The next morning, I woke up to Jake's ringtone blaring on my cellphone. I rolled over and picked it up.
"Hello?" I grumbled.
"Hey Babe. We're downstairs. Come let us in."
"What?" I groaned and looked at my alarm clock. "It's only nine, dude. I thought you were supposed to be here at like ten thirty or something."
He started laughing. "We got here early. What? You got someone up there or something?"
I winced and looked over at Edward, bundled up in Ang's comforter like a burrito. "What would you do if I did?"
"Stop it," Jake replied whimsically. "Come let us up."
"Alright, be there in a second." I clicked the phone shut and groaned in disappointment. I'd gotten about five hours of sleep, and Edward was snoring his way through this morning like there was no tomorrow.
His shiner looked pretty bad too. Overnight, it had grown more purple and blue, and had swollen up quite a bit. He looked like he'd gotten in a fight, and definitely had his ass handed to him.
"Edward," I sputtered, giving him a few quick shakes. He didn't budge. "Edward!" I shouted a little louder this time.
"Hm?" he muttered, rolling on to his back. He stretched and opened his eyes, looking around momentarily. "What the fuck?"
"Hey, Jake and Tanya are downstairs. We've gotta' get moving, alright? Pull the bed over to that side of the room."
His eyes were squinty like I'd suddenly started speaking Greek, and he didn't understand what I was saying. "What?" he moaned
"Jake and Tanya are here. Downstairs. Get up," I said again, climbing out of bed and stripping out of my boxers to throw on a pair of jeans.
"How did I get in here?"
I rolled my eyes and looked over my shoulder at him. "You don't remember last night?"
He shook his head and went to sit up. "Ugh!" he groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. "Ow! What the hell?" He got out of bed and marched over to my mirror. "How in the hell did I get a black eye?"
"I punched you."
He looked back over at me. "Why'd you do that?"
"You puked on me. All over me actually. It was pretty gross."
"Aww, no. Really?"
"Yeah, and then you professed your undying love for me and serenaded me with the musical stylings of Coyote Shivers." I threw a hoodie over my head and grabbed my keys. "C'mon. Get the bed over there."
"Coyote Shivers?"'
"Edward! We don't have time. Jake and Tanya are downstairs – right now. Move the bed. Here." I grabbed the headboard and started scooting it over, but only made it about an inch before Edward jumped in and helped. We got it back in its original spot and I threw his clothes at him. "Shirt, on. Pants on."
He started getting dressed while I cleaned my room. The only thing I needed to do was hide my laundry at the back of the closet and throw my heels from last night in the closet. Bam!
Beautifully cleaned room.
After he was dressed, we headed out the door and down the hall to the elevators. "So, I professed my love for you, huh?"
"Yeah," I added nonchalantly. "It was sweet, in a drunk, pouring your heart out kind of way."
"And what did you tell me in return?" He ran his hands through his hair and touched his black eye again, wincing in pain.
"I told you to go to bed."
The doors opened, and lo' and behold, Jake and Tanya stood right in front of us. Jake looked amazing, always did. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, but had let his hair grow out a little bit. I'd always liked it better when it was longer.
But Tanya, she looked more strung out than she had on Christmas. Dark circles lined the skin under her eyes, and she looked tired, like she hadn't slept in a week. Not only that, but the girl was literally wasting away. She was wearing a pair of old sweat pants and a tank top that I'd seen her wear a hundred times, but she was swimming in them now. She must have lost at least fifteen pounds since winter break, and she was boyish to begin with.
"Edward!" she screeched (which did nothing for my hangover) and, literally, jumped in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
My eyes met Jakes and a smile erupted on my face. It was terribly difficult to resist jumping in his arms the way Tanya had done to Edward, but I somehow managed to refrain.
"Hiya Jake," I greeted, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Hey Bells," he whispered in my ear. "God, it's so good to see you."
His smell swirled around my head, all man and motor oil and Old Spice soap. I sighed. It was so familiar, so comforting, and it instantly took me back to my bedroom in Forks. "I missed you," I muttered, pressing my lips to his cheek respectively. Sure, I still loved him intensely, but we were broken up – right? We'd done the whole break-up sex thing, the tearful goodbye, the weeks of "Should-I-Call-Shouldn't-I-Call." Hell, I'd even kissed another guy last night – and I liked it a lot. We weren't supposed to be all touchy feely with each other, even if it was the hardest thing in the world to keep my hands to myself. It was as if I saw him and every feeling I'd spent the last month suppressing came rushing back to the forefront.
"Oh my god," Tanya gawked. "What happened to your face?"
Jake pulled away and looked over to Edward, who was just putting Tanya down. "Yeah, dude. Who the fuck clocked you? Want me to whip his ass?"
"Um," I decided to say. "It was …"
"Just some drunk guy at a bar," Edward cut in. "He got a little too excited about the basketball game, threw his arm up, Bam, right into my face."
I furrowed my eyebrows. I guess he decided he didn't want Tanya and Jake to know a girl had given him a black eye – much less me. That would just lead into a whole diatribe about what we were fighting about and why I had to punch him to begin with . . . and, of course, I'd have to lie about all of it. I was done lying to Jake.
"Well, my room is this way." I nodded back down the hall and gestured for my Marine to follow.
"Which way is your room, Edward?" Tanya interjected, intertwining her fingers with his, to which he tried to pull away.
"Oh, it's down that way," I answered for him, pointing towards the boy's side.
"I thought we were going out for breakfast, or something," Edward suggested.
"Aren't you hung over?" I asked with a giggle.
"Uh, yeah. Hence the need for sustenance ASAP."
"We already ate," Jake cut in.
"Yeah," Tanya answered. "Why don't you show me your room?"
I had to struggle to hide my laugh. Could she be anymore obvious?
"Yeah, go show her your room," I mocked.
"I think Ang and Ben are still in there," Edward retorted, nodding toward the girls side. "Let's just go hang in Bella's room."
