Sincere thanks to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to review. I've really fallen in love with these three as I've been writing the story, and I hope it comes through.
"You had no right!" Shikamaru's shouting would wake everyone in the on-sen, if Ino had not had the foresight to lay a silencing seal on the floor between them. Thick steam billows around them, as hot and turbulent as the storm brewing between them. The women's bath is abandoned, and thankfully so, because Shikamaru had stormed in after Ino, heedless of the signs on the door.
Given a moment to choke down his rage, Shikamaru had managed to settle Chouji in bed and elicit a promise that the big shinobi would remain there until he returned. The answering deferential whisper made Ino's heart ache. Chouji's pliancy was endearing, but like a puppy kicked out of the way too often, there was a timid desperation in it, a plea for affection mingled with a terrible fear of rejection. Ino stayed long enough to watch Shikamaru drape a coverlet over their spent teammate, and then removed herself from the room as quickly as her feet would carry her. As she sped down the corridors to the bath, she had muttered a prayer for Shikamaru to control himself for just a few more minutes.
The fire in his eyes has not dimmed. His face is a thundercloud, more darkly menacing than she ever imagined it could be. Her heart beats like a hammer against her ribs, but she answers him as evenly as she is able.
"You gave me no choice," she says flatly.
"It wasn't your place," he shouts, "you goddamned, meddling bitch!"
The insult stings, and if she had been unnerved by his uncharacteristic belligerence, she is now only angry. She steps up to him suddenly, standing so close to him that her breasts brush his shirt. It's intentional, if not premeditated. A sudden intuition, grown-up and womanish, struck her, and she realized such brazenness would alarm him as much as his vehemence upset her. It's petty revenge, but she's too angry to care. She raises herself on tiptoe, leaning in, pushing herself against him.
"You hurt him once already." She bites the words off in his ear, just centimeters from his throat. "You and your temper." He sputters as she continues coldly, "I couldn't let you hurt him again."
"You! You can fucking even say that to me!" Outraged fists ball up at his sides. His aura churns violently in the space between them, rising instinctively to meet her, and his shadow shivers with his fury. "Do you know what you've done to him?"
She freezes, steeling herself.
"Every day, every goddamned day, for how many years? He was never good enough for you! We weren't good enough, not for you, and your fucking shallow pride, and your castles-in-the-sky fantasies!"
Ino's stomach clenches painfully, and she chews the inside of her lips until she tastes blood.
"You're so fat," Shikamaru sneers, vicious in his anger. "Why don't you go on a diet? Don't you know girls like slim guys? You're never going to get a girlfriend." He straightens to his full height and drags a deep, unsteady breath into his lungs, thrusting his chest out, and scowls scornfully down at her. Some detached part of Ino's brain idly perceives that his stance is a primal, unconscious show of male aggression, a puffing up to intimidate one's adversaries. Perhaps an entirely natural response to her abrasive sexuality. Ino clings to the observation, struggling to view him solely as a specimen for study, to ignore his words and the loathing in them.
"Slow down," he mocks her, relentless, "you're embarrassing me! Why can't you eat like a normal person?"
Tears sting like mad, but she refuses to let them fall. Shikamaru's vindictive streak is a vice he always regrets indulging. When his rage subsides, he will rue his words. His remorse will be worse if he knows he made her cry.
He doesn't really hold her at fault. They've been mentally linked twice since they left the village; he couldn't have concealed such resentment in the intimacy of that bond. But he is hurt, humiliated and defensive, and she is a convenient target. He's lashing out. And she'll take it.
"Why can't you keep your fucking promises?"
This last, horrible indictment drives her back a step, and despite her best intentions, her stare falls to Shikamaru's chest. One powerful stride brings him to her, another attempt to intimidate, but she won't be moved again.
