Disclaimer: I own nothing but DVDs and iTunes shows.
Author's Note: Special thanks to athena64, JMS529, carajiggirl, YankeePeg (you seriously need to get out of my head! I have a scene written were someone makes that exact point to Mary), BravoExpressions, cool cat (sorry!), henrylover94, Dog in the Manger (I'm hoping you think she didn't either!), andiesimmo, Anne Nonymous, castlefan4420, JJ2008, BrittanyLS, thena-ditey for the reviews! I hope this didn't disappoint!
PS I Love You
"I'm pretty sure that if Amme comes home and finds out that we haven't talked, she'll kick both our asses," Marshall commented after they'd been sitting there quietly for a few minutes.
Mary glared at him from her end of the couch, even as she conceded, "She just may. She's pretty bossy, your sister-in-law."
"Well?" he prompted after another few moments of silence.
"In case you hadn't noticed, Marshall, talking openly about my feelings isn't exactly my strong suit."
Marshall smirked. "Does that mean you're admitting to having feelings?"
"Jesus. Jump right in, why don't ya?" Mary huffed. She avoided his gaze for awhile longer before sliding her eyes back to his. Her heart was tightening in her chest and she needed to find a way to get the pressure off of her. "Let's start with last night. Amelia said you'd remember everything. Do you?"
It was Marshall's turn to avoid her stare. He should have known she would do whatever she could to avoid her end of the conversation. It was time for him to step up. "Yes."
Mary felt something unfold in her heart, warming her. She had to ask the question that plagued her. "Did you mean everything you said last night?"
"Yes," Marshall breathed out, his heart pounding in his chest.
"I'm the reason that you broke up with Abigail?"
Marshall shook his head, surprised by her question. More avoiding, he sighed internally. "No. I'm the reason that I broke up with Abigail. You don't get to take that on as much as I know you want to."
She squinted in confusion. "Why would I want to?"
"Because it's what you do. You'll take it on so that you can feel guilty and use that as an excuse to push me away. I'm not letting you this time. I broke up with Abigail because I am not in love with her and it was cruel of me to let her believe that we had a future together when we didn't. That's all me and has nothing to do with you," he told her emphatically. "Got that? Got that?"
"Okay," she agreed, raising her hands in surrender. He was correct; she was already beginning to formulate his break up with Abigail as a reason to stop this conversation. She took a deep breath, needing to press on, even as a part of her brain screamed at her to stop. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the floor. "And you're still waiting on me?"
He was quiet, forcing her to look at him. His eyes had shifted to a deep blue and he stared at her with an intensity that made her shiver. When he spoke, his voice took on a slightly husky tone. "Mary, I will always wait on you. If it takes the rest of our lives, if it takes beyond that, I will always wait on you... until you tell me not to and mean it."
Mary's heart pounded in her chest as she broke his gaze once again. "But... you... dated the TA... and you moved in with Abigail..."
"And there have been others here and there, but except for Abby, they've all been nothing flings and distractions." He sighed. "Abigail was my attempt to move on from you; from the idea of us," he ignored her sudden intake of breath, "but it didn't work. It'll never work."
"Why?" she whispered.
Marshall scooted closer to her and grabbed her hands. "Because I love you, Mary. I love you and I am in love with you. There is nobody in this world for me besides you." He paused. "I know you see yourself as someone who's broken, who doesn't deserve love, who just uses the world and gives nothing back. But nothing could be further from the the truth. You are strong, for yourself, for your family, for your witnesses, for me. You could have easily used your childhood to go nowhere in life, but instead you brought yourself up and dragged your mother and sister with you. You put yourself through school. You got yourself into the Marshal Service. You are amazing and wonderful and funny and have an ass that won't quit." She snorted at this and rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to go on?"
She shook her head as her breathing became heavy as Marshall's words washed over her. She closed her eyes to think and released his hands, relieving memories of Marshall in her head; of how she opened up to him so quickly on that first transfer; of how she felt safe, protected, and excited around him during that trip, three things she rarely felt, especially in one person. It shocked her so much that when he suggested sticking around, she uprooted her entire life to partner with him. She thought about the night that she kissed him and even though she had forgotten, she could remember feeling unsettled around Marshall. She thought of Eps, Raph, Faber, Mark, and all the nameless men that drifted in and out of her life.
