So in recent news, Ganache's Coalition of Independent Cities has managed to strike a deal with the beautiful CPUs of Gameindustri. It was all very civil, actually. The threat of military invasion was not even brought up at in the meeting room. Ganache spoke on behalf of the indies, and managed to convince the CPUs of the need for clear borders. Of course, our Goddesses knew that they were in the wrong, and happily agreed to definite borders. There's some dispute over the exact boundaries of the land, especially concerning Leanbox's recent mining ventures, but I'm sure that won't amount to anything plot relevant… . At least it better not… .

"I'm just glad that no one got hurt!" I said, resting for the first time since I escaped my captivity. "It's wonderful that everyone can return to playing games and laughing with each other."

"No one got hurt, huh?" Lady White Heart glared at me while I was trying to enjoy my break. I would complain, but for her to even look my way makes me feel wonderful inside. "No one except that maid girl… . Do you know how embarrassing it was? Some asshole ambassador tells me that you poured hot tea on his maid, and then Noire starts pontificating over how a proper goddess would never let her Rep. be taken captive for so long… ."

"In my defense, Lady White Heart, I was taken captive."

"And that's what I told Ganache." Lady White Heart seemed satisfied with my answer, but somehow no happier. "I can't believe you went and got yourself captured. Exactly how useless of a man are you?"

"I'd answer that, but I worry I might disappoint you, Lady White Heart."

And then Lady White Heart sighed so hard I thought she was about to pass a lung from out her throat. "Chet, you are so… ."

"Utterly, and unwaveringly devoted to my nation's goddess, my lady CPU White Heart."

"If you weren't so good at shuffling papers… ." with a bitter smile, Lady White Heart walked away from me. Maybe she went to her quarters, maybe she went take a hit off the scuttlebutt, maybe she just withdrew with the intent to find something sufficiently heavy and blunt to malice me with. Wherever she went, I've this most gnawing of suspicions that I might not be serving my Lady with healthy intent. "Well shit… ."

When I studied to become a sanctified, there was no stipulation that I had to be a good person in addition to my rightly earned degrees. Of course, I did manage to pass that psyche profile because I acted sweet to the lonely-looking chicklet in charge of the interviews. Which reminds me, I still haven't thrown away that woman's phone number, or did I?

Whatever, I'm legitimately saddened by the thought of Lady White Heart not being pleased with me. Of course, savvy readers will find that statement as shocking as a news report on bears shitting on trees. Seriously tho, when Lady White Heart is unhappy, I'm unhappy, but when Lady White Heart is unhappy as a direct consequence of something I did, I start to consider the social benefits of hara-kiri.

"Caw… ?" and there's a sound I haven't heard in… . I don't remember exactly. Look, it's Wisden, and yes I expect you to remember who that is.

"Wisden, you beautiful batter avian, I haven't seen you in forever! How have you been?" with friends around, my thoughts of honorable suicide fade toward the back of my skull.

"Caw!" flapping her wings, Wisden propelled herself just above the ground. She had an envelope hanging from the grasp of her talons.

"For me, Wisden? Oh but I didn't get you anything… ." No, I am not flirting with my birdie friend, I'm just playing with her. "Let's see here… ."

Inside of the envelope which bore the golden wax seal of Lowee's Basilicom was a letter. Folded thrice, and written in fine silver ink, it read thus, "In light of recent events concerning the capture of Lowee's NPC Representative by hitherto unnamed forces," I call liar, "prior to talks concerning national borders, it has been decided that NPC Representative Chet of Lowee will under go diversity tolerance training… " OH CHUFFING GOODNESS ON COPULATION BREAD, NO! "under the guidance of Lastation's CPU Candidate Uni and NPC Representative, Xeno."

"NOOOOOOO!" Calm down. Her disposition aside, Constable Blimey Chips is still a loli, and CPU Black Sister is a loli as well. "NEVER MIND! I CAN WORK WITH THIS!"

