CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Katniss
Monday morning I wake up to my alarm blaring and it takes all of my effort not to hit the snooze or throw a pillow over my ears and fall back asleep when I see that it's only five in the morning. I forgot that I set it earlier than usual because I wasn't sure how hectic the mornings are here and I need some time to center myself before all hell breaks loose. I groan as I get to my feet, having the chill of the hardwood floor travel all the way up my spine. I have to remember to leave my slippers at my bedside as I shiver and hurriedly grab for my robe and slippers to rid myself of the cold.
As I exit my room I take care in being very quiet, which isn't hard for me from my years of hunting. But knowing how light of a sleeper Cato is, I don't want to wake him if he isn't up already. I tread into the dark hallway and note that Cato's door is still closed and make my way down the stairs into the kitchen to retrieve my much-needed cup of coffee.
I sit at the kitchen table silently, basking in the morning stillness under the dim light illuminated over the table. Once again, I realize I am only left with my thoughts and they trail their way back to Cato. The beach. The conversation. Him holding my hand. The embrace. I feel another set of chills run down my spine but it has nothing to do with the cold. I remember how his every touch was tender and kind in spite of his strength and rigidity but there was an understanding in that embrace that no words could compete with. Words that neither of us could or would say but I know we both felt. No one has held me so protectively like that since my father. I've never felt so safe and that scares the living hell out of me.
Now I realize I was sent here for protection, but that level of comfort I had last night was beyond anything anyone had planned for us. Haymitch wanted us to be civil, maybe friends, eventually, but whatever it was last night was beyond anything I can comprehend and, right now, I don't want to. I don't plan on letting that happen again. I can't.
With Cato, somehow my walls begin to crumble. Walls that I've spent fifteen years building and reinforcing start to fall when I'm around him. Especially, when he looks at me so warmly, so different from his usual cold, indifferent expression he wears outside of his family. When he grasped my hand out of comfort and then held me last night, I wanted to kick myself for letting him in so easily and breaking my barriers with the simplest of touch. That's twice now he's seen me cry. The first was when he woke me up from that nightmare and now last night. He held me so tight that for a while I didn't want him to let go.
I can't fall for him. I love my sister and my family, but romantically? I… just can't. I don't want to end up like my mother.
"'Mornin'," a gruff voice says from behind me, interrupting my thoughts, and I jump, almost spilling my coffee everywhere. Thankfully, it only sloshed out a little onto my hand. I turn expectantly towards the rough voice to find Cato standing there in black, low hanging sweat pants and a white tee. His blonde hair is disheveled from sleeping and his eyes are still unfocused. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I think you were a little zoned out there 'cause I know I'm not that stealthy," he says while handing me a napkin to clean up my spilled coffee.
"Thanks and good morning. Yeah, sorry about that, I guess I was lost in thought," I say blushing. Again, I'm grateful for the lack of light so that he can't see my rose stained cheeks.
"Not a problem." Cato responds while heading over to the coffeemaker to attain his own cup of coffee and joins me at the table. I watch as he unceremoniously drops his elbows on the table and rubs his hands through his hair stopping at the back of his neck to entwine his fingers together and leaving his head down. If I didn't know any better, I would think he was hung over.
"Not a big morning person either?" I smirk, recognizing the symptoms as Hay and I both act similarly in regard to early mornings.
The only response I get at first is just a brief shake of the head. Slowly he removes his hands from behind his neck and brings his face up to look at me while bringing his coffee to his lips. "No, I've never been a morning person. I don't understand people who are. It'd be different if I had a steady schedule and my body had time to get use to the idea, I guess, but that doesn't happen," he grumpily responds. This is exactly like my mornings with Hay and the thought makes me chuckle until Cato glares at me. "What's got you so chipper?" He asks while grimacing at me.
"You're just like Hay in the morning and very much like myself, as well," I say smiling. Relating him to Haymitch, I find, is a comfort and I realize I need to call him soon. I know he's worrying.
"I'm not sure how I should feel about being compared to Mitch," Cato grumbles back to me.
"Well, it's not a bad thing, just rather comical. Just remember, I don't have much room to talk. Mornings and I don't necessarily get along either," I share while lifting my coffee in his direction to prove my point. I'm relived at the easy banter this morning.
