Chapter 13: Rage within sadness

While waiting on Hijikata to come out of the room, the others just stared at each other with sad expressions. However, one of the captains decided to just stand on a dark corner, almost invisible to the others. Harada then walked up to him, placing a hand on the man's shoulder "Saito-san, I understand how you feel, but we have to wait until Hijikata-san tells us how she's doing." he said in a soft tone, making the azure eyed man look at him. His eyes reflected anger, yet Harada could not make what the man was thinking. Saito then reacted, surprising Harada completely.

Saito simply closed his eyes and sighed, then looked at Harada "You're right, everybody is already worked up, I might as well just try to calm down."

Hearing those words, both men then joined the rest of the team, Chizuru still crying, sobbing lightly "A-Abi-chan... please be alright..." Heisuke was by the girl's side, trying to calm her down.

"Calm down Chizuru, Abigail is strong, I'm sure she'll be alright." he said, the girl's chocolate colored eyes looking at his teal ones while tears kept forming and rolling down her now red cheeks.

"Abigail..." she heard a voice from the distance, slowly opening her eyes. The bright light pierced her eyes, and she struggled to focus. "Abigail." the voice called again, yet all she could see was color stains mixed with white.

"Who... who is it? Who's calling me?" she said, noticing her voice was extremely hoarse and barely audible. Her eyes widened, and she started sitting up, scanning her surrounding but still not able to focus her vision. She looked towards her left, and all she could see were more stains surrounded in white, she then turned to look towards her right, and found a silhouette standing just a few feet away from her. To her surprise, her vision started focusing, and she could slowly make out who the person standing there was. She gasped, tears forming in her eyes "K-Kino..." she whispered.

The man then started walking to her, giving her the saddest smile she had ever seen. She started making out his features perfectly, his tanned skin, his young looking face, his dark brown hair and olive green eyes. Abigail then noticed something she had seen before "Kino, you are wearing white again." the man nodded.

"Yes, and so are you." he said, making her look at herself. She was wearing a pure white long dress with long sleeves, the neck shaped in a v that showed a considerable part of her chest. She then noticed something strange, her right hand had a bright red mark shaped as a lotus flower, and one of its petals had started to fade.

"What's going on?" she asked, and Kino's expression turned grim.

"You are about to die... right now you are in your own Limbo world." Kino explained and she looked at him with a horrified expression.

"I'm about to... die?" she asked, completely incredulous. Kino then nodded.

"Here, let me show you..." he said, waving his left hand. The white mist around them started dispersing, creating an oval window, and what Abigail saw through the window made her heart sink. Hijikata was siting by her side, and she noticed he was holding her hand.

"Toshizo!" she yelled, rushing to the window and resting her hands on it "Toshizo I'm here! Toshizo!" she screamed, tears forming in her eyes. Kino held her shoulders.

"Abigail calm down... unfortunately he cannot hear you, remember, you are about to die..." she shook her head, not looking away from the window.

"No... I have to go back to him... he drank the Ochimizu... he needs someone to keep him in check..." she said, the image shifting. Now she saw everyone else, Chizuru crying as Heisuke tried to calm her down. Abigail gasped "Ch-Chizuru..." she whispered. Kino looked at her "That's right..." she started saying "Chizuru is still there... she will be able to be by his side now... like it was supposed to be from the beginning..."

Kino's grip on her shoulders tightened, and she looked back at him with a puzzled look "I never thought you would give up that easily..." he started talking, their surrounding turning gray.

Hijikata kept holding her hand, he had decided to put it against his forehead Please Abigail... come back… he thought, then gasped, pulling her hand away and looking at her in shock. "Her hand... it's so cold...! Abigail?!" he started saying, then looked towards the door "Chizuru! Yamazaki!" he yelled, the door opening almost immediately. Both Chizuru and Yamazaki walked inside the room while the others looked at what was happening from the other room.

"What is it Hijikata-san?!" the young girl asked, completely surprised.

"She's cold, Abigail is slowly getting cold!" Hijikata exclaimed, and both Yamazaki and Chizuru rushed to her aid, checking her while Hijikata held her hand.

