WARNING: Do not read if you don't like homosexual flirting. If you don't mind... get ready to laugh.
Jimbei: Do you even know the meaning of mercy?!
Me: Oh come on, big guy. You're with One Piece! You should be used to weird stuff! Now stop being a homophobe and take it like a man, Fatso!
Jimbei: FATSO?!
Begin
"What I find sexy about Daddy Bear Gyojin here is how strong he is. He's both destructive and protective at the same time. His eyes are just soooo intense that he can make you turn to stone. His hair is just the perfect amount of smooth and fuzzy that you could run you finger through it all day, and his body! Oh heavens, his big, beautiful body! It's so soft and chubby that you could lay down on him, using his belly as a bed and his pecks as a pillow and, he has the perfect amount of muscle in those arms that look like God himself chiseled them, and what a sweet ass too. There's no way of saying this... I'm in love with you, Gyojin Jimbei." The Captain finished.
Jimbei was now completely red all over his face, his eyes were about to pop out of the sockets and his jaw looked as if it would fall to the ground. That was probably the most disturbing thing he had ever heard. Zoro, Tao, Jubei and Nami on the other hand...
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Hahahahahaha! I can't breath! Hahaha!" Nami gasped for air as she laughed her head off.
"MEHAHAHAHAHAOW! That's the best thing Tao's laughed about since she saw Good Guy's wanted poster, meah!" Tao giggled.
"Hahahahaha! Wow, Jimbei! Seems like your reputation in the war caught more than just NEGATIVE attention from the Navy!" Zoro laughed.
"AHAHAHAHAHA! OHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA- *gag* *puke* ha... HAHAHAHAHA!" Jubei laughed so hard he threw up.
Talk about embarrassing. Jimbei's head vein was about to pop right out of his face.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" The Fish Man shouted.
"You should be flattered that you have the attention of girls AND guys out there." The Captain said.
Jimbei shook his head and put his focus back on the Captain, then took a stance.
"I don't give a damn if you've got a crush on me! Bottom line is that ya tried to kill my friends and that's something I'm not gonna let you walk away from in one piece!" He stated.
The Captain grinned and pulled out his needle. He was going to try and take control of Jimbei's blood!
"Oh yeah. A chance to trade blows with my big blue bear? This is gonna be hot..!" He said, almost like a moan.
Jimbei looked like he was about to puke.
'Big...Blue...Bear..?' He mentally groaned.
The Captain then appeared right behind Jimbei and got his needle ready, but Jimbei was fully prepared for this strategy and he countered it easily.
"Fishman Karate, 7000 TILE ROUNDHOUSE!"
He planted his foot into the Captain's gut with high force, stopping him cold. The Captain coughed up saliva from the force of Jimbei's counter and fell to his knees. He struggled to catch his breath while Jimbei looked down at him.
"That's a warning, pal." Jimbei warned.
The Captain looked up at the Fish Man with a sadistic smile.
"Haaaa! OH YES! That's what I like, big boy! Please! Hurt me more! I've been bad!" The crazed Marine yelled in ecstasy.
"Oh you gotta be kidding me." Jimbei groaned.
He grabbed his needle and thrusted it at Jimbei's stomach only for the Fish Man to grab the Captain's arm and retaliate.
"ARABESQUE TILE PUNCH!"
He punched the air for some reason. Jubei looked confused by Jimbei's action.
"The heck, he didn't even touch em?" The cat said.
"Wait for it." Zoro assured.
*BOOM*
An enormous shockwave generated from Jimbei's punch and sent the Captain flying onto the ship's balcony. He reemerged from the rubble and charged at Jimbei. He desperately tried to poke him with the needle in his hand but Jimbei just kept dodging and dodging his attacks over and over. For a big guy, he sure can move. The Captain tried a fast jab but missed and Jimbei was facing his back. A ball of water appeared in the Fish Man's hand.
"RELIANT PIERCING!"
Jimbei thrusted the ball into the Captain's back and it blasted clean through him. He fell to the ground, coughing up blood. Jimbei looked down at him in pitty.
"Your finished. Your fate was sealed the moment you first missed with you little pin and without blood to control, you've lost. Wait... Aww man, are you pitching a tent..?" Jimbei said, while trying to hold back his puke.
The Captain chuckled.
"Actually, handsome, I do have blood I can use. MY blood!" He wailed.
The Captain opened his hand and blood came rushing towards it. It started to shape and crystallize into the form of a sword witch he used to slash Jimbei in the chest. Then... out cam his blood.
"Damnit!" Jimbei grunted.
"Jimbei, get out of there!" Zoro yelled.
The Captain out stretched his free arm.
"It's too late!" He exclaimed.
Jimbei's whole body froze in seconds and he was soon overwhelmed by immense pain. He fell to the deck as the Captain grabbed the unconscious Noel and approached Jimbei.
"Oh well, looks like you underestimated me, love. Too bad, cuz now I have to kill the one man I ever loved now." The Captain sighed.
Jimbei just looked up at the psychopath as he raised his blood sword, about to deliver the finishing blow.