"I know my sins very well," she answers harshly, over the ache in her throat. She forces herself to look up and catches the first glimmer of uncertainty in Shikamaru's black eyes. Surprises bring out the worst in him, because his poor reaction time makes him vulnerable, and like most men, vulnerability makes him angry. There is no telling how he had expected his conversation with Chouji to end, but certainly having Ino hijack his body hadn't been in the cards. She can't really blame him for being upset. But nor was she in the wrong.
"I will never hurt him again," she vows, still fighting the tightness in her voice. "I would rather die." She raises her chin, very nearly flinching as a tear spills down her cheek. The she matches Shikamaru's formidable stare with one of her own.
"But I'll never let anyone else hurt him, either. No matter how much they may love him."
He flushes brightly, and in embarrassment, fumbles for some defense. "You took my body! In the middle of that, in…" Too self-conscious to continue, he presses his lips together tightly and turns away.
"Only for a few seconds! And I had to!" Ino objects. "Believe me," she adds feelingly, "I would have happy just to watch."
Shikamaru's ever-darkening flush reaches a painfully violet hue. "That's another thing," he mutters. Some of the tension recedes with the volume of his voice. He cups the back of his neck with one hand, embarrassed for a dozen reasons, still furious, and completely incapable of handling such a variety of complicated emotions all at once.
The genius's emotional ineptitude is as heartbreakingly endearing as Chouji's tractability. Ino feels her own defensiveness slipping away. "It was beautiful," she says softly, breaking their gaze. "I've been waiting for you to come clean about your feelings for Chouji for a long time. I wish I hadn't had to interrupt it."
"You didn't have to interrupt anything!" The anger flares up again.
"What would you have said?" she retorts. "If I hadn't used the mind transfer jutsu just then."
Shikamaru drops his eyes to the floor, sullen, and doesn't answer.
"What would you have said?" she prods. "I could see how you felt. It was written all over your face. So tell me. How would you have answered Chouji when he asked you whether you would prefer him thinner?"
Shikamaru's quick, unsteady breaths agitate the steamy air, like smoke from a dragon's snout. Clouds of vapor swirl up around his head, until finally he breaks their stare. Still he doesn't answer.
"You were livid, Shikamaru. Hurt that his weight was all he could think about. That after everything that had just happened between you, he still wanted to know something like that. Still doubted you. So don't tell me you wouldn't have lost your temper. And don't pretend you don't know what your disapproval could do to him right now, as sensitive as he is."
Ino leaves him standing near the door and takes a seat by the bath. Dipping her feet into the hot water, she says, "I'm sorry I stole your body. I only did it to protect Chouji." The apology is more matter-of-fact than penitent, but Shikamaru's jaw clenches in acknowledgement.
"If you have to yell at somebody, I'd rather it be me. I can take it." She smirks, hoping it doesn't look as half-hearted as it feels. "Besides, you need to figure out what you're going to tell him in the morning."
"Nothing," Shikamaru snipes irritably, turning away from her. "You said it – it doesn't matter to me. It never did."
"I know." She exhales, trying to calm herself. "I'm sorry if I made you sound too dramatic. I was improvising."
"It wasn't any worse than anything I'd already said," he mutters, barely audible from across the room. Embarrassment crowds out his short-lived anger, and Ino relaxes, sinking her legs deeper into the water.
"What you said was just fine, Shikamaru," she answers gently. "It was lovely, in fact." She smiles at his groan. "But you do have to talk about it later," she goes on briskly, "because you have to tell him the truth."
"Goddammit!" Shikamaru whirls on her and stalks toward the bath. "You did tell him the truth!"
"I told him a partial truth." She pats the stone wall beside her. "Sit here, won't you?"
He rolls his eyes, but after a moment's hesitation, takes a seat on the edge of the bath, crossing his legs under him.
"You absolutely have to be honest with him, you know." She doesn't look at him as she pumps her legs slowly back and forth through the hot water.
His hands clench and unclench on his knees. "What are you talking about?" he asks, lowly, barely containing his frustration. "It doesn't matter. I don't care."
"He didn't ask you if it mattered. He asked you for your preference."
