It kind of seemed like Liv was in a bad mood in the newest episode (in my opinion, anyway), a little snappish and sarcastic at times, so I wanted to expand on that in this chapter and explore it a bit further.

I'm still working on the second chapter of "Tender Loving Care" so hopefully I can get it completed and posted at some point soon.

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Episode: 20x17 ("Missing")

Genre: Hurt/comfort/friendship

Rating: T

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Amanda is slumped on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the TV channels as she winds down after their latest disturbingly twisted case has come to a close, looking forward to spending the weekend away from the precinct. Jesse and Billie are both sleeping soundly in their rooms and Frannie is snoozing on the floor at her feet, Amanda unsure of what to do with herself now that she finally has some quiet, alone time.

It is a rare occasion when not only are all three members of her family slumbering at once, but her phone seems to be asleep as well; no texts or calls from her squad regarding a case they are working on, no messages from Olivia inviting them to a playdate with Noah, no offers from Carisi to come over and cook dinner, no stupid jokes from Fin that get sent every so often in an effort to make her laugh.

Amanda throws a glance at the silent device that is perched beside her on the end table and contemplates sending Olivia a text to see how she is doing, aware that her boss is less than pleased with the way their most recent case had ended. The older woman had been uncharacteristically moody and sarcastic during the investigation, snapping at everyone and opting to insert herself into yet another hostage situation, going inside the bodega alone to take down a perp with a knife, and Amanda can't help but worry and wonder if something serious is going on.

She reaches toward the phone and drums her fingertips against the case for a moment, lost in thought as she twirls the device around and then picks it up, scrolling through the list of names on the screen until she reaches Olivia's. She doesn't want to disturb the other woman if Olivia is spending time with Noah or simply wants to be left alone for the weekend, but Amanda's curiosity and concern get the better of her as she begins tapping out a message.

"Hey, Liv, what are you up to?"

She feels strangely nervous as she awaits a reply, jumping slightly when a return message comes through right away, and frowning down at the sparse answer.

"Not much."

Amanda rolls her eyes and tries to think of something else to say, eager to keep the conversation going but unwilling to admit to her reasons for reaching out; that not only is she worried about Olivia, but she also doesn't know how to be alone anymore without the near-constant chaos of work and family. She pauses for a moment, giving Olivia a chance to compose more than just a two-word sentence and perhaps ask what her detective is doing as well, but the screen has gone black again and there doesn't appear to be a second message forthcoming.

"Well, I'm just sitting here by myself, hoping to find something half decent to watch on TV but there doesn't seem to be anything good on tonight," Amanda types out, as if Olivia has actually expressed an interest in how she is occupying her time now that they are both off the clock.

She stares down at her phone, hoping Olivia will respond and they can have an actual discussion instead of this grating, one-sided small talk, sighing when there is no immediate answer and reaching over to put the device back on the end table. It buzzes in her hand before she lets go of it, Amanda's eyes lighting up and eager to read the new message, smirking in both amusement and frustration at yet another short reply.

"That doesn't sound like a very exciting evening."

"It's not," she writes back quickly, her fingers flying over the screen. "It's painfully boring, actually. Please tell me you're doing something more exciting than I am."

"Nope," is the single word that Amanda receives in reply, gritting her teeth and wondering if she should just give up and leave Olivia alone for the night, when another message comes through right on the heels of the previous one and has her eyebrows lifting in surprise.

"Are you okay, Amanda?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Well, besides being bored to death and having a hard time winding down," she answers after her fingers pause against the screen for a few seconds, a confused frown creasing her features. "Why are you asking me that, Liv?"

"Because you don't normally text me just to make idle chitchat. There's usually a purpose to your messages."

Amanda rolls her eyes again and sighs heavily at this blunt response, refraining from mentioning that there actually is a specific purpose to these texts, but it has nothing to do with her own mental state and everything to do with the lieutenant who seems to occupy her thoughts more often than she should. She can privately acknowledge a definite attraction when it comes to Olivia; the attraction simmering inside for as long as she can remember, but that it has gone far past the point of a mere crush now, exploding into some deeper feelings that she can't decide whether to share or keep to herself.

This isn't her motivation for contacting Olivia, however; she is not one of those lovesick women who need to be in constant communication with the object of her affection, but is genuinely worried about how Olivia is doing. She knows the older woman tends to take their cases to heart, especially when they involve children or if they don't have an entirely positive outcome; certain circumstances, like the kind they had just dealt with, too tragic and hard to bear and not wrapped up succinctly so that everyone can move on and begin to heal.

Olivia has just seemed out of sorts lately, residing in a cloud of gloom, and Amanda decides to plunge ahead and be honest with her when she writes back. "I was actually about to ask you the same thing, Liv."

"Ask me what?" The older woman's reply is swift and although Amanda can sense a growing annoyance, even through the phone, she chooses not to back down, instead providing an instant answer to the question.

