's, as he gazed off into something unknown.

"Hello?" I called cautiously, taking a step towards the mysterious man.

His eyes remained white and distant as he responded to me, "So you have found my cave."

"I don't know how I got here." I replied, looking around me. "But who are you?"

"I am the Three-Eyed raven."

"What is the 'Three-Eyed raven'?" I asked curiously, having never heard of such a thing.

"I am a Greenseer, and you are Kiera Black- a moon child."

I stepped backwards, mouth opening in shock. "How did you know my name?"

"I've seen and known many things. I can see the past, the present, and the future."

"Is that even possible?"

"You are asking me if my existence is possible, yet here you are, equally as unique and gifted as I."

I frowned, I knew this was a dream, but it all eerily real. "I guess that is true, do you know my future?" I asked curiously.

The Three-Eyed raven paused, and nodded. "Yes, and I know your past as well, your old life with your brother, Kyle. But that is gone now, your life is here. Your future lies in Westeros."

"I find that difficult to believe, I don't even understand why I was brought here in the first place."

"You were brought here for a purpose, and you will serve that purpose." he said ominously.

I rolled my eyes, "I've heard that many times, but nobody will seem to tell me what that purpose actually is."

"Your purpose will become clear soon, the long winter is coming, and you need to prepare yourself. The gods did not bring a child of the moon back to Westeros for nothing. War is coming."

"But how?" I pleaded, wondering what kind of war he was referring to.

"Go beyond the Wall and renew your magic, say the vow. Everything else will naturally come to pass. The truth lies beyond the Wall."

The images around me began to blur. No, stay asleep, I told myself. The dream became fuzzy and disoriented, but I managed to get a last word out before I rose back to consciousness.

"This this real? Or am I just dreaming?" I asked hurriedly, the walls of my mind were breaking down quickly. The Three-Eyed raven seemed further away now, floating out of consciousness.

"It is both reality and a dream."