At this point, I started feeling a little sorry for him. I knew he didn't want to be around her, and he definitely didn't want to take her back to his room alone. But, the only thing in the world that I wanted was some alone time with Jake. After the little encounter with Garrett last night, I was literally aching for some affection of the X-rated variety.
Besides, I was still nursing a grudge against Tanya for what she did at Christmas. Fucking bitch. I bet the only reason she wanted to take Edward to his room was to prove to me she could still have him if she wanted him. Which, was pretty hysterical given the fact that I could snap my fingers and he'd come running. But hey, I wasn't going to sink as low as she was, so I shrugged and waved my hand for them to follow me. There'd be time enough for Jake and I . . . I hoped.
We went back to my room, where I promptly sat down on my bed. Edward, who was used to sitting next to me, had a moment of hesitation, where he seemed to be heading over to me, but was blindsided by Tanya, who grabbed his hand and pulled him over to Angela's bed. Jake came in last, closing the door behind him before settling in the space between my legs.
Silence. Dead fucking silence. No one said anything.
Pursing my lips, I cleared my throat and wrapped my arms around Jake's chest. "So, how are things back in Forks?" I asked, relishing in the familiar scent of Jake's cologne. I hadn't realized how much I missed it.
Things were awkward for the first few minutes. Tanya explained that she was taking some classes at the community college, and thought Alice had attempted to convince her to transfer to WU, but she was thinking she'd probably try to come to UCAL in San Francisco.
Gee – wonder why she'd want to do that? I rolled my eyes and looked over to Edward, who was hiding a smirk and trying to flip through the televisions stations.
"Um, well," I started. "I'm taking some English courses this semester, getting all my GenEds out of the way. I decided to go ahead with the English major, with a focus on Journalism."
"What are you going to do with that?" Tanya asked. I don't think she was trying to be a bitch about it, I think it just came out a little snappy.
"Whatever the fuck I want," I replied with a pointed look.
Jake laughed and pointed to the TV. "Wait, man. Go back a channel. I think that's the motorcycle race."
Edward went back a channel, and sure enough, motorcycles were whipping around the track. "Oh shit!" Jake exclaimed. "Leave this on. I went to Basic with a guy who's supposed to be in this."
And so we sat in silence while Jake tried to figure out which was his friend. Thankfully, a few seconds later, Angela came rushing into the room. "Hey Bella, did you get your platonic playmate home —" and then she stopped and looked around, suddenly realizing there was a whole bunch of people in her room.
I tensed. My platonic playmate was very obviously Edward.
"Whoa," she exclaimed, a small blush gracing her cheeks. "Hey friends from home. Forgot you guys were coming. How are we?"
Jake stood to give her a hug and so did Tanya, each saying hello in return.
"Nice shiner, Edward," Ang mused, coming over to grab some clothes out of her dresser. She stuck her tongue out to the side playfully and raised an eyebrow.
"Thanks," he replied, avoiding her glare.
"That happen last night after Garrett kicked you out?"
Edward sighed. "He didn't kick me out."
She started laughing. "Oh no, excuse me. After he asked you respectively to leave and you threw yourself into Steve Mottley and his girlfriend."
"What happened?" Jake asked.
I took a deep breath, because, yeah, that was a long story, one I really didn't want to get into right now. "It was a crazy party, Edward got pretty drunk."
"Thought you went to a bar last night – You know, the guy watching the game?" Jake said, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion and taping the spot next to his eye.
"Garrett kicked me out early, where else was I supposed to go?" Edward answered quickly.
Way to be on the ball, I thought, cringing by how close Jake had gotten to the truth. "Hey, Ang, what are you and Ben doing all day today?" I asked. Insert change of subject here, please, and thanks.
She shrugged. "I think he's got some silly Valentines thing planned, then I don't know. We were thinking about going to see a movie. You guys in?"
"Great!" I said at once, not giving anyone the chance to turn it down. Dark theater, no talking, no awkwardness. Sounded perfect.
Until we actually got there and Edward sat to one side of me, Jake to the other, each with an obnoxiously large elbow on my arm rest. We'd gone to see some sap-happy love story starring Hugh Grant and Keira Knightley, ironically called "Love Actually." It was cute, I liked it. But, the groaning and moaning coming from the boys told me they thought it was a total chick-flick.
"Well, no one said you two had to tag along," I joked on the walk back to the dorms. "Tanya, Ang and I would have gone by ourselves."
"Oh yeah, and I suppose we would have just hung out at the dorms all day?" Jake playfully added.
"Edward would have taken you to Benny's, right?" I suggested.
Edward shot me a look that I read as 'I'd rather shoot my own foot off.'
Good, I thought. Suffer! But then again, once I really thought about it, I realized these two were acting really strange today. Hadn't they hugged it out over Christmas break? Hadn't they kissed and made up while they were both pissed at me? What could have possibly happened over the course of a month to change their relationship so drastically? God, they fought more than girls did.
Before I could ask, Ben chimed in with, "Well, why don't we head over there now? I don't know about you, but I could use a beer after that entirely estrogenated piece of shit."
Angela shot him a glare, but Edward agreed and Tanya added, "Sounds awesome!"
I grimaced. Great! I knew Victoria and her crew would be there tonight and I had absolutely no desire to introduce the Marine to the Teacher, or vice verse. That sounded like some sick, demented version of hell that I never wanted to visit.
All it would take would be a moment of weakness on Garrett's part – and bam, Jealous Jake would rear his ugly head. (Of course, I wasn't sure who would emerge the victor of that imaginary battle. I'd like to think Garrett because he had about two or three inches on Jake. But, Jake had just spent the last six months in Basic Training. His body was cut from the stuff of Greek Gods, and the government had trained him to fight people professionally. On second thought – watching that could be entertaining. ) But let's be honest, huh? Jake and I weren't together anymore, and he certainly wasn't acting like it today either. Where Tanya held Edward's hand everywhere we went, Jake barely touched me. Aside from that little amount of affection right when he'd gotten here, one would have thought we were nothing more than friends.