"Ino…"
"He's ingenuous, Shikamaru, not stupid. Do you think that he won't recognize an evasion? That he won't sense that you don't want to give him a truthful answer?"
"What the hell am I supposed to say?" Shikamaru jumps to his feet, staring down at her with the same angry bewilderment that had provoked her to use the mind transfer jutsu in the first place. "How in the seven hells am I supposed to answer that?" He paces away, all but pulsating with nervous energy.
Ino is silent. He isn't angry with her right now.
"He expected me to tell him yes, didn't he?" he demands of the empty room. "Wanted me to fucking say yes, so he'd have an excuse to… to… oh, fuck!" He rubs his hands furiously over his face. "But if I'd said no, he wouldn't have believed me."
"Shikamaru." He glances back at her, and she captures his eyes with hers, searching their desperately confused depths. "You've always been so careful," she says softly. "You never allowed yourself to… to watch him… like other people watch the person they like." She draws one leg up out of the water and wraps her arm around it. "But these last few weeks, you have. You've watched him, every time you're together, studying him, like you're memorizing him. He wouldn't have believed you, no. Because it's simply not true."
Shikamaru's eyes widen in horror as she concludes simply, "It doesn't matter, and you don't care, but 'all things being equal,' Shikamaru, a slimmer Chouji appeals to you. Denying that isn't going to do anything but prove that you won't be honest, if you think the truth could hurt his feelings."
He shakes his head violently. "All things are not fucking equal! Something like that," he gestures violently, "something like that is so completely fucking insignificant!"
Ino nods patiently. "And that's how you have to explain it to Chouji."
He stares at her for a long minute. Ino returns the look placidly before putting her foot back in the warm water of the bath. It's getting cooler, now that the sun has set, and the breeze through the open windows set high in the walls moves sweetly through the warm, moist steam. Ino lays her head back, deciding to stay and bathe when Shikamaru leaves, and enjoy the quiet privacy of the abandoned bath.
Finally Shikamaru sits beside her again, pulling his knees up to his chest. He crosses his arms over his knees rests his head on them. "Why is it," he mutters, with his head still down, "that people say I'm the smart one?"
"You are. You're just also frighteningly stupid when it comes to matters of the heart." Her chuckle echoes in the empty bath. "Don't feel bad. I could say that about ninety percent of the male population. Loving another man doesn't give you a woman's wiles. Or her intuition."
"But how… how can I say something like that?" He rolls his head sideways so that he's barely looking at her, just a glance out of the corner of his eye. Hoping, and afraid to hope, that she might have a painless answer to Chouji's difficult question. She reaches over and tugs his hand free and links her fingers with his. He straightens and jerks a little, surprised at the touch, but he doesn't try to pull away.
"You tell him what you just said to me – all things aren't equal. Sure, everyone looks their best when they're fit and healthy, but physique is only a small part of a person's appeal. Altering Chouji's won't change how you feel about him. His heart, his kind nature, his optimistic spirit – those are the things that really draw you to him. The muscles and the pretty eyes, the sweetheart mouth and all that lovely hair are just bonuses. You have never been willing to risk his wellbeing or his peace of mind on something as inconsequential as a few kilos. And you still aren't."
Her voice turns wistful, because she regrets that she has been less mindful of Chouji's vulnerabilities. And because she is jealous, even though she had promised herself she wouldn't be, even though she has no right to be. She can't tell Chouji these things herself, smooth her fingers over that unhappy furrow between his brows and kiss the corners of his mouth until he smiles. She doesn't have the credibility to do it.
And she is jealous because Shikamaru doesn't consider her heart and her feelings as he so carefully protects Chouji's. Chouji has always tried to be considerate of them both – of everyone, really – always thinking of the other person, friend or foe. Shikamaru is too guarded to open his heart to such of suffering or to share his own pain. His wry, crusty stoicism is a sewed-on mask, and though he likely wouldn't even recognize the person beneath it, he is self-aware enough to recognize how easily wounded he can be. He has no faith in his ability to recover should anyone ever pierce that mask – and why should he? He still wakes in a cold sweat of guilt when his nightmares remind him that he left Chouji to die, that he failed Asuma.
