Ch. 13- Bother Technique

Tip 13- Just when you think something can't get any worse, it does.

Krystalia

Well, this was a …strange day. This day being Christmas. The two new girls, Aneki and Dijira, made enemies of each other, and are at each other's throats at any – and every given moment of the day. Someone gave Shonan the key to the pantry, where we keep most of the sugar, and she became hyper. As soon as I got some free time, a hard thing to get when you have to calm down a few psychos, I plopped down on my bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

Hay-Lin, what are you doing? Stop! You're not a Konoha shinobi! You're one of us! What are you doing! Sto-Argh!

My head shot up from the pillow, my heart pounding. What was that? A dream? No, it was far to real to be a dream. Then I noticed that Gin was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking concerned.

"Are you okay? I was mighty worried there for a second, seeing as how it took me five minutes to wake you up. You were yelling in your sleep. Some nightmare, ne?"

"Yeah, I guess…" I said. "Hey, Gin…"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible to wake up from those dreams." I said, hugging him and burying my head in his chest. Just then, I heard the front door slam. I sighed. "I'll go see what happened."

"I hate you, bitch!"

"Right back at you!"

"How dare you do something like that to me?" The sight that greeted me was Aneki and Dijira, arguing at full volume. Dijira was very badly bruised, and appeared to have a broken rib or two.

"What happened?" I asked.

"That bitch tied me to a shitty tree for three fucking days! It rained, snowed, hailed, and I got struck by lightning! Twice! I'll kill her!" cried Dijira, lunging for Aneki's throat. Aneki sidestepped, and Dij fell to the floor. I never knew anyone other than Shonan who could rival Hidan in the colorful language department.

"So that's why it was so quiet! It all makes sense now!" I mused, apparently out loud. Luckily, they didn't seem to hear me, so I left. As I walked away aimlessly, I ran into Hay-Lin.

"Krystalia! Good, I found you. I have to go run some errands for Pein, Orochimaru, and Aizen. Well, sentry duty, anyways. I'm stuck there until Kabuto and Tosen come back from their errands. Could you go around with Shonan and keep an eye on her for me? She's bored."

"You want blackmail from that, don't you?"

"yep."

"Kay, I'll do it."

"Thank you so much. Here, use these." She said, handing me a leash and camcorder.

"A leash?" I asked, puzzled.

"She might still be on a sugar high."

"ah" And so, I went off to find Shonan. I found her near Starrk's room. "Hey Shonan, are you going to torment dog-boy?"

"Yep. Oh! Hay-Lin gave you a camcorder! Even better! Film this, I already have everything else set up."

"Which would be…" Shonan stood on her toes (Yep, I'm taller than her. No surprise there, seeing as only two people here are shorter than her…) and whispered her plan to me. I laughed. "Let's do it!" She nodded gleefully and entered Starrk's room.

"Hey Starrk, I was wondering if we could have a little feline-to-canine chat, kay? So in your pack," She pressed a small button concealed in her palm that turned on the microphone that would project the conversation throughout the entire house. We normally use it for announcements. "Starrk, how many bitches do you have?" Poor Starrk. He didn't know about the mic, and foolishly answered, though a bit confused. Shonan may seem stupid, but she has a silver tongue. She loves word play, and is good with double meanings.

"sixteen" Shonan pressed the button again, turning the mic off. "Why do you want to know?

"So that I can decide weather to be afraid of your wolf pack or not. Since the females typically make up a minor portion to half the pack, I can estimate how many wolves you have. Well, now that that's done, I'll be leaving. Thanks!" she snickered, rushing back to where I stood. "Did you get it?"

"Every word." I grinned.

"Sweetness!"

"Nice play of words, by the way. What do we do now?" I asked.

"Bother the others until lunch." And so we went. Our target, the Espadas. They need more 'screentime' anyways. Our next victim was Barragan. Since his door was open, we (Shonan) strided in. It looked like a throne room. "'Ey old man. Don't mind us. We're just here to visit." Shonan said, seating herself in front of Barragan and staring at him. She didn't blink. At all. He started looking nervous at the five minute mark. At ten, he began to fidget. And finally, at fifteen, he leaped out of his throne-of-bones, and yelled,

"Okay, okay! I give up! You can have it! That's too creepy! Take it!" he cried, going to some random corner and shivering. Shonan blinked once.