It sort of freaked me out. His actions pegged the question: why'd he make the trip at all? Sure, I loved him, and he loved me, but if we weren't together anymore, and he wasn't planning on playing the role of the boyfriend, why'd he drive so far to see me?
Edward's voice ran through my head, bringing back a memory from that night, the night we never spoke of – "He doesn't deserve you!" What exactly had Edward meant by that?
We walked through the doors to Benny's, and the first person I met eyes with was Garrett. He was sitting with Victoria, Laurent and James at their usual booth in the back corner. I had two feet in the door before Ben saw them also and ushered us in that direction.
"Hallo, Fresh," Victoria greeted, giving me a small hug. Then, she turned to Edward and Tanya. She eyed them both up and down before pursing her lips and nodding. "Welcome back to Cali . . . Tasha, was it?"
"Tanya" she corrected. "Yes, nice to see you again." She wrapped her hand around Edwards so hard, it might as well have been a death grip.
"Uh huh," And then Victoria's eyes glanced over to Jake, eyeing him from head to toe like a piece of meat. "And you must be the Marine."
He smiled wide, a faint pink grazing his cheeks. "You must be Victoria," he held his hand out. "Jake. Pleasure to meet you."
She laughed and nodded, giving his hand a firm shake in return. "Likewise. This is my fiance, James. And this," she held her hand out to my Brit Lit TA, who I'd yet to look at again, "is Garrett." I could feel his eyes on me, like daggers, like a wall of fire, and yet, I was too embarrassed about what I said last night to reciprocate. I told him he could have me, I told him I wanted to screw his brains out, I told him the Marine was ancient history and yet, here I was, looking like a big, fat hypocrite - which, of course, I was.
As much as I wanted to be over Jake, as much as I wished it wasn't true, I still had deep feelings for my Marine, and they came rushing back the forefront the second I saw him in that elevator. Perhaps I would always have this love for him, this affection. Perhaps it would never go away.
"Oh, Wow," Jake held his hand out to Garrett. "I've heard a lot about you too. You're the one with the renovations, right? Working on your masters?"
Garrett looked down at Jake's hand and snorted, slapping his palm in my Marine's indignantly. "Yeah, heard some things about you too," he said with a smirk, downing the rest of his beer before climbing out of seat. He stole a sideways glance at Edward, who rolled his eyes and looked away. There was something there - some sort of secret between them. Something they were keeping from me. Could that look have had anything to do with Jake not deserving me?
"Right, well," Ang cut in. "We could use some shots, huh?
"I bet," Victoria snorted. I pulled Jake to the other side of the crowd and tried to ignore the rest of them. Whatever was going on behind the scenes, it wasn't going to ruin what little time I had left with him.
Five beers, two twisted peaches, and one dirty bartender later, Jake and I were laughing hysterically at the memory of Emmett and Jasper setting up the pyramid of Beer Pong cups at the bottom of the stairs at Alice's lake house, then sledding down into them on a piece of cardboard. It was a lot funnier at the time and even funnier if you had been there. Edward and Tanya never joined us at the table, nor did I look for them.
Somewhere over the course of our drinking, things had lightened up between Jake and I considerably, and I planned on keeping it that way. Edward's presence would only irritate me more than it already had today.
We talked about his dad, and how Becs and Rach were doing in school. Becky was just about to graduate with her degree in Psychology and Rach had started her junior year with the intention of majoring in Engineering, but now was thinking about Biology. Then, the conversation drifted over to my dad, and how badly he was missing me while I was away.
I snorted in disbelief. "Leave it to him to start missing me once he can't see me anymore."
Jake's eyebrows furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I only mean that . . . ya' know, he had me for four years. And not once did he ask to be put back on day shift. Not once did he get out of working on Christmas or New Years to spend the holidays with his only child. And now that I'm gone, he's all depressed about it."
"Well, look who went off to college and grew an ego."
"What?"
"That's not to say he didn't try to get off to spend time with you, Babe. He just doesn't have a son to help him put his little girl through college," Jake explained. "Holidays are time and a half."
Now, didn't I feel like the biggest ass in the entire world? I had never thought about it that way, though I suppose I should have. Jake was absolutely right. Charlie would never have complained, but his and Renee's salary alone wouldn't put me through Stanford. Extra shifts and shitty schedules, that's what get's a girl through Ivy League. I'd been caught in a selfish moment.
"You should call him," Jake went on. "I bet he'd like that."
"Yeah, yeah I think I will."
"So," Jake cleared his throat and leaned back in the booth. "What crawled up your boy's ass and died?"
"My boy?"
"Yeah, you know, Top Gun - the dude with the aviators – Garrett or whoever."
"Nothing, he's just . . . an asshole sometimes . . . when he wants to be. Probably his lesbian ex-girlfriend giving him shit again."
"So, nothing to do with you, then?"
I shook my head and laughed. "No. Why?"
He shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. I watched that pink tongue dart out and lick his upper lip afterward, and for some reason, I had a memory flash of it licking my body instead. Yup. Those old feelings died hard, and I couldn't help the swell in my heart for Jake in that very moment. "And what's going on with you and Edward?"
I was a bit taken back. "What? Nothing's going on with me and Edward."
"Uh huh. No more sleepovers?" His eyes met mine and he smiled, indicating he was just trying to rattle my cage.
I playfully kicked him underneath the table. "What about you, huh? Who have you been doing with your free time?"
"No one . . . just, ya' know, whacking it and thinking about you."
I laughed even harder. "Stop it," I added, shooting him a tiny wink.
"Seriously though, I tried. A couple of times." His face got all red.
A jab of jealousy shot right through my gut. "Tried what?" I muttered, playing dumb. I knew exactly what . . . and it's not like I could be mad at him. Didn't I try to kiss Garrett last night, hoping to score some rebound ass of my own?
