Woo, this is rough chapter but they are my specialty after all (hence the pen name :P). Get the tissues ready! xD Hope you enjoy all the same. I'm loving writing this :)

"What the fuck do you want?"

Commander Shepard's voice was full of venom, her eyes of fire, as she observed the middle-aged woman before her with nothing but loathing. Although they looked alike, the Commander's eyes still held some kind of warmth, whereas her mother's were completely devoid of any sentiment whatsoever. Ringed with black mascara, they started back at their only child, seemingly amused by her reaction to her presence. Apparently this was something to be expected. Samantha froze, glancing from the Commander to her mother, waiting for her response. To her surprise, the woman simply laughed once again, her cackle bringing chills to her spine.

"Now, now, kid! Is that any way to talk to your momma?" she mocked in her Southern drawl, taking another draw of her cigarette and blowing the smoke out the side of her mouth.

"I wouldn't know. She wasn't around long enough for me to learn," Shepard replied coldly. Her mother chuckled again.

"Touché! Some things never change. I see you've still got that nasty temper on you."

"What you mean since the last time I saw you?" Shepard snarled, "That was almost twenty years ago you sack of shit. What's dragged you out of the woodwork now I wonder?"

At this, her mother's expression became serious. "Look kiddo I...I need your help," she said awkwardly, flicking her cigarette butt onto the ground.

Now it was the Commander's turn to laugh. Samantha watched her bring a hand to her face and shake her head in disbelief. Still chuckling, she turned and leaned her arms on the rail, staring out at the Presidium once more.

"Unbelievable," she said with a forced smile, "I should have known..."

Her mother moved over beside her, desperation oozing from her body language. Clearly she wasn't against begging if the situation called for it.

"Hayls," she said gruffly, touching her arm. "Do this one thing for me, please. I've missed you all these years you know."

Samantha jumped as Shepard flinched away from the woman's touch. The smile had been wiped form her face instantly and she glared at her mother.

"Don't fucking touch me, Amanda...Or whatever name you go by these days," she said angrily, giving the woman daggers. "And no one calls me that anymore."

"Why? Too many painful memories?" her mother teased.

"Of you?" Shepard scoffed, "There aren't enough memories of you for any of them to be remotely painful."

"God, kid, are you ever going to get over that? You're a grown woman for Christ's sake. You didn't need a mother then and you don't need one now so what's the problem, huh?"

"What's the problem?" Shepard repeated incredulously, "Are you kidding me? You don't see any problem with how you've lived your life?"

"No," Amanda scoffed, "Why the fuck would I? I stayed true to myself. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and let nobody stand in my way! Aren't you doing the same damn thing? We're not all that different, Hayls."

"I'm nothing like you," Shepard snarled viciously. "I don't use people then discard them like they mean nothing to me."

"Hey, don't try and fool me. I saw that vid of you gunning down your old partner. That Spectre dude, Kai—something. Why do you think I contacted you?" her mother said, almost sounding proud. "Why do you think I got in touch after all this time, huh? After everything I've done to claim the skies and my own daughter comes out as top pirate instead, captaining one of the most notorious frigates of all time! You're a living legend, Hayley."

"You...What!?" Shepard asked, as though thoroughly confused. "You think I'm a pirate? Like you? I work for the Goddamn Alliance. I don't sail the skies and raid helpless ships as they pass."

"Aw, come on, we all have our covers," her mother laughed, "You don't take orders from anyone, Spectre. You're a law unto yourself. I can respect that. Hell, I envy you!"

Shepard looked at Samantha, stunned, as if questioning if she was hearing all this correctly then turned back to her mother.

"I didn't want to kill Kaiden," she said through gritted teeth, "He was my friend. He was just... doing his duty...and I was doing mine."

"Ah, whatever!" her mother chuckled, "Look I don't really give a damn about all that. You came to see me and that's all that matters."

"I didn't, actually," Shepard replied, "It seems I was tricked."

Samantha gulped.

"Either way, you're here," Amanda continued, "I've got a proposition for ya, kiddo. You ain't gonna want to miss it."