…

Lastation… . Ugh! Lastation! Of all the places they had to send me, why Lastation. Nothing here but bile in the air, elitist pricks at every other corner, and still no music in these forsaken train cars! Ugh! I'm being unfair, there're elitist pricks in every nation, especially Leanbox, but I can deal with those pricks because my mother was from Leanbox, and that makes me a half-prick, biologically speaking. It is my actions and disposition which make me a whole-prick.

I arrive before the Basilicom, with dread in my heart and a smile on my face, to see Lastation's most notable of traits, putting on airs like they're designer underpants.

My welcome was not quite the red carpet roll out because the carpet was black with gold trim.

"Goodness… ." I sighed with exasperation.

Awaiting my arrival was an audience of saluting soldiers in Lastation military garb, trumpeters signaling my presence with grandiose blasts of sound, that damn black and gold carpet I was talking about earlier, and dressed for success were two white haired women with eyes like to stare through my soul.

Lady Black Heart, Lastation's CPU proper, wore voluminous white hair down with an enviable air of prominence about her. Her dress was an off the shoulder piece fittingly blacker than my contempt for this nation and everyone in it. I suppose her breasts would be considered "cute" and "modest" by the standards of Leanbox, but they can hardly be considered small by any reasonable standards. I will admit to her being a sexy, sexy woman, but she's a goddess. It'd be stranger if she weren't beautiful.

Next to CPU Lady Black Heart was Lastation's CPU Candidate and the more beautiful of the two in my mind's loli-loving-eye, Lady Black Sister. Her hair is curled into two gigantic ringlets each the size of her head with a mind-boggling consistency that stumps me every time I see it. And while she is, the only CPU of this generation to have her boobies get smaller in HDD state, a fact for which my emotions are eternally conflicted, her dress, a poofy and grey affair, does not do her figure justice. That kind of thing makes me sick.

"Welcome to Lastation, Representative Chet of Lowee." Lady Black Heart greeted me with teeth bared in a winning smile.

Wasn't the entire point of me coming here to tell me how horrible a person I am? It must not be, because I don't think Ganache had this kind of ceremonious welcome when he came to speak on behalf of sovereign powers.

"Lady Black Heart, you… " went entirely too far with this atrocious display, "you humble me with your hospitality."

"Nonsense! It's your first time visiting Lastation, Representative." that you know of, "I couldn't bear it if your first impressions of a country as beauteous as Lastation… " Lady Black Heart loves to hear herself talk.

"I have been here before, m'lady, but never on official business." I scan around quickly for sight of Constable Blimey Chips, but I can't find her. "Still, you certainly know how to make one feel welcome." I want to ask about the constable, but I know that she and I will meet sometime later on.

"It's a pleasure meeting you again, Representative of Lowee." went the voice of the con… . "No… ."

The person calling me out was not Constable Blimey Chips, for Constable Blimey Chips, like me, does not have her own character portrait. She, like me, is an NPC silhouette, and while she is as tall as this person whose voice reminds me much of hers, this person cannot be Constable Blimey Chips. This person has a character portrait, and I do not – and Constable Blimey Chips does not. Pardon I fudged my words for a second.

Standing before me is a stout little boy/girl/woman with black hair thick as jungle brush and no more tame. I'll go ahead and assume that this person is a female now, for she looks to be wearing the uniform of female officers in Lastation's army, or at least an outfit very similar to it. On her top and over a white dress shirt and tie affair was black blazer, double breasted, and with a single line of four golden buttons going down from her chest to the end of her coat. With her pants folded into creases, the only thing this one needed to complete the look was a combination cover to hide that horribly frizzy hair of hers.

"I'm sorry, have we met?"

"No. No. We haven't… ." She's embarrassed. Embarrassed about what? I don't know. What reason she could have? I don't care. I know that this frizzy haired little bint got herself a character portrait, and and I'm still looking like Todd In The Shadows. "It's nice to meet you, for the first time, Representative Chet of Lowee. I'm Lastation's NPC Representative, Representative Xeno. I hope we can get along. Hopefully you won't feel the urge to pour hot tea on me."

I'd probably be laughing at that if I weren't still a silhouette.