Told ya i'd get more work done at my Uncle's house lol.

"Hey" Paul said as he softly nudged me on the shoulder

"yeah?" I responded

"You've been quiet all night ever since your little talk with, ugh, I won't even allow her name to pass my lips."

"Alise, Paul, her name is Alise" I said turning my attention back to the blank tv that hung on the wall

"I know the little trollop's name. I just didn't wanna say it." he said, shifting in the bed to get more comfortable. "what did she tell you anyways"

"A..."

"and don't say a lot" he said cutting me off "I'd like it if you'd be a little more specific"

I took a deep breath and looked at him, I was contemplating whether or not I should tell him what Alise had told me. Knowing Paul it would only anger him, and we've been doing so well, the last thing I need is for him to lash out on me. But then again, I shouldn't have to think or feel this way, I shouldn't have to be afraid to tell my husband whats going on. I should be able to tell him any and everything without a single bit of fear but I can't, but at the same time he is a work in progress. This is just all so hard and it shouldn't be.

"Steph" he said looking at me weird "are you ok babe?"

"yeah" I said snapping out of my thoughts "I was just th..."

"thinking" he said finishing my sentence for me. "as always" he said looking up at the ceiling and then back at me. "Do you believe in me Steph? do you believe we can get through this? I mean, I know I asked you the exact same thing this morning, but I can't help but ask you again. I need to be reassured that you're comfortable and that you feel what we're doing is the right thing instead of just doing it because you think it'll keep me from getting mad or something"

I shrugged. "I mean this is a work in progress Paul, we'll just have to see how it all works out in time, thats all I can tell you" I said leaning back against the headboard

"I still wanna know what she said"

Getting a little annoyed, because he had been questioning me all day, I said to hell with it and decided to tell him no matter the risk. I sighed deeply and sat up straight and turned to face him.

"Basically she said that you're a deadbeat, that you're never going to change and that I should just give up hope. That you're playing me to get your way and once you have me where you want me then you'll go back to your old selfish and cruel ways. Thats basically what she said summed up in like two sentences, are you happy now?" I said sarcastically on that last part.

Paul said nothing as he gave me a cold stare, before turning around to cut the light off on his side of the bed, he laid his head on his pillow and pulled up the covers and went right to sleep.

The house was pretty quiet this morning, Paul and I didn't speak at all, I don't think he was mad at me, just hurt about what Alise said and I think he knows I was taking every bit of it into account. We got dressed quietly and we didn't eat breakfast together, and we drove separate cars to our therapy session. I think Dr. Kara could sense that something was up because she was giving us weird stares and would write something down every now and then on her yellow pad.

"So," she said letting out a deep sigh "either one of you care to fill me in on whats going on? one day you're all over the other and the next you seem like you can't stand each other. See, this is what I was talking about yesterday, Stephanie, when I said some of my other clients think that a few good rumps in the sheets will fix all their problems. I'm not using that as a diss towards you guys by the way, its just an example"

"I know" I said, giving her a warm smile.

"so whats up?" she said as she leaned back in her huge leather swivel chair. She crossed her legs and started chewing on her pen as she stared at the two of us. Dr. Kara was a very cool and laid back chick, I felt comfortable talking to her about my problems, it almost felt like I was talking to a friend instead of some random stranger that I was telling all my business too. Of course, it was a friend I was playing hundreds of dollars by the hour just to tell those problems though.

I let out a deep sigh. "Well, Paul basically hates me" I said glancing over at him, he was sitting with his arms crossed.

"I don't hate you" he said without looking at me, those were actually the only words he's said to me since the other night.

"Then whats with the cold shoulder?" I asked

He said nothing as he looked out the window.

"see" I said gesturing towards him "He says he doesn't hate me, but yet he won't speak to me Dr. Kara"

"Just because he's not speaking to you Stephanie, doesn't mean he hates you. I'm sure you've done him the same way at some point or another"

"Thank you" he said as he glanced at Dr. Kara for a second before turning his attention back to the window. "besides, its not her, its her dumbass friend"

"and who is this friend of which you speak of?"

"My best friend Alise, she's practically my sister"

"And i'm assuming she has said some things that you don't agree with, correct?"

"Yes" Paul said turning his attention to Dr. Kara "She's said more than enough throughout the years of our marriage, believe me."

"and what are the type of things that she says?"

