Cullen ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He felt his legs give way but he never hit the ground. Cole held him fast and lifted him back to his feet with Solas' help as they ran towards the group of Inquisition soldiers facing the Elder One.
The Commander scanned the area as he moved, but he did not see Josh anywhere. He passed a few mutilated corpses and he hoped to the Maker that Josh didn't meet the same fate. The mage was emotional and raring to face Corypheus- when Josh got overly emotional he was prone to err in combat so he hoped to find Josh before the Knight-Enchanter reached the Elder One. Fortunately, there was no sight of the mage yet so Cullen relaxed a bit as he drew his sword and shield as Alara notched an arrow and fired it at the Elder One, it was absorbed by his barrier.
"It ends here Corypheus!" The keeper yelled as she fired yet another arrow, this time ensorcelled with fire. It bit down into the ancient magister's barrier but he was unfazed as he released a pulse of red that killed the remaining soldiers
"So it shall!" The horror spoke as he lifted his hands up to the sky and the very ground lifted beneath the group. Cullen slipped backward but managed to stay on the central island, a mockery of the Black City he had seen during his dreams-jaunts with Josh. When Cullen looked about, he cringed when he saw only Cole, Alara and Solas. The fiend was clever; he didn't do it just to mock the Maker. He did it to whittle down the Inner Circle into a group he could divide and conquer. He heard Cassandra and the others shouting from below in confusion but he ignored them as the fiend turned to Alara to address her.
"You call yourselves 'the Herald of Andraste' but let us not forget what you and your brother truly are: Two thieving gnats, nothing more than interlopers in the wrong place at the wrong time. Where is your brother- The tranquil somniari? Is he so cowardly to face a God in person that he sends his sister instead?" Cullen wanted to interrupt the foolish horror but he decided not to when Alara notched another arrow and fired it before the Magister could finish.
"For a self proclaimed God, you sure do like the sound of your own voice!" Alara chuckled as she notched another arrow and this time, the Elder One felt it. Cullen laughed to himself when he saw Corypheus snarl in frustration, his orb in hand as he brought his hands backwards as if readying an incantation.
"Ah crap!" Alara cried when she saw the dragon readying itself to strike as it crept slowly. Cullen looked up and gasped when he saw it.
"Sethius Amladaris!" Everyone looked when they heard the voice. It was Josh. He jumped out of the shadows from a high ledge as the dragon charged. Cullen brought his shield up to protect the archer. He heard Josh shout a battle cry as he moved in the air. "Na din'an SAHLIN!"
The cry turned into a roar in mid-speech as Cullen looked over his shield and yelped when he saw Josh transform in a burst of ice and light into a massive gold and white dragon. He clawed at the red lyrium dragon and pulled it off the floating ruins. Alara took the opportunity to release a flurry of arrows.
"You dare!" Corypheus hissed as he intoned red lyrium and fired it at Alara, the archer rolled out of the way and Cullen blocked the rest of the shards that came his way with his shield
"He's a dragon!" Cole shouted in awe as he watched the dragons fight in the sky but Cullen shook his head and pointed to the Elder One.
"Not now Cole!" The Commander mouthed as he bull rushed a shade trying to flank Solas when the elf was busy calling down thunder to smite the Elder One.
"Yes. Focused." The assassin shifted into the shadows and made his way to Corypheus as Cullen moved to Alara and nodded to her. She intoned ice and fired it as Cullen used his templar training to drain the barrier Corypheus had.
"What is this?" The Elder One looked at Cullen with a bamboozled look as the former-templar invoked fire and enchanted his allies' weapons, he rushed at the horror and stuck swiftly, but the ancient magister blasted him backward but failed to see Cole appear behind him. "A templar with magic? What irony!"
The former spirit drove his enflamed daggers deep and garnered a loud cry from the Elder One as he retreated deeper into the ruins.
Cullen nodded to the assassin and pat as back as he lead the group up stairs to a wider area with walls that could be used for cover. He espied the monster on the ledge of a crumbling tower and thus he had the high ground. Cullen stopped everyone to explain his plan and Solas added on some important advice as they split up. Cole moved with Solas and Alara moved with Cullen.