"If you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Olivia's responding text is just as quick, and Amanda sucks in a deep breath, aware that the brunette doesn't like to be called out whenever her behavior is a bit off, but not intending to put a stop to the conversation now.

"I don't know, you tell me. You just seemed kind of grumpy and tired during our latest case. Actually, you've seemed liked that for awhile now."

"Grumpy and tired?" is the immediate return comment, and Amanda can picture Olivia arching a perfectly sculpted eyebrow while staring at her phone in irritation. "You make it sound like I'm a toddler in need of a nap or a time-out."

Amanda shakes her head and chuckles softly, elaborating somewhat in her next text. "You were snapping at us some of the time and seemed to be in a bad mood, so I just wanted to make sure you're doing okay and nothing is wrong."

"I'm your boss. I'm supposed to snap at my squad from time to time. It comes with the job." There is a brief pause before she receives another message. "Is this because I congratulated you for having blue eyes?"

Amanda bursts out laughing at this inquiry before clapping a hand over her mouth, listening for any indication that she has awakened her children and breathing a sigh of relief when there is only silence, aside from Frannie shifting into a more comfortable position on the floor. "No, Liv, it's not because of that. I've just noticed how unhappy you seem...you put yourself into another dangerous situation out in the field...I care about you a lot and I'm worried, okay?"

Amanda's laughter fades and the smile drops away from her face as she types out her latest message, the explanation slightly convoluted as she tries to get her point across, and then anxiously awaiting a reply, her heart clenching in her chest when the screen fades to black and the phone is silent in her hand.

"Well, fuck," she mutters under her breath, wondering if she has taken this discussion too far by making Olivia aware of some of the disconcerting behavior that she has observed, and hoping it doesn't seem like anything more than what a concerned friend would do.

She had slipped up a few weeks ago during that gruelling day at the courthouse, informing Olivia that she loved her and respected her more than anyone she has ever met, but the other woman hadn't addressed those comments since their conversation had taken a sharp turn right afterwards and they had ended up screaming at each other. Amanda hasn't brought it up again, just assuming that Olivia had taken those remarks as something that a good friend would say, the brunette probably having long forgotten about them by now.

She practically falls off the couch in shock when her phone begins ringing in her hand, the shrill sound shattering the silence of the apartment, and scrambling to answer it as Frannie's head lifts from the floor and the dog fixes her with an accusing expression before flopping back down again with a huff. Olivia's name is flashing across the screen and Amanda tilts her head to the side as she says hello, listening once again for any signs that her kids have been disturbed by the noise and hoping they will remain asleep.

"You don't have to worry about me," is the soft response to Amanda's greeting, Olivia's voice sounding weary but without any trace of the annoyance she has expected to hear. "I'm fine, Amanda."

"Okay," she replies quietly, unsure if she should argue with this statement or not, although she is positive that it's untrue. "If you say so, Liv."

"You don't believe me?" Olivia's voice is small and hurt, the usual confidence in her tone now absent, and Amanda has the sudden ridiculous urge to wake her family up, get them dressed and bundled into the car, and drive over to Olivia's apartment to give the older woman a hug.

"I don't know," she answers uncertainly, her own confidence flagging now and feeling oddly anxious as she speaks to Olivia in the Friday night hush; this little chat feeling much more intimate without the screeching of their children or the chatter of their teammates or the yelling and crying of the perpetrators and victims they deal with on a daily basis. "All I know is that it doesn't seem like you've been doing very well lately. Not just with this case, but finding out what happened to Cassidy when he was a kid, and testifying against Annabeth Pearl after talking to me about Lewis. There's just been a lot going on."

Amanda chastises herself for bringing William Lewis into the conversation, knowing how unimpressed she would be if Olivia suddenly brought up Charles Patton in the middle of a discussion, but the monster that Olivia had been forced to deal with years before is a part of everything that's been happening recently. There has been an air of discontent swirling around the brunette for the past while, to point where Olivia seems to be downright depressed at times, and Amanda suspects that it's a mixture of everything she has just mentioned, and likely much more, that is coming into play and causing her boss such distress.

She longs to repeat what she had said that day at the courthouse; that she loves Olivia, and this time make absolutely clear that the other woman knows just how deep that love runs, but rather than spilling her deepest secret at such an inappropriate moment, Amanda simply assures her that she is willing to listen if Olivia wants to talk. She gently reminds the brunette that although certain aspects of their latest case hadn't turned out the way they would have preferred, the most important thing is that Bailey Shaw is safe and sound, the little girl at home with two fathers who love her.

Amanda chews on her lip as she awaits a response from Olivia, frowning again when there is silence on the other end of the line and straightening up on the couch when she thinks she hears a light sniffle.

"Liv, are you crying?" she ventures softly, wanting to tread carefully and not give Olivia a reason to end the discussion and hang up.

"What's wrong, honey? Talk to me," Amanda pleads quietly when the older woman doesn't give a verbal answer but sniffles more loudly, her heart aching and wishing they were in the same room together instead of just talking on the phone.

