(Author's Note: I've never met Celine Dion. This is my best guess of what she's like.)
The group glanced uneasily at each other, shrugged it off, and headed off to see Celine Dion. Patricia led the way. She had been a girl scout, and was exceptionally good at reading signs. 'Celine Dion this way!' the signs had said. Everyone was very impressed.
They entered a deserted performing hall. Celine didn't perform for another two hours. Patricia walked to the emergency exit at stage right (your left) and opened it. The others stared at her, eyes wide with their hands over their ears. Nothing happened.
Patricia pointed to the word 'fake' in front of the words 'emergency exit'. It was clearly a secret passage to Celine's lair. They followed the hallway until they reached a doorway with a bead curtain hanging over it. Mike brushed away the beads and led the way in.
Inside, they saw a gigantic church organ with a large, high-backed chair facing away from them.
"So… it has come to this." echoed a female voice. "Celine gets to kill some intruders." The high backed chair began to slowly swivel around to face them. In the chair, stroking a white-furred cat, sat Celine Dion. The cat jumped from her lap, and Celine stood and took a few steps toward them. She removed her cigar from her mouth and growled, "What are you doing here? This is my lair."
"Some of us came to see you last night. The guy at the front said that you married a few of us?" asked Mike, noticeably nervous.
"Indeed I did. What of it?" Celine snarled.
Angela looked at her strangely. "How is that even possible? Don't you have to be a justice of the peace for that? Your Wikipedia page says nothing about you being one."
"Back during the shooting of 'Titanic', James Cameron made me an honorary sea captain. I checked with the federal government, and it turns out that that gave me the legal authority to perform weddings. I can even marry people against their will. It's great."
(Author's Note: In addition to never having seen 'Why Did I Get Married?', I also haven't seen 'Titanic'. I assume Celine becomes a sea captain at some point in the movie.)
"Do you remember performing Pam's wedding last night?" asked Terry.
"I do, but I also remember performing your wedding." replied Celine. "And frankly, I found it much more interesting. You and your bride were so cute."
"Oh were they?!" Diane said loudly, looking at Terry.
"Quite. But I only have time to tell you about one of the weddings. I perform soon, and I need to get this cat hair and cigar smell off of me. Choose wisely."
"Then I insist that you tell us about Terry and whoever he married." Diane scowled, still looking at Terry.
"Okay. Terry and Trina ran in here right after my show. I assume they were looking for a place to make out." Celine noticed Diane grinding her teeth, fists clenched. "However, Terry kept going back and forth between calling her Trina and Diane. May I assume that you are Diane?"
"I am. We've been together for two years, and he only met this woman a few days ago!" Diane growled through clenched teeth.
"Now, I have a unique way of performing weddings. Since this is Las Vegas, and there are so very many drunken weddings, I ask the final and binding questions differently than do most. After asking 'Do you take this man/woman to be your husband/wife?' I ask 'And what is his/her name?' Then, if they answer correctly, I pronounce them to be married. Asking for names cuts down my annulling work by about 60%. He happened to answer Trina when I asked him her name, so it totally counted."
"So you can annul the marriage? That's great news!" gasped Diane. "Isn't it Terry?" she turned her head slowly and menacingly toward Terry. Terry nodded furiously, lips sealed.
"I'd love to tell you about Pam's wedding too, but unfortunately, I am out of time. I have to go prepare for my show." said Celine.
Pam gave her a business card and asked her to call them when she had more time. Celine said she would, and pressed the button to call security. Alex showed up mere moments later, and escorted them back to the lobby.
They were going to go back to the bus to plan out their next move, when Patricia froze in place.
"Look over there!" Patricia pointed at a doorway.
"It's a door. So what?" inquired Mike.
"Look at what's on the ground next to the door." Patricia repointed slightly lower.
There was a Big Gulp cup, but it was all warped.
"Don't you remember?" continued Patricia. "Sheila got a Big Gulp last night when we bought the gas station beer! And she filled it with hot coffee! "
"The hot coffee would have warped the thin plastic of the cup!" cried Mike triumphantly.
"Sheila must be on the other side of that door!" said Patricia, already striding toward the door. She opened it, and looked inside. It was the stairs. "Uggh, she could be on any floor!"
They decided to stick together, since there was a kidnapper afoot. They entered the stairwell. Very well.