But she and Chouji know his gentle old soul like the inside of their own eyelids.
And that thought takes the sting out of her envy. He can barely express his love for Chouji, who would never scorn anyone's affection, who is the most imminently loveable person Ino knows. Loving herright now she wants to hold him and will her confidence into him as he struggles for a way to render her thoughts onto his tongue.
She's not unlike Chouji in this – once she's made a decision, she plunges after it with all her heart. And she's decided that she wants her teammates. The exclusion gnaws at her soul.
She realizes Shikamaru is staring at her, and she involuntarily stiffens before forcing herself to relax.
"What?" she asks, as nonchalantly as she's able, cursing herself for not having guarded her thoughts better. "Isn't that more or less how you feel?"
"Yeah…" He looks down at their entwined hands. "Ino…"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you…" A confused expression crosses his face, and he squeezes her hand briefly before releasing it. "Never mind. I think maybe I'm just part of the ninety percent."
She purses her lips, but doesn't press for an explanation. "The point is," she starts, steering the subject back to Chouji, "you have to establish what you like about him, physically and otherwise. And if he pushes the issue, don't get mad. Just shrug like it's no big deal and say it would be nice someday to see him at his best, but right now, all he should be worried about is recovering." She smiles, trying with all her heart to make it look genuine. "Since that's all his new boyfriend is worried about."
Shikamaru's eyes widen before he turns away, reddening, embarrassed. "Y…yeah. About that..." He falters, unable to finish.
"I've known almost as long as you have, I think." She answers his unspoken question calmly. "It was a little while after Chouji took the chili pepper pill."
"How? I only ever told Asuma-sensei." He looks at his feet. "Even my parents don't know. I still don't…" His nostrils flare. "I don't know how they'll take it."
"It doesn't matter, does it? It won't change anything."
It's not the right thing to say. She should have offered some meaningless platitude: I'm sure they just want you to be happy, or "How could anyone object to Chouji?" But they know one another too well for that.
"No. At least Chouza-san won't care." He grimaces. "Except for wanting grandkids."
Ino smiles to herself, because she hadn't thought of that. Children were positively something the boys couldn't give one another, and Shikamaru wanted very much to be a father, someday. Chouji had never said anything about it, but he'd never had to. Children were as attracted to the big shinobi as they were to dirt and dead animals.
"I'm sure you'll think of something," she murmurs, as new possibilities unfurl in her head.
"Maybe." He sighs heavily. "Who else knows?" he asks, as if he's been dreading this question.
"I never told anyone. As far as I know, Kiba and Shino are the only others who have a clue."
"What?" He almost jumps to his feet; Ino catches him by a hand and tugs him down. Pulling away, he crouches, wild-eyed and horrified.
"Kiba caught your scent one day, about a year ago," she explains quickly, "some dog thing – anyway, he knew. He told Shino, and Shino asked me about it. That's how Kiba's jaw got broken last fall."
Shikamaru stares at her, dumbfounded, still crouching. "Kiba's jaw," he repeats, incredulously. At her nod, he sits back down, carefully holding her gaze.
"You… you were the one that broke Kiba's jaw." He's staring at her like he's never quite seen her before, and she smirks. "He said he got hurt in a bar fight. With a jounin."
"Nope. It was me. I told him it was to ensure he shut his trap long enough to consider whether or not I'd would actually break his balls if I ever heard that he'd spread rumors about my team again." She stretches languidly, releasing Shikamaru's hand to do so. "It's not that I minded, understand. It's just that I didn't want Chouji to find out like that, from other people's mindless chatter. I figured you both deserved better than that."
Shikamaru swallows hard. "Did… did you know about Chouji?" It's painful to ask the question, because if she had known, he may have wasted precious years wondering.