"Speakin' of Mitch," Cato starts, "you do realize that I'm going to be bombarded with questions from him and Brutus, right? Have you talked to him since Saturday?" Cato questions me.
I suddenly think I should have because Cato's going to have a hell of a time when Mitch gets a hold of him, especially since he hasn't heard from me. "Sorry, I haven't. I was going to give him a call after my shift today," I ashamedly tell him.
Cato groans and wipes his hands over his face in frustration. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be him when they question him. At least with Hay, it should just be the two of us and hopefully not at either one of our work places. "Alright," he sighs. I watch as his shoulders slump down and I, again, see him as a man that has the weight of the whole world on his shoulders and something in me wants to dispel him of that.
"Hey, we're in this together. Just remember that. No one has any expectations of how this will turn out so you don't have to worry about letting any one down. It's just us and Ryan and Hay and Brutus are just trying to look out for us," I remind him.
Cato's brows rise questionably at me. I don't think he realized that he isn't alone in this. I believe he thought that it was all on him to make this work and to be there to protect me. "Like a team?" He asks me disbelieving me.
"Exactly," I respond to him with a small, hopeful smile and his whole body relaxes at my response.
"Okay," he says back with his own half smile.
The rest of our morning flies by. We finish off our coffee in a comfortable silence then when he goes to wake Ryan and make him breakfast, I head out for my run. I come back in time to see Ryan off to school with Clove and Mikey and head up to shower and get ready for work.
"So how was last night?" Jo shakes me from zoning out on our lunch break with an elbow to my ribs. I look at her expectantly and she's wagging her eyebrows at me.
"What do you mean, Jo?" I ask her. I hope it's not what I think she means.
"What she means," Clove butts in as she sits across from us, "is what happened this weekend? You two looked chummy this morning. I freakin' saw Cato Adams smile at someone other than Ryan. What the hell did you do to him? You broke him!" She says to me with an accusing expression.
"I didn't break him!" I say quickly. I know they're best friends and I don't know how I could possibly break him. Clove barks out laughing and now I'm thoroughly confused.
"I think Clove meant it as a good thing, Brainless!" Jo says to me while patting my back sympathetically.
"Oh," I get out embarrassingly. "I don't know, we went to the beach with Jo and Luke and had a good time and got along last night and this morning. I didn't do anything to or with him, guys!" I tell them defensively.
"A shame, if you ask me," Jo jokes. I just shake my head at her after I smack her in the arm.
"Well, whatever happened between you two, it's workin', keep it up," Clove remarks.
"What's working?" I ask, perplexed.
She looks at me like I'm clueless and I'm beginning to think Johanna's got a point in calling me brainless. I really don't understand what Clove's trying to get at. "Whatever you and Cato have going on, it's working for the better. He seemed happy this morning and that never happens. He hates mornings and he hates seeing Ry go. So far, you're good for him," she smiles but then looks at me the same way she did weeks ago when warning me not to hurt Ryan. "Just, PLEASE, please, please…don't screw it up!" She begs me in a demanding sort of way. I hesitantly nod at her because after working with her, I've learned not to piss Clove off and Jo pats my leg while chuckling at the threat.
I should have realized the downside of everyone here being close-knit and caring. Caring means asking questions, questions I don't want to answer and I have a feeling this is only the beginning. I begin to wonder who is getting the better end of the deal today. Would I rather be Cato and deal with Hay and Brutus and have him deal with Clove and Jo, or do I have it better with these two. Me being me, I wish there was a third option, one where I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, but then I remember being left to my thoughts this morning and I don't want that option either. I sigh to myself and quickly finish my lunch to get back to work, something I know how to do and how to handle.
At around three in the afternoon, Clove heads out to pick up the boys from school. When they get back, the boys run off to play and Clove comes to meet me at the knife handling station, where I'm showing a man how to discourage an attacker from trying to steal a weapon from his belt holster with a curved knife. It's made to go after an attacker's wrist.
"I talked to Cato. He should be home by six at the latest tonight and gave the 'okay' to you taking Ryan home with you. You cool with that?" She asks, and although anyone would think it was a stupid question, I can feel the weight of responsibility that Cato is entrusting me with. I smile to myself.
"Not a problem," I answer her and she nods and smirks, knowing that I've earned some trust from Cato.