"basically that i'm a piece of shit, Stephanie is too good for me, that I don't deserve her, stuff like that" he said looking down at his shoes "and the sad part is, shes absolutely correct. I already know this, I don't need her reminding me of it every fucking day"

"And why do you feel that you're all of those things?"

"because I am" he said looking up at her. "I'm obviously not the best husband in the world, or otherwise we wouldn't be here now would we?"

"wait a minute" Dr. Kara said lifting her hand in the air "Just because someone comes to therapy doesn't necessarily mean that they're a bad person, some people just come because they need guidance and advice in their relationship, like you two"

Paul smirked as he let out a sigh "pssh, I wish it were that way. Listen Doc, I love my wife, with all my heart. Stephanie is my life and I would be willing to go to the end of the world for her. My problem is my anger, I can't keep it in check and I lash out over the smallest things, the best way for me to control it is just to ignore her, but when I do that she swears up and down that I hate her. And when I try and tell her thats not the truth, she thinks i'm lying and that only pisses me off more. I just don't know what to do"

"and thats why i'm here" Dr. Kara said as she leaned forward and gently squeezed Paul's hand. "now" she said leaning back in her chair "I'm going to have a chat with Stephanie and i'm going to let you go visit Dr. Morris, he's an anger management specialist and I truly believe he can help you."

"Its gonna take a lot" Paul said softly

"Trust me, i've seen far worse come through this door than you Mr. Levesque, the man can work miracles."

But thats just the thing Doc, you haven't seen the real Paul. I thought to myself.

As I was walking towards my car after leaving my session with Dr. Kara, I felt someone grab my shoulder. I turned around and gave Paul a warm smile. "Hey" I said softly

"Hi" He replied in the same tone.

"How was Dr. Morris?"

Paul chuckled. "He's a cool cat, a little on the crazy side, but he was definitely worth seeing" He said with a smile. He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. "I'm sorry for how I was acting this morning, I was being childish and I should have just talked to you about it"

I smiled, I reached up on my tip toes and I kissed his soft lips. "Its okay, I understand"

"So does this mean we're okay now?"

"yes" I said giving him another warm smile.

"I sure do hate that we drove in separate cars, i'm in one of those moods where all I wanna do is be around you"

I blushed. "You're too sweet."

"But it's true" he said kissing the back of my hand again. God I love it when he does that.

"Well, we could leave one of the cars here and just have someone come and pick it up"

"that'd be great" he said smiling.

I gently pulled my hand out of his when my phone started to buzz. I looked down at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Alise calling me.

Ugh, I don't have time for this. I thought

"Who is it?" Paul asked

"Its not important" I said sliding the phone back into my pocket.

"It was her, wasn't it?" Paul said looking down

"yeah" I said taking my hand and lifting his head up by his chin. "but what she has to say isn't important because all that matters to me right now is you"

Paul smiled so wide that I thought it'd go all the way around his head and come back into place. I chuckled a little bit, I used to love getting that reaction from him all the time, back when things were good. Not that they're bad but they're just...okay yeah, pretty bad but i'll say getting better. Anyway, he'd always give me that huge grin if I said something that made him happy or if I told him that I was gonna give him some. It always made me laugh because of how goofy looking it made him look. How his beautiful face could go turn into such a hideous and goofy grin in a matter of seconds always amazed me.

"Stop that" I said jokingly as I gently patted the side of his cheek, I always did that to make him stop looking at me like that, I told him it was creepy. But of course, he never listens.

"whhhhy?" he whined before he started to pout a little. Now when he does this, I think it's adorable, back when he used to do it during happier times, I would always imagine us having a son and him doing the exact same thing, only ten times cuter.

I was about to play along with him until my phone started to buzz again. I knew exactly who it was, I was contemplating whether or not I should answer it. If I did, then Paul would sure enough get pissed off. I think he would feel like I was brushing him off just to listen to my friend rant and rave about how I don't need him. Then again, if I don't answer her, she'll be worried sick and if she later finds out that I ignored her just to ignore her, then i'll never hear the end of it. Its basically a lose lose for me. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Just answer it" Paul said calmly "I know you want to anyways."

I said nothing as I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. "Hey Alise"

"Why didn't you answer me earlier?"

"Therapy"

"Liar, I know your schedule, you've been out for at least ten minutes"

"You act as if I don't have the money to stay a little overtime."

"I'm not saying that, but I do know you. Where's the dipshit?"

"Don't call him that, Alise, and he's right he..." I looked around and Paul was no where to be seen, he was gone.

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