"What? Emancipation? Did I officially stop being your daughter?" Shepard joked bitterly. "Because that'd be the best fucking thing I've heard in years."

"Hey, your father was the reason you never had a mother so don't—"

"Don't you dare blame him!" Shepard yelled furiously.

Feeling extremely awkward and intrusive in a private conversation, Samantha cleared her throat, breaking the tense silence.

"Well...I'll...Just be going then," she began lightly, pointing in a few different directions, not caring where she was heading, but knowing that she had to get away from there. Before she could move, Commander Shepard turned and grabbed her arm tightly, her grip vice-like and firm.

"Don't move!" she said harshly, her eyes wild with fury. There was a coldness in her tone that Samantha had never heard directed at her before. "I haven't finished with you."

A little terrified now, Sam swallowed hard, frozen into place by Shepard's words. Oh, God! She hates me now, I know it! Oh, crap, why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I just tell her? This was none of my business! Kicking herself inside and berating herself over and over, she gave a shaky nod.

"Y-yes, Ma'am," she whimpered, staying rooted to the spot. I'm for it now.

"Oh let the little skank go!" Amanda complained, "She has nothing to do with this!"

Shepard released Samantha and turned in a flash, grabbing Amanda by the scruff of her black leather vest and squaring up to her, almost lifting her off her feet.

"Don't talk about her like that...And keep your fucking nose out of my business or I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" her mother retorted, amused and unafraid despite the fact that there could have been steam rising from Shepard's ears at how furious she was. Angering the most fearsome person in her Galaxy didn't seem to faze her in the slightest. "You gonna hit me? Wouldn't be the first time, kid."

"I was twelve then!" Shepard protested, "And you deserved it! My father let you walk all over him time and time again, and I couldn't stand it anymore!"

"Your father was pathetic," her mother jeered, "Why do you think I left him in the first place? Oh Jack thought he could change me. He wanted to play house and turn me into something I wasn't so I left. Sue me! Don't act like you wouldn't do the same thing in my shoes."

"Not if I had a one year old child!" Shepard yelled, sounding rather emotional now. Samantha heard her gasp breathlessly. Shepard released her mother forcefully and leaned on the rail beside her for support. Her voice became rather hoarse and distant. "And then you came waltzing back eleven years later. You pretended you'd changed and we welcomed you back with open arms...and then you stole from us, leaving us with nothing but the clothes on our backs and an empty apartment and left on you ship with your scumbag crew."

"And you haven't seen me since," her mother finished, sounding rather unsympathetic and rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, the abandoned child routine. Heard it all before, Hayley...Look, I'm here now, ain't I?"

"Only because you want something!" Shepard shouted, riling up once more. "Why the fuck would I help you after everything you've done? You didn't even come back for the memorial service! I had to watch my father burn to death then bury him without a body alone on Earth because you gave a damn about no one but yourself. You didn't even see what happened on Mindoir!"

"Forget about that, will you?"

"Forget about it!?" Shepard countered, sounding perilously close to lashing out now, "I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was sixteen! I can't get it out of my head! I watched it fucking burn! All of it! Don't you dare tell me to 'forget about it'. You have no idea what it was like!"

Samantha could feel her eyes fill with tears then a silence fell between them once more. God, I've made a big blunder with this. What if she never forgives me? Amanda sighed, glancing at Traynor before continuing, trying to re-route the conversation with a gentler tone of voice. Even she seemed to realise that she had made a mistake then.

"Look...I'm sorry...And despite what you may think of me I'm still your momma. I don't want you to die fighting the Reapers, kiddo," she said, watching the glowing orange eyes of Shepard flash dangerously. "What I'm asking you to do will benefit both of us. I'll give you my crew and my assets for the war effort to do as you see fit. If you really hate me that much then send me into fucking battle with them! Just hear me out before you pull a Jack and turn your nose up at anything unorthodox."