"No. I could never tell. I even asked Kiba once, after his jaw healed up. He said he couldn't tell either way. That Chouji's scent reminded him of a little kid." A warm smile pulls at her mouth. "'Innocent' was the word he used."
Shikamaru's eyes soften. "That's a good word for Chouji."
"Not so long ago, it was a good word for all of us," Ino remarks drily.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you." The blunt apology that has been brewing under the surface finally surfaces, equal parts regret and frustration.
"I know," Ino replies easily. "All's forgiven. I would have been mad, too. Even if I did only control you for thirty seconds."
"That was probably a good move." Shikamaru blows out a heavy breath, expelling the rest of his anger. "Although I hate to admit it."
"I was protecting you, too, you know." She grins and reaches over to muss the pineapple tail, now soggy with condensation. "You would have been miserable if you'd hurt Chouji, even unintentionally."
He grimaces and pulls his hair free of its tie. "Troublesome." He sighs. "We're lucky to have you, Ino," he mumbles.
She winks an acknowledgement. "I'm fully aware of how clueless you two would be without me."
He tries to smile, but his eyes cloud with a reclusive thoughtfulness. This withdrawal usually signals the end of a conversation, the point where the taciturn and introspective genius has lost interest, or, conversely, needs to mull over what's been said. He's been given him a great deal to think on; his intellect hungers for the opportunity to turn inward and chew on it.
She taps his nose to bring him back to her. "Listen, Shikamaru. I'm lucky to have you guys, too. You two… you have no idea how much you mean to me," she says. "Losing Asuma-sensei showed me what I really cared about. What really mattered. And it isn't pretty clothes or pretty boys or even out-doing Sakura. It's protecting the people precious to you."
"That's why I broke Kiba's jaw. And it's why I used the mind transfer jutsu tonight. To protect what's precious to me." She looks down at the steam rolling over the water, suddenly weary and anxious to have everything out in the open.
The haze of psychological retreat is gone; Shikamaru's stare is as sharp as the edge of a dagger. She's said too much already, and he's too smart for his own damned good. But she can't seem to stop herself.
"If I met the perfect man," she continues, "and fell in love, and got married, even a great marriage may never become anything as profound as this Ino-Shika-Cho bond."
She laughs sharing this realization, and doesn't quite manage to hide the bitterness. "How could even the perfect guy be a better partner for me than the two of you have been? We've bled together, suffered together, succeeded together. It would be years before someone could understand me the way the pair of you already do."
The weight of that looming loneliness presses her keenly, and she very nearly gives up the truth. But before she can confess, she remembers Shikamaru's nervous, stiff hands undressing her sleeping teammate, and Chouj's still-damp hair falling over his shoulder. And their matching flushes tonight, two hopelessly unromantic, awkward goofs hopelessly in love.
She bites her tongue.
Shikamaru studies her with glittering black eyes, frank and curious. Under his openly speculative gaze, her resolve wavers. But finally she smiles, refusing to voice the words clawing at her throat, and regretfully folds her confession away for a better time.
"I guess most shinobi deal with that sooner or later, though, don't they?" she demurs. "Most people aren't lucky enough to fall in love with someone they know and trust as well their teammates."
A bemused line appears between Shikamaru's brows. "I hadn't thought about it. I suppose it's true, though." He is still watching her, still waiting for what hasn't been said.
Maybe Sakura knew what this felt like, this powerful connection between three people; maybe the Hokage had felt it as one of the great Sannin. Ino's ties to Shikamaru and Chouji are rooted in a legend as venerable as that of the Sage of the Six Paths. To be cut out of such a bond, pushed aside by their romance – it's almost unbearable.
It doesn't change anything, of course. She still means to have them, if she can. And with this resolution firmly in place, she plants her hands firmly on the tiled floor.
"Oh, well. Today's got trouble enough without borrowing tomorrow's," she quotes, and gets to her feet. "I'm just going to get my things from the room, and then I'll come back here and take a bath. It'll be kind of nice to have it to myself."
