Chapter 14
A/N: Your reviews last chapter made me so happy, I'm giving you this next one earlier than planned as a special treat. Enjoy!
It was deep into the night and neither of the two were tired. Not after what had just happened.
"I don't know what just happened," Merlin breathed, still in a daze, sitting up against the pillow. Next to him, in the cramped space of his small bed, Laila had laid on her side, propping herself up on one elbow to get a good look at him. Most men who had taken her made sure to let her know who had the upper hand, whether through words or actions. But Merlin was, to put it one way, new to all of this. It was both sweet and strange at the same time.
"And I don't know if that's good or bad," she whispered, wrapped in his bed sheets yet still feeling chilled from the night. Laila had made a few mistakes tonight- she had yelled at Morgana, a witch much more powerful than her and capable of cutting her into pieces. She ran off when Merlin told her not to, scaring him shitless. And when the girl rode back to Camelot, she cried her eyes out in the stalls of the horses just below the king's window instead of making it known she was safe. Despite how good it felt to hand the truth to someone, Laila felt terrible. Who was she to tell Morgana to cut the act and admit how she truly felt for Merlin? Since when was it the job of a whore from a hated city to tell a woman of Morgana's power that everything she was doing was wrong?
"No, I meant it in a good way," Merlin said, turning his head to look at her. It was a cold night, but he was still sweating. "Rather unexpected as well."
"It's healthy to be spontaneous every now and then." He smiled at the casualness of her tone. At least she wasn't freaked out by his lack of "creativity". It was a word he had picked up from Gwaine but he wasn't going to mention it out loud.
"You're telling me you've never done this before?" Laila asked, even though she knew the answer.
"Never said I was proud," Merlin defended himself. She chuckled, reaching to take his hand. "Oh please, you've nothing to be ashamed of. Wouldn't you have rather it be something special than just another act?"
"Most days, yes. And others, not so much. Because those are the days Arthur and the other knights pick on me for never having gone any further with a girl."
"Well, they can't say anything now, can they?"
Merlin looked at her confusedly. "You're not just going to go boast about it, are you?"
Laila chuckled again. "No. But eventually, they'll figure it out. I hear men just radiate the words, 'I lost my virginity' after their first time."
Merlin widened his eyes at her. "Please don't tell me you've been hanging around Gwaine again."
"He's practically the only knight with a personality that doesn't revolve around dedication to Arthur," Laila shrugged, making her point.
"He is… a piece of work," Merlin finished his sentence. The girl laughed quietly and the warlock leaned down to kiss her. It wasn't anything eager; just something perfectly innocent and exhausted. She broke away reluctantly. "I should go. I have to find Gwen in case she's going out of her mind in worry."
"She's in the castle," Merlin said, face still inches away from hers, "Her house is currently not the most stable place to sleep in at the moment."
"I saw…" Laila silently cursed Agravaine for stealing her away to Morgana at a desperate time in Camelot. But she couldn't curse either of them without doing so to herself; after all, she played a big role in this scheme. "I didn't want to just stroll into the castle. I'd get questioned nonstop and Arthur would most likely not let me see you."
"He could damn well try," the servant muttered, "I have to ask, how the hell did you get up here without falling?"
Laila's lips curved into a smile. "I didn't tell you? I'm skilled at climbing up and down castles."
Merlin shook his head in amazement. "Since when?"
"Since… a while." Since I was a young little whore and Rheon Kanark's plaything.
"You never cease to surprise me, Laila." Merlin brushed a thumb against her cheek, feeling conveniently warm against her cool skin. She continued to smile at him, no matter how cautious she felt now with picking her words. Villages didn't have castles and she wasn't supposed to be from a city where there was a castle. Stick to your story, girl. You've already yelled at Morgana, don't foil her plans.
"You don't have to leave, you know," Merlin whispered, "You could stay here. I'll tell Gaius some twisted up story of how you got here and feed it to Arthur as well. Just don't leave me now."
She breathed out a sigh. His tone was so hopeful and sweet, it was breaking her heart. "I don't want to. I've caused enough trouble for you and I don't want Arthur starting in on-"
"I don't care what Arthur says," Merlin interrupted, sounding firm, "He knows what's going on, everyone does. They're just waiting for us to say it to them. And I want to. I want you, every day, like this or- similar. I want it to be clear what we are, and I won't care what anyone says about it. No one can have anything against it."
No one except for Morgana. Laila swallowed back those words stuck in her throat. "That's quite a statement to make, Merlin."