"You know," he answered, clearing his throat. "With Kimber Hollis."
"Eww," I involuntarily blurted, another jolt of hatred flaring inside of me. The next time I saw that bitch . . .
Jake laughed and playfully kicked me under the table. "Don't say eww – what? Why would you say that? She's good looking."
"That's the problem. She's so good looking, she gets everyone she wants – and with that, every STD known to man." Kimber Hollis was gorgeous, blonde hair, green eyes, and a rack that I've been envying since fifth grade. But, all good things come with a cost. She had, by far, the biggest and baddest daddy issues in the whole school. No one knew exactly where he was, but, according to Rose, he'd had a long, scandalous affair with one of Kimber's underaged friends, (either Lori Miller or Nicole Bowman, no one knew which,) and when Kimber's mother found out about it, she'd kicked him out, royally screwing him ten ways to Sunday. She walked with half his salary for the rest of his life, the house, the kids, and the gardener, Juan. The whole incident had, unfortunately, turned Kimber into the biggest hoe bag in the State of Washington. "So what happened? Did you get crabs or something?"
"No." He smiled bashfully, that brilliant smile lighting up my entire life. "I said I tried, right?"
"So, you couldn't get it up?"
"Yeah, something like that," he concluded. "Thanks for sugar-coating it, Babe."
"You're welcome." I chuckled. If things were weird before, they weren't anymore. Alcohol makes the heart grow fonder, and now that we'd had a couple drinks, things were back to normal between us. It was like the last month didn't happen. Sure, I was a bit jealous about Kimber Hollis, but at least it wasn't Tanya, or Alice, or something. "You know, actually, since we're being honest and everything." I took a sip of my vodka/cranberry and leaned in a little closer to him. "I almost kissed Garrett last night. It was his birthday. That's why he's acting a little rude toward you."
"I knew it," Jake teased.
"What? Are you jealous?"
"You wish."
"You wish I wished!" I shot back in return, with a laugh.
"So, just a kiss huh? You like him?"
"An almost kiss." I shrugged. "Sort of. I was kinda just looking for some rebound tail of my own."
"And nothing with Edward?"
"Why do you keep coming back around to that? No, I didn't do anything with Edward."
"You promise?"
I held up three fingers. "Scouts honor."
He licked his lips again and smiled deviously, looking at me like I'd suddenly lost every article of clothing I had on. "What?" I asked, a bit hesitantly.
"You feel like . . . I dunno . . . Gettin' outta' here or something?"
I stuck my tongue in my cheek and smiled, finally getting the entire conversation. Since we'd last seen each other a month ago, neither of us had slept with anyone else, even though he'd tried. And me, well, I was two beers away from throwing myself at him. So yeah, getting out of here was definitely on the list of things I could get behind.
I met his gaze with a primal one of my own. "Absolutely."
As he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd of grinding, gyrating bodies, I managed a glance around, trying to pick out Ang, Edward or Victoria, but I couldn't see anyone, so I assumed they'd all went home.
Jake threw his big arm over my shoulders and pulled me close to him, so close that I wrapped my arms around his torso as we walked. The whole familiarity of it was a bit overwhelming. He smelled exactly the same, felt exactly the same. And for a second, I almost forgot that we'd broken up and he was leaving for Iraq in two weeks. Right now, it was just Jake and I, and the whole world fell away.
He kissed the top of my head and sighed. "Do you still have that little, pink skirt?" he whispered.
"Uh huh," I answered with a giggle. "But I don't know if you've been good enough for that?"
"Oh, I've been extra good for that," Jake growled.
I chuckled and ran ahead of him, begging him to chase me, and, of course, he did. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me in the air, twirling me around and around. I howled with laughter and squealed and begged him to put me down. It was good to have Jake with me again. Most of all, I think I'd forgotten what it felt like to smile.
By the time we got back to the dorm, I couldn't keep my hands off him and as soon as the doors of the elevator closed behind us, Jake's fingers set in re-familiarizing themselves with depths they hadn't been to in a long time. My breasts, my hips, my stomach. Anywhere those fingers could touch, they did. Our passion was rushed, panicked, like he couldn't kiss me hard enough, or deep enough. But it was also passionate and sweet, like always. Jake treated me with that same delicacy I was used to, like he was afraid he would break me or hurt me somehow.
Warm, frenzied kisses trailed down my neck, leaving goose bumps and simultaneously setting my skin on fire. I felt alive for the first time in weeks.
When the doors opened on our floor, I giggled and pulled away from him, racing down the hallway to my room. I knocked twice and waited for an answer, allowing Jake to catch up. He slid in behind me, nibbling on my shoulder and feeling me up from behind. Then he laughed and asked, "Do you think they're in there?"
I knocked again.
When I got no response, I unlocked it and swung it wide open, grabbing Jake by the collar and tossing him inside. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in right after him.
Everything after that was a bit of a blur. To say I was a little lit wouldn't quite cut it. On the walk home, I'd seemed to only get more intoxicated, and right now, the world spun around me faster than I could keep ahold of it. The next thing I knew, I was being thrown down on the bed and Jake was on top of me, his lips kissing and licking and biting wherever he could. I unbuttoned my jeans and Jake slid them down my legs, exposing my lower half to the cool air in my room. But that didn't matter because all I could think of was getting my panties down next. Jake took care of that as well, throwing them over his shoulder with an adorable grin.
He made to go down on me, but I pulled his shoulders back up, needing no preparation. "Just fuck me, Jake," I murmured. "I missed you so much."
Our lips met again and his smell swirled around me, intoxicating me, turning me on even more. The weight of him on top of me, the scent of his Old Spice shampoo, his eyes meeting mine, it was all too much. Hadn't this been what I was trying to put behind me? What was I doing right now? I wasn't too sure, but, Christ, I couldn't stop it if I tried. Jake or no Jake, I needed this, needed to be touched, needed to be needed.
