A/N: Here is one of the final chapters of my story. Your reviews, follows, and favorites are all so meaningful to me. This chapter goes out to anyone who follows me on twitter as I just "revealed" myself as a fanfic author. On twitter I am nanfromflorida so feel free to follow me there!

Chapter 14

"Okay but Lucas I know you aren't going to like what I have to say."

Lucas felt a pit in his stomach at her words. Where did he go wrong? Did he not convince her? What could she mean?

"Riley, you're doing it again…" Lucas warned.

"Doing what?" Riley responded.

He answered "Assigning my feelings to me without letting me figure them out for myself. Didn't we talk about this about 30 seconds ago?" He hoped humoring her would continue to put her at ease because she was obviously worried about his reaction to whatever she was about to say. He never wanted Riley to worry around him again.

Riley smiled and continued "Ok, that's true. Sorry, again. I just don't know where to start and it's been such a long day, Lucas."

He could see the tired look in her eyes "Well the best thing to do then is to just be honest with each other. No fear. No filter. No need to pretend something that isn't true OK? Maybe you're so tired because it's exhausting trying to hide who you really are."

"That makes sense. Okay so I am going to just start at the beginning I guess. Remember when we met on the subway that day?" She continued when he nodded and smiled "Well I don't know if you could tell by my goofy laugh or awkward 'heart eye emoji' look on my face but I kind of got a crush on you."

Lucas reached for her hand and held it in his own as he smiled at the memory "Well if I didn't guess it right away the over-protective father thing clued me in."

"Yeah, he could sense it. I'd never acted that way around a boy before and he kind of freaked out. But what started as a crush became so much…more when we talked at the library. Remember how I could only talk to you over text? That assignment changed me. I loved hearing your stories and I wanted to know what you had to say about anything and everything. I learned how to be a real friend that night, and it was with you. I learned to listen. Friends talk and real friends listen."

Lucas continued to hold her hand, hoping to show by really listening to her that he felt the exact same way.

"It's different with my other friends. I know everything about Farkle and Maya because we grew up together and have this shared history. I realized I wanted to know just as much about you as I know about them. You weren't just a boy I had a crush on because he was cute, you were someone I wanted to be in my life as much as my other friends. Of course I still saw you in 'that' way, how could I not? You were so confident and talked about having your moment. You made my dream of being a princess come true because you knew it was what I wanted and you made it happen. You were as protective of Farkle as we were. You became part of our circle of friends so seamlessly."

Lucas nodded and said "It was the best decision I made since I came here, Riley. You made New York home for me. You always surprised me in the best possible way."

She nodded and tried to gather her thoughts again, while reminding herself to just say what was on her heart and be honest "You were the first boy I ever liked. But when we tried dating, it messed us up. That scared me. I want you in my life always. We couldn't even talk when we dated. I can't go back to that, Lucas. You're too important to me to let that happen."

Oh. Lucas understood what she was saying, finally. Her warning made sense now "Riley we were nervous and awkward because we weren't ready. Not because we aren't right for each other. We let other people define who we are instead of letting us be who we actually are."

"I know, and I agree with all of that. But like you said, all of this confusion started because we were some 'unofficial' thing. Dad was right, bad things happen when you don't know who you are. The week the yearbook came out made me see that even more. We need to decide who we are Lucas. I can't keep living in this place where lines are blurred and what we expect from each other isn't clear, like with semi-formal. We will never be on the same page as each other that way and all of this will just keep happening."

Lucas continued to hold her hand gulped, knowing where she was taking this but hoping he was wrong as he asked "So what are we? What do you want us to be?"

Thinking of semi-formal reminded Riley of the conversation she had with her uncle and his friend at the event. The conversation that made her question feelings she was so certain of. The same story might help her clarify her feelings to Lucas.

"Remember my Uncle Eric came to semi-formal? He brought his friend with him. I went over to talk to Dad because I was confused after I talked to you and Charlie. That whole night started out badly because I had it in my head that Maya knew how I really felt but wasn't telling me. So I went to Dad and he had his friend, actually he's Uncle Shawn's brother, tell me a story. He and Uncle Eric liked the same girl. She liked Shawn's brother as a boyfriend, and Uncle Eric as a brother. She never talks to the one she dated anymore, and she talks to Uncle Eric all the time. Lucas, he told to keep my friends around me as long as I can. Don't you see? I have to keep you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. I want you in my life always. If we date we could risk all of that."

Lucas processed what she said but jumped in quickly "But Riley we aren't those people. Remember 'we do what we do'? Just because your Dad's friend doesn't have this girl in his life doesn't have to mean anything to us."

"Isn't that what happens next? We date for a while because we want to be together, break up, and don't like each other anymore. I always want to like you, Lucas, as much as I do right now" Riley explained.

Lucas asked "Riley, do you just not like me that way anymore? Cause you can tell me-"

"Lucas it's not that. I tried to pretend but I promised you I would be honest. My feelings haven't changed" Riley quickly answered, before she could convince herself to confirm his statement which would be just another lie. Riley always wanted to keep her promises.

"Then I'm confused. Where does that leave us?" Lucas was perplexed. She liked him he liked her.

