I keep running, as if there's no hope left whatsoever. I'm not sure why I do that, given that there's no hope left. Seems like a really dumb thing to say in hindsight.

Another small explosion tears a chunk out of one of the neighbouring buildings, showering me with more dust and brick scraps. I've never seem the variety of Cybertronic that's chasing me before so I'm guessing that its something that's just rolled out of production. Though members of one of the underground movements liberated him in the early stages of Drakken's takeover, Nakasumi still provided an almost unhealthy number of toy designs. The l'il Diablo figures would have been enough but some of the other toys proved more deadly to us in the long run than the versatile flagship of the range.

You wouldn't have thought that they would have been so popular in middle America, given that they look like devils and all, but they still took control.

This one looks something like an insect and was probably a butt ugly toy. Too ugly to make it into the main line up of l'il Ninios toys anyway.

It's armed with some kind of gravitronic beam, the sort of thing that Drakken's so keen on. I'm forced to dodge for the slightest of seconds as a chunk of masonry is hurled at my head. I duck around the edge of a corner. Glancing back at its strange triangular head and odd stalking legs, I waste a few precious seconds wondering how nobody notices the damage that these things do whenever they chase anything. Maybe Drakken has yet another type of droid to follow the others around to fix up the damage.

As the skinny thing hauls itself up to a higher vantage, trying to spot me, I hear some kind of crunching, clacking noise coming from over my shoulder. I know that noise. My blood runs cold. You'd think the last thing I'd want to see would be a Diablo. You'd be wrong. Behind me, stands a Bigggrin.

No, wait, standing isn't the right word. The things have big, flat feet when they're just toys but the things turn into huge racks of tracks when it grows. Right now, the female version of Teekyboo is pointing a twin plasma cannon, nine missiles and a selection of small arms at me.

Crap.

Without thinking, I dart around the corner then realise my mistake. A few moments with some of my traditional home cooked family panic and I find myself. Panicking, I dive nimbly to the side as a gravitronic beam hits where I was stood.

Ok, in all honesty, I run screaming like my ass is on fire.

Conveniently, I think the stalker loses me in the huge cloud of dust and rubble that replaces the building I was sheltering behind the corner of. The Bigggrin must have fired one of its missiles or its cannons, or both. It takes a few moments to register that there was probably someone in that building when it went up.

I can't imagine dying would help those poor folks so I put it out of mind for now. I need a way into the sewers, a tricky problem given the weight of manhole covers and my lack of a pry.

My only option at the moment looks to be getting the Bigggrin to fire at me and blow a chunk out of the road. Then hope that there aren't Bonnies on the way. Why can't this ever be simple?

Things should never be normal, but simple would be nice!

Right think…what would Kim do?

Er…

Look great and jump higher than it should be possible. Well, both of those are out. What have I got left? Monkey Kung Fu, a natural talent for making inappropriate jokes and a selection of bon-diggety dancing skills. Not all that much in retrospect.

Wing it?

Wing it. After that brief exchange with my inner Ron-ness, I decided to wing it. I even caught myself nodding in a set jawed fashion after the conclusion. I am so not built for this stuff.

Seizing the advantage, I hurl myself through the smoke and dust and begin climbing up a drainpipe on one of the less damaged buildings. I know the basic search patterns that the flying bunny things use and I'm hoping that this clacker has some support. True to form.

There's a little spotter bot, the type Drakken used to keep in stock all the time. Small orb the size of a soccer ball with a triangular module stuck through it. Perfect.

Thinking of a cool stunt from the 'Moon over Ios' film series, I hurl myself into the air, landing heavily twin footed on top of the little drone. My weight shift caused it's processor to panic and transfer motive power and we half flew, half fell towards the clacker. I'd only get one chance before its beam hit me. I leapt again, savouring the air brushing my cheeks, a little part of me imagining that it was Bonnie doing the brushing.

My hands find metal and I flick my legs out, desperately trying to gain purchase on its slippery neck. The triangular head looks down at me in the mechanical equivalent of confusion for a moment as I just grin at it cheerfully.

"Does not compute?" I ask, my grin growing even larger as it shook its head slowly. With a quick jerk of my thumb I point to the Bigggrin that's launching a missile clean at my heat signature.

For the briefest of moments, I feel like the clacker is thinking something along the lines of 'clever girl' like in that movie, Prehistoric park.

Still grinning, I let go of it, plummeting back to the ground, using what I learned from Monty to try and get the best of it. I'm in the middle of the handspring as the missile detonates and I'm able to use the shockwave to guide me far further than a normal jump would allow.

I skid to a halt in a really deep martial arts crouch, with my ass pointing straight at the Bigggrin. I look back and smile at it.

"Nice view?" I ask as I begin to scrabble out of the way.

Good jokes come to those who wait.

Unfortunately, I waited too long. The missile struck rather closer than I had hoped. Showers of something strangely soft begin to pummel me and I crash to the floor. Looking around desperately, I see that the thing was filled with small balls of rubber. Non-lethal. This is bad.

A pair of delicate feet set down next to me and I look up as a hand taser is brought to bear on me. I stare up in horror as copies of all three of the women I'm most attracted to smile maliciously down at me.

Author's Note: Updates may end up pettering out for a while as i'm going to be thrust into a home situation with very limited connectivity, though i'll make sure to keep writing and i'll update in fits and starts from then on.