"Abigail... are you going to forget our promise already?" Kino asked with a pained look in his face. Abigail's eyes widened as they shone in their natural amethyst tone as he dropped his head. "You promised to not lose yourself Abigail... why are you willing to give up?" he asked.

"K-Kino..." she started, but he looked straight at her.

"No Abigail! You promised not to lose yourself! Why are you giving up now?! Didn't you say you love him?! Why just let that go?!" he yelled.

"I'm about to die! Didn't you say so yourself?!" Abigail yelled back, tears forming in her eyes.

"And you're just going to accept it?! Are you going to embrace death without a fight?! Look at them Abigail! They need you, they are desperately calling out to you! But it seems you do not want to go back to them! You seem to be the only one who cannot hear them!" Kino yelled, pointing at the window, by this point, everything around them turned almost black, the wind blowing so hard it was almost like being inside a tornado. Abigail looked around as the wind blew around them.

"W-what's happening?!" she asked, completely afraid of how drastically the weather had changed.

"Your heart is in turmoil, you have to make a decision, and quick! Or else you'll be dragged to Hell." Kino said. "Look at your hand Abigail." he said, and she did. She then noticed two petals had disappeared, only three remained. She then understood, her time was running out, and she had to make a choice quickly, and looked up at him.

"B-but... what about you?" she asked. He looked at her with a familiar smirk, and he then walked to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Abi, have you forgotten? I've been dead for almost 2 years. Don't throw your life away for me." Kino said in a gentle tone, and Abigail's heart started sinking as she realized that what he was saying was true. He had already died, and along the way she had forgotten that fact, realizing it once again made her whole body ache, and she wanted that ache to go away. Tears started forming in her amethyst-toned eyes and she wrapped her arms around him, light sobs escaping her throat.

"I'm sorry Kino... I'm sorry I forgot about you. I'm so sorry." she cried, and Kino just caressed her long silver hair.

"It's alright Abi, you had to continue living, and still have. Now go, there's people waiting for you." he pushed away from her, holding her shoulders as his hands trembled slightly. "I love you Abi, and goodbye." her eyes widened as she heard those words, for she knew he meant them, it was a definite goodbye, they were never going to see each other again. She looked at him with extreme pain in her eyes, then looked back at the window. "It's time Abi. You have to go through the window in order to go back to your body." Abigail looked at him and nodded, and he slowly let go, giving her a sad smile. "I'll miss you Abi."

"Goodbye Kino..." she whispered as the strong winds pushed her slightly. She then turned to look at window, walking towards it and seeing as everything around her was turning white, leaving a smiling Kino behind.

As Chizuru and Yamazaki did their best to keep Abigail's temperature at normal levels, Hijikata was sitting in a corner of the room, watching as Abigail's skin turned pale. What is going on? Why is she like this when she was recovering just fine…he thought. Almost immediately, both Chizuru and Yamazaki gasped as Abigail took a deep breath, color returning to her body slowly. A tear ran down her left eye as she started opening them. Hijikata stood up, almost bolting to her side.

"Abi-chan!" the young girl exclaimed as Abigail's eyes adjusted back.

"Ch-Chizu... ru..." Abigail's voice seemed to be struggled, it was hoarse and barely audible. Hijikata knelt by her side, caressing her hair.

"Try not to speak, you've been asleep for hours." he said in a gentle tone, surprising both Chizuru and Yamazaki. Her eyes looked at him and she started raising her hand, gently touching the right side of his face.

"T-Toshizo..." she said gently, making his eyes widen in shock Her voice…he thought. His whole body just froze when he heard her call his name, he could just stare at her eyes, which lacked the usual shine they normally had. Then he noticed something unusual, the inner corner of her eyes had started turning crystal blue which gradually led to the natural amethyst color on her outer corner. What exactly is going on with her? Some of her features have changed.he thought as he observed her. He was snapped out of his thoughts quickly when Abigail moaned softly in pain, panting slightly.

"Abigail what's wrong?" Hijikata asked immediately.

"My... my back... still hurts..." Abigail said, and without waiting for his orders, Chizuru and Yamazaki turned her over, immediately checking her back. As they removed her clothes, Hijikata couldn't help but look away, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Chizuru then gasped, making Hijikata look at her.