"Eh, I'll just take your body home with me and fuck it after I finish the other Straw Hats." The Captain said, getting a nosebleed from arousal.
Jimbei's face went red again.
"Why would you do that, you freak?!" He shouted.
The Captain laughed like a madman.
"Why do you think? Cuz I'm horny! Say goodnight, sexy!" He howled.
Jimbei closed his eyes, waiting for his fate.
...
...
...
"Scatter, Senbonzakura."
Suddenly, cherry blossoms started to float around the Thousand Sunny. Everyone looked around and saw the unusual phenomenon that was happening. Cherry blossoms? Here? The Captain then had a strange expression on his face and stopped his attack while making a strange sound.
"Did he just cum in his pants?" Jubei said, weirded out.
Jimbei then felt something fall on his face. It was wet and warm. It was... blood?
He looked up at the Captain and saw thin red lines all over his body. Blood soon started to leek out from these lines and even sooner, he fell apart like a tender pot roast. He was literally cut to pieces! How?! Noel started to fall but was caught by a mysterious man. He had long black hair and eyes as well as a black kimono with a white coat over it.
"What the? Who are you?" Jimbei questioned.
"..."
Jimbei's face went as cold as ice from the man's brooding glance.
The man looked at the unconscious Noel and placed his fingers on her neck. He felt a faint pulse. She was alive! The man pulled out a small ear piece and turned it on.
"This is Byakuya Kuchiki, reporting in from Dimension 12. I have secured Noel Vermillion, but she is in critical condition. I require pickup immediately." The man named Byakuya talked into the piece.
"Yes sir! Preparations are underway now!" A voice replied.
Byakuya put away the ear piece. A sword was held up to his throat and a huge mass appeared behind him. It was Zoro and Jimbei, free from the Captain's Devil Fruit Powers.
"Hold it." Zoro said, coldly.
"Where do you think your going with her?" Jimbei grunted.
Byakuya looked at Zoro and then at Jimbei. It would seem he was cornered.
"Stand down, I'm not your enemy." He said.
Zoro only held his blade closer to Byakuya's throat.
"You just expect me to take your word after what you did to that Marine?" The pirate growled.
"Wait, Zoro. Those cuts on the Captain were caused by that man?" Nami questioned.
Zoro nodded his head.
"Yeah. I saw him in the distance of the port, controlling those pettles. Those weren't cherry blossoms though, they were shavings of steel... from this guy's sword, right?" Zoro explained and questioned.
Byakuya was silent for a few seconds.
"Your very observant." The mysterious man finally answered.
Everyone was astounded.
"How is that possible?! Do you have Devil Fruit Powers?" Nami questioned.
The man shook his head.
"No I don't. That's just the power of my Senbonzakura." Byakuya replied, eyeing the cook.
"A sword that can split apart and shred things from a far, eh? Pretty impressive." Zoro complemented.
Byakuya moved his brooding eyes towards Zoro.
"I get the feeling that the only reason you would say that is because you don't intend on letting me leave?" The man guessed.
"At least not with our friend. Now, drop her or else!" Zoro demanded.
Byakuya remained silent for a second before he spoke.
"Listen to me, Noel Vermillion is bleeding internally on a massive scale. Your doctor won't be able to save her. I can get people who can help her if you just-"
"No more talking! Let her go!" Zoro interrupted.
Tao appeared above Byakuya and snatched Noel out of his arms with blinding speed.
"Gotcha, Lacking Lady!" Tao said.
"Nice one, Tao! Jimbei!" Zoro signaled.
"Right!" Jimbei complied.
They both rushed Byakuya, ready to strike.
"Two Sword Style: HAWK WAVE!"
"Fishman Karate, 5000 TILE TRUE PUNCH!"
Both of them were about to make contact with Byakuya but the mysterious man help up both his wrists.
"Bakudo #8: Seki."
Two small energy shields appeared on Byakuya's wrists and allowed him to block both Jimbei AND Zoro's attacks with ease. The deck underneath them cracked and split from the force of their attacks. Heck, the ship even shook! Zoro and Jimbei were shocked by what just happened. Byakuya block both of them with his bare hands. He disappeared and then reappeared on the balcony of the Sunny, away from everyone.
"Last chance. Stand down, all of you." Byakuya raised his voice a little.
Zoro leaped into the air towards the mysterious man with fire in his eyes.
"Like hell!" Moss head yelled.
Zoro slashed at Byakuya only for him to block again with Seki. Byakuya then axe kicked Zoro in the head, sending him crashing down into the deck. The swordsman recovered quick and charged again.
"ONE GORILLA! TWO GORILLA!"
His muscled flexed and increased in size as he was about to strike.
"Three Sword Style: TWO GORILLA SLASH!"
Zoro smashed his swords into the balcony Byakuya was standing on and it was reduced to wood chips. Byakuya got away just in time before he was struck. He landed on what was left of the mast due to the earlier assault and pointed a finger at Zoro.
"Hado #4: Byakurai!"
