.

"Effy, I've come to tell you..."

"Freddie" she whispered, her eyes pleading. "I don't think I can–"

He kissed her. Full and hard and passionate and full of that. Although the tranquil water drifted around them, she was pretty sure she was drowning. Drowning from his lips, his wet hands gripping at her face and hair. From the emotions and the sensations and if she were to sink beneath the surface of this pristine blue lake right now then she would descend gladly. Drowning never felt so good.

He parted from her then to look at her head-on, his expression pleased yet resigned. "So, now I've told you...okay?" he said plainly, a goofy half-smile on his face as he shook his head slightly. "Now you know..."

She watched him, baffled, as he turned around and athletically swam back to shore. A tentative hand arose from underwater to touch her still tingling lips. The sensation burned.

"Effy? Did you hear what I just said?"

She looked up from her trance to see her brother staring at her incredulously. "What?" she spat.

He rolled his eyes. "I said you look like shit. What's wrong with you?" he replied bluntly, scoffing. Effy scowled at him and helped herself to a second helping of cereal. She was not in the mood for Tony's third degree today. She had too much on her mind...

"Nothing". She shoved a spoonful into her mouth to deflect the further need to answer. Tony seemed to be having none of it. He was sitting at the small kitchen table across from her, munching his toast, and had taken to surveying her face intently. Effy squirmed. The intensity of his gaze made her feel uncomfortable. She forgot the effect the Stonem piercing blues had on people. She never liked to be on the receiving end of them. "Piss off alright! I just got up on the wrong side of the bed okay?"

His eyes narrowed but he seemed to take the hint. He stood up and headed to the sink to clean his empty plate. Effy took the opportunity to finish off the last of her cereal and hopefully make a quick exit. "How long do you have work today?" he asked suddenly, the sound of splashing water ringing about the kitchen.

She was halfway towards the door before answering. "Till five. With Jenna. Joy" she said, rolling her eyes for good measure. She wasn't over exaggerating. Jenna really was a lot to handle. Mother Fitch was very meticulous when it came to her business; when Effy had first started in September she almost got sent to the naughty corner for not sticking to the dress code. As much as she loved Katie and Emily, she was secretly glad they hadn't acquired the same pernickety qualities as their mum. Although, Katie sometimes revealed a hint of her inner Mama Fitch when she was bitching. Effy was glad it was repressed most of the time though.

"Yeah well maybe when you come home, get an early night yeah? You really do look a mess".

"Cheers Tone. I'll keep that in mind" she said sarcastically, finally escaping Tony's persistent need to converse. She skipped the stairs two at a time and stepped onto the landing, pausing outside Katie's room and suppressing a snigger as she heard her roommate snoring loudly, and then quickly went into her room and closed the door behind her. She leant back against it and let out a deep sigh, wrenching her eyelids shut against the rest of the world. She tried to let her vision from the earlier drift through her mind, but no such luck. Tony's chatter had driven the little details from her mind so she was now too awake to drift off into oblivion again.

She groaned furiously and marched to her wardrobe, needing to take out her frustration on her clothes. Fucking hell. Freddie. Just...why won't you go away? She ignored the ripping sound that erupted throughout the room as she tugged one shirt particularly hard in aggravation.

Her mind was simply elsewhere. She could almost feel the water beneath her fingertips yet couldn't grasp it. She wanted to plunge right back into that memory – that simpler time when the prospect of love was new and mysterious to her. She didn't want to be here in the present...where his absence simply meant pain and heartache and longing and the resounding fact that she would never get to feel the water the same way again. Feel him the same way again.

Her eyes fell upon a bundle in the deep corner of her wardrobe and her heart seized in her chest. All anger flew from her form at once as she crouched down and tentatively pulled out the garment. The dusty grey folds felt soft and familiar against her skin as her eyes travelled across the fabric. As if she hadn't clutched it enough or wrapped it around herself enough already; Karen had shown up at her door not long after Freddie's funeral and wordlessly given her the cardigan. Effy had known immediately the significance of the gesture and truly admired Karen for it. Although she and Freddie's sister had never been close, giving up something of Freddie's meant giving a part of him away. A part that Karen no doubt wanted to keep for herself.

But sometimes things became too much. She hadn't seen the cardigan for months now after a particularly draining evening when she had decided enough was enough and shoved it into the back of her wardrobe. It only seemed fitting that she find it now – when her previous night's sleep had been riddled with flashbacks. That was what she was trying to recapture at the table earlier; that sense of ease and nothingness that one only feels when asleep. She wanted to feel that way when awake too.

It's ironic that when that moment had actually happened, the meaning of it all – "Now you know" – had terrified her. The old Effy Stonem never loved. The old Effy Stonem always bolted at any hint of emotion or affection. She had been that way her entire life. The demons...they didn't think love was the best thing for her.