The former-templar raced out with Alara behind him as the Elder One swiped his hands in a broad arc. Cullen saw the red lyrium growing under him, so he pushed Alara backward take cover and blocked the shards. At that moment, Solas fired a succession of flame bolts and stonefists. The Elder One reeled backward and teleported behind the elf, but Alara was quicker. She dove out of cover and intone her ice arrow. It struck the ancient magister hard but he merely grinned at her as he unleashed a jet of shards her way. Cullen rushed her down and pulled her to cover but instead of hearing the shards hit stone, Cullen peeked out and saw ice cascade down from the sky and form a wall of ice, protecting the pair from the shards as their cover crumbled.
"Josh is helping us." The elven apostate mouthed from the cover opposite them as he pointed to the white-gold dragon circling the area and dodging the red lyrium dragon. Alara nodded as she intoned her slow arrow.
"Give me time, Commander. The longer the arrow is skyward, the more force it applies!"
Cullen nodded he pointed behind the Elder One to Cole. The former-spirit nodded as he slid behind the Elder One again and brought down his daggers again.
"I have bound thousands of demons to my will. What would make you any different?" Corypheus snarled as he unleashed a blast that knocked Cole off his feet and into the wall. Luckily Alara intone her barrier arrow before he hit the wall, so the assassin was largely unharmed, only slightly rattled by the impact.
"He is not demon, fool!" Cullen roared as he leapt over the ice wall and slashed downward as he landed, his blade cut deep into the magister who let out a pained cry as he retreated further into the ruins and reapplied his barrier.
"Nice work, Commander!" Solas smiled as he followed Cullen and the others up another flight of stairs into another wide area but with far less places to hide behind cover. "Cullen, move with Cole. I have an idea."
The former templar nodded as Cole retreated behind his shield and cloaked. Solas approached with Alara on their right, she gave him a heated glance as he quickly explained his idea but she soon nodded as Cullen rushed forward to get the magister's attention with fire.
Cullen grabbed hold of his shield and enchanted it with flame as he charged for the grotesque horror towering above. As he struck, he used his stamina to drain the magister's barrier. He tumbled past in fatigue but Cole took the opportunity to strike. As Corypheus intoned a salvo of shards Cullen's way Solas fade stepped him to safety, the assassin spun out of the shadows in a dance of blades as the Elder One hissed in anger, Solas invoked his electric Energy Barrage and Alara enchanted her arrows with arcing lightning as she fired them after Solas' magic broke his defenses. Cullen raced to his feet as Cole was about to be swept away by a blast of red lyrium. He moved the assassin to safety and took the blow himself and felt an overwhelming pain surge his body as he struck the ground. In response, the golden dragon breathed several bolts of frost that struck the magister unerringly. It then turned its attention to the dragon close on its heel.
"He's too worried about us, Josh needs to-"
"Enough!" Corypheus cried as he summoned the orb and unleashed a massive blast of energy. Cullen flew backward and watched as his companions were knocked away as well. The Elder One snarled in pain as he retreated further into the ruins but Cullen heard a shrill cry. He turned his attention to Josh and the red lyrium dragon circling above as they leapt from the ruins to a flat stone area with no cover to follow the Elder One deeper into the floating mockery of the Black City.
Alara tried her best to aim her arrows at the dragon but she was too exhausted from her rough landing, she collapsed to the ground in fatigue, dropping her bow and Solas rushed to her side as Cole watched in awe the dragon's fighting above. The Elder One was wounded and too cowardly to face them after the beating they had just given him so he resorted to using his pet dragon to fight in his stead.
"Creators! Look at him go!" Alara mouthed with an amazed look as Josh led the dragon towards the Breach and dive bombed in a last ditch effort to get rid of the pesky dragon on his tail.
Cullen watched in horror as the red lyrium dragon managed to catch up and bit down into the golden dragon's neck. He shouted his lover's name in worry and the dragon looked at him with a look of determination as it clawed back as it fell down to the ruin. Alara was too tired to move so the Commander pulled her away as Josh landed back first with a loud roar as the dragon landed behind him in a cloud of dust and ashes, its wings ripped apart by his claws.
Cullen kept his eyes on the dragon but failed to see Josh move. He noticed that Josh was back in his human form and badly wounded, his body was covered in claw marks and several cuts made by red lyrium. He saw Josh give him a resolute look as he moved for his spear and used it get back to his feet as the dragon approached him and breathed it's red lyrium, but Josh had a plan.
