PRESENT DAY

"Call Sakura. Now." Commanded Inoichi, his voice thick with emotion.

"W-"

"No time to explain. Just get her here, now." Inoichi interrupted Ibiki.

"I understand."

I heard the door shut, signaling that Ibiki was gone. My eyes were shut tight.

"Not real." I said. Not a statement. A wish.

Two weeks earlier...

It took two days after my brother left until I got word. Two days of sitting atop a boulder and humming to myself, wondering which of these newfound strange visions were real, and which were fake.

The word did not come from Hidan. Or even Kakuzu. From the ground a green and white figure rose.

And his words changed the course of my life.

"Hidan and Kakuzu have fallen. You will be assigned a new partner." Said Zetsu.

My heart stopped.

"T-that's not a funny joke Zetsu. Stop it."

"We have an extraction soon. You're expected to be there, filling in your comrade's spot." He continued.

"Stop it. Stop it right now Zetsu! Stop with this joke!" I lunged for Zetsu, but he disappeared into the ground before I could reach him. "NO! ZETSU! ZETSU NO YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

Why did he say that? What was his motive? Was this a test? It had to be. There was no way Hidan could die. He was my brother. He had a reason to live! He… he didn't deserve to die. Did he? He did horrible things yes, but he had done such amazing things too. Like saving me.

I screamed for zetsu to come back over and over again, pounding at the ground until the mud splashing up coated my face. There I collapsed.

"It can't be… He couldn't have died."

But I knew something was very, very wrong. I got to my feet. It can't be. I thought to myself, walking automatically in the direction of Konoha.

My walk soon turned into a run. And I didn't stop. Through the rain, ignoring villagers who spotted the Akatsuki cloak, ignoring the obvious trail I was leaving. But I was moving slow, so very slowly. Fatigue, my newfound condition, and the weather was halting my proceedings. Eventually I had to stop at a cave and take rest.

Sitting and waiting for the rain to slow, I twirled the ring on my finger, thinking, brooding.

Hidan hadn't contacted me. There was no bird with a message, no sign of him. I felt empty of sorts.

There was one way I could find out for sure what had happened to him. I could ask the ninja he fought. I was going to Konoha for an unknown reason before, but right then, I had a rough plan.

And as I placed a hand on my stomach I felt so, so very guilty.

"I'm so sorry little baby, we might not return from this. But maybe, we can be together with oniichan in another life. The three of us can be reborn together. Wouldn't that be nice."

"Mika. That's what I'll name you. Or if you're a boy, Hidan. After your uncle. I hope you don't hate me."

Any further thoughts were unwanted. I stood and wiped rain off my face and continued on for two more days, going at a slow speed but gaining ground. Eventually the tree's turned into thick furs and deer and rabbits appeared. Something was guiding my feet, telling me just where the village was.

To be honest, I thought that by now, I'd have had at least one encounter with a ninja. There was no explination I could think of for their absence. There was no way they'd missed me.

The answer came to her later that very same day, running through the tree's I lost my footing when a Kunai was thrown at me. As I fell, such an intense fear and need to protect my stomach arose that instead of landing on the ground on my feet, I hit my shoulder hard. Luckily, there was no damage done. I hopped up, looking around.

From the trees a figure appeared, followed by another, and another, and another. Soon there were four Ninja. The same red headed kid from before, the brown haired one who'd been at the scene when Asuma died, a blonde with whiskers, and a girl with pupiless purple eyes.

It became immediately apparent that they were no ordinary ninja. This would explain why it took three days of travel to get someone on my tail. It would be suicide to send regular rank ninja after the Akatsuki, even after their weakest member.

I didn't feel afraid. Only relief at not having to run anymore, at getting my questions answered.

Or perhaps that was false. There was a fear of the truth. While traveling it was easy to distract myself. I could be in denial. What would I do after this? What if I was defeated? If they really had brought Kakuzu and Hidan down, I stood no chance. Though, perhaps it would be better to die than be alone. Hidan would have killed me for that thought

"You," I whispered, looking at Shikamaru only. He was clenching and unclenching his fists. "You can answer my question can't you?"

