Thank you, readers, and a huge thank you to my betas for helping me make this better.
We left Bella in Edward's arms..
Chapter 12
The moment connecting Bella and Edward was as delicate as a soap bubble. It broke when a droplet of milk fell from Edward's chin and ran down the back of Bella's neck. She shivered involuntarily from the cold.
"You can move."
"Yes," she whispered, feeling her cheek pressed against the rapid surge of his heart.
"Bella, everything was right there. Your brain and your body just needed to make the connection."
"Maybe half of it was. I still can't move my legs."
Pulling back from his embrace, Edward's eyes flashed with emotion. "You can't right now, but you will," he said, holding her by the arms. "You will," he repeated.
Edward looked her over, frantically checking things, seeing contracting muscles and synaptic responses that hadn't been there moments before.
"What exactly can you do? We'll go through everything."
"Maybe we should get cleaned up first," Bella laughed as she lifted a hand to brush a sodden Cheerio from Edward's cheek.
Bella's heart thudded as Edward pressed her hand to his cheek. He held it there silently, not letting her go.
"You're amazing," he whispered.
"Not as amazing as your one-man show," Bella said shakily, trying desperately to reign in her emotions. "I think you managed to cover this entire hospital room in milk. What exactly did you trip on, anyway, your own two feet?"
Summoning her wits, Bella gently pulled her hand free and set it on her lap. She didn't want to push him away, but she knew that maintaining a professional distance would be best for both of them.
Edward visibly swallowed and looked down at Bella's hand. He shook his head and covered his hurt expression with mock contempt.
"I'm an athlete. I'd never trip over my own feet."
Leaving her bedside, he got down on his hands and knees. After rummaging around on the floor, Bella heard an echo that sounded remarkably like I knew it from somewhere beneath the bedframe. A moment later, he popped up looking more disheveled than ever while holding a green crayon like it was the root of all evil.
"So that was the culprit," Bella mocked.
"Yup, I'm going to have a major talk with little Miss Whitlock."
"Don't scold her," Bella begged.
"Scold her? You mean yell at her?"
Bella nodded, and Edward's brilliant smile grew even wider.
"You can move your neck. Did you know that?" he asked as he lifted his hand to cup her cheek.
Bella shook her head no, unable to keep from smiling back at him.
"I can't believe it. God, Bella," he added with a dumbfounded grin.
Edward hopped up onto his feet and stared in disbelief at the green crayon in his hands.
"I'm not going to scold Cyndi. I'm going to buy her all the pop they've got in that vending machine down the hall. Then I'm going to let her drink it until she's bouncing off the walls. She can color any time she wants, anywhere she wants," he grinned gesturing wildly at the walls of Bella's hospital room. "Hell, I'll even let her bounce all over your bed if it gets you to sit up."
"I don't think that's wise, and I'm a little disappointed that my therapist would suggest such a thing."
"Don't you see, Bella," Edward pleaded, "that's what was wrong with everything we've been trying with you so far. You can move, but it's … it's like you need a trigger, like an involuntary action. You found something funny, and your brain and body worked together to react to it. Do you have any idea the number of possibilities this presents for us? There are so many reflexes the body manages without conscious thought. We're going to try all of them and find out exactly what you can do."
Bella's eyes grew wide in both excitement and fear. Edward caught the reaction and picked up her hand, squeezing it gently.
"I'd never hurt you, and I'd never let anyone else hurt you, either. You know that, right?"
Her answer was a short nod that made Edward's grin grow wider in response.
"You have to trust me," he said, taking up her other hand and holding them both gently his own. "I'm going to go get cleaned up and do some research, but I'll be back soon, okay? Dr. Newton will want to check you out, and I'll send in a nurse to help you get changed."
Everything was spinning so fast that Bella could only nod as Edward got up from her bed. He made his way toward the door then spun back as though he'd forgotten something important.
"Do you want me to call Dr. Whitlock, or do you want to give her the news when she stops by this afternoon?"