A gentle pressure pulsated between my legs and I hooked my ankles around his waist, the anticipation almost killing me. One quick jerk and he was inside, filling me completely, forcing our pelvises to meet with an amazing display of passion. It was brilliant. We didn't even bother to take off the rest of our clothes.
Fireworks went off inside of me, and my nails dug into his shoulders. Then, he pulled out slowly … gently … deliberately . . . only to surge back in again, hitting my spot with precision. He knew me. He'd done this a thousand times before. And it was just as good as any before. I almost came right on the spot.
Inside of me existed a hunger like nothing I'd ever felt before. I didn't want to make love; I didn't want to be treated with kid gloves. I wanted Jake to nail me, plowme. I wanted it hard and wet and rough and I wanted to be ashamed of it in the morning. I wanted him, all of him, right the fuck now.
So I grabbed a fistful of Jake's hair and tugged, pressing my lips to his harder and forcibly pushing my hips up to meet his. Jake moaned and took a step back, grabbing my shoulders to gesture I flip over.
Silently cheering, I climbed to my hands and knees, and Jake took his spot behind me, reentering me with such a force, I almost collapsed from the sheer fucking joy of it. A yank of my hair brought my head back and warm breath pressed into my ear.
"You like it rough like this?" he said through clenched teeth.
"You know I do," I replied with a smile.
"Of course you do." His fingers tightened on my hips, nails digging into my skin in a fantastic way. "You like to be spanked too, don't you?"
Without an answer, his hand withdrew from my hip and I knew what was next.
With a resounding pop, he brought that palm down on the fleshy part of my butt and I moaned in delight. The sting mixed the pleasure in the most tantalizing way, and a jarring blast went through me. I was close . . . So close.
It was when Jake reached around my hips and started fiddling my clit between his two fingers that I actually squealed. (That's right. I squealed.) My muscles clamped down on his cock, my hands tightened into a ball around my sheets, and a roar erupted from the back of my throat like I'd never heard before. The fury of the euphoria rushing through me was astounding. Jake was groaning too, his pace slowing and shallowing, which meant he was right there with me. With one final push, his dick switched inside of me and Jake let out a wistful sigh, letting me know he'd reached his climax as well. Then, he collapsed on top of me, breathing heavy from the exertion.
Sometime later, after we had cleaned ourselves up and officially gotten naked, we climbed into bed together and wrapped ourselves up under the covers, putting on the TV but keeping it on mute for the time being.
Laying there with my head on his chest, listening to his familiar heart beat, I couldn't help but notice the little twinge in the pit of my gut. The sex was hot, the sex with amazing, and yet – it was all too bittersweet for my tastes. This was the last time I would ever be like this with Jake. This would be the last time he fell on top of me, post coitus, with that heavy pant and those little beads of sweat on his forehead. I struggled to push back the tears.
Regardless of our break up, regardless of Edward or Garrett or Kimber Hollis, I still loved Jake immensely. Thinking of him going off to war broke my heart, and thinking that I might never have these intimate moments with him again made me even sadder.
No. No. You know what? Fuck that.
"Jake," I murmured.
"Hmm," he hummed in response, pressing his lips tenderly to my forehead.
"Make me promise."
"Anything."
"Tonight is not the last night we have sex, alright? I need to know we'll have more moments like this."
He chuckled. "C'mon, Bells. I mean, that was good, but we've done better than that before."
"That's what I'm saying. I can't stand knowing tonight's the last night we'll ever hook up. I love you, Jake, and even though we're allowed to see other people doesn't mean I want to. I want you."
Jake tilted my face up to meet his with a finger under my chin. "I want you, too. You know I do, babe. And maybe, one day, we can be together again, if that's what you want. But not now."
I frowned and leaned in to give him a kiss.
"How about you make me a promise?" He asked.
"Alright, anything."
"Stop talking about this," he said sweetly. "From now until the time I leave, we're not gonna' talk about the future, alright? It's making me depressed, and I've got about a million other things I could be thinking about. I'm mandating a subject change."
"Okay," I agreed, trying to think of something.
He came up with it for me. "Tell me a secret, something you've never told anyone else before, including me."
Whoa. Talk about subject change. Gee – where could I start? The pool house? No one knew about that, save for me and Edward. And that sounded like a place I definitely didn't want to go with Jake. Dante? The wall right over there? My real first kiss? Hell – the only secrets I kept from Jake were the ones I shared with Edward.
Finally, something came to me. Sure, it still involved Edward, but it was completely innocent. "When we were nine, and you guys all went to camp that one summer, Edward slept on my bedroom floor every night."
His deep laughter rumbled through me. "What? Why?"
"His parents were fighting, and he was scared. I also think he might have been lonely without Emmett."
"Yeah, I think I remember that. Esme was always yelling at Carlisle and the boys."
"From what I understand, she still does," I answered with a laugh. "Alright, your turn."
"Remember when Emmett's Mortal Kombat went missing for like a month and he threw that huge fit and stomped around to all our houses to see who took it?"
I snorted. "Oh God. Don't tell me."
"Of course, it was me. He gloated about that thing for a whole year after he got it. I had to beat it. So I did, and mysteriously left it in his locker after I was done. Then I kicked everyone's ass for like a month."
"Thief," I mocked.
"I was ten. Little boys are vicious to each other."
"Little girls are worse," I added indignantly.
"Do you think Ang'll be coming back here tonight?" he asked, gesturing to her bed.
I shrugged. "Probably not. I think she'll end up in Ben and Edward's room."
"And where does that put Edward and Tanya?"
"Probably over at Garrett's," I said. "I told you about the mansion, right? Well, it's got like twelve bedrooms or something. If things weren't so awkward between him and I, we would have stayed there tonight."
He nodded and snorted a laugh. "You're such a cock tease."
I nudged his rib cage. "Only to everyone but you."