"And I mean it," he said quietly, clasping her hand in his. "Do you believe me? Everything I said?"
"I do, but… there are things that could get in the way," Laila confessed, immediately regretting what she just said.
"What things?" Merlin raised an eyebrow, "What would get in the way?"
Your question should be who, not what. "I can't say, but… people can be cruel, Merlin. They would do anything to not see two people together."
"I can't think of anyone who's cruel enough," Merlin cut in promptly, "Arthur has Gwen, Gwaine doesn't want a serious relationship, it's been hinted the rest of the knights have their own lady friends… is there anyone from your side that you know of?"
Oh, nobody special. Just an evil witch who can't fucking come to terms with her feelings for you so she sends me to break your heart the way you broke hers. "No… but what if in the future, there is?"
"Why should we care?" Merlin asked and she was silent after that. He drew her head towards his and pressed his forehead against hers. "You're the last person I expect to care what anyone else thinks of you or us. If anyone tries to hurt you or break us apart… they'll regret it. I promise you that."
He was looking at her, but she kept her eyes down, not wanting to meet his. It was painful enough, hearing what he had to say. Another thing, knowing he believed so much in them. "Can't we just run away?" she whispered, the idea sounding better in her head.
Merlin slowly moved his head away from her to look at her directly. "Run away? From Camelot?"
Laila nodded, eyeing the confused look in his eyes. "And go where?"
"Anywhere. Anywhere but here, where no one can find us." Not Morgana. Especially not Morgana. "Because I agree with everything you've said. I want you too, and I want more days like this. You're the only man I've ever had feelings for and though it's not the same with you, I trust you when you say you have feelings for me too."
"I lie about my magic and who I truly am, but emotions are something I can't lie about," the warlock admitted. "But we can't just leave, Laila. We have our places here in Camelot, not out there where no one knows where we are."
Laila felt herself fade. "You have a place here, Merlin. I don't. I never did."
"Your place is with me," Merlin insisted. "Wherever I am."
"I don't have a place in Camelot," she said flatly, "Not even alongside you."
Merlin's eyes narrowed and he shied away from her. "I don't understand. Why are you saying this?"
"I'm saying my place is not in Camelot, even if you are here." Laila sighed and sat up, looking away from Merlin and out the window. It was dark in the room and she was grateful for that. In case she started getting emotional again, he wouldn't see her tears. "You could never understand."
Merlin was observing her, she felt it. He was staring at her bare back, figuring what he could say to her. She was being difficult as always, but she was also stating a truth; Laila had never belonged to Camelot. It started feeling like home because of Merlin. But she couldn't stay with him. Her true side to stay on was Morgana's and she was starting to doubt that too.
"I want to understand," Merlin murmured, "Yet you won't say anything. You've always been so secretive, and I try so hard to get you to trust me."
"I just can't be here," Laila said shakily, "I don't belong here. And neither do you." She turned her head to look at his unreadable expression. "Do you realize what you are? How powerful you are? You are working so hard towards another's destiny yet you won't even focus on yours."
Merlin was starting to look angry. "I share my destiny with Arthur. He's going to be a great king and I…"
"Will remain his lowly manservant," Laila finished, surprised by the harshness in her voice. "Why is it that men who were once peasants and wanderers became knights? Or that Gwen, a maid of the royal household, will very likely be Arthur's queen? When will you ever be rewarded for how much you do for Arthur?"
The warlock was speechless. It was as if he never thought of it that way. "What makes you think I'll stay his manservant? Maybe I will be rewarded. You'll never know, won't you? You don't know what the future is like, stop acting like you do."
Laila's face flushed in anger. "As a matter of fact, Merlin, I'll know about the future long before you do. Maybe I forgot to mention this to you, but I'm a goddamn Seer." Whipping the sheets back, the girl stood up, no longer feeling cold in her bare body. She grabbed her dress which had been carelessly tossed aside on the floor and hastily shoved it on. Behind her, she heard the bed creak as Merlin got up. "Don't bother," she muttered, without turning around, "I'm leaving."
"Hang on," Merlin said, keeping his voice barely above a whisper. It was a wonder how Gaius hadn't heard them this whole time. Laila walked towards the window when she felt Merlin turn her around to face him. He had barely managed to shove his trousers back on. "You're a Seer?"
"Yes, Merlin, yes I am."
