Authors Ramble: I just have to say, my iPod has a better font (to write with) so now I'll (hopefully) be more productive, as I can now SEE my typing without going "Is that a 'w'... Or an 'f'... Maybe I should get my eyes tested..." the only malfunction is that walls seems to be capitalised randomly in the middle of sentences.
But anyway, THE SHOW THAT IS REALLY A STORY MUST GO ON!
Oh, and Fu*k is used multiple times, without censorship, multiple times. Along with mentioning of entrails. If you don't know what entrails are, they are your guts. Or innards. Or intestines. Or whatever-the-hell-you-call-the-slimy-stuff-in-you. Whoever can figure out what the plot is gets a virtual livestock of their choice thrown at them. And who DOESN'T want virtual livestock thrown at them?
- begin story -

"And... Li, funny short Asian name... Forfeits... Although he just lost. What does that make him? An extreme loser. I guess..." why must the world be so... Hard on Mavis-citizens?

I'm so embarrassed... Losing to him like that? What the hell, man? Why was I so distracted?
Li's thought train was interrupted when he ran into a shirtless man (who I refuse to accept as a Mavis, so he's some crazy shit that Mavis hired as a Sex-ed teacher.).
"Oh, Bonjour, mon petit cheri! And how is your life in l'amour?" questioned the random dude.
The... Hell? WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? thought Li. Great. Next I'll be sitting around with people like MAVIS eating sandwiches- oh, lord, I already DO hang out with crazy shits like Mavis!

"...I can demonstrate if you want!" finishes the crazy as batshit teacher. As Li had been ranting in his mind, he was unable to figure out what he had been talking about. So he uttered the most intelligent thing he could currently think of.

"Huh?"

"L'amour! My poor, stupid child! L'amour!"
And with that, the teacher tried to drag Li off. Suddenly, there was a huge clang, and the teacher was on the ground with a lump the size of a frying pan on his head. Behind him was Pirate Mavis, grumbling about the 'damn supreme officer taking my sword (which makes no sense, as Kurogane has his [evil snicker] sword) and being hired like I'm some sort of mercenary.'

"Who?"

"Well, thanks fer askin! My name is-" pirate Mavis who had almost revealed his name was abruptly interrupted by Li.

"No, who hired you to try to kill the sex-ed teacher?"

"Well... Ehrrm... you?" said the pirate, clearly confused. "Never mind. I think my brain is broken, or at least sprained. I thou' ye had a blue eye..."
A blue eye?

"Oh, and the spe- spififik- spekifi- terms... Were that I was to hit or kill anyone to try to hurt you, no' just the sex-ed teacher. I jus' wonder why we even have a sex-ed. Mavis clone, no' reproduce..."
Creepy... thought Li. Why is this Mavis still rambling? Is this guy supposed to be like a body guard? Hmm... Whoever hired this... Is it even a guy or a girl? Was raving mad.

"And that's why I can't be a pirate 'ny mo'. Sad, sad, wee little tale..."

"Ehrm... Are you going to follow me around?"

"Great idea, lad! There be smarts left in ya yet! The old fashioned stalking technique. Good, good times..." I wonder why this guy seems to switch between normal talk and crazy attempted pirate speak... Just then, a voice that sounded strangely like Kurogane sounded. Except... It sounded like he had gotten kicked in the balls. Several times.

"What. The. Hell. You would think that a teacher would know better than pour any sort of random potion on a student..." Kurogane stalked down the hall angrily. Except there were noticeable differences. Like... He was noticeably shorter. And had longer hair. And he had boobs. Yes, that definitely was a noticeable difference. A VERY noticeable difference. And he was also wearing a skirt. Li suddenly came to the conclusion that either shape-shifting was one of the classes Kurogane was taking, or he had been turned into a girl. A small part of his mind wondered if his anatomy had been changed as well. This part, he decided, should be executed immediately, as soon as he had the chance.

"Oh Kuro-pie! I think you look fabulous! Now be a good kid and-"

"The FUCK?" yells Li. Why does this stuff happen to me? Why, God? Did I do something really, really bad in a past life?

"Kuro-goo turned into a man-girl~!" giggles Fai.

"Fuck off." grunts Kurogane the man-girl.

"Ah, mon chere! You are wasted on these imbeciles! Come with me, and we shall explore the vast depths of amour and-" the sex-ed teacher was cut off by both Kurogane and pirate Mavis hitting him. Kurogane hitting his face with a fist, and pirate Mavis with a frying pan on the back of the head.

"'R we gonna do sumthin' bout this... Thing? Or can I deal wi' 'im?" pirate Mavis suddenly had a strange gleam in his eye. Before Kurogane could suggest decapitating him or worse, Li shoved him off with a 'do whatever you want!'. He really wasn't in the mood to see some guys entrails hanging from the walls. He had just been beaten by himself in a sword-fight. /Stupid clone... Why did I even get cloned anyway?/ Although being a pirate, his entrails probably were gong to be on the Walls. Just not where he could see them. Which was better than seeing entrails all over the Walls. Suddenly there was an explosion, and Ri was standing in the middle of this conversation.

"Hey, are you okay? I totally pwned you, and I wanted to know if your over-blown ego took a hit, too." Ri smirked.

"What the hell? Bastard, nobody gives a damn about you!" yella Li.

"No, actually, nobody gives a damn about Sakura. I mean, nobody asked me what happened to her!" yells Mavis. Everybody stared at her.

"You- you mean you didn't just leave her?" stutters Li.

"No, I killed her and ate her liver. Now she's on a slow lifeboat to China. Why else do you think I've been avoiding public bathrooms? Cheese, people!" and with that, Mavis ran off. There was a shocked silence.

"Aww, that sucks, I was in a pairing with her!" exclaims Fai.

"What?" squeaks Kurogane. His/her brow furrowed, obviously unhappy with his newfound girly voice.

"You know, a pairing? Where two people *bleep* and *bleep* together?" says Fai. Kurogane stares and slowly comes to a realisation.

"You mean-" everyone stared. Was Kurogane a virgin? What was he so shocked about? Everyone was silent. "You're not gay?" he asked. Everyone sighed. What the hell? What is that about? What the hell? Why? What? Ak! and with that, Ri grabbed his wrist and dragged him away.

"You hang out with crazy freaks? Those aren't even freaks, they belong in an insane asylum!" Ri ranted as Li struggled and tried to get away.

"I never said that~!" exclaims Fai as if he was hurt by that comment. Kurogane seemed to be thinking.

"Tag!" he/she yelled as she shoved Fai over and ran for his/her life. As Fai finally processed this, Seto popped in.

"Mavis! How dare you break up a potential rape scene! I wanted Cloney to get all killer on everyone!" she yells. Mavis suddenly appeared holding a deep-fried lump of something.

"But this is only rated T! In America!" she exclaims.

"What? Why are you acting so patriotic?"

"Because! It's Christmas time! In America!" Mavis yells. Alice walks in.

"I propose we start either a 'Kill Mavis for not putting us in our favourite characters classes' club, or a 'Get KuroFai and SyaoSyao together club'!" she yells.

"I vote for the first one!" yells Aero.

"When did you get here?" yells Seto.

"I was hiding in the air vent to annoy Kurogane. I fell out, but nobody noticed. Not even the narrator." she exclaims, striking a ninja pose.

"What? Wait… no, never mind… I don't even…"

- End story-

Oh, and just so you know… I wrote this all on my iPod, except the last couple lines…

Any way… vote! Kill Mavis club, or 'Get kurofai and syaosyao together' club?