"GET BEHIND ME!" The Knight Enchanter screamed as he lifted his marked hand and swirled it. Cullen rushed to his side with Alara and the others and gasped when he saw the Veil shift and the very air rippled into the shape of a globe, deflecting all the shards and releasing a barrage of cold shards back at the dragon. He grabbed onto Josh and intoned fire. The mage nodded as he sheathed his spear and picked up Alara's bow with an unsteady hand. He aimed an arrow at the open maw of the dragon and grinned as he spoke his incantation- a spell Cullen did not know nor understood but he did know one thing: It was ancient magic Josh learned from the Well of Sorrows.
"Man'uan felassan!" The Knight-Enchanter shouted as he loosed the arrow and staggered backward into Cullen's chest, the Commander held onto him as he slumped to the ground in fatigue.
"Look!" Alara pointed with a look of wonder as the single arrow the keeper fired earlier returned in full force and shattered the dragon's chest in a shower of nine arrows enchanted with ice and heart-fire. Cole was about to move with Solas for the kill but Josh rushed to his feet as he dropped the bow beside his sister. Cullen watched as Josh manifested his blood-blade and drove it into the dragon's roaring mouth, ushering a wail from its dying chest as it fell down lifeless. Josh moved over to Cullen used blood magic heal everyone as the Elder One hissed out in anger as its essence returned from the dragon to him and made him mortal again.
"Josh, take a moment to calm down." Cullen begged but the mage shook his head and picked up his spear and walked towards the steps leading to the Elder One.
"No." Josh mouthed as he huffed for breath and continued his gait. "I must finish this. He must die."
"Josh." Cullen grabbed his hand and gave him a worried look. "He must die. Not you."
"Cullen is correct. Collect your breath while you can now. I will heal you as you neglected to heal yourself when you healed the rest of us." Solas cast a healing spell on the mage and he smiled for a brief moment as they moved together up the stairs and turned to the left and saw the Elder One holding his orb to the Breach. The tear in the Veil groaned in power as they approached.
"The Breach is getting bigger!" Josh yelled as he drew his spear and pulled it into its dual wield stance. He flicked out the hook blade and pulled himself towards the horror before Cullen could stop him. "Cullen! Slash his chest as I weaken him! Solas, use rift magic to addle him! Cole- flank him!"
Cullen rushed forward as Josh unleashed a barrage of strikes to the Elder One's body and Cole unleashed a flurry of throwing daggers from the distance while Solas cast a barrier on the pair attacking up close. The ancient magister let fly his red lyrium salvo and a few managed to hit Cullen but it didn't bother him. He was fighting beside his one and only- The love of his life. Nothing could stop him and Josh as they fought side by side.
The battle reminded Cullen of the battle in Haven against Linnea. Despite the fact that they were just a pair, a mere mage and a templar, they managed to protect the trebuchet and level the town with an avalanche. Even after that, they braved the cold and barely made it back from the brink as they found the Inquisition camped in the mountain pass.
Those past thoughts consumed Cullen and they strengthen his resolve as he felt anger beyond anything he had ever felt and he saw Josh flitch slightly as Cullen drove his blade deep into Corypheus. He hated the bastard- more than Samson, more than Uldred, more than the Blight. He hated the Elder One for the death and the evil he wrought in the world.
Corypheus retreated towards a corner pillar and intoned twin rays of magic brimming with red lyrium he fanned out his arms behind him and readied to fan it towards the group.
"Alara! Use a rift arrow"
"Rift arrow?" Alara looked confused but Josh screamed to her.
"Syl alas'niral sa'assan! Use that!"
"What is-"
"Don't ask questions! SAY IT AND FIRE!"
Solas cast another barrier just in case as the rays neared them. Cullen lifted his shield in front of him in anticipation as the rays moved; he felt the first few hit his shield until he heard Alara cry out in pain as she shouted the incantation fired a blazing green arrow that Josh stopped with his disruption field. He pointed to it with his mark and the arrow fell apart into a massive rift that absorbed the barrage of shards. Josh flicked his wristed and grinned at Cullen as he cancelled his disruption field and allowed the arrow to return to his sister.
"I love this magic!"
"Look out ma vhenan!" Solas shouted as the Elder dashed towards her and blasted her with an intense ball of red lyrium energy, he grabbed hold of her bow and she tried to pull away but the ancient magister was too powerful.
"Get away from her!" Josh screeched as he curled his hands upward and intoned ice. He impaled his spear into the ground and nodded to Cullen. He enchanted it with fire and watched as Josh picked up the red hot, freezing cold spear and spun it overhead as he dashed forward. "There is an antithesis to all things. For life, death. For good, evil and for you, ME!"
