Author's Note:It's been a long time since I updated… :-p Anyway I just want to thanks to thecoolstone, beast1989, Moldock and yukikiralacus for reviewing.
And I will also like to tell that this story is nearing completion and there are only two or three chapters left before it gets the Completed tag.

Chapter - 14

WHAT AM I FEELING?

Harry sighed for the umpteenth time as he leaned against the door.

"Let's go," said Hermione as she tugged on Harry's arm.

"Do I have to?" asked Harry, looking a little nervous.

"Yes, we do," said Hermione as she all but dragged Harry out of the Grimmauld Place, "I want to see the girl who had stolen your heart."

"Go see her alone," said Harry stubbornly as Hermione continued to drag her.

"Don't make me hex you," said Hermione with a scowl, as she let go of Harry's arm.

Harry sighed again, buried his fists into the pocket of his coat, and started to walk.

Hermione smiled as she followed after him, humming a tune to herself.

"This looks like a good place to Apparate," said Harry as they ducked inside a dark alleyway.

"Okay," said Hermione and grabbed Harry's hand. Harry spun on the spot, his mind trying to picture the hospital.

"Here," said Harry as he appeared in an alleyway in just front of the hospital.

"Urgh…" said Hermione, bending so that her hands were resting on her knees, "I now know why you despise side-along Apparition so much Harry."

Harry smile and they both headed out of the alley and into the bright daylight.

"Where is this café?" hummed Harry to himself as he looked around.

They both looked around from shop to shop but they didn't see a café anywhere.

"This doesn't seem to going anywhere," said Harry as he walked past another shop.

"Let's just ask someone," said Hermione and turned to talk to a passer-by.

Soon, following the instruction, Harry and Hermione found the café. It was rather small with outdoor seating.

Harry and Hermione claimed an empty table and seeing new customers, a waitress came to them.

"What will you like to have madam?" asked the waitress acknowledging Hermione.

"Just two orange juices," said Hermione, "We are waiting for someone."

"Two orange juices," the waitress repeated and Hermione nodded. With that she walked back and inside and Harry sighed, looking at his clock.

"She is late," said Harry, glancing in the direction of hospital.

"Missing her already," Hermione said in a teasing voice and then added, "I'm sure something would have come up. Let's just wait for some time before calling her again."

"Okay," said Harry.

Soon their orange juices arrived and they sat there, sipping the juice in silence.

"Sorry Harry," came the apologetic voice of Christy as Harry saw her dashing towards him.

"Sorry Harry," Christy said once again in a vehement voice, "I was in a meeting and I didn't notice the time — I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," said Harry as he stood from his chair to hug Christy. Hermione smiled from her position, feeling happy for Harry.

Before Harry had the chance to introduce Hermione to Christy, Christy turned towards Hermione and Harry could literally feel the atmosphere changing.

"Who's this Harry?" asked Christy as she looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes ablaze with something, something which Harry just couldn't put his finger on.

Harry gulped as he looked at Hermione who seemed to be smiling a big smile.

"This is uh…" said Harry stumbling on his words as his eyes begged for help from Hermione.

"His sister," supplied Hermione as she stood up to shake hands with Christy.

"I never knew that Harry had a sister," said Christy suspiciously turning to look at both of them in turn.

"Not his sister exactly," said Hermione, fabricating a story with such confidence that even Harry doubted his memories for a second, "We are cousins, distant cousins actually."

"Oh…" exclaimed Christy, "How come Harry didn't tell me about you?"

"I wanted to surprise you," said Harry, breaking into their conversation which Harry thought was heading into a wrong direction if the glares both of them were giving the another was any indication, "That's why I called you out here; she wanted to meet you."

"Harry had been talking so much about you," said Hermione with a smile, "that I just couldn't wait. I just had to meet you."

They both glared at each other, both of their faced masked with suspicion.

"We should sit," said Christy suddenly.

"Yes," Harry said nervously, happy to find a different topic emerging between the stressful conversation.