"God, those two are annoying as all hell, aren't they?" he continued, referring to Tanya and Edward. "If Tanya mentioned moving down here one more time, I might have shot her." I started laughing, but he didn't. "What a pathetic match. Could any two people be so wrong for each other?" He sounded really passionate about it, like the idea of what they were doing was really ruining his vibe. I should have seen it for what it really was, right then and there - but youth is wasted on the young. And I was a blind fool.
"Oh my god, you can say that again!" I concurred. "You know, Edward cheated on Tanya for probably the last six months they were together. I think he told her it was only once or twice. Why else would she still cling to him like she does? You'd think she'd be miserable with him by now."
"She's lonely," he explained. "And sad."
"That's true, I guess." And, before I could even stop it, "did you ever cheat on me?" slipped right out of my mouth. I shouldn't have said anything, I should have shut the fuck up. But I couldn't help it, and once it was out, it was out. There was no going back.
"What do you think?" he immediately snorted in response. "Did you ever cheat on me?" He used a mocking tone, as if he assumed I would immediately reply to the negative.
But I didn't.
I just sat there thinking, Shit! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
How did I not see that coming?
OF COURSEhe was going to ask me that very same question in response. And it wasn't like I could lie to him. I mean, I'm sure I could, and it was probably for the best that I did. But we were broken up now, right? He couldn't really get mad – could he? We had been brutally honest with each other all night, down to slutbag Kimber Hollis for Christ's sake.
Maybe I was tired of holding on to it, maybe I was entirely too drunk to really know any better, there might have been a thousand reasons why I brought it up. But I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. It had to come out eventually, might as well rip the band-aid off already. This stupid mistake was done eating me alive.
"Bells?" he said again, his voice cracking the slightest bit.
I frowned and looked up at him. "I didn't really cheat on you . . . per se."
"Alright," he said, sitting up and sliding out from under me. "Per se. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
"Well, it depends on what you consider . . . cheating." I sat up and took a deep breath, brushing my hair behind my ears. My heart started pounding in my chest; my breathing grew labored and choked, my cheeks burning in shame. Aww – Fuck. I'd just royally screwed myself big time. Why didn't I think that question through? Why did I even ask it at all? God! I was so stupid sometimes. Even more so when I was drunk.
"Who are you? Bill Clinton? Tell me what's going on. You've got that look, that wild glazed over thing you do when you fucked up big time. What did you do?"
I squared my jaw and took a deep breath, finally forcing myself to look him in the eyes. "Remember when Tanya told you about Edward sleeping with me last semester, and you asked me if anything else happened and I told you nothing did?"
Jake didn't answer, just glared through me as the muscle in his jaw twitched.
"Well, that wasn't exactly true."
"What'd he do?" Jake snarled, the friendliness and love completely gone from his tone.
"Look, Jake. It doesn't matter what we did. I'm sorry I lied to you. I should have told you the truth right then and there, but I just couldn't. You wanted to move past the whole thing completely, you wanted a fresh start, and I wanted that too. It's in the past, it doesn't matter anymore. It's only gonna' make you mad." I took a deep breath to steady my voice, trying to think of anything to get this train back on track - - but nothing I said seemed to be doing any good. His eyes glared like he wanted to kill me. "You said you didn't wanna talk about the future, well, let's not talk about the past either. Let's just -"
"Bella," he started. "We're not together anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. If he so much as touched you . . ."
"He didn't!" I cut in.
"Then what happened?"
I ran my hands over my hair, feeling like I was five again and about to be chastised by my father. A tear slid down my cheek from the shame. It had been eating me alive for months, and even though I was coming clean and should feel relieved, a huge blade of guilt and self loathing pierced my stomach. "He sort of . . . dry humped me . . . up against that wall over there."
Jake took a second, processed that, then looked over at the spot in question. "Wait. This happened here?"
I pointed to the wall over by the door now covered by a huge mirror. "There."
With a nod, his expression hardened and he stood to slide his pants back on his legs.
"Jake, wait," I shouted, my voice panicked and stressed. "Please."
"Wait? For what?" His eyes had lost all their softness. They were piercing, furious. "For you to lie to me again? When did this happen?"
I rolled my eyes and mashed my fists into my sockets. I am freaking idiot!
"Halloween." I groaned.
"Did you come?"
"What?" I looked up at him, surprised that he would want to know that.
"Did. You. Come." His voice was biting, making me feel more disobedient than the act itself.
"Yes," I finally murmured.
"Did he?"
"Jake," I begged. "Stop it."
"Did he?!' He was screaming now.
"Yes." I said meekly.
He snorted a sarcastic laugh and shook his head. "Of course he did." Running his hand roughly over his face, he sighed and that ultimately became a groan. "What else?"
"What?"
"Well, I know he didn't dry hump you and leave it at that. What else?" he hissed, turning around to face me again.
I squirmed at the question and licked my lips. "Jake, it doesn't matter. We're not together anymore. It's over."
"You lied to me, Bella. Me." He choked the slightest bit.
The corners of my eyes welled with tears, threatening to fall any second. "You don't know how badly I wanted to tell you, how it ate away at me."
"What else?" he said again, his voice more harsh than before.
"New Years."
His eyes widened as recognition dawned. I could see it all falling together in his mind. "Behind the pool shed. What'd you do?"
"Don't make me tell you. You won't like it."
"You have to fucking tell me, Bella. You can't just bring that shit up and back out of it at the last second. What'd he do? C'mon, all the gory details!"
"He kind of fingered me – a little bit."
Jake put his hands on his hips and a sick, demented chuckle fell from his lips. "This whole time," he started. His cheeks burned bright red and those pupils were dilated, wild with rage. "This whole fucking time."
Suddenly, my phone rang. The vibrations against my computer desk filled the room with a startling buzz. I jumped and checked the ID. Yup – definitely going to ignore that call.