"You can call her," Bella answered, waving him off. For a moment, she was lost in wonder at the ability to move her hand.
"You're amazing, Bella Dwyer," Edward said reverently, calling her back to his beaming smile, "and you're going to be walking out of here before you know it."
Though Bella nodded bravely, walking out of Bethesda North and into the unknown of her new life was sadly becoming a bigger fear than triumph.
xxxXXXxxx
"So you just reacted?" Alice asked, awestruck.
"It seems that way. There isn't a scientific explanation for it other than to say something just…clicked. Even Michael seems to agree. He ran a myriad of tests, and of the ones that have come back, he hasn't seen anything abnormal or different. I don't know how to explain it other than to say I saw Edward lying there on my floor looking like a drowned piece of toast, and I couldn't hold it inside. It was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen."
Both women laughed hard enough to cry.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, you know?"
Bella nodded. "I know, we shouldn't laugh. At least he's not hurt."
A shadow of a dark thought passed over her, taking all the humor away with it.
"Hey," Alice called softly. "Where did you just go?"
Bella lifted her eyes and saw not her friend, but her therapist, Doctor Whitlock, sitting beside her. A sigh escaped her; they both knew it was time to really discuss her situation. Bella was now on a path to getting better, and with that came the stark reality of a life beyond her sterile hospital room. Even if Agent Swan's interest wasn't forcing her hand, she was going to have to make some serious decisions, and sooner rather than later.
The memory of the unadulterated joy Bella had seen in Edward's eyes lit her up inside like a candle flame. She couldn't imagine anyone being happier than he was the moment they realized she could move. Yet, the celebration of Bella's newfound dexterity was overshadowed by feelings of guilt at deceiving her biggest supporter. Edward's beaming grin blinked in her mind's eye like a bright red warning sign.
"It's what I just said, Alice. I said at least he's not hurt, but in my head, I hear the words, not yet."
"You're planning on hurting him?"
"Don't be flippant, Alice," Bella snapped in an Isabella-like tone. "You know that's what's going to happen. I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing. He thinks he's helping a young girl get better, when all he's doing is helping an old woman further a lie."
"Why do you see yourself that way?" Alice growled, throwing her hands exaggeratedly. "Do you think he cares for you only because of your physical appearance?"
Bella snorted, knowing this body had no real beauty. She was bald, thin and frail.
"I'm going to take that as a no," Alice said mockingly. They were both silent until Alice picked up Bella's hand and tugged on it, forcing Bella to look her in the eye. "Tell me this, do you share yourself with him? When you talk to him are you pretending to be something your not?"
"No," Bella began. She thought for a moment then shook her head. "Yes…Both," she groaned. "I don't lie to him, but the things I say when he asks me questions to distract me from the therapy are irrelevant, Alice. We both know I'm not what I appear to be."
"What are you then?"
"I'm a monster of my own creation: part of me is in this life, and part of me is in my old one. I'm half-alive and half-dead."
"You're not half-anything, Bella," Alice shot back, "and you never were."
Bella covered her face with her hand, grateful that at least this simple act of self-expression had been restored.
"I'm not twenty-five years old, Alice. I can't think and act like something I'm not."
"I wasn't suggesting that you should. The fact is you have a choice. If you don't want to live like Bella, go public and announce your success. Just know you could start over as Bella if that's what you wanted." Alice took both of Bella's hands in hers and held them tightly. "The only thing you have to come to grips with is that your life as Isabella Dwyer is over. You cannot go back to that life. No matter how much your mind thinks as she would, you will never be treated as she was."
"What are you talking about? She is me."
"No," Alice said, shaking her head. "That's who you were, not who you are now. Bella, you have the rare gift of living a part of life over again. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you want to do. The only thing you can't be right now is Isabella. You can grow into her, if that's what you choose. The lab is still there. You can start again or you can choose differently this time, but understand that you will not fit in her shoes. Physical age is what people see. The world is going to treat you as a twenty-five-year-old, because that is how you appear, but what you truly become in this new life is your choice and yours alone."