Shikamaru's brows shoot upward, and he takes a quick look around the bath. "Oh, shit. This is –"
"Yes, it is," Ino affirms gleefully. "I really thought the sign on the door would slow you down a little more."
"Fuck." He shoves his hands in his pockets, rolls his shoulders, and sidles to the door. "You, uh… you wanna check the hallway?"
Ino snickers, but she goes to the door and ducks her head out long enough to see that no one is about. "You're fine. No one's going to see you leaving the women's bath. And even if they did, people would assume you're either," she raises a finger, "a perfectly normal teenage boy spying on me," she raises another finger, "or a very, very lucky guy."
He follows her into the hall, rolling his eyes, but she notes his pink ears with a surge of triumph. "You're so full of yourself," he remarks, eying her disapprovingly. "Do you really think every guy you meet wants to be with you?"
"Just the ones with eyes," she retorts. "Besides, somebody in this team needs a healthy dose of self-respect."
He snorts. "My self-respect is fine. Yours is just in a league all its own."
"Your self-respect?" It's Ino's turn to roll her eyes.
"Is fine," he repeats firmly.
"You have self-respect like Sai has a sense of humor," Ino jabs. "Like Sakura has charm. Like Guy has an eye for fashion."
Shikamaru winces. "Ouch."
"Like I have humility?" She grins archly, and he finally smiles back at her.
"I didn't know that word was even in your vocabulary. Bravo." He gestures, letting her pass before him as they round the corner into another empty hallway.
"I don't see the point in false modesty." Ino shrugs. "But I don't see any use in expecting myself to be perfect either, and that's your trouble."
He groans. "Not a lecture, Ino, I'm too tired."
"Not a lecture. Just something to think about."
His hands are still in his pockets, making convenient handles of his arms. She links elbows with him, ignoring his surprise, pointedly watching the numbers on the doors. "My boys are pretty damned close to perfect, anyhow, whatever they might think," she remarks matter-of-factly, without looking up. "If I could just do something about these self-destructive impulses they like to indulge from time to time."
They come to their door, and Ino pulls her arm free, allowing Shikamaru to open it. He turns the knob and swings the door open in complete silence, and they slip into the darkened room on noiseless feet, unwilling to wake Chouji if they can avoid it. As it happens, their concern is unnecessary. Across the room, the bathroom door is outlined by a thin rim of light. They share an uneasy glance that turns quickly to bitter disappointment as they realize Chouji is brushing his teeth.
Shikamaru swears. "I shouldn't have left him alone," he fumes.
"We," Ino corrects softly. "We left him alone. Come on."
Side-by-side, they cross the room, but before they even reach the bathroom to knock, the door swings inward. Chouji blinks at them owlishly.
"What's going on?" he asks. "Where did you two go?"
Shikamaru shakes his head angrily. "Never mind that. I told you to stay in bed."
Chouji's brows knit together in confusion. "I forgot to brush my teeth. I'm sorry."
An angry retort forms on Shikamaru's lips; Ino forestalls it with a hand on his shoulder. "Chouji, did you make yourself sick?" she asks, bluntly, because he can't lie to save his life.
Bewildered, Chouji replies, "How could I? You said that you would do it if I did." He raises a hand to the nape of his neck, embarrassed.
Shikamaru's ire dissipates, leaving a faint blush on his cheeks. "Geez, Chouji," he mutters.
Ino sighs, feeling both relieved and a bit stupid. Even if it had occurred to their innocent teammate to take advantage of their absence to purge himself of his dinner, he couldn't have gone through with it. He would not have risked Ino's making good on her promise to imitate him if he was found out.
"Sorry, Chouji," she apologizes, "I should have known better."
"Huh?"
"It doesn't matter," Shikamaru says, taking Chouji's arm and guiding him toward his bed. "I'm sorry. Just go back to bed. Everything's okay."
He eyes them both uncertainly for a moment before yielding to Shikamaru's gentle tug and ducking behind the noren to lie down. His teammates follow with sheepish smiles. For once, they are both pleased to have been wrong.