"…wut?"

"Barragan just gave up his throne." I explained, exasperated.

"M-kay! Thanks old man!" she said, skipping over to the throne and plopping down onto it. She lifted one of the bones and ate a fish concealed there. I stared at her in disbelief.

"That's why you did that! To get a fish?"

"Actually, it was just to unnerve him. Then, I smelled the fish. The throne and my now nonexistent prize were bonuses." She said happily. I sighed.

"Okay, who's next?" I asked.

"Harribel."

"Then let's go." I said, dragging her away.

"Kay! She escaped my grip and bounded towards Harribel's room, but not before stopping by her 'closet room' and grabbing an outfit, which made me gasp when I saw it. Moments later, we were at Harribel's door. "OI! Fish-girl! Wear this to lunch, Kthanksbai!" she cried, tossing the garment to Harribel. Harribel looked confused but took it. "Next we have Ulquiorra." Shonan said, grabbing my hand and yanking me after her. She grabbed two boxes of pocky from the pantry. How she got the key, I'll never know. "And now we're off!" she said happily. She barged into Ulquiorra's room and waved the pocky around. "Bat boy, look what I have!" he gasped, and made a grab for the pocky. "Nuh-uh. This is for me," she said, pointing at one box, "and this is for Krysty." She finished, tossing a box to me. I griined and ate some. Ulquiorra crumpled to the ground in a pile of emo-ness. I'm such a sadistic bitch. Shonan laughed. "Off to find teh spoon!" she cried. I followed, munching on the pocky as I went along. She walked into Nnoitora's room and changed into her cat form. As soon as she caught sight of Nnoitora, who was sitting on his bed, she leaped up onto his head, leaning abainst the 'bonnet'. She lifted his eyepatch and shoved her paw through his hollow hole, much to his protest.

"I swear to god, if that thing bites me…" she mused quietly.

"Hey, watch it! Get your damn paw out of there!"

"Nevah, you brainless scarecrow! I am a feline, and therefore, I shall do as I please!" She cried dramatically, extending her claws and catching them on the bottom rim of his hollow hole. I watched as his face got marred as he tried to pry her off. We spent 20 minutes there, when she got bored. "Kay, Grimmkitty's next!" She said, leaping down to the floor. I tossed Nnoitora some bandages on my way out. This was actually kinda fun! As soon as she saw Grimmjow, she jumped through his hollow hole.

"What the hell!"

"Ima circus cat, like Masquerade! See me jump through teh ring of fire!" she cried, repeatedly jumping through Grimmjow's hollow hole.

"Hey! Stop that, bitch!" She stuck her tongue out at him and settled in his hollow hole.

"make me." She swished her tail against the roof of the hollow hole. He snickered.

"Shonan, that tickles. Stop that right now!" he said, trying to keep from laughing. She grinned.

"What, this?" she arched her back against the top of the hole, letting her fur brush against it. At the same time, she swished her tail back and forth against the bottom. Unable to restrain himself anymore, he burst out laughing, tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and made a grab for Shonan. She skillfully moved aside, her fur brushing against all sides of the hole. I, of course, was filming all of this. Shonan got bored after ten minutes and jumped to the floor. Then, she turned back to her half-form and dragged me over to Zommari's room. "Pinhead, I've got pumpkin pie! I think it's one of your control-freak relatives!" She cried, chucking a random pumpkin pie at his face.

"What in the name of Aizen-!"

"Oh, god. Another religious freak. Come Krysty! We must find Szayel!" she bounded off. Of course, I had no choice but to follow. She crept in, then 'accidentally' knocked over a glass jar of important-looking liquid. Then, she made a run for it. I heard some very colorful language, quickly nearing us, and decided it would be wise to follow Shonan. Next, we stopped in a supply closet and grabbed flashlights. I looked at her, puzzled. "Aaroniero." She supplied curtly, and we headed off. When we entered his room, it was pitch-black, minus a small window. And I do mean small. I doubted a mouse could fit through it. Shonan turned on her flashlight, beckoning me to do the same. We heard two blood-curdling screams as the lights blinked on. Eyes squeezed shut in pain, was Aaroniero, mask off, twin heads screaming in pain. The lab-experiment likeness of Aaroniero's heads is a lot freakier in person than on a screen. Shonan turned her flashlight off, telling me to do the same.