Yet although it was probably the scariest thing in the whole world at the time, she remembered feeling the one thing she thought a boy could never make her feel. Happiness. Hope. And yes, love.

But she had meant what she said. She didn't think she could. That's why she ran to Cook. He was her safety net. He was harmless. He didn't make her feel all those foreign, horrific and...wonderful feelings. He was neutral. Switzerland. Not like Freddie. He was her atomic bomb.

That feeling never left. Months and years have passed and still she wakes up to the same thought everyday. I miss you. The ones we love never truly leave us.

But a part of her still thinks, well, what the fuck? It's almost as if recently things have gotten worse, not better. She would be the first to admit that she didn't know what that was the night of Mark's party. A moment of weakness perhaps? No, it was something more. She'd been faced with temptation many times before but had always managed to avoid drifting down the familiar path of recreational drugs. Although, the relapses, the overdosing...they had been moments of escape in times of obscurity. She had only wanted to dream again.

Except her loved ones always pulled her back into her living hell.

She didn't blame Mark for that night, despite what everyone else thought. According to Katie, Tony had to be physically restrained from finding him and pummelling his brains out after she was hospitalised. Naomi and Michelle continued to hold a massive grudge; they were both meeting him today to hear his side of the story. She was rather glad. She was quite indifferent to Mark as a person, but she knew he didn't wholly deserve the treatment he was receiving. Effy had been a willing participant in the act. Mark was simply a scapegoat for everybody's rage. Effy secretly sensed the others felt so too – on more than one occasion they would just watch her, like Tony did this morning, and just have this expression on their faces that would scream "God...what's happened to you?" And her responding thought would always be I don't know. I don't fucking know.

Something was wrong ever since she woke up that afternoon in hospital. She couldn't put her finger on it. She thought the vision of the meadow on the day she woke up had been the worst of it, but her dreams were becoming so fucking unbearably happy that she wondered if she had woken up in the wrong body.

But as she finally caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror just then, she saw what Tony had been talking about. She looked...pale, confused and – as she clutched meekly at the grey tatty garment in her arms – small. Insignificant. Something was happening to her and she didn't know what. Yet she couldn't shake the horrendous feeling that all would be revealed in an excruciating and spectacular fashion.

She heard the front door slam as Tony left for work and her mind drifted to him and her beloved friends. How they were all indirectly caught up in her vulnerability.

In some way, they knew. Like Naomi yesterday...her gaze had lingered a bit too long when Emily and Mark made their presences known. Those blue eyes had locked onto hers and she received a dose of her own medicine. Being seen.

Naomi had seen the shred of fear that had engulfed Effy for that mere second. She wasn't entirely sure why she was afraid. Maybe it was because the hopelessness and longing Naomi was also feeling just seemed to reopen old wounds in her. Maybe she felt scared that she truly would be alone for the rest of her life as the others moved on all around her.

It made her angry that Naomi could just continue to flounce around when she could just reach out and take everything she ever wanted. Effy couldn't even if she wanted to.

For now she had to keep going. She had made it this far. Life after love was a constant uphill struggle and if she kept giving up then eventually she wouldn't wake up.

Figuring the best thing to do would be to push such thoughts aside for the time being, she hurled the cardigan back into her wardrobe, a bit too forcefully, and grabbed a shirt and started to dress. As she put it on she heard Katie stir next-door and not long after heard her get up and leave for the bathroom, yawning loudly. Effy giggled. Katie Fitch was not one to be messed with in the morning.

Realising she would be dealing with the girl's actual – and much grumpier – mum later, she began to pick up the pace. The routine of Effy Stonem's life was set to continue as normal for now.

Safe. Boring. The calm before the storm.

.

Later that day, Naomi was sitting in a velvet lounge chair in the middle of Starbucks. She was idly fingering the cup of coffee in her hands, quietly seething to herself. Michelle sat in an armchair beside her, her eyes flickering anxiously between Naomi and the man sitting on the couch opposite them. A muffin lay untouched on the coffee table in front of them, a feeble attempt by Mark at a peace offering. He should know better. The way to a girl's heart is not through saturated fats.

After several more agonisingly tense seconds ticked by – the only noise being the buzzing chatter of lunchtime conversation around them – Michelle spoke. "So...where should we start?" she asked hesitantly, bracing herself for a backlash.

Naomi was not one to disappoint and sat unyielding in her chair, raising a hand to lazily twirl her fingers through her long blonde hair, before replying, "Oh, I dunno...how about the part where he tried to poison my best friend?" she said venomously, not even batting an eyelid.