Soon the waitress came again and this time Hermione and Christy gave order and Harry had the distant feeling that they both were trying to top each other and Christy ended up recommending some dishes she claimed were the speciality of this café.

"So Christy," said Hermione, "Harry tells me you are aiming to become a doctor."

"Yes," said Christy with a smile.

"But aren't you a bit young to become an apprentice doctor?" asked Hermione, "I mean, shouldn't you be well… studying now?"

Christy smile as she said,

"That is one of the pros when your daddy owns a hospital."

"Okay," Hermione replied looking unsatisfied.

"So what about you?" asked Christy.

"Me…" said Hermione, surprised that the conversation has turned to her, 'I'm perusing a degree in Law."

"Oh…" was the only thing Christy said in reply. To Harry it seemed that Christy had just ask the question to not sound impolite.

Through the rest of the afternoon, they continued to make small talks, but both of them didn't seem to like the other one much, as when they spoke their voices were stoic and the smile on their faces seemed force.

"Meet you later Harry," Christy said as she stood up from her chair and gave Harry a peck on the cheek which made him blush hard, "I have some work back in the hospital. It was nice meeting you Hermione." She added, seemingly remembering that Hermione was in the group too.

"Same here," said Hermione stoically, a fake smile on her lips.

"What's the matter with your Hermione?" asked Harry when Christy was out of ear shot.

"Nothing," said Hermione, "I just don't like her and how can be that one become an apprentice doctor at the age of 18 is beyond me."

"Maybe she was a brilliant student," said Harry in her defence.

"And you remember?" asked Hermione, "What did you ate for breakfast yesterday?"

"Umm… I don't remember," said Harry with sheepish look and Hermione gave him a knowing look, 'Anyway that isn't the matter here Hermione. And didn't you hear what she said about the pros of being the daughter of a hospital owner."

"That was bullshit Harry," said Hermione exasperated, 'Do you honestly want me to believe that? There is something she isn't telling us, and I will be damned if I didn't find that."

"You are worrying for no reason Hermione," said Harry in a soothing voice as if talking to a child.

Hermione muttered something darkly but Harry couldn't hear her completely.

"What?" said Harry as he stood up from the chair.

"Nothing Harry," said Hermione smiling but Harry could very well see the passion burning behind her eyes, the passion he had only seen when Hermione had found a problem which had intrigued her.

"Say Hermione," said Harry as he looked for something in his pockets, "Do you have some money with you? In the excitement I forgot to convert the money from Gringotts."

Hermione sighed, called the waitress for the bill and pulled out the required money from her purse.

"It's kind of weird for Christy," said Harry as they were strolling to the alleyway from where they had Apparated in.

"What is weird?" asked Hermione as she walked at a slow pace, admiring the beauty of Muggle London.

"Christy always insists to pay money," said Harry, "but this time she left in quite a hurry."

"Maybe I spooked her," Hermione said smiling devilishly.

"I won't put it out of the question," said Harry and Hermione smacked his arm.

"Side-Along Apparition," said Harry, grinning as they entered in the dark alley.

"Thank you," said Hermione pointedly, "but no thanks. I think I can Apparate to Grimmauld Place myself."

Harry just spun on the spot and vanished in thin air.

THUMP.

Harry landed in front of the Grimmauld Place and some moment later, Hermione appeared.

"What took you so long Hermione?" asked Harry as he tapped his wand on the door knob.

"I thought someone was watching us," explained Hermione as she looked around, as if she thought that someone was still watching them.

"You are just being paranoid Hermione," said Harry without turning to look at her, "And are you planning to come inside today?"

"Oh sorry," said Hermione as she walked inside, apparently still too lost in her thoughts.

"Hermione," said Harry grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to look him in the eyes, "give your mind a rest; I'll ask Kreacher to begin preparing for tea. What would you like to have in snacks?"

"Whatever you like," answered Hermione and Harry just looked at her, amazed because Hermione had completely ignored her love for house elves for the time being.

"Fine," said Harry as he turned to walk down the kitchen.