A white bolt of energy shot from his finger and zoomed towards Zoro. Greeny slashed the bolt in half and prepared his own projectile.
"1080 lb. CANNON!"
His wind blast hurdled towards Byakuya only for him to counter.
"Hado #33: Sokatsui!"
A blast of blue flames shot out of Byakuya's hand and collided with Zoro's cannon. They exploded in mid air causing a smoke cloud. The two rushed into it and clashed swords with each other. Zoro kicked Byakuya in the gut and sent him down, but the mystery man recovered and leaped back up into the cloud, slashing Zoro's chest. The pirate back flipped onto the balcony and stirred up the wind.
"TATSUMAKI!"
He fired a wind dragon at Byakuya, hoping to end this quick. How wrong he was.
"Hado #1: Shō!"
Byakuya thrusted his hand forward and blew the dragon away. Zoro was shock at this. How was this guy so strong?! Byakuya curled up all but one of his fingers.
"Hado #4: Jūgeki Byakurai!"
A red beam show out of his finger and hit Zoro in the chest. He was sent flying into the wall and coughed up blood. Then he saw a yellow chain on his leg.
"Bakudo #63: Sajo Sabaku!"
Byakuya held the other end of the chain in his hand and tapped his sword on it.
"Hado #11: Tsuzuri Raiden!"
An electric current traveled through the chain and into Zoro, electrocuting him. He screamed in pain as the electricity zapped his body both inside and out. Everyone watch in horror as their friend was being beaten to a pulp.
"Zoro!" Jubei exclaimed.
Zoro fell to the ground as Byakuya stood his ground.
"Your brute force is no match for my Kido. This is child's play. You'll have to do better than that." He tainted the moss head.
Zoro struggled to get back on his feet but managed to pull himself together.
"Don't get too cocky, pal. I ain't done!" The pirate shouted.
He to a pose and started to emitted an ominous aura.
"NINE SWORD STYLE!"
Suddenly, Zoro grew four more arms and two more faces on his head. It was his Nine Sword Style illusion ability.
"Get ready cuz this attack is gonna be nine time stronger!" Zoro exclaimed.
He gathered an enormous amount of wind around himself and tensioned his muscles.
"Nine Sword Style: 9.7 TON WARHEAD!"
Zoro fired a huge blast of wind that not only shook the ship, but ripped the very pier apart along with the other ship's docked. Byakuya didn't budge from his spot.
"Bakudo #81: Danku!"
A clear wall appeared right in front of Byakuya and blacked Zoro's massive attack. However, the force of Zoro's attack was too much for the barrier to handle as it was starting to break. Byakuya grunted as vanished right before the barrier was obliterated by Zoro's blast of wind. It cut the Sea in two as it traveled across the water.
"Guess that's that." Zoro said.
"Bakudo #63: Sajo Sabaku!"
Chains of light wrapped around Zoro, restraining him and cutting off his movements. Zoro looked behind himself and saw Byakuya. He had escaped the blast before the barrier broke.
"What?!" Zoro exclaimed.
"Bakudo #61: Rikujōkōrō!"
Plates of light then flew into Zoro's middle section, binding him even further.
"Bakudo #1, 4, 30 and 62: Sai, Hainawa, Shitotsu Sansen and Hyapporankan!"
Byakuya then launched a full out barrage of Kido restraints at Zoro until he was sure that he could not get back up. The swordsman was paralyzed, his swords were wrapped in a strange whipe of light and he was pinned to the deck by rods and stingers. Zoro was now completely unable to move even a finger.
"Damnit! Get these thing off me!" He grunted.
Just then, Zoro saw that Byakuya was glowing with a strange aura. No doubt about it, this would be the finishing blow.
"Seeping crest of turbidity! Arrogant vessel of lunacy! Boil forth and deny! Grow numb and flicker! Disrupt the sleep! Crawling princess of iron! Eternally self-destructing doll of mud! Unite! Repulse! Fill the earth and know your own powerlessness! Hado #90: Kurohitsugi!"
A black cube started to rise out of the ground as they encased Zoro in their grasp. The plates kept rising until they formed a huge black box with giant blades sticking out of the top. Byakuya held his hand in the air, not activating the stabbing effect of Kurohitsugi just yet.
"Unless you want to be torn to shreds inside of a big black box, stand down!" Byakuya ordered.
Zoro was desperately struggling to get out of his restraints but to no avail. They were too strong for even him! He tried to think of a solution but given the situation he was in, he had VERY little time.
'Shit, this isn't good! Come on, Zoro, THINK! You've gotten out of worse than this! Just think!' Mosshead thought to himself.
Suddenly, an enormous light shone underneath the Sunny and it was quickly consumed by it.
"The hell's going on?!" Jimbei exclaimed.
Byakuya looked down at the light and immediately recognized it.
"It's about time. For a Summoning Jutsu, it takes even longer to prepare than a Hot Pocket." He said.
Soon, the ship started to sink into the light and it was gone.
Next time
Ragna and Ichigo make it to the Soul Society after escaping the Seither Beasts but are then ambushed by someone. Some one Ichigo knows too well...