I felt crushed. Could he really think I didn't love him? More tears fell and I had to take a deep breath to muster the courage to speak. "Jake, I didn't tell you because I love you. And I guess I was being selfish because I didn't want to lose you, but we had such a little amount of time left together that I didn't wanna' ruin it. It was a stupid mistake. I've always loved you, and I love you so much more than I love him."
"So you do love him?" He sniffed, a single tear sliding down his cheek.
"C'mon," I answered with a sarcastic laugh. "You knew that. Everybody knows that."
This time, Jake's phone rang. He ignored it as well.
"Yeah?" he asked. "Does everyone know about Halloween and New Years, too?"
"No," I pleaded. "No, Jake. Just him and I. It's a secret, just a secret." And Rose and Emmett. So yeah, just about everybody. My phone rang again. Buzz . . . Buzz . . . Buzz.
He took a deep breath and clenched his fists, taking a step closer to me but still keeping his distance. "Were you ever gonna' tell me about this?"
"What is there to tell? It's not like we had sex or anything."
"Are you fucking kidding me with that?"
"Are you fucking kidding me? What are you not telling me, Jake? Huh? Cuz apparently, you've been keeping secrets too."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Edward. He's constantly telling me how you don't deserve me, how you need to tell me things, how I should break up with you for my own good. I used to think he was jealous, but now I think he knows something I don't." My voice was growing more and more powerful as my sentences went on. "So what is it. Jake? What is it that you and Edward have been keeping from me?You wanna' talk about secrets? Go ahead, start talking." He didn't say a fucking thing. Just stood there, glaring at me. "Does Tanya know too? Why the fuck did you even bring her?"
"To get him off your nuts for five seconds so I could have you alone."
I was a bit hurt. He only brought her so he could have me all to himself. Almost as if he knew something was up. As if he thought I wouldn't drop Edward the minute he arrived. "Well, it was stupid! When have I ever ditched you for him?"
"Apparently on Halloween and New Years!" His voice was getting bigger, louder, scarier, and those eyes, they were growing puffy and red. He was going to cry, and that broke my heart. With one little secret, one little white lie, I'd managed to take my big strong Jake and smash him into a zillion pieces.
"You were in South Carolina!" I argued. My phone rang again. And again. And again.
"At Basic Training, Bella! I'm trying to secure a future for u …" He almost said us. I could feel it coming. But instead, he stopped himself and said, "For me. Just like you're doing here." My phone keeping ringing . . . Buzz . . . Buzz . . . And I just sat there, staring up at him. "Is that him?" he hissed.
I refused to answer.
He walked over, picked my phone off the desk and headed toward the window.
"Jake, don't!" I tried to say.
But it was too late. He already at the glass open and tossed my Razr right off the third story. I ran over and pulled his arm back, realizing what he'd done.
I gaped at him. "Why'd you do that?"
"This is between me and you. No distractions," he commanded. "Though, I suppose I thought this whole thing was between me and you, and now come to find out, my slut fucking girlfriend has been screwing around with my best friend!"
"Fuck you!" I shouted. "Who the fuck are you and what did you do with my boyfriend, Jake? Cuz the Jake I know wouldn't act like this. Look at yourself!"
"I could ask you the same thing," he snapped. I winced in response. Christ! What the hell had happened to me? When Edward and I fought about this very same thing, I had a back bone the size of a Redwood. Now, standing here with Jake, my mouth simply wouldn't form the words. I deserved his anger. I deserved his frustration. Hell, I probably even deserved to have some sense knocked into me. So I stood there. "Did you fuck that Garrett guy while we were together, too?"
"You're an asshole."
"Of course, how the hell do I know if you're telling the truth now? I guess I was wrong about you. You're nothing but a liar - a heartless liar." He huffed and stormed over to the other side of the room, like he needed to put as much distance between us as possible.
Someone, some ignorant poor asshole, chose that precise moment to knock on my door, and it wasn't Angela's "Are you fucking in there?" knock.
Oh no. No. No. No. That was Edward's knock.
"Bella?" he called. "Jake? Hey I know you're boning, but I've got a quick question. Can I come in?"
It all happened very quickly. Before I could even process what was going on, Jake marched over to the door, whipped it open, and punched Edward hard, right in the face, and he, in turn, went down like a sack of potatoes, having been completely taken off guard. Tanya screamed and flung herself backwards. I rushed over to the scene, trying to pull Jake back, but he pushed me off him as hard as he could, which caused me to go flying back into the wall and crash into Angela's full length mirror.
It shattered into a thousand pieces, cascading into a strangely beautiful glass downpour all around me. I fell, landed on my hands and knees and tried to cover my head. That turned out to be a bad idea because it forced me to look at my arms. I had glass everywhere. My hands were covered in little tiny gashes and cuts, and sticking out of my palm was a huge mirror dagger twelve inches long. I took a deep breath and ripped it out, a sharp pang shooting up my wrist. Blood seeped from the wound.
I looked up in time to see Jake grab Edward by the collar and bring his other arm high above his head, smashing it down on Edward's face again, and again.
"JAKE!" I shouted.
Then, he kicked him in the stomach. Kick after blood curdling kick.
I tried to get to my feet, but I had another giant chunk of mirror sticking out of my knee.
Aww - fuck!
I took another breath and yanked it out. But this one was way, way worse than my palm. I literally fell over from the pain, blood oozing down my leg, covering my pale skin in red silk.
Then, just when I thought I was going to slowly bleed to death while watching my ex-boyfriend beat my best friend, knowing I was helpless to stop it, Garrett came out of nowhere and tackled Jake to the ground. By that point, I was struggling to get to my feet. Victoria rushed into the room and fell to her knees beside me, wrapping my shoulder around her neck. She helped me to my bed and reached for my robe by the closet door. When she wrapped it around my shoulders, I found the strength to grab her wrists and stop her.
"Get him out of here," I croaked. "I want him gone."
"Yeah, no shit," she hissed, running back out to the hallway. I could hear Jake screaming, "You were supposed to pretend it didn't happen, you spineless piece of shit! You fucking bastard! I'll kill you! I swear to God, I'll kill you! I'll kill you for touching her!"
