Chapter 14 – Dreams and an Invitation

Despite the warmth of the day my chamber was cold when I entered it after supper and seemed, after the sparkling brilliance of my day in the meadow, darker and grimmer than usual. I thought of Lord Edward as I combed my hair and undressed to my chemise, wondering what he was doing now. Was he somewhere in the family's private spaces, readying himself for sleep as I was? Or did he and his family stay up later, talking or reading by candlelight?

I was almost asleep, nestled deeply into the feather bed, when I heard a slight noise at the door to my chamber. I sat up with my heart pounding. But then there was a gentle clearing of a throat and a brief breath of wind, and I felt a tingly flash of relief.

"My lord?"

"Lady Bella…I thought you'd be asleep." It was Lord Edward.

I sat up, clutching the blanket to me and searching the darkness, desperately trying to see where he was. There was a movement in the shadows and then a faint glimmer of something pale moving across the room. "What do you…you shouldn't be here."

"Forgive me." The voice was much closer, and I shivered, only not in fear this time, as I caught the drift of his beautiful scent. "I would not have disturbed you. I meant to leave you a book, that's all."

I could see the outline of his shadow in front of the narrow window. I held a hand to my heart, willing the beat to slow. "What are you doing, wandering around with books in the middle of the night?"

"Oh well…we don't sleep," Lord Edward said, a little sheepishly.

"At all? Never?"

"Never," he confirmed. "And since we see just as well in the dark as in the daytime, night means little. I do a great deal while the rest of the castle lies sleeping."

I pulled the blanket closer to my chin. "You can see me now?"

"As clear as day," Lord Edward said in amusement.

"But that's scandalous!" I exclaimed. "I'm not dressed!"

"I'll go," Lord Edward said contritely. "I apologise for the intrusion; it was not my intent to disturb you."

"Don't go!" I blurted out, immediately feeling mortified. "I mean, you don't have to…if you don't want to."

There was a long pause, and then Lord Edward said slowly, "If you're sure?"

"I want to be with you," I whispered, not caring what it sounded like.

I felt the movement of the bed in the darkness as Lord Edward eased down onto it. "Lie down," he said gently. "I'll stay, but you need your sleep." He gently smoothed the covers into place, tucking me in so that there was a thick layer of blankets between us as he cradled me gently on his chest.

I relaxed against him. In this heady rush of first love, nothing felt wrong about having him in my chamber, holding me as I relaxed and drifted towards sleep. "What book were you bringing me?"

"Some poetry. I thought you might enjoy it." Lord Edward hummed, a soft melody in the darkness. "You should sleep now."

"I don't want to miss a minute with you," I confessed. "Not even to sleep."

"You won't miss anything, I'll be right here beside you," Lord Edward said, adding teasingly, "Listening to you talk in your sleep."

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

I was blushing. "How would you know?"

"I've been down this hallway before." There was a long silence before he ventured, "Does that trouble you?"

I thought for a moment. "I think I'm only embarrassed…what did I say?"

"You miss your aunt, and you miss your solitude," Lord Edward said slowly. "You dream of them often, I think. And sometimes…you say my name."

"I dream of you," I whispered. "I have ever since the day you saved me in the courtyard."

His cool lips touched my forehead. "I only wish I could dream of you."

He hummed again, and even with his stone body I couldn't help but notice how much more relaxed he seemed compared to the afternoon in the meadow. I commented on it, and his humming became a soft, happy laugh.

"I am relaxed, Bella. This afternoon showed me that it is possible, and I'm sure now. I want this, and I know I won't hurt you. I've made up my mind that we'll be together or we'll be apart, but your life won't become forfeit to what I am."

"Together please," I said, snuggling a little closer.

Lord Edward stroked my hair. "As long as we can be," he promised. "I feel as though I've just woken up after a long sleep…I'm feeling all kinds of new emotions and seeing everything through different eyes and I want to enjoy it!"

"What kind of new emotions?"