Josh struck hard with the spear, staggering the monster as he reeled away from his sister. For once Cullen saw actual wounds on the Elder One, a deep cut across his chest made by Josh's harpoon. He smiled to himself as Josh gave him a lopsided grin and ran in for another strike.
"No! Not like this!" Corypheus cried as he unleashed a powerful blast of magic that shook everyone to their core and sent them flying. Cullen felt his sword arm break as he collide arm first with the pillar. Solas tumbled beside him and grabbed onto Alara before she fell off the floating ruin. Cole was knocked prone by blast and yelling in agony. Cullen scanned the area for Josh and saw him a few paces from the Elder One who held the orb to the sky again. "I have walked through the ages! It cannot end like this! Dumat! I beseech you! If you have truly existed, aid me now to destroy this tranquil-"
"SHUT UP!" Josh cursed as he leapt to his feet and brought his Marked hand to the ancient magister's face. He took hold of the monster's red lyrium chassis and it melted away within an instant as Josh used his mark to claim the orb from him. "'Conductor of Silence' my ass! You don't know when to shut up!"
Josh pushed him away and lifted the orb to the sky as the Elder One sank to his knees, a mess of flesh and blood as Josh screamed out and sent a powerful burst of magic towards the Breach. Cullen sighed inwardly as the Breach sealed but the scar of what was done remained in the sky. Josh placed the orb onto the ground and limped towards the Elder One in fatigue.
"I told you in Haven: don't fuck with me. You didn't listen- Fen'Harel ma halam!" Cullen watched as Josh used his last mana to form a massive rift inside Corypheus. He forced himself to watch as the Elder One was ripped apart and whatever remained was thrown into the Fade.
Solas pointed to the falling rocks above as he helped Cole back to his feet, as the elf and assassin helped Alara up and ran for cover. Cullen turned to Josh and reached for him, the mage gave him a sad look when Cullen pulled at his body. Josh looked up and saw a boulder coming their way and he gave Cullen a look of elation and fatigue as he placed something inside Cullen's broken hand and tightened his hold on his hand.
"I know why I was afraid. Ar lath…" Josh took his hook blade and slit his wrist. He pointed to Cullen and sent him plummeting through a rift. Cullen screamed as he saw Josh grin sadly as he tilted his head and looked at Cullen, blood covering his body from head to toe.
Cullen screamed when he saw the rock fall down on Josh, there was a sickening crack as it struck and Cullen wept as he fell out of the rift. Cole went in search of the others as Solas was missing; Alara looked frantically around as she clutched her bow to her chest.
"Brother?! Ma vhenan?!"
Cullen didn't respond. He felt his fingers go numb as he opened his broken hand with his functional hand and he saw Josh's half of the necklace with Branson's coin. It was covered in blood and was broken off from Josh's hand.
"No…" Cullen mouthed as he stared at the bracelet in disbelief. "No…this can't be the end. No! NO!"
Cullen screamed as he got down to all fours and slammed his fist down and cried as he shattered his arm further. Alara looked at him with teary eyes as she reached for him and tried to heal his arm but he pulled away.
"No! I won't believe it!" Cullen moved to find Josh but Cassandra appeared beside him with the rest of the Inner Circle.
"Where is the Inquisitor? And Solas?"
Cullen didn't answer her. He sunk down to the ground and wept. He pulled at his hair and he willed himself to move but he was too drained. Too tired to search. He heard Blackwall and Iron Bull rush past him as Dorian and Vivienne tended to him and Alara. Cole slid down beside him and gave him a sad look as Sera moved beside him as well when the warriors returned with no luck, only the broken pieces of the orb.
"Smiling at me- Bloodied, dirtied and brazen. You love me even so. I am sorry ma vherain. I am so sorry and afraid. The rocks- You must go! This is my fate. I want you to live. I am sorry, emma lath. Ar lath-" Cole shed a single tear as he hugged at Cullen's chest. "Gone."
Dorian pulled away from the group. He remembered the first time he met Josh at Haven and they sort of just clicked like he and Alara did. He saw how happy Josh was around Cullen and he saw how Josh reveled in helping others. Dorian cursed himself as he shed his tears. It was always the handsome ones that died.