"Don't you dare talk about him like—"

Samantha couldn't take any more. This is...horrible. While Shepard laid into her mother again with almost twenty years of pent up aggression, Traynor took a deep breath and turned away, escaping as quickly as she could. She was shaking all over, from head to foot by the time she had reached the Normandy and climbed aboard. Thankfully everyone, apart from a few servicemen, was still on the Citadel, enjoying their shore leave. Samantha began pacing the CIC worriedly. How was Commander Shepard going to react? The idea of keeping the message a secret from her seemed silly and juvenile now. And I lied to her the whole day, Sam relented, berating herself for her stupidity, I shouldn't have gotten involved. I should have just told her the truth and let her handle it herself, then been there for her if it went tits up. Wondering then why she didn't think of that in the first place, Sam grabbed a handful of her hair and groaned, closing her eyes for a second to think of how she could make this up to her. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and began to leave the Normandy, working out her plan in her head. I'll buy her a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy and wait in her apartment for her to return so we can talk this out. There's no way I'm making the same mistake twice.

A few hours later, Samantha was perched on the bottom end of Shepard's bed, holding the bottle of brandy in her hand with a small purple ribbon tied around it in a bow. As soon as she heard the elevator doors ping open, signalling Shepard's arrival, her heart began to thump wildly in anticipation. The Commander opened the door and stepped inside, resting her back against it and closing her eyes, not realising that she wasn't alone.

"Hi," Sam said awkwardly, getting to her feet.

Shepard jolted awake. She searched the cabin, her tired green eyes meeting Samantha's apologising brown ones then. After a seconds paused, the Commander straightened up off the door, looking embarrassed at having been caught having a private moment to herself and slowly closed the distance between them, taking a few steps across the floor. Sam watched her descend the little staircase in front of the fish tank, with Shepard determinedly not looking at her. The Commander then began to take off the outer half of her Alliance uniform.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, tossing her blue jacket aside, revealing a small black tank top that clung to her muscled torso revealingly. She sat down on a chair in the elegant little lounge and started untying her boots. Samantha took a deep breath and walked towards her.

"I...I wanted to see if you were alright... I got this for you," she said in a small voice, holding the Serrice Ice Brandy out to her. Shepard ignored it, pulling off her boots and getting to her feet. She walked past Samantha as though she wasn't there and began to rifle through the mountain of datapads on her desk, her dog tags swinging back and forth in a hypnotising way. Samantha sighed sadly and placed the bottle of brandy on the table instead. "Look, Shepard I...I'd like to apologise for earlier," she began cautiously, seeing a muscle in the Commander's jaw twitch. "I-I should have told you about that message."

"Yeah, no shit," Shepard replied dryly, still not looking at her.

"I-I wanted to, I did!" Samantha pressed on, stumbling over her words, "I just thought...Well I just thought it was best not to tell you. You already have enough trouble sleeping and-"

She recoiled in surprised as she Commander suddenly tossed the pile of datapads in her hand at the wall, breaking them into pieces.

"Damn it," Shepard gasped weakly, holding her head with a shaky hand and lowering herself onto the nearest chair. She began breathing heavily, as though desperately fighting against succumbing to her overflowing emotions, even in front of someone close to her. Concerned, Samantha walked over and bent down beside her, placing a hand on her leg. "Don't!" Shepard said harshly, brushing her away as though she had no urge to be close to her right now. "Just... don't."

"I'm sorry," Samantha apologised sincerely, unable to express just how much it were so. "I was just trying to protect you. I-I know it was stupid but-"

"You had no right!" Shepard replied, her anger flaring up at once. She jumped to her feet again and walked a few feet away. "You had no right to keep that message from me," she said then through gritted teeth, turning back to Sam who felt close to tears now.

"I...I was going to tell you but I just didn't know how!" Traynor replied, straightening up and standing rather helplessly, with her arms by her side. "For the last few days I've been wrecking my brains, trying to figure out what to do!"

"So you just lied about it?" The Commander asked in disbelief, looking more hurt than Samantha had ever seen her. "Jesus Christ, Samantha, I was worried sick about you the whole day because I knew something was bothering you. I thought you were having second thoughts about us, that Liara had said something to put you off or...or something bad had fucking happened to you! And all that time it was... this!?"

