A/N-I'm so sorry for the long wait! Enjoy!
Maysilee gets better with time. She's gotten much better at controlling herself. She still hurts me occasionally, but that's usually when I come home drunk. That's often. That doesn't stop me from drinking, though. I'm addicted. As much as I hate to say it, I turned into a drunk. Maysilee was right.
Being drunk all the time isn't that bad. Your emotions are intensified. I forget about my family. I forget about Maysilee. I forget about…Vanessa. I feel guilty. I feel so very guilty.
When the Peacekeepers found their bodies, they said they died from unknown circumstances. They said it was some kind of sickness. Everyone knew, though. The Peacekeepers knew, too. No one dared to say it. We all pretended we believed their excuses.
I went to their funerals. I stayed sober for them, too. It was very hard. I was overcome with memories of my family and Vanessa. I pretended that Vanessa and I were still together. I didn't feel like explaining what happened. Her mother looked at me funny, but I pretended like I didn't notice. That's all I do nowadays. I always pretend. After I saw their corpses, though, I hid in the bathroom and cried.
After their funerals, I ran to the bar. Jenny immediately gave me a beer. I like Jenny a lot. She didn't say anything about my teary eyes or my drinking habits like Maysilee did. As soon as I got home, Maysilee immediately commented on my tear brimmed eyes and how much I drank. I got many bruises that night.
The next few days were miserable. I was reminded of everything. I remembered the pretty arena where Maysilee was murdered. I remembered the innocent looking house where my family was killed. I remembered the last words I spoke to Vanessa. I never left the house when the memories came back.
That is how my life played out for months. I locked myself in the house and drowned myself in beer. I stared longingly outside. I wanted to go outside, but it held too many painful memories.
No one dared to visit me. I was known as the drunken mentor. People said our tributes had no chance with me as a mentor. I was truly offended. I would do all in my power for one of our tributes to make it out when the time came.
That time eventually did come. Maysilee comforted me, but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. That Reaping was almost as terrible as mine. For a minute, I was back on that stage with the three other tributes. I stared at the new tributes. They were both from the Seam. They were so tiny and pure. I didn't want them to lose that, but I had no say.
For the next few weeks, I helped them in any way I could. I missed Maysilee. She wouldn't come. She said it would bring back too many painful memories. I know the tributes brought many horrifying memories. The little boy reminded me so much of Mason. He was about the same age as him, too. The girl was much older. She reminded me a lot of Vanessa, but much more quiet.
When training came, I told them to show off their strengths. I told them to be fearless. I wished I could hold them and tell them it was okay. I know that was what I longed for before I went into the arena. I wanted comfort that I never got.
I decided to talk to them the night they received their training scores. I found out the girl's name was Lilac, like the flower. The boy's name was Alexander, but he preferred Alex. I should've known this from the Reaping, but I was lost in my own reverie at the time. I had told them to try to grab something far away from the Cornucopia before running away. I instructed them to find cover and water immediately. They looked frightened, but they tried to appear brave in front of me. I assured them I would do everything to keep them alive. The seemed utterly grateful.
I couldn't sleep the night before the actual Games began. I wasn't the only one either. I heard Alex crying from the room next to me. He was a great kid, and he deserved the reassurance I never got.
He was very surprised when I entered his room. I ignored his shock. I strode straight to his bed and wrapped him in my arms. He sobbed into my shirt for the rest of the night.
"Thank you," he whispered after his cries had stopped. We fell into silence.
"You remind me a lot of my little brother," I whispered into the darkness. I don't know if he heard me, but I hope he did.
We didn't speak for the rest of the night. I waited until he fell asleep before I left. I entered my room and fell into a restless slumber.
When the Games arrived, it was as scary and horrifying as I remembered it. Alex had puffy eyes when he woke up. I pretended like I didn't notice. He stared at me with wide eyes. I whispered calming words.
Lilac, however, put on a brave face. I patted her shoulder in a soothing matter. She didn't even glance in my direction. She was determined to remain fearless, just like I had told her.
I watched them closely from the very moment they entered the arena. I was secretly rooting for Alex. He was such a sweet boy, but Lilac was such a daring spirit. I didn't want to pick one, so I tried to help them both.
It was no use. They both died the first day in the arena. The Career tributes killed them both. The worst part was that they didn't die quickly. They died a slow and painful death. I drank myself to sleep that night.
Now, I am awaiting their funerals. I am going to attend. I'll try to ignore their family members blaming me for their deaths. I'll try to pretend I don't see their hateful glares. I'll probably end up crying in the bathroom before the night is over.
A/N-I'm sorry for the long wait! Review, please! I hope you liked it!