She thought about her fear that Marshall was leaving before he was shot and how that drove her back into a relationship with Raph, even when Marshall agreed to stay. She thought about her acceptance of Raph's proposal, of how her first thought when she kissed him was of Marshall. She thought of the dread she felt when he noticed the tan line on her finger, the overwhelming when she told him she told Raph about WitSec, the fluttering when he gave her engagement speech, and the despair when he said he was going on a date the night she was shot.
She thought about how her first thought when she woke up from her coma was that she wanted to see Marshall; how she calmly sat through her family's visits each day because she had his evening visits to look forward to. She thought about how he was the only one she wanted to take her home, even as she made cracks to cover that up. She thought about how after five minutes of being at home, a remodeled home she knew Marshall had decorated, even though no one would fess up, she wanted to be alone... with Marshall, always with Marshall.
She thought about all the ways that they grew both closer and further apart that year as she struggled with the intense emotions around her shooting, keeping them all bottle up to herself. She thought about how she wanted to keep Marshall close to her and how that terrified her so she kept pushing him away. She thought about the speech in the office that sent her running into the arms of the one man she thought he wouldn't forgive her for. Yet, he did.
She thought about her year since her vacation. She had curled into herself more than she thought was possible. She knew that everyone around her blamed it on the fact that she no longer needed to take care of Jinx and Brandi as she had before, but that wasn't quite right. Her mother and sister had been steadily taking care of themselves for a few years and she hadn't panicked over it. It wasn't until she learned that Marshall was dating the cheerleader that she found herself spiraling. Her sleeping with Mark was a direct result of seeing how happy Marshall was with her. The day she found out they were moving in together, she went home and sobbed all night.
She thought about her mother's words after she had been kidnapped: "You don't have to open up to the whole world. You just have to open up with someone." She thought of Treena's words on the day she got married: "Maybe you should allow yourself the possibility of something greater." She thought of Amelia from just this morning: "The love, Mary, was worth it" and of Marshall's speeches, " I hope you know that I love you. And I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness" and " Someone who challenges you. Who calls you on your BS and gets in your face and makes you think."
She thought about how she would feel if Marshall had married Abigail. She thought about him marrying anyone and felt a sharp pain in her chest. She thought about him having children and the pain grew stronger. She knew he would keep her in his life with everything he could just as sure as she knew she could push and push until she finally had to run away, shriveled up within herself, miserable for the rest of her life. Then, she allowed herself to imagine a life with Marshall.
"Mare? Mary?" Marshall called to her. She had been sitting unnaturally still for the past few minutes and it was beginning to scare him. He placed his hand on her knee and gasped when her eyes flew open. They were full of tears. "Mary?"
Mary flung her arms around him as fast as she could in her condition. She pulled at his neck until they were as close as they could be. Marshall wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back as she settled into him, breathing in his scent. Marshall felt his entire body come alive as he held her while she cried softly.
She pulled away from his shoulder suddenly, but remained in his arms. Her hands moved up from his neck to cradle his face. She licked her lips, unconsciously glancing at his before returning to look into his blue orbs so full of concern, curiosity, and love. She took a moment to bask in his warmth, drawing strength from him.
Mary ran her fingers once across his brow, down his checks to his lips. She could feel him trembling. "You... are the absolutely best thing about my life and I love you. I love you and I am in love with you. I think I have been for awhile and never let myself know it. I-"
She was cut off by Marshall forcefully pressing his lips to hers. She gasped at the suddenness of it and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sweeping his tongue into her mouth. She was unprepared for the jolt of electricity that she received the first time he hesitantly stroked his tongue against hers. The groan deep in her throat seemed to spur him on and soon he left no area of her mouth unexplored.
Mary clutched at his shoulders, trying to bring him closer to her. He tasted of syrup and coffee with the hint of something she could only identify as Marshall. She drank him in as if he was the only water in the desert. Her hands slipped under his t-shirt, leaving a trail of fire as they slowly made their way up his stomach and over his chest.
