Chapter 14: The One With Clichés

Summary: Canon!Ron has made a sudden appearance in this fic.

"IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!" Canon!Ron shouted at Severus Snape, jabbing his wand at his eye. Canon!Ron was not very adept at using the wand, but he figured if nothing else he could poke Snape's eye out with it.

"Guys, this is ridiculous! I am not some sexed-up heroine that two men need to fight over!" Hermione yelled. Then she paused, rubbing her chin. "On the other hand…. I've never been a sexed-up heroine before… It might be fun…"

Severus gave Ron a confused look, as if just realizing the boy-child had red hair. With one flick of the wand, Ron disappeared.

Hermione looked aghast.

"Well, love…" Severus said in a placating tone, "he was just Canon!Ron, not the real Ron of this fic. Your best friend is probably somewhere on the ground, making out with some Scottish mermaid… And really, Canon!Ron lives on, as long as we remember him in our hearts. He lives here," Severus pointed to his head, "and here" and then pointed to his heart.

"I have a sudden craving for Chocolate and pinky fuzzy slippers," Hermione said softly, wiping her tears with Severus's monogrammed handkerchief.

"What part of 'I'm not interested' don't you understand?" Harry screamed at Draco.

"But… I thought you loved me…"

"NO!"

Draco sobbed uncontrollably.

"Oh for…" Harry rolled his eyes, then softened his countenance and wrapped his semi-masculine-yet-not-quite-gone-through-puberty arm around Draco. "I do love you, Draco, just not like that."

Draco sniffled loudly, looking at Harry imploringly.

"I'm sorry Draco… it's not you, it's me… I just can't be what you want."

Draco cried harder.

"I'M NOT LEAVING YOU!" Hagrid screamed.

"YOU HAVE TO GO ON WITHOUT ME! YOU MUST!" Minerva screamed back.

Wind whipped their robes wildly around them, as rain poured down their faces. Thunder crashed into the distance, creating a very very dramatic effect. The trees behind Hagrid's house lent an additional tragic and heartbreaking tone.

Wind: howls desperately

"I SIMPLY CANNOT!" Hagrid cried out in utter despair.

Minerva cried tears of pain, but also tears of resignation. "It is the only way… it is my time to leave the wizarding world. I want to go to pharmacology school. We must part ways, Hagrid."

The thunder crashed violently, and lightening lit their pain-torn faces.

Minerva gave Hagrid one last heart-felt look of love before walking away.

Readers: are confused

Author: shrugs. They were the first two characters I could think of…

"Harry Potter is SO EMO!" Ginny complained.

"That's not a cliché, Ginny, that's canon. You can't mess with that," Hermione said.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Oh, bullocks."

"If my calculations are correct, you'd have approximately 1.2 seconds to live after swallowing that potion…" Harry told Neville.

Neville picked up the bottle before him and swallowed. And approximately 1.2 seconds later collapsed on the floor of the dungeon.

Harry looked surprised. "NO! DON'T DIE ON ME!"

Some doctors in scrubs bearing name plates that read "Seattle Grace Hospital" rushed into the room. "I'M DOCTOR MEREDITH GREY! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"

Harry reared back. "Back up the crash-cart train there, lady. There's only room enough for one overly-emo person in the town. Which means you need to leave."

The lady in scrubs shrugged. "Fine, no need to get touchy about it. I don't really know what I'm doing anyway. All I really know how to do is cry."

Viewers: "Hey, that's a great show!"

Harry: "Not as good as mine!!!!

Hermione looked over at her husband. "Is that a cliché?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't think so."

Hermione shrugged. "Oh well, plenty more fish in the sea I suppose."

Severus shook his head again. "No, Hermione, save that line for a rainy day."