"Hey Kreacher," said Harry as he stepped in the basement kitchen, "Can you make Hermione and me tea and some snacks?"

"What snacks should Kreacher make for Master Harry and Mistress Hermione?" asked Kreacher bowing low.

"Whatever you like," said Harry evasively as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

Saying that Harry walked upstairs, feeling a spring in his steps. He always felt enthusiastic after spending Christy that he felt like he could conquer even his worst fear in a blink of an eye.

"Hey Hermio…"

Harry's voice faltered as he saw Hermione crouching near the fireplace, talking to someone in hurried whispers.

"Hermione what are you doing?" asked Harry as he slowly walked closer to her.

"Just talking," explained Hermione with a shrug of her shoulder.

For some unknown reason, Harry felt a surge of anger pulsating through his nerves at Hermione's tone.

"I can see that myself," Harry almost spat at Hermione, "Who were you talking to?"

"It's none of your business Harry," said Hermione angrily as she slowly stood up on her feet.

"It is Hermione," Harry snarled, his fist clenched in a ball by his side, "This is my house and I have the right to know about everything that goes here."

"Harry, are you alright?" asked Hermione tentatively with a concerned expression, slowly inching away from the fireplace and towards Harry.

"I'm fine," shouted Harry and Hermione flinched in hurt.

As suddenly as Harry had started shouted, Harry broke down, tears streaming from his eyes as he mumbled apologies between his breaths.

"I didn't mean to shout at you Hermione," Harry whispered as Hermione wrapped him in a hug, "I don't known what came over me, I'm sorry Hermione, I'm really very sorry."

"Don't worry about it," said Hermione in a soothing voice, "it happens."

Running fingers through his hairs, Hermione started mumbling a tune, a habit she had picked up to pass her time during their year long hunt for Horcruxes.

Harry continued sobbing on her shoulder as time trickled away in big dollops. At some point of time, Kreacher had sneaked silently in the room, settled the tea set on the table and with a silent nod from Hermione had walked out, all the while barely making any noise.

"Harry," said Hermione after a while, "Kreacher dropped us tea; do you feel up to…"

"Yes," said Harry interjecting her, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand, "you must be thinking how silly I am, shouting and crying for no reason at all."

"No," said Hermione in a motherly voice, "not at all."

Silently, both of them started sipping their teas, completely ignoring the scones Kreacher had made for them.

"Hermione," said Harry suddenly, putting his tea cup away, "I will be going to Christy house tomorrow, possible for a month or so."

"Why?" Hermione asked as she levelled her gaze at Harry.

"Well aside the fact that her father and she called me to say," said Harry, his cheeks tingeing a light shade of red, "which you obviously know…"

"Quite stalling Harry," said Hermione as she put her cup away.

"Well…" said Harry, looking away from Hermione, "promise you won't get angry."

"I can't promise Harry," said Hermione with a resigned sigh as she leaned towards Harry. Harry continued to beg her silently, his eyes beseeching for her to promise.

"Fine," said Hermione in an exasperated voice, "if it isn't too extreme."

"The thing is," said Harry after a bit of silence, "I think I don't want to be here anymore."

"What do you mean Harry?" asked Hermione in a levelled tone, her eyes staring hard at Harry.

"You know what I mean Hermione," said Harry, his voice full from desperation and when Hermione shook her head, Harry sighed in irritation and said, "Didn't you see how I behaved with you just moments ago?"

"If you must know…" began Hermione but Harry cut her off.

"It's not about that," said Harry, his eyes getting a deranged look, "I just want to say that I don't think I'm fit for the wizarding world anymore; I can see myself in the Muggles world not in the wizarding world, not anymore. I just don't feel right here, not after what happened."

"Harry…" said Hermione in a measured voice as she wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulder, "you are just over analysing the situation. Just think about it for a day or two and then if you still feel like you don't belong here, leave the wizarding world and I will support your decision, even if the whole world is against you. But not like this; don't make decisions as important as this on a mere whim."