Vivienne vowed to be the mage's mother figure and to an extent she was. She loved him in a way no one would understand. He stood beside her as her lover died and he comforted her. She saw that his empathy wasn't a weakness as she originally thought. It was his strength. She missed him. He was the Inquisition- the true reason she joined and stayed. And he was gone in an instant.
Iron Bull remembered all the times Josh drank with him and his Chargers and all the fun times they had fighting dragons and giants. He fingered the dragon tooth he wore and he saw Dorian do the same and it angered him that Josh died. He wanted to celebrate with his friend.
Blackwall looked out into the distance and he took in the scar present where the Breach was. He swore to protect Josh, that Josh would have his shield no matter what and the moment Josh truly needed him, he failed. He shook his head as he remembered Lady Montilyet. Josh was the one that forced him to man up and speak to her about how he felt. The Inquisition would not be the same without him.
Cassandra moved to Cullen and hugged him as he did when she lost Hawke. Although it would not make him feel better, it would remind him that his friends were there for him. She remembered how she first met Josh and she wished she wasn't so abrasive to the youth. He did what was required, he saved Thedas but the cost was his life. She could never forgive herself- even if it wasn't her fault, the Knight-Enchanter- her best friend's death was on her.
Varric walked away and sulked to himself. He lost Hawke and now he lost Josh, the one person who looked after him like family. Josh listened to him and cared enough to tell Bianca and the storyteller to try to work things out. He saw how in love Varric was with the woman and he could see that Bianca herself still loved Varric. The dwarf was touched that the Inquisitor tried to fix things between them. It may never work but that was Josh, always worried about the next person but never himself: The selfless hero, the martyr.
Sera fell to her knees in confusion. The bitter truth slapped her in the face as she pulled away and Cassandra ran after her.
"No! Shite no! Josh-Posh can't be dead! My friend! My-" Sera broke down and bawled into her hands as Cassandra eased her into a hug. "Not fair! Why did he have to die! He was the best thing that happened to this bloody Inquisition! No! This must be a trick innit!? INNIT?!"
"It is no trick Sera…we must return to Skyhold and get soldiers to help…find his body." Cassandra moved away from Sera and looked at Alara. "Where is Solas?"
"G-Gone. He said that the reason he stayed was gone and that he had to move on." Alara wiped her tears and pointed to the fragments of the orb near Cullen. She gave him a worried look as he stared blankly ahead. She moved over him and hugged him when Cole pulled away. "I miss him too, vherain."
The Commander nodded, but he didn't look at her. He merely stared blankly ahead as his mind accepted the fact that Joshua Trevelyan was dead. He recalled Josh asking him:
"But what is the price of true freedom?"
Cullen finally knew the answer.
It was death.
The moment the group arrived at Skyhold, the jubilant crowd died down and watched in horror as the Inquisitor and the elven expert were absent and the inner circle, as silent as the grave. Leliana came running with Josephine in tow and frantically asked where Josh was.
All Cullen could manage as a small shake of his head. The spymaster gave him a sad look and Josephine let out a gasp and covered her mouth, both women tried to comfort him with a hug but he pushed them away. He needed to speak to Sulahn. He needed to explain to her that Josh was gone, forever.
Skyhold was silent as he trudged up to his tower and found the young girl playing with some ice magic that Josh taught her in his free time. He cringed inwardly when he saw the ice dance about the air. It reminded him of Josh.
She cried for hours upon hearing. The only respite she gave herself was when Cullen held her, but he understood. He wanted to cry too. He could smell Josh everywhere. He could taste Josh on his tongue and he could remember his voice as if he was still-
Alive…
Josh was dead. Cullen shook his head and accepted it but he still felt like someone reached into the deepest recesses of his heart and ripped his heart apart from inside out. He looked outside and it was as if the Maker pitied him and wanted everyone to know of the tragedy that took place: it began to rain softly.
Cullen wanted to find Josh's body but the inner circle forbade him. He was angry, he wanted to smash someone's skull in, but the anger disappeared once Sulahn hugged at him and reminded him that he needed to be strong for her. His head throbbed in pain as he sat and prayed but to no avail did his pain subside. He considered Lyrium but he decided against it once he remembered how Josh took care of him and made sure Cullen would never touch the horrid substance again.
He heard the door open slowly and saw Branson and his sisters peek inside, he nodded sadly as they moved inside his tower and looked at him with worry.
"How are you?" Mia asked as she took Sulahn from Cullen The child started crying again, no sound but snot and tears as she bawled, she quickly returned the child to Cullen and he gave her a sad look as Rosalie took his hand. He gave his siblings a brave glance but lost his composure and looked away.