"Ry, why don't you get started on your homework while I start dinner. I also have to call Uncle Haymitch, if you don't mind," I say to him once we're home. I drop my bag for work near the stairs in the hallway and take Ryan's backpack and place it on one of the kitchen chairs.
"Okay, but I might need some help with my math homework. Cato usually helps me," he answers me in a small voice. I don't want him embarrassed to tell me things.
"Not a problem. I'll make my call fast, you just do what you can and I'll help you once I'm off the phone and if we both struggle with it, Cato can help us," I tell him with a smile, hoping to ease his insecurity.
Ryan giggles at the thought of me needing help with math too and sets to work on his homework as I set to work getting things together to start dinner for the three of us. I decide chicken, potatoes and carrots sound good. While I dice the potatoes to put in a frying pan with some oil and herbs, I call Hay.
"That you, Sweetheart?" he answers.
"'Course it is, Hay," I respond.
"It's about damn time I heard from ya, kid." I have a feeling he's not happy with me. "You have some explaining to do," he warns me.
"I know, I know. It was a busy weekend. I was hoping we could do dinner tomorrow? Cato's working tomorrow night and Ry is going to be at Clove's until he's done his shift." I hope this idea pacifies him and he doesn't start rambling off questions where Ryan is in hearing distance and Cato could walk in the door at any minute.
"Dinner sounds wonderful. We'll figure out when and where tomorrow. You can call me when you're out of work." I readily agree and find that I'm excited to spend some time with him again. I've missed our easy routine while I've been living here, where I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in someone else's home. "Just answer me this, Sweetheart, to ease my mind: You doin' alright there?"
I can hear the worry in his voice and now I really feel awful for not contacting him sooner. "I'm starting to feel more at home, here. This weekend was a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but it was what I expected and it turned out to be better than I had hoped," I share with him honestly. I don't want him to worry about me but it's a comfort to me that he does.
I hear him sigh, easing out the breath he was surely holding to hear my answer. I smile at the thought. "Glad to hear it's workin' out so far for y'all, Sweetheart. I gotta get back to work, here, but I'm really glad you called. I look forward to dinner tomorrow night. Talk to you soon, kid!" He finishes the call after I tell him good-bye and I get back to cooking dinner, more relaxed now that I've talked to him.
"How are you doing so far, Ry?" I ask him, while I start cooking the potatoes and add carrots to the pan. They'll take longer to cook than the chicken.
"So far so good. Haven't started on my math homework yet," he answers me with a small grin. I nod and grin back. He's just too cute, I think.
We're soon interrupted by the sound of the front door swinging open. "Smells good in here!" I hear Cato call to us from the foyer.
"Hi, Cato!" Ryan answers his call and runs to greet him. They both walk back into the kitchen with Ry sitting on Cato's shoulders and I watch as they interact. Cato definitely is an amazing big brother. Even after a long day at work he still finds the energy to play and actively chat with his little brother. 'Will I always find additional reasons to admire him more and more each day?' I wonder.
"Whatcha cookin'?" Cato asks, heading to the fridge to get some lemonade.
"Chicken, potatoes, and carrots. Is that alright?" I ask, now worried that they might not like it.
"Too late now," he tells me with a serious face. I feel myself begin to panic and my cheeks heat up. "I'm kidding! Katniss, that sounds great! We're not picky eaters, don't stress about it." Thank God. Unfortunately, I feel my cheeks getting even redder and I quickly turn back to the stove, hoping he didn't notice. I hear the fridge close and his feet head in my direction but I stay focused on the food in front of me. I feel him come even closer to me, his body heat seeping into my own and my whole body tenses up nervously. Suddenly, his breath tickles my ear as he whispers low enough so his brother doesn't hear from the table, "don't hide the blush, it's beautiful." I could hear the smile in his voice and my knees feel weak. He moves away quickly to sit himself next to his brother to help him out with his homework, like he never said a thing to me. It only takes a second until my whole body sags from the tension and embarrassment and I flush from head to toe from his compliment.
Damn him. I remember telling myself this morning that I couldn't fall for him, and here he goes, saying things like that to me. It makes me almost hopeful for the old Cato: The one who jumped at the chance to chew me out my first night, and the one who was as easily guarded as me. Where did that Cato go? Did I really break him, like Clove said?
Please Review! Another sincere thank you to my faithful readers & reviewers!