I met eyes with Edward, beaten and bloodied on the hallway floor. His nose was definitely broken, his cheeks already beginning to swell, and I was pretty sure he was missing a few teeth. And it was all my fault.
It was a Saturday night at midnight. The ER was packed. Edward sat in the hospital bed across from me as Doctor Jones with the bright blue eyes stitched up my knee. It took her three hours to get all of the glass out of my arms and legs, but apparently my back was worse. I hadn't seen it, but judging by the amount of mirror she clinked into the metal peanut tub, I wasn't sure I wanted to.
FYI – hitting an enormous mirror with all your weight buckass neked? Not exactly the most pleasant experience in the world.
"You're incredibly lucky that strip of mirror hit your knee and not your spine," the Doctor said, looping the string around the scary-big needle she kept jabbing into my leg. "It missed your femoral artery by an inch. You should be good as new in a few weeks."
"Thanks," I said, wincing at the pinch of skin being stitched back together.
"So, you say an exboyfriend did this to you?" she asked.
I nodded. "Don't worry. He won't get a chance to do it again."
"Hey, that's not for me to judge. I just need to know whether I should call Psych or not. Usually, when we get cases like this, we're required to do that," she explained, surging the needle back into my skin.
I grimaced and glanced to the wall so I didn't have to look. Even though she had numbed the area, no one liked to see a huge needle poking around at their tendons and stuff. "No, that's not necessary. Thanks though."
She narrowed her eyes at me at looked to Nurse Kendra with the purple scrubs holding the tub. "Would you mind taking him up to Radiology for his MRI?"
"Of course, Doc." Kendra disappeared for a second but reappeared with a wheelchair, which Edward slid into before disappearing around the corner. He still hadn't said a word to me about the whole thing. And he looked horrible. The Doctors were pretty sure he had a concussion, and possibly a fractured cheekbone. He had a broken nose, two broken ribs and was missing three teeth.
"What happened to him?" Doc asked after they were out of ear shot.
"Jake happened to him. too," I joked.
"Alright," she said pointedly, clipping the string and pulling my wound completely closed. "That'll just about do it. Now, let me see your hand."
I held it out to her and she groaned in disgust. "Well look at that." Then, she set about poking the area with needles containing the special numbing mixture. "It's not as bad as your knee though, or the cut on your back." It was silent for a few seconds while I tried not to cry from the pain. Everywhere on my body ached, and if there was one good thing to come from the night, it was that I was in store for some serious pain meds. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"I'd rather not go over it again, if that's okay," I tried to explain.
But Doc was having none of it. "You can tell me, or you can tell the shrink. Either way, I've gotta' make sure you're of sound mind. Attacks like these, they tend to stick with a person. Trust me, I've seen better and worse."
So I took a deep breath and let it all go. Every ounce of strength I was holding onto just came pouring out of me. The tears rushed down my cheeks, the sobs stuck in the back of my throat like stale air, and tears poured down my cheeks. "It's stupid, really. " I managed to sputter. "Edward and I only messed around twice, just two times. They were mistakes. I told Jake that too. But he just didn't listen, he didn't care. He saw Edward and he started laying into him, and when I tried to break it up, he pushed me . . ." I couldn't believe it even now. Sure, fifty pounds of glass just got picked out of my bare back, but I still couldn't fathom how Jake would do this to me. "I thought I was gonna' watch him kill Edward. I thought we were both dead."
The Doc nodded, seemingly understanding. "Did you call the police?"
I shook my head. "He's in the military. I can't have him getting kicked out on account of me. He just lost his cool, that's all."
Doc Jones just raised an eyebrow incredulously.
"He's never been violent before. It was a mistake. It was all just one big mistake."
"You know what I think," Victoria blurted, whipping her way around the curtains. "You should stop making excuses for him."
"What's the likelihood this guy'll be waiting for you when you get back? Attacker's don't usually let their victims go that easily," Doctor Jones interjected.
Victoria spoke for me. "James put Tanya and Jake in his car and sent them packing. He was pretty upset about the whole thing."
"Good," I snapped. Despite my attitude, I still couldn't believe that things happened like this. He pushed me. Into a mirror. He beat the crap out of Edward. Who the hell had come to visit me and what happened to the Jake I left in Forks for the winter?
"Garrett found your phone," Victoria explained. "It's in a million pieces."
FUCK! That meant I was going to have to call Charlie and tell him what happened. He'd be furious. He'd be livid. It might affect his friendship with Billy. God damn it, Jake! Why'd you have to be so stupid?
Fifty three sutures and one big RX for Percaset later, we were escorted out the front door in wheelchairs, even though we both could walk. Edward still hadn't said a word.
"I'll go get the car," Victoria murmured, heading down to the garage.
"Hey, you alright?" I asked, desperation in my tone.
"Do I look alright?" he spat.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd react that way."
"Really?" Edward snapped. His eyes were wild, more piercing and disturbed than Halloween, and the tone in his voice made me recoil. "Because I saw this coming a mile away. The next time you talk to him, you tell him to stay away from me, you understand?"
"Edward," I groaned.
"I'm serious. The next time we meet, I'll kill him, so help me God."
"He overre-"
"Don't defend him. Just . . . Just leave me alone."
A bright yellow cab pulled up in front of us.
"Edward," I groaned.
"See ya around, Bells."
"Don't do this now. Please. I need you."
"You've never needed me."
"Oh, don't give me that melodramatic bullshit. I've always needed you."
He shrugged.
"Tell me what he did, Edward. What'd he do that made you hate him so much? Why doesn't he deserve me?"
Edward simply glared at me in response. "That's not my fucking story to tell. And the next time you talk to him, you ask him that very same question. You understand? Now, leave me the fucking alone. I'm serious, Bella. Leave me alone." He got in the backseat, leaving me alone and torn to bits in front of the hospital.