"What's wrong Chizuru?" Hijikata asked in concern.

"A mark..." the young girl said, and Hijikata looked down at Abigail's back. A beautiful floral tattoo decorated her skin, a considerate amount of amaryllis and carnation flowers colored her whole upper back down to the right side of her back. "This wasn't there before." Chizuru said in concern. Hijikata glanced at the young girl for a second, and then back down to Abigail's back, wondering what could that tattoo possibly mean. For now however, they had decided to focus on Abigail's injured back, the holes form the bullet impacts were closing at a slower pace, at least for her. Hijikata then observed her back a little, some light scars here and there Are these... from old injuries?he thought By the way they look, it seems she didn't have the enhanced healing back when these happened.Once patched up, they covered Abigail's wounds and flipped her face up once again, letting her rest. Chizuru and Yamazaki walked out of the room first, Hijikata started doing the same when he decided to take a look at Abigail. Her eyes were slightly open as she looked at him and smiled.

"I'll be fine... I promise." she said, and Hijikata walked to her, kneeling by her side and landing a gentle kiss on her lips. After the kiss, Hijikata looked straight at her eyes with his dark purple ones.

"I know you will." he said, standing up and leaving the room as well, closing the door behind him. Once he closed the door, Abigail's eyes closed as she drifted to sleep.

At the other room, all the other captains started flooding them all with questions, although most of them were about how Abigail was doing. Chizuru and Yamazaki explained everybody how Abigail had fortunately escaped danger, although they didn't dare get into details as to how was it that she could survive. Hijikata was mostly silent, unable to answer any questions, he was mostly in a daze. It was almost morning now, and Hijikata had sent everybody to sleep for it was not an easy night for anyone, all except two captains followed orders, for Harada and Saito still had some questions for their vice-commander. Hijikata glanced at them with a questioning look "Yes? What is it?" he asked, his voice clearly reflecting how tired he was.

"Hijikata-san, what exactly happened to Abigail?" Harada asked with a concerned look. Hijikata was about to brush the question off, but seeing how both Harada and Saito were looking at him, he knew he could not just brush them, it was just not going to work this time. Realizing this, Hijikata just sighed, covering his eyes with his left hand.

"She was about to die... and all because of me..." he said, the two captains looked at each other and then back to their vice commander. "I almost lost Abigail..."

"With all due respect vice-commander..." Saito started speaking, surprising both Hijikata and Harada "I think that instead of feeling sorry about it, you should be grateful she is still alive. I believe it would be best to focus on what to do now, knowing she's still here with us." Hijikata's eyes widened, he had never expected Saito to be the one to speak some sense into him. But Saito was right, he should be focusing on the fact that she was alive, that she was still by his side, and how he can protect her from future harm. Hijikata was silently looking at his hands These hands didn't have the strength to protect her or anybody else for that matter, I should get stronger. For them.he thought, then smirked.

Letting out a soft scoff, Hijikata then looked up at the two captains standing right in front of him "I never expected to be brought back to my senses like this, but I have to thank you Saito-san, you clearly woke me from my daze." his face reflected conviction and determination, his eyes had a fire in them that reflected the dangerous level of motivation he got. Harada then smiled a cocky smile at him.

"Aw yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed, and Saito closed his eyes, smiling slightly. Things were about to take a turn none of them would expect.

A few nights after Abigail's incident, the Shinsengumi decided to move to a better location, and had also contacted Itou Kashitarou to assist them in their quest. It was now the day that Itou was coming to the Shinsengumi, and the captains were all tense. Abigail had fully recovered, and since knowing that Itou was coming, she had not been in her brightest mood. She had been trying hard not to say a thing and keep it to herself, so she had distanced herself days before Itou came to the headquarters. Heisuke, Nagakura and Harada were walking together through the halls as usual, and this specific topic came up. "Man, Abigail sure hasn't come out of her room in these past few days." Heisuke said, resting his hands behind his head.

"I know, she didn't seem very pleased when Hijikata-san mentioned that Itou-san was joining us." Harada said "She had been sulking all day, and then locked herself in her room, she would only come out to get her food if Chizuru wasn't able to bring it to her."