"I have thought about this Hermione, more than you think," said Harry as he turned to look at her, his eyes steeled with determination, "I have weeks to think about it and I just don't find myself in the wizarding world."

"Hmm…" sighed Hermione.

"What!" exclaimed Harry in surprise; he hadn't expected Hermione to bend so easily.

"If this is what you wish," said Hermione in a small, resigned voice, "I will not stop you. But just think about all the people that love and care for you."

"I have thought about it Hermione," said Harry as he looked at a far point, away from Hermione, "I just want to make life easier for all of them, for you; I mean, it will be less awkward if I'm not around. This way, Ron could find a new best mate, Ginny could find a new boyfriend and you could find a new brother."

SLAP.

Hermione slapped Harry with all her might as the last words left his lips.

"How dare you say that Harry!" she exclaimed in anger, her breathing coming out in short laboured pants, "how dare you…"

Harry just stared at her blankly as Hermione glared at him, her eyes boring holes in his body.

"No one can replace you," she seethed, grabbing on to Harry's shoulder for keeping herself upright, "No one; so don't even think about it ever again or I will not hesitate to pound some sense into you."

Hermione sucked in a deep breath as the silence around them thickened into a hard shell.

"Harry…" she said softly after a while, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, "if you really want to start a new life in the Muggles world, you have my support, I promise you. But please just think about it for tonight."

With that, Hermione moved up the stairs and said in a heavy voice without turning around,

"Good night Harry and don't you dare sneak out without telling me first."

Harry suspected that Hermione was crying but didn't dare to call out her partially because he was unsure if that was the best thing to do and partially because his mind was almost blank.

Harry sighed and plonked heavily on the sofa, not having the strength to walk to his room.

"Ha…" Harry sighed, wondering what sin he had committed for going through this kind of mental torture.

Harry lay on the sofa as he drew in some deep breath to calm his nerves and praying for sleep to come.

"Harry," said Ginny as she brushed her fingers through his hair.

"Hmm…" hummed Harry as he looked at her, his head resting in her laps.

"I saw this weird dream yesterday," said Ginny as she stopped brushing her fingers through his hair as she looked up at the sky.

"What was it about?" asked Harry as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

"Nothing," said Ginny forcing a smile, "it was just a silly nightmare."

"It doesn't seem like nothing to me," said Harry as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "You can tell me."

Ginny looked at him, her face scrunched in a disgruntled expression, her eyes ablaze with fire as she pushed him aside and snarled,

"Why should I? You left me."

"I didn't," said Harry as he skidded back, "What are you talking about Ginny?"

"Don't act like you don't know anything," spat Ginny and Harry flinched in pain, "You caused me so much pain."

And as broken fragments of his memories started to return to him, Harry snarled at her and yelled,

"You were the one that backstabbed me. Remember that night, when you slashed my chest open with that curse."

"I didn't want to do that," said Ginny as her eyes glazed over.

"But you still did that," yelled Harry jumping to his feet.

"Try to understand Harry," begged Ginny.

"Like hell I want to," spat Harry.

"Please Harry listen to me," begged Ginny as she grabbed Harry's hand as he started to move away from her.

"Please Harry," begged Ginny.

"Leave my hand," said Harry.

The world around him started to flicker madly as Harry glared at Ginny before a high pitched laugh made the world around him shook horribly and then…

"Ha… ha…"

Harry shot up into a sitting position, huffing as he pressed both of his hands over his heart, trying to calm its wild beating. His body was covered in a thin of sheen of sweat.

He looked around him and saw that he was in Grimmauld Place sitting room and the room was shrouded in darkness, only illuminated dimly by the low light of the lamp on a wall, further to his right.

Harry got up from the sofa, not sure if could sleep again tonight. He paced around the room, but for some strange reasons, Ginny's face popped in front of his eyes whenever he closed them to calm his nerves.

"Kreacher," said Harry softly without thinking and with a POP! that seemed to resonate in the silence like a gong's bang, Kreacher appeared in front of Harry.