"Mary," he muttered against her lips. She smiled briefly before nipping his bottom lip with her teeth. He kissed her again before putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her away, gently. "Mary, we still need to talk."
"Haven't we done enough talking today?" she pouted, looking up at him through her eyelashes. He took in her swollen lips and flushed cheeks and found himself reaching her once again. Their mouths met with mutual moans. He plunged his tongue into her mouth intending to stake his claim, only to have her suck on tongue until he bucked wildly.
She fisted her hands into his hair while his hands slipped under her shirt and up back. She used his head as leverage to straddle his knees. He broke the kiss to move his lips across her jaw. He placed a kiss just below her ear. He nipped her earlobe when she shivered before suckling the spot behind her ear until she cried out.
Mary pulled his mouth back to hers. She breathed in sharply in pain just as his lips grazed hers, calling out, "Ouch!"
Marshall froze. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she assured him. "The rugrat just got in a good kick. Now, where were we?"
"M-Mary!" Marshall nearly shouted, pulling her away over her protests. "Are you sure that you're okay?"
She sighed, annoyed. "Yes, I'm sure. The kid just doesn't want me having any fun."
"Or he's reminding us that we need to slow down. We can't go much further anyway. You're still on bed rest."
"Spoilsport," she grumbled, but removed herself from his lap. She remained close enough to touch him, however.
"You know, this little guy," Marshall flexed his fingers just above her stomach as if afraid to touch her, "is one of the things we need to talk about."
Mary sighed. "Haven't I made enough life-changing decisions today? Can't we push this one off until tomorrow?"
"Have you made a life-changing decision?" Marshall asked, softly. She didn't like the way his eyes flitted nervously away from her.
She grabbed his cheeks with her hands, drawing his attention solely to her. "This... telling you I love you; that I only want to be with you is completely life-changing to me. I keep seeing all these possible futures in my head and the only ones that scare me are the ones that you're not in. My heart belongs to you. It's never belonged to anyone. Somehow, you snuck in and stole it without me noticing. You have the singular power to destroy-"
Marshall grabbed her hands from his face and cur her off for the second time with a quick kiss. He held her hands tight in his own. "You're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere."
"Even if we never get married?" He nodded, his heart aching over her disbelieving tone. "Even if there are no kids?" Again, he nodded. "Even if I do everything I possibly can to push you away?"
"Haven't you been trying to do that for years? I'm still here."
I'm still here. It echoed in her head, circling over and over until it drilled into her heart. She had learned a long time ago not to trust anything a man said to her that she didn't lure him into saying. She found herself believing Marshall. He was the exception, always the exception.
She interlink her fingers with his. "I want you stay. I don't just mean that I want to be with you. I want you to stay here. I want to start our life together right now."
"You don't want to... ease into it?" he cautioned.
"Ease into it? Ease into what? What could we possibly learn about each other 'dating' that we don't already know about each other?" She smiled as he shrugged in agreement, but he still had a look of trepidation in his eyes. "Look, I'll understand if you're a little nervous about this. I'm a little nervous about it myself. I'm not as clueless as everyone thinks. I know this isn't my normal M.O."
Marshall squeezed her hands. "One of the things that I love most about you is that what you truly believe in something, you go after it with full force. If you're willing to do that, you must believe in us."
Mary released a long breath. "I think I'm making myself sick. This is more sap than those rom-coms you make me watch."
"If it'll make you feel better, you can punch me," he chuckled. He called out in mock pain when she hit him in the shoulder, "Ow!"
"You're right that did make me feel better." She smirked at his wounded looked. She looked away from him. "Anyway, the offer to stay at least until you get on your feet, figure out what you're going to do next, stands."
Marshall laid his hand on her cheek, waiting until she looked at him. He leaned down and place a sweet kiss on her lips. He pulled back just far enough to see her eyes. "Thank you."
Mary ducked her head to hide her heated cheeks. "Well, Geek Boy, what do you say we pick out a few movies and relax on the couch? I don't know about you, but my brain could use a break." She smiled seductively at him. "Unless you want to continue that make-out session?"