"I'm happy in a way I can't remember ever being," Lord Edward said thoughtfully. "Everything seems just a little brighter and more special, because I'm trying to see it through your eyes. And jealousy…I'm jealous of your friends that they know parts of you that I don't, jealous of what takes up your time when I want to spend all my time with you!" I thought I felt him kiss the top of my head. "And love…I love my family, but you've brought a whole new dimension to love that I never quite understood. It makes me understand the others a little more now, even Emmett and Rosalie."

"What about Lord Emmett and Lady Rosalie?"

"Oh, they're very…physical with each other," Lord Edward said with an embarrassed laugh. "Obnoxiously so, actually. But now I can at least see, that the way he loves her…"

His voice trailed off, and I felt hot with embarrassment and other feelings I didn't quite know how to put into words. "So…that…it's the same for vampires as for humans?"

"Yes," Lord Edward answered. "I have no personal experience to speak of, but of course I hear a great many things. Physical love between a man and a woman is more the same than different to physical love between vampires. Romantic love is a little different."

"In what way?"

"Humans fall in love, but that love can change. They can grow apart, or become disenchanted with each other in a way that never happens with vampires. A vampire's love is irrevocable. Once they give their heart, a vampire will always love their partner with passion and depth and fastness. Always, Bella. I watched it happen with Carlisle and Esme, and then again with Emmett and Rosalie. I hardly dared hope that one day I might feel the same, and yet here I am."

"Here you are," I agreed. I was feeling warm and sleepy wrapped in blankets and held in Lord Edward's arms, but I didn't want to doze off, not when I could talk to him and feel his velvet voice in the darkness.

Lord Edward was gone in the morning. I rolled into the hollow he had left in the bed and hugged myself happily. He loved me, that beautiful, enigmatic lord loved me…unable to stop my smile I climbed out of bed and dressed, noting the slim book he had left sitting on the chair the previous night.

I had hoped to be able to spend more time with him, but Mistress Hildegarde appeared immediately after breakfast and ushered Jocelyn, Agnes, Lorelle and I out to the kitchen gardens and put us to work clearing away weeds and harvesting any ready vegetables that we found. While part of me was wild with impatience to see Lord Edward again, the garden was a pleasant place to be with the sun warm on my shoulders and the smell of fresh green growth all around, and after a while I found I didn't mind being there.

"Everyone's talking about you, you know."

Jocelyn's voice cut into my reverie, and I glanced up at her over my basket. She was on the opposite side of the raised bed, frowning at me over the herbs.

"You spent the whole day with Lord Edward yesterday, alone." She yanked a weed out of the soil with more force than was necessary, and tossed it away. "I thought you said that there wasn't anything between you?"

Lorelle and Agnes looked up with interest, as I carefully pulled some weeds and thought about how to respond. "He only invited me the previous day," I said at last.

"Even so, I would have thought you would tell your friends," Jocelyn said sulkily. "Keeping company with a lord is no small thing!"

"So what did you do?" Lorelle demanded, sitting back on her heels and laying aside her basket. "You were seen heading towards the forest."

"We went walking in the forest," I said, continuing to pull weeds. "He showed me some places and we talked. That's all." Or at least, that was all I wanted to share.

"But what are you doing?" Jocelyn persisted. "Girls just don't go out walking alone with lords, they don't! I can't believe your father is willing to countenance such a scandal!"

"Charles isn't doing anything wrong!" I said, nettled by her tone. "Lord Edward has spoken to him, and my father understands. It's only a scandal if people like you turn it in to one!"

Turning my back on the girls I marched across the kitchen garden and began weeding one of the far beds. I heard the indignant tones of Jocelyn as she and Lorelle began discussing my outburst, but I tried to pay no attention. What did it matter what they thought? As if they could understand the way things were between Lord Edward and I, even if I made some attempt to explain it. I barely understood how this shift in perspective, this overwhelming passion, had sprung into being.

I didn't want to sit with them at the dinner hour, but Agnes came and took my hand as we were heading in to the great hall, giving me her shy smile and I didn't want to be rude.

"Come and sit with us," she pressed gently. "Don't be angry with Jocelyn; she spoke carelessly but she is your friend. And Lorelle has some news to share."