He looked at her incredulously. "When were you going to tell me? When it was good and convenient for you?" Merlin began to mimic her tone, "'Oh, by the way, Merlin, I get visions of the future. I figured it might be important for you to know'. How much of anything that has happened have you seen already?"
Laila took a second to think. "To be honest, only when you found me in the forest. And something random, like me walking down the corridors of the castle. I haven't had a vision in forever."
"You… you knew I was going to find you in the forest?" Merlin asked, in a daze.
"I didn't know it was you," Laila explained, "Just that when I opened my eyes, I saw that someone had found me and it turned out to be you. But I swear, I haven't had any other visions. I've had so many in the past, yet not so much now. It's like they're most potent when I'm stressed or… in danger."
Merlin's face was more unreadable than before. This made Laila nervous. Usually, she could read the man like an open book, same way she could for everyone else. This time, she had no way of telling what he would do next, no way of preparing for it.
"Laila," he started, sounding hurt, "Why didn't you tell me?"
She bit her lip, positive her eyes would overflow any second. "I just… I didn't want to reveal so much about myself. I wasn't even going to tell you about my magic but then that day, it was accidentally shown to you. I'm so sorry, Merlin, I should've told you…"
The warlock didn't reply, just continued staring at her, causing her to wish she could take the conversation from the last fifteen minutes or so and just get rid of it.
"What else?" Merlin asked, sounding like he was trying to stay controlled, "What else are you keeping from me?"
Laila's lip quivered and her eyes began to blur with tears, not daring to speak another word. He sucked in a deep breath and covered his face. "Shit, why am I even asking? You won't tell me." He turned his back to her, shaking his head. She took a step forward, "Merlin-"
"Who are you?" Merlin suddenly yelled, whipping around, and grabbing Laila once again, "Who the fuck are you?"
"Merlin!" Laila gasped. He was yelling loudly and Gaius wasn't deaf enough to not hear that. They heard footsteps and Merlin reached over to lock his door before strengthening his grip on her arms. "Answer me, Laila."
The girl was shaking uncontrollably. "I d-don't know what to s-"
"Stop keeping things from me, for one thing!" Merlin snapped. "Why is it that you never tell me anything about you? Why do you insist on hiding everything from me? This isn't how a relationship is supposed to work! Stop pretending, you're not Morgana and you never will be!"
Laila felt like she had just been slapped. She widened her eyes at what him and the knocking on his door sounded distant in her ears. Gaius was now shouting Merlin's name. "What is going on?"
The servant ignored him. "Why do you want us to run away?" he demanded to know, "Why? Who's going to hurt us, Laila? Tell me, right now, or I swear I will force it out of you. You are not going to get away from me this time."
"Stupid girl," Rheon drawled, hitting her once again. She shrieked, trying to crawl away from him but he grabbed her hair and pulled her back, sending an intense pain through her scalp. "Think you're so strong, trying to run away from here."
"Let me go," she pleaded, "Please, I won't run away-"
"The hell you won't. You are not going to get away from me this time."
She was going mad, she was sure of it. All of this, what just happened, Morgana's orders, Merlin's feelings, her secrets…
"Laila? Laila!"
"Get off me!" she yelled, yanking herself away from him, her eyes flashing a brilliant gold. Swiftly, Merlin was thrown back, his hands releasing her arms and banging into the next wall. The breath was knocked out of him and Laila didn't waste a moment to contemplate what she had just done. Instead, she escaped. Out the window, the same way she had come in.
Laila climbed down the castle so fast, she was sure at some point, she'd slip and fall to her death. Thankfully, she hadn't lost her skill and made it to the ground safely. Not bothering to check and see if any guards saw her, the girl ran. Oh, did she run. Out of the citadel, away from the lower town, and into the forest. Away from Camelot. She ran until her legs were screaming at her to stop.
And eventually she did. On a bed of leaves.
Laila was breathing so hard, she thought her lungs might give out. Everything had happened so fast, she wasn't sure what to think, how to react, what to feel. First, she made love to Merlin, that wasn't easily forgotten. Next, they were just talking, no big deal. Suddenly it turned serious and she started remembering horrible memories and Merlin compared her to Morgana and…
The girl curled up on the leaves, crying again. She was so awful; all these months she spent lying to Merlin, playing the role of innocent village girl the way Morgana played her role of king's loving ward. Laila was practically the new Morgana now in his eyes only it was ten times worse because it proved her right; she was just a replacement. A pathetic one, at that. She wasn't even strong like Morgana.