He glared on with hate that could scald. "I killed him. Like you killed Asuma."

His eyes matched Calista's. Revenge.

What a vicious cycle revenge was. Hidan killed Asuma. Shikamaru killed Hidan. Right then, if Shikamaru was telling the truth, I wished nothing more than to kill him.

But there was still a chance that he was lying… a chance to remain in denial. "You lie."

"Calista…" the blonde rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know what's going on, but it- I mean this all can't be true. You couldn't have hurt Asuma. It was a mistake right?"

I didn't even glance at him. The only one I saw, was Shikamaru.

His face, though contorted by rage, held no lie.

So I launched, with a wooden staff in hand. There was no strategy. Shikamaru was just as fast, blocking my attack with a kunai and retaliating.

The way we moved, was so in sync. It was as if we were taught Taijutsu together, with the same strategy and moves. The variations in our styles were insignificant.

"YOU LIE! YOU COULDN'T HAVE KILLED HIM!" I cried.

"I MADE SURE HE SUFFERED, AS YOU MADE ASUMA SUFFER!"

Naruto, Hinata, and Gaara watched on with weary eyes, none wanting to intervene.

I couldn't take Shikamaru's taunts. "I'll kill you!" I swore, bringing weapon after weapon after him. The fight had switched to Jutsu now. There didn't seem to be a break in his defence until- there. I aimed to hit his exposed left side with a newly fashioned sword.

"Switch." Shikamaru yelled. And it became apparent that his opening was left on purpose.

Another person interrupted my aim. Before me now was the pupiless girl. With a strong hand, she pushed me back. It began again. I was not thinking. At times, it felt like I wasn't in her body. My senses were slowly being overloaded with things that weren't real. My vision was changing and I had to focus solely on the girl to see and know what was real. I was losing my mind again.

"Switch!" Hinata called after I delivered a nasty gouge to her leg.

Now Naruto was in front of me. I leapt back, something telling me to be wary of this man. My senses were becoming more and more skewed.

"I don't know what to think anymore Calista, so I'm not going to try. I'm just going to defeat you and take you back home!" He declared.

Home I thought. It felt like my body was floating on clouds. what is home? I've never had one.

Home was with my brother. They killed my brother.

Naruto was the hardest to fight. The hardest to get a leg up on. He was stronger than the others. I spotted his clone running forward with a little blue orb of light seconds before it would have hit me in the stomach. Panic inhibited my abilities. I turned, shielding my stomach once more, and letting my shoulder take the hit. I was sent backwards, Naruto was stunned by the hit.

"Calista!" He hollered, clearly concerned.

I stood up, my shoulder hanging at a weird angle.

I didn't see them. I didn't see anything at all. It was black. My body was moving, I was sure. But I didn't know how. In this black abyss there was finally piece. Whatever was controlling my body felt so, so nice. It was wonderfull to have the strain off of myself. Something else could do all the work for me.

Then through the black, something reached me. Something warm and gritty. It wrapped around my body, caressing it. I felt comfortable, blissfull. I focused on that feeling. It was very, very real.

"Calista"

The sound reached me through the black. I felt like I was being caressed by it even more than the gritty substance around my body. It calmed me completely. I focused on listening to it getting louder and louder.

"Calista…" It whispered again.

The gritty substance, the voice. They were real.

Then a smell entered the darkness. Lemongrass. It was overwhelming but of all the things, it was the most lovely.

The sound of my name called by a familiar voice. The feeling of something warm against my skin. The smell of lemongrass. I focused only on those.

And suddenly I had eyes. I had a nose and hands and I could feel my own body again. I opened my eyes, meeting familiar blues.

Naruto… I thought as thought I'd known the name my whole life. For a moment it didn't seem foreign. But that moment passed swiftly. He was holding onto my shoulders.

There was sand wrapped around my body and his hands, in an iron grip but not uncomfortably.

"Don't you remember me?" Naruto asked. "Don't you remember all of us? REMEMBER CALISTA!"