"I didn't mean to upset you," Jocelyn added stiffly, as Agnes and I sat at the table beside her. "You have to admit that it's unusual though!"

I acknowledged her with a nod. "I know. But Lord Edward is unusual…" My voice trailed away. There was certainly no way to expand on just how unusual the lord and his family were! "I'm not trying to be secretive," I said at last. "But the situation is complicated and I suppose I want some time to make it clear for me before I talk about it."

Jocelyn looked dissatisfied with my answer but at least she seemed to accept it. Anxious to change the subject I looked at Lorelle and asked her about her news.

Her eyes lit up with nervous excitement. "I'm going to be married," she announced. "To a landholder whose property lies to the east of here, closer to town. It's all arranged, and will take place next month." She smiled at me triumphantly.

"Congratulations," I said, trying my best to match her level of pleasure. "What is he like?"

"I've only met him a few times," Lorelle admitted. "He seems kind. His first wife died and there are children already, two boys." For a moment her voice faltered and she looked anxious. "I don't know about being a mother…but it will be my own house, and there are servants. I've got a good dowry and I know my father will have seen to it that it will be a good place for me."

Jocelyn sighed a little enviously. "Just think, you'll be the first of us to be married. And you'll leave the castle and have your own house." She paused. "Of course, he's quite old and you might be a little lonely. But I am going to miss you!"

Lorelle looked like she didn't know quite how to take this compliment and slight together, but before she could get upset Agnes jumped in with a question about what sewing would need to be done. The three of them began discussing Lorelle's bridal gown, and I let my attention and eyes wander towards the high table.

Lord Edward was, as usual, seated at the end. His trencher looked as though he'd just had a good dinner, but I noticed that Katya the hound was lying across his feet and I guessed that she had really been the recipient of the meats. Sensing my gaze he looked up, and even across the great hall the beauty of his smile made me breathless.

As soon as the Lord Carlisle and Lady Esme had arisen, Lord Edward jumped from the dais and cut across the hall towards me.

"Ladies," he said, bowing.

Jocelyn, Lorelle and Agnes all scrambled to their feet and delivered curtsies, nodding their heads. "My lord."

I rose after them, blushing a little at my oversight as I curtsied clumsily. If I didn't want people talking more than they were already, I really needed to mind my public manners.

"Lady Lorelle, I believe congratulations are in order," Lord Edward said. "I hope you'll be very happy."

"Thank you my lord," she murmured, blushing.

"Lady Bella, may I have a word?" Lord Edward looked my way, his golden eyes bright. "Ladies, if you'll excuse us."

The three girls flitted away, and I stepped back a little towards the wall, away from the curious glances of the others seated at the table. "My lord," I murmured self-consciously.

Lord Edward smiled. "Are you really so embarrassed to be seen talking to me?"

I shook my head, knowing from the heat in my cheeks that I was blushing furiously. "I'm not embarrassed! But everyone is looking, and I don't like people paying so much attention to me…"

"Well, there's a solution for that," Lord Edward said. "At least, in a way…would you like to come upstairs with me to my family's private rooms this afternoon? They're anxious to meet you…well, to get to know you a little better."

I looked at him in terror. Spend time with Lord Carlisle and Lady Esme? Lord Edward's siblings? "But…what if they don't like me?"

Lord Edward stared at me for a moment before a smile broke across his face and he laughed. "I've just invited you to spend an afternoon in close quarters with a family of vampires," he said, his voice low enough that no one would hear, "And yet you're only worried that they won't like you?!"

I ducked my head. "Well, it does sound silly when you put it like that! But even so, I'm not…"

Lord Edward shook his head and grasped my hand in his strong, cool fingers. "They'll love you because I do. And Alice has already seen that you and she are going to be great friends so she's been pestering me endlessly about bringing you up to spend time with the family. Please Bella."

As if I could refuse him anything when he looked at me so entreatingly! With a sigh I mentally braced myself, and then stepped away from the wall. "Very well. Let's go and see your family."