Damn you, stupid girl, damn you, she scolded herself, swallowing to keep herself from retching all over the bed of leaves. How many mistakes was Laila going to make tonight before she gave herself a good kick and fixed things? There was no going back to Camelot now. If Merlin even forgave her, he would still ask to be truthful and that would lead her right back to where she was now; running away.
"Where do I go now?" she asked out loud, humoring herself with the idea that the wind would tell her. It came to her in an instant; Morgana. The woman who put her in this position in the first place. Who warned her about Merlin, told her that what they had wasn't real. That Merlin would always choose Arthur first, that his future with the king was much more important. Is that why you hide your feelings, Morgana? Laila thought, Are you afraid you no longer have your place in Merlin's life as you used to? She didn't know how to answer her own questions. Nothing was certain to her anymore, not even Merlin. Laila had panicked and ran off, the only thing she knew how to do in times like this.
Ignoring the ache in her legs, Laila picked herself up and began walking down a path she had memorized. She still felt nauseous and a bit dizzy but she went ahead anyway, not wanting to get stuck in the woods where God knew what creatures lurked in the dark corners. The girl still did not know where her place was but she did now know that it was not where she used to think it was; it wasn't her place to take. Morgana didn't want to take it and she couldn't if she wanted to. The witch was her last chance of ever finding somewhere she belonged.
First things first, she decided, I have to apologize.
Lady Morgana,
The fires were successful. Our men had retreated just before anyone appeared to put them out. I can safely confirm with confidence that they will be treated as an accident, not an enemy attack. It is our hope that it was sufficient enough to distract King Arthur before our plans are set into full motion.
We are heading back to Cervena tomorrow morning. Our training is nearly compete. My brothers and I expect your company three days at the most before we ride to Camelot to usurp the Pendragon king.
-Lord Jon Kanark of Cervena
Morgana read the note once again before folding it neatly and setting it on her table. The Kanark's army had shacked up at an inn nearby and a messenger of theirs delivered a letter to her hovel. She had been napping on her chair, dreaming the same strange dreams when a knock came at her door. Raising her dagger, Morgana opened it to find the messenger boy with a note in hand. He traveled late in the night so as to not be seized by knights in the area. Smart of him to do so, the witch had thought. She suspected it had not been hard to find; how many hovels were there in the forest to mistake another's for hers?
The message pleased her; everything was going according to her schemes and nothing made her happier than a job well done. But there was still much to do, and she had cooked up something new in her head after just hearing news of a future engagement; Arthur wished to make Guinevere is queen. And Morgana was not going to let that happen.
A year before, when Morgana was still the beloved ward to Uther, she had seen a vision; one where Gwen sat alongside Arthur, wearing the jeweled crown that rightfully belonged to her, smiling triumphantly at the royal court. It would give Morgana no greater pleasure than to see that look on her old maid's face wiped out. The lowly serving girl sat upon her throne and she knew it. So did Arthur and Merlin and Gaius and every other goddamn member of the stupid household. Morgana was going to make sure this never left their simple minds.
Morgana had resumed sleeping on her chair, too tired to get up and maneuver over to her bed. At the crack of dawn, she was woken up by the sound of knocking on her door. Morgana opened her eyes and reached for the dagger. Whoever it was better have had a good reason for pulling her out of her sleep. Gripping the dagger tightly, Morgana used her other hand to throw open her door. She nearly dropped her weapon when her eyes fell upon the small figure of Laila, dress torn and frayed, bruises adorning her body once again, shaking from the icy chill of the morning. She looked the same way she did when Morgana found her; bruised, broken, and lost.
"I made a mistake," the girl said, barely audible, "I can't do it. I can't be you. Please… please, forgive me."
A/N: Honestly, this just came to me and I had to write it down. I was so excited about it, I didn't even take the time to think if it was too sudden or not. But I realized I'm drawing out the Mergana action too much and decided to speed up the process of actually getting into it.
Your reviews made me chuckle because it looks like Laila is infuriating some of you. I'm going to be honest, if all of you liked her, that would mean I'm doing something wrong. She's not supposed to be the OC everyone falls in love with, though I love all my OCs. So this just tells me I'm doing my job.
Please review! We've yet to get into what happens when Morgana brings Lancelot back to life, and if she'll send Laila back to Camelot or not. And what in the world is Merlin going to do, now that both of the women he's ever loved have let him down? Also, your reviews are giving me more ideas. Cheers, dear readers!