I shook my head. What had I forgotten? What did I need to remember? There was something nagging me.

"Remember! Do you remember training with me, how you said you'd one day be as strong as me?" Naruto asked.

I shook my head. It couldn't be. I was confused still. That was all.

"You have to! Remember when, when we went shopping? When Hinata and you made cookies for me in the hospital? "

I glanced at Hinata.

T-t-the color yellow! We should make the f-frosting Yellow! No reason! It's j-just really pretty! There's no other r-reason…

I blinked. Hinata's mouth hadn't moved, but was sure she spoke…

"Remember playing that stupid board game with Shikamaru and when you flipped the board?"

What a drag. This is why girls are no fun to play with.

Calista looked at Shikamaru. There it was, again!

"Don't you remember? We had so much together Calista! HOW CAN YOU FORGET! How can you forget Gaara! That's too horrible of you. Too selfish of you to forget him Calista!"

Gaara stepped forward now. He reached out timidly, before touching my cheek.

I felt tears spring to my eyes for no reason. "Do you remember when you told me you loved me? When you ran after me?"

I don't need you to say anything but one word. Say Yes.

The ears fell and he wiped them away. "No… no… I don't want to remember Gaara."

"There's no lie Calista. You need to remember."

"NO! NO!"

"Remember. Remember playing with Kiyo and Shou. Remember the nights we spent alone. Remember me getting mad at Kiyo for stealing my spot. Remember the ring I got you. The ring you still wear. Remember how much you l-"

"NO! NO! NO!" I was screaming now, trying to block out the memories from returning.

"I DON'T WANT TO R-"

Gaara cut me off. His lips were on mine, his arms around me.

I widened my eyes. It felt so familiar, so warm. I didn't want it to stop. My eyes slowly lowered, and as he pulled away, I knew one thing was certain. Those lips, had been on mine before. Never had I been so sure of something. The way my heart sped up was natural.

The next time my eyes opened, I saw faces that looked familiar. In my mind there was a wall blocking out something important. And with every word they spoke, a part of it was being chipped away.

"Don't discrage Asuma by not remembering him Calista. You need to take responsibility."

Another chip.

"Y-you were a lot of fun to be around Calista. I r-r-really liked it when you were in the village. When you c-cooked with me. Hinata stuttered.

Another chip.

"You were my friend Calista. Kakashi and I, we thought of you as family. So did Jiraiya." Said Naruto.

Another chip.

Gaara pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you. It's time for you to remember that."

The wall shattered. I gasped. It all came back to me. Living in the leaf. The fun I had with Jiraiya, Sasuke, Hinata, Naruto, Neji, Ino, Choji, Lee, Tenten, Ibiki, Inoichi, and so many more.

And Asuma.

I gasped. Asuma. How I had loved him and how my first experience had been with him. How even though we weren't meant to be I never regretted the time we'd shared. I remembered Gaara. How I loved him. All the pain and all the good. Shou and Kiyo. And then the mission gone bad.

I couldn't handle it. All the pain and regret. Asuma's death followed by my brother. It hurt so, so much.

"Gaara." I hissed through the mental agony.

"Calista." He looked so relieved.

"I might loose my mind now. I feel it coming."

"What do you mean?" He rubbed my cheeks and I closed my eyes.

I had no time to explain. The tingling of insanity was close approaching. Shikamaru had released his Jutsu. I placed a hand over Gaara's "Don't, don't let go of me."

And he didn't. As the darkness came, I held on to the feeling of his arms around me.

The next time I woke up however, Gaara was nowhere to be found. I was in a cell, in the deepest parts of Konoha. Where I couldn't hurt anyone. Where it was best.

Where I cried, and I cried, and I cried for the pain of it. The wrongs I had done. They could do whatever they wished. It was my punishment to bear.

I could never right the wrongs I had committed. I could never bring Asuma back.

And that negative energy was the only thing I could be sure of while the insanity took hold. I didn't fight it, or try and keep it back. I embraced it, hoping maybe it could dull the guilt.

It never did.