" What was that for? We like the dark!" growled Aaroniero. Shonan snickered at his voice.

"He's like a helium-ified Zetsu!...A Zetsu who ate helium!" she giggled. Seeing the scowl and death glare on Aaroniero's faces, she quickly shut up and scurried out of his room. Lastly was yammy. We calmly walked into his room. She whispered loudly behind her hand to me. "Do you see it, Krystalia?"

"Yeah, I see it." I whispered back. I had no idea what she was planning, so I decided to play along.

"I've never seen anything like it!"

"Yeah, it's so…so…I can't even describe it!" Which was true, since I had no idea what she was talking about, even though she was pointing at Yammy now and again.

"I know what you mean." By now, Yammy had now begun to panic.

"what? What is it? What do you see? Is something wrong with me?" Shonan grinned.

"Ohmyfuckingawd! You have a face!" she cried out.

"What? That's terrible! Get it off, get it off!" Yammy cried, full panic mode, running around his room like a maniac, flailing his arms wildly. Shonan was rolling around on the floor, laughing her head off. That is, until Yammy almost stepped on her, at which she began swearing. I checked my watch.

"Shonan, time for lunch!" Shonan's ears perked up, and almost sprinted to the kitchen like an Olympic track star.

"Great! I can't wait!" She's normally not this excited...

"Why? What's happening?" Shonan froze.

"Oh, god. If everyone else's memories are as bad a s yours, this'll be no fun!" Once everyone had assembled in the kitchen, I noticed something. A lot of the guys, mainly the perverts, were going over to Starrk and congratulating him. Then I remembered. So that's why she did that! Heh, adding insult to injury. Nnoitora, his hollow hole all bandaged up, went over to Starrk.

"Yo, Starrk! Congrats, I didn't know you had any bitches other than Lilynette!" Nnoitora patted him on the back. Starrk looked flustered, his face bright red.

"Wh-what? I don't know what you're talking about! And-" I stopped listening when Harribel walked in, wearing a very…erm, revealing, to say the least, two piece outfit. It was black with white Akatsuki clouds on it, and looked like it had been through a shredder, then sewn back together. I looked away as she walked by, nonchalantly grabbing some lunch for herself, most of the guys' eyes following her every move. Shonan snickered, then turned to me after gorging herself and saving her film. When'd she get the camera?

"Where's Kira?"

"Kir-? Oh, you mean Dijira. Upstairs. She said she's staying up in her room until she feels confident enough to be comfortable with us all. Poor thing. She's a bit of a freak, but she'll have to stay up there a long time to match us. Especially you." I responded. Shonan disregarded that last part.

"Ha! Kay! Imma go bug her!" she called, bounding off. When we got there, Shonan opened the door a crack and entered silently. "HI KIRA!" she yelled.

"Ack!" cried Dijira, falling backward off her chair. She looked back at Shonan, who was staring at her, wide-eyed. "Oh, it's you." She growled.

"HOLY SHIT!" Shonan yelled, staring at Dijira. That's as far as she got before Dijira clamped her hand over Shonan's mouth.

"Not one word about this to anyone else, okay?" she growled at us. We both nodded mutely. Just then, Deidara peered in.

"what's going on here, un?"

"She's just like a female Sasori, but with metal! You know, with the puppets and stuff?" explained Shonan.

"All of you, leave." Said Dijira, rudely shoving us away and out the door. We went downstairs. Suddenly, Hay-Lin barged in the front door.

"The shinobi villages are attacking!" she yelled, breathless, probably from running. Tip 13- Just when you think something can't get any worse, it does.

A/N: I actually managed to get this out in a decent amount of time! The next two chapters and the epilogue will be out really quickly after this. Review please! Also, i have a poll on my profile, plus this story is now on DA! My username is the same, and you can comment there, too, if you want.