"What does Master Harry needs?" Kreacher asked as he bowed low.

"A broom," said Harry without thinking.

Kreacher looked at Harry's face in astonishment for a moment before he bowed again and said, "Master Regulas old comet is till in the attic. Do Master Harry want Kreacher to bring it?"

"Yes, I think it will do, perfectly" said Harry nodding as he looked at the tiny house elf.

Kreacher vanished with a resounding POP! and that sound seemed to hurt Harry's ear as he pressed his hand on his ear, trying to block out the resonating sound.

And a moment later, Kreacher came back with the same resounding POP! and Harry clenched his teeth as his ear drums felt like they would burst out.

"Sh…" said Harry, pressing his hands in his ears, "not so loud, you will wake up Hermione."

"Sorry Master Harry," said Kreacher, apologising vehemently.

Harry crouched to his level and said in a soft voice, "It's not your mistake, but try to be a little discreet from this moment, just for tonight."

Kreacher nodded silently, a smiled adorning his wrinkled old face. Harry smiled in return, lifted the old broom from the ground, and dusted its handle and the bristles.

Kreacher made a move to dust the broom for Harry, but Harry pulled it back and shook his head. He stood up, walked to the door and said to Kreacher.

"I'm going to ride on the broom for a little while," sighed Harry, "I couldn't sleep. Don't tell Hermione but if she becomes too stubborn tell her that I have gone for a broom ride and I wouldn't leave without telling her, I'm not that gutsy." Harry finished with a smile and Kreacher nod in understanding.

"Good," said Harry, "Then I'll be off then."

With that Harry slowly opened the door and stepped outside.

The roads were lit by the eerie orange light coming from the street lights and a cool night wind was blowing around. Harry shivered, realising that he was only wearing a jacket, which suddenly seemed very flimsy.

"Does Master Harry want Kreacher to bring a jacket?" asked Kreacher as he stepped outside with Harry.

"That is not…" started Harry but as a rather cold burst of air breezed past him which made him shiver from head to toe, Harry corrected himself, "That will be really appreciated. And please do it as silently as possible."

Kreacher made a low bow and made a move to Apparate when Harry caught his arm and shook his head.

"No, don't Apparate; it causes too much noise. I can spare a few moments, just walk to my room and bring it."

Kreacher nodded and headed inside the Grimmauld Place.

Harry shivered as he wrapped his hands around his chest, trying to trap as much body heat as he could.

Soon Kreacher arrived and handed him another jacket. Harry smiled in appreciation, put it on and hopped on the broom and with a kick, launched the broom in the sky.

The cold wind was harsher up in the sky and it forced Harry to cast a Warming Charm on his clothes.

As Harry drifted in the wind, his mind started to wonder about small things, like how it was harder to control this broom and how its reaction time was far lower than his Firebolt.

As Harry reminiscence about that un-fateful night, the night on which he had lost his Firebolt and Hedwig, a lone tear trickled down his cheek, leaving his heart with an empty feeling.

As Harry continued flying sluggishly, having no destination in his mind, Harry marvelled the beauty of night sky from this height. He felt as if he would extend his hand, he would be able to grab a handful of stars.

Harry laughed in spite of himself and for some reasons, he started crying silently as he turned his broom in the rough direction of the Burrow as he was overcame with the sudden urge to see Ginny for a last time before he left the wizarding world for good.

Forcing the old broom to go as fast it could go, Harry basked in the feeling of cold air against his skin as it tingled his dead senses back to life. He felt alive once again and wondered why he had stopped flying on brooms.

Harry cherished every moment of this late night flying and was almost disappointed when he saw the slightly crooked building of the Burrow in the distance.

Not sure if he was still welcomed there, Harry cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself as he had left his Invisibility Cloak in Grimmauld Place for he never thought that he would have a use of it tonight.

Harry knew that his Disillusionment Charms were really sloppy and had a habit of wearing–off on their own, but that was the best Harry could do in his current situation; he didn't want to be seen by any of the Weasley's because he was sure he was not welcomed in the Burrow anymore and he didn't want to create a scene in the middle of the night.