"Chizuru also said that she has been trying to talk Abigail into coming out, but Abigail doesn't even want to hear about it, she just changes the topic immediately." Nagakura kept talking. The trio did not notice that Hijikata was right behind them when they were talking about this topic.

"Is that so?" Hijikata asked with a dark face, scaring the three captains "I think I will need to have a chat with her then..." he said in a low and dangerous voice, turning around and walking hastily towards Abigail's room. She has been upset ever since she heard Itou was coming? She definitely knows something she does not want to say out loud.he thought.

Abigail sat on her tatami, writing on a piece of paper. She then sighed I have to come out of this room eventually, but I know that if I do I might want to just kill that bastard Itou.The door flew open as soon as she finished her thought, and she jumped, looking back at who was the one responsible for scaring her. Her eyes widened when she saw it was Hijikata, who was staring down at her with a dark expression. A chill ran down her spine This pressure... I haven't felt it since I first came here... what is he mad about? she thought.

Hijikata then closed the door behind him, walking to her and sitting down by her side with his eyes closed. He then opened his eyes and looked at her with what seemed to be frustration. "Care to tell me what you're hiding now?" he asked. Abigail blinked once, completely taken aback.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I overheard that you have been upset ever since it was decided for Itou to join us. I suppose you know something and you have been avoiding coming out as to not say anything." her eyes looked at him shocked, he could already tell exactly what was going on in her mind. She knew trying to lie was going to make things worse, for Hijikata was not going to let go of the topic, it was just the type of man he was. Abigail then looked down at her paper with an annoyed look, she couldn't deny the fact that she couldn't hide anything from him anymore was frustrating her to no end, but her heart was winning her internal fight, her love for the man sitting by her side was greater than her stubbornness.

"From what I saw in the show... Itou will eventually betray the Shinsengumi, he makes a deal with the Choushuu clan. You guys manage to kill him, but..." she stopped for a second, and Hijikata looked at her with a curious look.

"But?" he asked in a surprisingly soft tone. Abigail looked at his eyes.

"There was a high price to pay... and the one who actually pays the price... is Heisuke." Hijikata's eyes widened a little, and then looked at the little desk Abigail was working on in thought.

"Is there any other way to kill Itou without harming Heisuke?" hearing this, Abigail's eyes looked down.

"The only way... is to not let Heisuke go with Itou when the time comes... but that is impossible." she said, and Hijikata nodded in agreement.

"That's true... Itou was Heisuke's teacher... he would want to go with him. Are there more details you are not telling me about?" she nodded when Hijikata asked, and explained everything she had seen in the anime series. Hijikata was thoughtful for long minutes, trying to think of a way he could change the seemingly inevitable fate his comrades were about to face.

"Toshizou... we have to let it happen... unfortunately if we change anything it could mean that the future will also change... you guys marked history, made a huge impact, so much it changed the whole country." Abigail started saying. Hijikata then looked at her.

"Come to the meeting." she was shocked when she heard those words.

"W-what?"

"Come greet Itou, I want you to be there when he arrives." Abigail couldn't think straight for a moment, and she then looked at him with an annoyed face.

"Are you insane?! Given what I just told you and you still want me to go see the bastard?!" she exclaimed, although her tone was more of an alarmed whisper so only he could hear her. Hijikata stared straight at her eyes with a seriousness she had only seen once in the anime series, and she went quiet for a brief second. "W-what do you have in mind Toshizou?" she asked.

"I want to see something… that's why I need you there." he simply said, both of them staring at each other, Abigail clearly thoughtful. After a little while, she nodded.

"Alright… I believe in you..."

Hello guys! Rin finally back! Now I have good news, I have finally finished my moving process that has taken over a year, so that means... *drum-roll*

That I'm finally back into writing!

I am relaxed enough now to have the proper time to write and continue with bigger and better ideas, these past few months have been hell, but I pulled through, just for all of you. So without further a-dew! (Yes, spelled it wrong for the fun of it XP) Finally more to come!

I want to truly thank all of you who kept patiently waiting for a new chapter, I have been a horrible author and keeping you like this is unforgivable, but! I'm finally back, finally writing, and coming better than ever. Again, thanks for the support you guys, you are the best!

With lots and lots of love;

~Rin