"Neither world is right for me, Alice."
"It's all one world, Bella. We live in it together. You just have to find your place in it."
"There's no place for someone like me."
"Say that to the people who care about you. Say that to Cyndi, say that to me, say that to Edward."
"Cyndi is an innocent, and you were my friend long before I made this choice. As for Edward, he cares, I can't deny that, but it's only because he doesn't know the truth."
"I don't believe that."
"I do," Bella said, shutting her eyes as that cold reality hit her like a slap to the face.
"So tell him," Alice said with a shrug. There was no brokering in her voice; the challenge was laid out as simply as a request for fries and a coke.
Bella swallowed hard, feeling her throat close with anxiety at the thought of revealing her true situation to Edward. The vision of his awed and hopeful expression, as he sat at her bedside, passed through her mind. Bella shut her eyes, recoiling at the idea of him never looking at her that way again.
The sudden sadness brought on by that thought stole her breath away. Bella shook her head, overwhelmed and confused by her reaction. It was obvious she enjoyed his company. She'd sorely miss the easy way they laughed and joked with each other, but was the idea of having him walk out of her life enough to cause the heartache building inside of her? She was his client. He was her friend. That was all there was and all there would ever be to their relationship. Yet, could she call herself his friend and then continue to deceive him?
From the day they'd met, Edward had told her that they needed to trust each other. It wasn't an issue with her therapy—there she trusted him implicitly—but the truth? Beyond her own fears, Bella worried over what the truth might do to him. Edward was so damn good at his job, and that was due in large part to the way he selflessly lived and breathed everything alongside his patients. Would telling him the truth destroy that perfect part of him? Bella shook her head, wondering if she could be so selfish as to assuage her own guilt by stripping Edward of the ability to trust those he served.
"I don't know, Alice," Bella said, rubbing her head. She could feel the beginning of a very bad headache coming on. "I need time to think."
"I understand," Alice said, running a gentle hand over Bella's head.
"You've made a lot of progress today by just letting things happen," Alice said, letting her hand fall to Bella's cheek. She cupped it tenderly and spoke as if she were soothing a child. "Don't think so hard that it holds you back. Sometimes it's best to let something else take control. Just…feel."
Alice never would have touched Isabella like this, and that knowledge should have put Bella off, instead she closed her eyes and allowed herself to be wrapped in Alice's comfort. This body was so strange to her; every emotion seemed to be magnified. Perhaps the fact that her old life had been taken away from her made her cling to those in this new one much more tightly.
The weight of the day barreled down upon Bella, consuming her as it rolled over her sore and newly used muscles. Exhaustion took her quickly. She barely felt Alice's hand slip from her cheek before falling into a restless sleep.
Bella's slumber was coated with vivid dreams, a distorted mixture of her old and new life. She found herself in the sterile comfort of her lab, where she was always in control. In the lab, there was no room for feelings, only facts born of science.
As quickly as that image came, it faded into darkness. Now Bella felt vulnerable, like a newborn chick forced from Isabella's protective shell. There were no more defenses, no preconceptions of her as Isabella to save her from a den of hungry wolves. Her only protection lay in a pair of strong but gentle hands held open before her. Bella wanted to run to them but knew she had to step out into the open and reveal her nakedness in order to receive that gift.
Again, her mind turned. She dreamed of the incessant pull of a young child upon its mother's apron strings. It felt like a nagging worry, yanking and tugging until the apron fell away along with all of her clothing. She stood naked and vulnerable, before those who would judge her. Her face was young and smooth, but it was Isabella's body standing before her accusers, giving witness to her crimes. The faces of those set in judgment turned away at the sight. You lie, they shouted and spat in torment. You lie.
Bella woke with a start, her heart beating furiously in her chest, but the voice of the young child still tug on her illusory apron strings, echoing in her ears.
Be mindful, it warned. This heart will know happiness, but it will also know pain.
Thanks for reading. I plan on posting another chapter later this week.
Leave me some love? I have a big birthday coming up tomorrow ; )
-FirstBlush