So flying as silently as possible, Harry circled the Burrow, slowly closing in, his senses at their best for any noise or any movement which was out of the place.

But none seemed to be there and Harry easily managed to come near the Burrow. Now as he forced his broom to stop, his mind was filled with memories, memories of all the time he had spent here, memories of the first real home he had ever known.

Shaking his head ruefully, Harry wiped the tears from the back of his wand as he looked from window to window for Ginny's room. It was really hard thanks to the crooked building and the darkness around him wasn't exactly helping him.

But soon his hard work paid off, and he found the room in which she was sleeping.

Harry sighed in contentment, as he saw Ginny's sleeping form after such a long time. His fingers ache to brush her hairs, and before Harry knew it, he was leaning towards the windowsill, as he wordlessly cast a spell to unlock the latch. Harry silently thanked his Auror Trainer in his mind as he performed the spell.

Click.

The window sprung open as the latch released.

Harry slowly and silently crept into the room as he rested the broom on the windowsill.

Ginny's room was the same as he remembered. The same Weird Sisters poster hung on the same wall and as did the poster of Gewnog Jones, the Captain of Holyhead Harpies. Harry smiled as he looked around, and as his eyes fell on the desk near Ginny's bed and he stopped abruptly.

Harry remembered that space to be empty but there now was two moving photos… one of Harry, and the other one of Harry and Ginny together.

Harry smiled bitterly as he tried to look away but found his eyes fixated on the desk, as if drawn by a powerful charm.

Harry walked to the desk and picked the photo of him and Ginny together from the desk. He looked at it adoringly as he brushed his thumb over the cold glass, clearly remembering the day they had this photo taken.

An involuntary sob escaped his throat and Harry shook his head as he replaced the photo back to its original place.

Harry turned around to walk to the window when his eyes fell on Ginny and he stopped in his tracks. Illuminated by the moonlight, Ginny looked as angelic as she had always looked. But for some weird reasons, Harry had unconsciously thought that her beauty would have been degraded after what she had done to him.

But in spite of himself, Harry found himself smiling as he looked at her with gentle, soft eyes.

Without even knowing, his feet started to head toward Ginny's bed and Harry mind just complied like a four year old being guided by his parent.

Soon Harry was standing near her bed and against his better judgment, Harry's hand started to brush through her hair, as he relieved in the relief that followed by doing such a simple act.

Unable to control himself, Harry's thumb brushed across her cheek, a simple motion Ginny really used to love.

Ginny stirred as his hands brushed her cheek, and she whispered, leaning in Harry's touch, "Harry."

And quite suddenly as if the world has revealed his hidden meaning to him, Harry looked around and realised that he was in Ginny's room, possibly trespassing Weasley's property because he was not welcomed here anymore.

With a step that seemed to drain him off energy, Harry headed towards the window, not noticing the sudden movement Ginny made when Harry pulled his hand away from her cheek.

"Harry," came Ginny's panicked voice and Harry stopped dead in his tracks, not even daring to glance back at her, afraid that if he looked into her eyes in his vulnerable state, his will might crumble.

So dashing as fast as possible, Harry bounded to the stairs and took hold of the broom and jumped down as he heard Ginny shout, "HARRY!"

The reaction was immediate. Light flared in every window of the Burrow as Harry was pulled toward the ground in an alarming speed. The wind slashing across his face made him feel whole instead of scaring him.

Somehow managing to push himself on the broom, Harry waited for the right opportunity and as soon as his feet were a meter away from ground, he kicked upwards and felt the sudden tensing of his leg muscles as they made contact with the ground. His leg muscles flared in pain and Harry was barely able to contain a scream of pain.

But Harry managed to sore up in the air, and in the next second, he was soaring away from the Burrow as fast as this broom would take him, cursing his own impudence and not even daring to glance back.

Author's Note: Read and Review. Please I beg of you!

I hope that this story could reach hundred reviews before it is finished…