"I know! I know! I made a mistake!" Samantha cried, unable to stop her tears from falling now and feeling mortified for crying in front of her when she was the one in the wrong. "I had no idea what you mother was like," she said then, referring to Amanda. "If I'd have known I—"

"You'd what?" Shepard yelled, "I told you how much I hated that bitch, yet you walked me right into her fucking trap! You knew she was waiting for me this whole time! If you had of came clean in the first place I'd never have set foot on the Presidium."

"I...I couldn't find the right moment," Sam answered lamely, grasping at straws.

"That right moment? I gave you so many opportunities to be straight with me today, Samantha, and you continued to lie through your teeth," Shepard said, shaking her head as though seeing her in a different light now.

"I thought it'd be alright in the end! That's why I gave in and allowed you to go to the Presidium like that. I thought I was re-writing my original mistake of not telling you," Sam replied. "I had no idea just how...angry she'd make you."

"Get a good gloat, did you?" Shepard interrupted bitterly, "Get a good laugh at my expense? My dear old mother always did know how to put on a show. I bet you think I'm the fucking bad guy there after hearing the things I said to her."

"No! Shepard, of course I don't!" Sam replied, taking a step towards her, "I don't blame you in the slightest for reacting the way you did. She's...She's...W-What did she want?"

A moment of tense silence passed between them.

"For me to get Commander Bailey to clear her criminal record so as she could operate within Citadel-Controlled Space again," Shepard said then, sounding ashamed, "Typical! The whole Galaxy going to ruin around her and she's still thinking of no one but herself...And you know the worst part? I fucking did it! She always did have good connections, and her crew have been terrorising the Galaxy for years, running half the Terminus Systems. They have more advanced equipment than most armies. The war effort could use them dearly," Her hands balled up into fists then. "...God, this fucking war is making me sell my very soul! I can't do this anymore!"

Her voice cracked then and her face lined with strain. She turned and lashed out at the lamp on the bedside table in frustration, knocking it to the floor along with the framed display of her old dog tags, hearing it smash. Sam recoiled once more, seeing Shepard lean on her desk with both hands then, her head bowed, breathless and out of control. She looked broken and battered, a shell of the woman she had been just a few short years ago. It was only then that Sam fully understood exactly what this war must have been doing to her. She was being forced to go against her morals and everything she stood by just to try and get a slight upper-hand against a hopeless cause...and it was killing her as sure as the Reapers were.

"She must have hurt you deeply," Traynor said softly, having never felt more sympathetic in her life.

Shepard snorted, "Yeah," she sighed, kicking the remains of the lamp aside with her toe and collapsing onto the end of her bed beside her pillow, "And she's not the only one..."

At this, Samantha's guilt squirmed in her stomach once more, making her feel sickened for all the secrecy. Five days. Five days I had to tell her about this and I didn't! God, I'm such an idiot. Unable to stay away from her, Sam walked over and sat down by her side, wondering what she could do to try and show the woman just how sorry she was. She reached out and attempted to take her hand. The Commander shook her off, though not as forcefully this time.

"Shepard," she pled, wishing desperately that she would look at her.

"I...I think you should leave," Shepard muttered finally, staring down at her hands, fidgeting with them to avoid making eye contact.

Sam's heart broke. "W-what?" she whispered.

Shepard exhaled. "You disobeyed a direct order, Samantha." Her words were soft but she may as well have shouted them for the effect they had.

"You...You're not going to... fire me are you?" Sam gasped.

Shepard sighed. "No...I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

"Shepard, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Sam sniffled, grabbing her arm, "I was j-just..."

"I know," Shepard replied sadly, "Just...leave me alone, Samantha...I can't even look at you right now."

Sniffing once more, Samantha stared at her for several seconds letting her tears fall, before reluctantly getting to her feet. Oh god...This can't be. As she reached the door she looked back, seeing Shepard slide down onto the floor among the mess she had made and sit with her arms wrapped around her knees, looking dejected and as though she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. Wiping her eyes, Sam then turned and exited the cabin, walking into the elevator and pressing the button to the Crew Deck before breaking down in huge, heaving sobs.