"I've been thinking a lot about our latest case, and how sometimes things just don't work out the way you hoped they would." Olivia's voice has fallen to a whisper when she finally speaks, Amanda straining to hear her boss' low, gravelly words. "When Diane Brown was leaving the prison after telling me Kevin wasn't her brother anymore, she mentioned something else that has stuck with me. She said people aren't broken pieces of a vase that you can put together with crazy glue. And she's right, you know. Some people or situations just can't be fixed that easily...or at all."

"Liv, what are you talking about?" Amanda murmurs urgently, concerned at the turn this conversation has taken and the note of dejection in Olivia's tone.

"Sometimes I just feel broken, Amanda. And I don't know how to fix myself."

"Oh, Liv..." Her voice trails off at this surprisingly vulnerable and unexpected confession, wishing she was able to reach right through the phone and pull the other woman into her arms, desperate to soothe whatever is hurting her.

"You were right when you said there's been a lot going on lately," Olivia continues in a mumble, Amanda perched on the edge of the cushions now, one leg jiggling up and down as she listens intently. "I've had a lot on my mind and everything has been so mixed up in my head...our cases, Annabeth's trial, Lewis, Cassidy, Noah...just lots of things to think about and worry about and wonder about..."

"I know how it is when you have so much stuff crammed into your head that it feels like you're about to explode from the stress of it all," Amanda commiserates quietly, reaching down to run her hand over Frannie's spiky fur as they chat. "But why does that make you broken, honey? It's normal to be stressed out when you've had a lot of serious issues to deal with."

"I just feel like I can't handle things as well as I used to, like everything that's happened in the past has made it harder to cope." Another sniffle crackles across the line, and Amanda can't be entirely sure but she thinks she can detect a faint whimper that follows. "I feel like a failure most of the time, so I'm trying to prove that I'm not."

"You're not a failure, Liv." Amanda's voice is soft and heartfelt as another whimper pierces the air, but this time the noise is coming from her own apartment and she throws a glance toward Billie's bedroom door. "And you're not broken either. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. I think you just need to sort through some things and get some stuff figured out. Is there anything I can do to make things a bit easier for you? Can I help in any way?"

"I don't know." There is a noticeable hesitation in Olivia's tone when she speaks again, as if she is unused to being this open and honest about her life and is unsure of how to feel about it, Amanda's heart leaping at her next words. "I have to admit that I wish you were here right now, though. I could use the company."

"Well, you might just get your wish," Amanda replies wryly as Billie's whimpering turns into a full-fledged scream and Jesse calls out from her own room, the little girl sounding very indignant at her younger sister interrupting her sleep. "How do you feel about a slumber party to kick off the weekend? Both kids just woke up and I need to feed Billie, but we can head over right afterwards, if you can manage to squeeze us all in for the night."

"Oh no, Amanda, that's not necessary. I shouldn't have said anything," Olivia is quick to protest, Amanda shaking her head and smirking at her pet as she gets off the couch to tend to her daughters' needs, watching as Frannie immediately leaps up from the floor to join her and lets out a sharp bark of excitement as her paws click along the tiles, the canine apparently ready for a party. "You don't have to go to all that trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," Amanda assures her, even though she is aware that packing everything her family will need for an overnight stay and then transporting them all to Olivia's place where space is quite limited, won't exactly be an easy task. "I can get everyone settled back down once we arrive and then you and I can talk some more, okay? Being able to sit face to face in the same room is a lot better than what we're doing right now, isn't it?"

Billie is red-faced and wriggling, shaking her tiny fists angrily when Amanda reaches her bedroom and leans over the crib to soothe her hungry baby, running a tender hand over soft wisps of blonde hair as she prepares to say goodbye to Olivia. They are quickly joined by Jesse, who stumbles into the room with long hair sticking out at odd angles around her head, rubbing her eyes and asking if she can have a cookie, Amanda smiling and shaking her head again, figuring this is officially the end of her quiet time and not feeling the least bit unhappy about it.

She wants to make sure her children are fed and comfortable before coming to Olivia's aid, hoping the older woman will say yes to the impromptu sleepover, and a relieved grin stretching across her face when the brunette tentatively agrees to the visit. Amanda is eager to continue providing a listening ear and perhaps some physical comfort, if Olivia will let her, anxious to wrap her lieutenant in a tight embrace and hold her close in an effort to ease some of her anguish.

There is a small part of her that wants to confess her true feelings and let Olivia know how loved she is, how it goes so much deeper than friendship for her, but Amanda reminds herself that now is not the right time; not while Olivia is experiencing so much emotional turmoil and needs a shoulder to lean on. There is plenty of time in the future to reveal her long-simmering feelings, if that's what she ultimately decides to do, but whether she chooses to share them with the other woman or not, Amanda is determined to make sure that Olivia is never alone in her sadness and will always be there for the woman she loves.