"As much as I would love to continue, a day of sitting on the couch with you watching movies sounds wonderful." He placed a series of kisses down her jaw that had her mumbling incoherently. "Besides, I don't think you're quite up for what that session was heading into. In two months, however..."
"Tease!" she accused him when he abruptly stood up. She couldn't stop the ends of her lips from twisting upward though as he shook his backside while putting a movie into the dvd player. He gathered her in his arms as he sat back down. He placed a kiss on her temple, breathing in her scent.
Marshall grinned when she settled into him, pulling his hand onto her stomach. He felt a slight movement under his palm. Mary's child. His child, too, he had told her last night. He hadn't wanted to get attached, first out of fear that she would get back together with Mark and then because of her plan to give the baby up for adoption, but he had done it anyway. How could he not love any part of Mary, though?
"I can hear you thinking," Mary admonished. "Sit back and watch the movie, Marshall. We'll talk more tomorrow."
"Okay," he agreed, kissing her head once again before turning his attention to the movie. He had Mary in his arms and she loved him. That was enough.
IPSIPSIPSIPSIPSIPSIPSIPSIPS
Amelia walked hesitantly into the house with Caelan at her feet and pizza boxes in her hands. She paused in front of the open door, listening for any yelling. Mary raised her head from the couch when she didn't hear any further noise from Amelia.
"Get in here, you idiot," Mary berated, sitting up.
Amelia rolled her eyes, but fully entered the house. She put the pizzas in the kitchen while Caelan ran to Mary. Amelia returned to the living room and sat on the coffee table, watching while Mary stroked Caelan's hair, listening to him babble about his day.
"So, where's Marshall?" Amelia dropped, casually.
Mary smirked at her. "He and Stan had to take care of a situation. They were going get his car and stop at the house afterward to grab a few things."
"Soooooo?" Amelia frowned when Mary laughed at her. "Come on, Mary. I've been dying all day."
"We talked."
Amme huffed in annoyance. "And?"
Mary half-shrugged. "Feelings may have been admitted."
"Mary, I swear, if you do not tell me what happened, pregnant or not, I will hit you upside the head." Amelia glared at her and folded her arms.
"No hit, Mama," Caelan spoke up.
Mary tickled him, making him giggle. "That's right. No hit, Mama."
"Mary," Amelia growled.
"Okay, okay," Mary placated. "I love him. He loves me. We love each other. Let's move on."
Amme snorted. "Move on? Move on? Hel-heck no! I want details. I deserve details."
Mary nodded in agreement before launching into the story of their conversation this morning. Her face grew increasingly red as she talked and a soft smile lay upon her lips. Amelia followed her with rapt attention. Even Caelan said nothing as Mary spoke, enraptured by Mary's voice.
"Marshall's going to stay here for awhile. You know, until he gets a new place," Mary finished.
"Uh-huh. Interested in taking a bet on when he moves out?"
Mary rolled her eyes. "If you must know, I offered to let him just move in permanently, but he kind of freaked out about it."
Amelia leaned forward to touch Mary's arm. "I'm sure he didn't freak out. He's afraid of spooking you. He wants to give you time to adjust to this new thing between you. He'll drag his feet moving out, though, unless you tell him to go."
Mary took in Amelia's words. Part of her screamed out that Amelia didn't know what was going on in Marshall's head, but another part of her told her self-doubts to shove it. If there was one thing in this world she knew, that she believe in, it was Marshall. She would hold onto to that even if she had to fight herself every step of the way.
"I know," Mary agreed, finally. "Anyway, what kind of pizza did you bring?"
"Not so fast, missy. Did you talk about the, you know?" Amelia threw her hands in the area of Mary's stomach.
Mary sighed. "It's the topic of conversation for tomorrow. I didn't want to overload my emotional maturity."
Amelia shook her head as she stood, picking Caelan up from the couch. "Come on. Let's go pig out on pizza and watch mindless movies until Marshall gets home."
Mary grinned widely at the idea of Marshall coming home. "Sounds perfect."