"I need to keep you, Lucas. I need you in my life, as my friend. Not as an official boyfriend, because I am scared, and not as an 'unofficial' thing, because we saw how that worked out before. I need you as my forever friend. That's all I can give you right now."

"Riley, why?" Lucas asked, her words sinking in. She was just going to ignore her feelings for him? Was there some kind of switch for that? He didn't think so. What was she doing?

"I told you why. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I want to know you will always be there. We worked so hard on developing this amazing friendship where we can talk about anything. How can I go through life without that now that I've had it? It breaks my heart even thinking about it."

Lucas asked "So we are just supposed to pretend we don't like each other like that? Not being together and not having an 'unofficial' thing means more Charlie Gardner's and people thinking I am more with other people than I am. Is that what you really want?"

Riley's heart sank at the thought of Lucas dating other girls. She had convinced herself she could deal earlier, but imagining Lucas holding hands with a beautiful faceless stranger, sharing kisses and dates and memories with another girl, made her sick to her stomach. Tears began to well in her eyes.

"Lucas, that's all I can give you right now. I'm sorry. I wish I was more like Maya and could make these bold decisions and risks but I'm not. I'm Riley. I'm insecure and sheltered and scared to death of doing the wrong thing and losing you."

"I don't want you to be anyone else, Riley. I know you're scared" Lucas said. He could tell she was about to cry so he scooted next to her on the window seat and held her in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Continuing her vow to be honest, Riley continued "Of course it will be hard. I don't want to see you with other girls just like I know you don't want to see me with other boys, especially Charlie Gardner. But I just can't think of any other way to move on from today. Look at me, I'm a mess. Obviously I'm not ready for a relationship right now. You deserve to experience all these things with someone who is ready, someone strong."

"Riley, you're the strongest person I know" Lucas said as he rubbed her back "I know you don't see it that way but believe me, you are. And it means a lot to me that I mean that much to you. The last thing I want is for you to do anything you aren't ready for. You know that, right?"

Riley nodded "So we have an agreement? We stay friends first and you move on?"

"Well I wouldn't go that far" he smiled as she froze in uncertainty. He noticed how she assigned "moving on" to him and not herself, which was all the proof he needed.

"What do you mean? I can't be that for you right now" Riley sat back and looked him in the eyes.

Lucas let her lose by dropping his arms from around her, only to grab her hands that were resting in her lap with his own "Riley Matthews we will never be just friends."

"Then what will you be?" Riley asked, concerned. She had this conversation in her mind all the time since semi-formal, and never once had Lucas challenged her.

"I will be Lucas. You will be Riley. That's who we are, officially. We need to be who we are or bad things happen. Remember? I don't want anyone else, Riley. If you aren't ready then we aren't ready, but that doesn't mean we just move on to other people. How would that be fair to them? Besides I would probably get expelled for punching a guy who wanted to kiss you or date you. What kind of friendship is that?" Lucas joked.

Riley relaxed her face and gave him a small smile "I never thought of that. The thought of you holding hands with another girl makes me cringe but I could probably hold myself back from physical violence."

Lucas smiled at her, there was his Riley "See? I know I've come a long way since Texas, but let's not push it. I barely made it through the last time."

Riley squeezed his hands, knowing he was talking to her being bullied for her 'Rileytown Awards' and knowing how hard he had fought to fight off those baser instincts "I was really proud of you, if that helps" she said softly, giving him an encouraging smile.

"More than you know" Lucas said honestly. He would go through just about anything to put that smile on her face.

"But, Lucas, I still feel like I'm holding you back. What if I'm never ready? What if I'm always too scared to take that risk?" Riley asked.

Lucas answered "Riley you went from a girl who could barely talk to me after falling into my lap on the subway to a girl who months later kissed me, giving me her first kiss, totally taking my moment by the way, but I was cool with the result" he smiled "You have already grown so much. Of course you will continue to."

Riley smirked at him "Sorry, you thought that was your moment?"

"No, my moment will be…my moment" Lucas answered, repeating one his first romantic moments with her as he touched his forehead to hers "and no, it hasn't come yet. Please don't take it from me again" he said sincerely.

Riley would be lying to herself if she denied she fell a little bit further in love with him right then, but she would deal with those feelings later.

"What if it's not worth the risk? Lucas I can't lose you" Riley pleaded.

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to prove it to you that we are" he smiled.

"Lucas, seriously, we are exactly where we were when we started this conversation. We like each other but aren't dating. And we are ambiguously more than friends. How did this accomplish anything?"

"Because now we have agreed to always be honest with each other. And we have agreed to always be clear with each other about our feelings, however hard they may be to talk about. Right?" He asked.

"Well I still think I am holding you back and I don't know if I will ever be ready" Riley reasoned.

Lucas responded "And I completely but respectfully disagree."

"So this is like, a stalemate or something? Neither of us wins and nothing is resolved. How is that satisfying?"

"It's not. But it's just the end of one chapter, Riley. The story is far from over."

To be continued…

Please feel free to check out my other fanfiction, "Loophole" which is Joshaya centric