Mark flinched at her accusing tone. "C'mon Nomesy. Let's be reasonable–"

"No. Let's not" she interjected, her false nonchalant manner faltering.

"Naomes, come on. We said we'd listen to him" Michelle reasoned, her tone beseeching.

Naomi snorted. "Yeah. And we will. But I need to be pissed off first. I dunno why you're so understanding Chelle. This is Tony's little sister!" Her voice was climbing noticeably higher as her fury at the situation set in. Michelle fell silent, not sure how best to retort. Mark simply looked broken at the treatment he was being presented with. A dear friend regarding him as an enemy; it was bound to come as a blow. But Naomi didn't care. He needed to pay for what Effy suffered. For what they all suffered.

She shot him a particularly nasty glare before diverting her attention to her coffee cup, taking a forceful gulp. Mark opened and closed his mouth weakly, stuck for words. Naomi tried not to feel guilty as she remembered that Mark was never lost for words.

After a minute or so, he sighed deeply and locked eyes with her. "Listen Naomi" he started and Naomi twitched at the use of her actual name. "I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I feel shit for what happened to Effy, I really do–"

"You're only sorry 'cos you got caught" she spat, sneering. "Although you really should have been locked up for this in my opinion. I guess your 'mate' got the worst of it, eh?" she finished tartly. She scowled and averted his appalled gaze. She was referring to the night of Mark's party – the guy who had administered Effy with the heroin. Mark had managed to get off lightly on charges due to the fact that he wasn't actually present when Effy had taken the drugs. But the dealer was still on the run. Probably fucking up some other person's life.

She didn't know why she was so bitter. Perhaps her frustration over Emily was being vented onto Mark somewhat. But if the reappearance of bitch-Naomi got her through this then she would take whatever she could get.

Mark shook his head sadly. "I feel fucking awful about that night, you know I do. If I could take it back then I would. But I can't...and all I wanna do is move forward. I just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me". He ran a hand restlessly through his hair and it was only then that she noticed how exhausted he looked. His normally bright green eyes were now dull and glazed over and he had dark bags under them. His complexion looked worn and pasty, like it hadn't been in sunlight for a long time. His appearance surprised Naomi. It truly was the appearance of a tortured soul.

It was then that her hardened exterior softened. She knew him. She knew Mark. He was only human. And humans make mistakes...a fact she knew all too well. Something clicked.

With a massive sigh and a cautious smile, she leant forward and reached out a kind hand. Mark's face immediately lit up, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. Michelle looked gobsmacked as well.

He stared at her outstretched hand for an awkwardly long amount of time and Naomi was about to retract it when he suddenly lunged forwards and pulled her roughly into a bone-crushing embrace across the table. She was squashed against his chest, her ability to breathe becoming difficult, as he murmured his hushed gratitude into her ear. He sounded close to tears.

When she pulled away ineptly from the hug, Mark was quick to do the same to Michelle. As she stood watching how happy he had suddenly become with one simple gesture, she realised that life was too short for grudges. She didn't condone what Mark did. But everyone deserves a second chance.

She just wished Emily thought so too.

He released Michelle from his vicelike grip and stared at them both, his expression as priceless as if he had just been handed both a birthday and Christmas present in one go.

"Don't look so happy. You're still on thin ice" she warned, although it was said in a lighter tone than before. Mark didn't seem to care. He looked delighted.

"Of course. So, you ladies got any more free time to catch up?" he asked hopefully.

Michelle checked her phone. "I don't think so. I have to be back soon. I've a presentation later on." She looked surprisingly unhappy about the fact. Mark turned his attention to Naomi.

"Nomesy?" he asked expectantly and she suppressed a laugh at his use of her pet name again. The chancer. She pulled her phone out from her handbag and checked the time as well. She still had an hour free before needing to return to the office.

But did Mark really deserve any more of her time?

She observed his eager face, his old and familiar cheerfulness flushing his complexion. Sure, what the hell.

"Yeah, but...can we go somewhere?"

Mark and Michelle glanced at her. "Where?" he asked inquisitively.

She shrugged, smiling. "Anywhere".

.

.

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER! =D

Hey guys, I'm back!

This was originally supposed to be one chapter but the word length was getting ridiculously out of hand so I split it into two. The good news about that is that the next chapter is already written. The bad news is...I'm withholding it for a day or two. I know, I'm cruel.

To be honest though I'm glad exams took up any time I had for writing because I would've felt quite inadequate what with all the amazingly brilliant updates flying all around the site (Coin Laundry anyone?) But now that my exams are over I'm back in the writing game.

Hope you liked this and look forward to the chapters to come. And to those that are getting increasingly frustrated with me for withholding any Naomily action all I will say is this:

All in good time. Progression is key.