"My heart is breaking into so many pieces." Cullen shook his head with disdain. "The sun looks dull. The grass looks like ashes. I…my life is miserable now. I see Sulahn and she is all that I have left of him. I want to hold him and comfort him; I want to tell him that it's okay. But Josh's gone now and I'm…I'm…"
Cullen pulled out the ring- his mother's ring and he cried.
"I was going to propose to him on the battlements where we spar. I didn't know how I was going to ask but I was going to ask. The Breach opened again and we fought the Elder One…then he was gone." Cullen looked at Branson with anger. "He's gone now. You don't have to worry about me anymore, brother. My heart is too shattered to love anyone again. I loved that man more than I loved myself and the Maker. He was everything to me. He forgot everything and I hurt him but he still forgave me- he loved me. He was one in a million and I wish he didn't die. I wish it was me instead. I wish Josh lived. He was such a good man with so much to give…I…I miss him."
"We all miss him." Branson touched his shoulder and nodded. His older brother gave him a small nod as he left with Mia. Rosalie sat him down on his chair and she smiled at him with tears rolling down her face.
"He introduced me to Krem." Rosalie flushed as she spoke and Cullen gave her a neutral look as he regarded her with dull eyes. She touched his shoulder, and then placed a kiss on Sulahn's cheek. "I have a boyfriend, brother, thanks to Josh."
"You didn't tell me this before, why?"
"You didn't need to know. Why do you think he spent so much time with me and Alexius? We didn't just study time magic; he spoke to me about Krem, about you, about everything."
Cullen gave her a sad nod as she stroked his hair.
"There's going to be a service held for him in the garden tomorrow. Get some sleep brother." Rosalie kissed at his forehead and took Sulahn from him. The child fortunately didn't cry and latched onto her aunt with a content look. They waved to him as he moved to his quarters and stripped off his armor. His shattered arm hurt but it was well enough for him to take off his armor without damaging it further.
He fell onto the bed and pulled the coverlets up to his chest. He looked up and saw some of the rain dripping inside, but it was largely not a problem as it was in the corners and never reached the bed. He pulled the fabric closer to his chest and he looked to his left, half expecting to see Josh, but he saw the empty bed. He felt his breathe hitch as he remembered the crack he heard when the rock struck.
The sound remained with him, always playing in the back of his head, first the look of happiness on Josh's face, then Josh pushing him backward through the Fade and then, the crack. Singing out in the silence, consuming Cullen's thoughts, the crack sounded out over and over. He could never forget it. Crack. Crack. Crack.
Cullen tried to sleep but he was too beside himself to even try. He wept as his mind throbbed continuously behind sounds of bones breaking. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout out in anger and anguish to the sky. He wanted to yell until his voice gave way, but he couldn't. He was too tired.
He looked up at the broken ceiling and he thought of the Maker. He cursed at the Maker. How could he allow the one person keeping everyone together to die? How could he allow His bride's Herald to die? He wanted answers and Heaven's never answered.
Cullen shook his head as he climbed out of bed and fastened his armor back onto his body. He descended his ladder and he moved to Josh's tower. It smelled of elfroot and deep mushrooms as he stepped into the laboratory. He saw the books lining the walls and he shook his head in remembrance of the many time Josh tried to get Cullen to study basic alchemy. Cullen was a quick reader but it didn't make sense to him and Josh used to chuckle as he affirmed that the only alchemy he needed to know was to make herbal tea.
He climbed the ladder and felt his throat go dry as he saw the lanterns and the veils of thin fabrics chiming from the wind chimes Josh added to his room. The mattress was still on the floor but the floor was lined with expensive dales laden wool that made sleeping on the floor viable. He cringed when he got the scent of roses, it was a smell he associated with Josh, the mage always managed to smell like a freshly bloomed rose despite being at war. It always made Cullen double take but this time, it affirmed his sorrow.
He settled down on the mattress and he leaned back onto the wall. He looked up at the chiming firmament Josh made above. The noises it made was pleasing and reminded him of sleeping beside the mage, arm in arm, smiling in their sleep and grinning at each other as they awoke. He would look up and Josh would kiss his scar.
Cullen brought his hand to the scar. It felt foreign and rough underneath his fingers and he could not imagine how Josh could ever relish in the feeling of his scar on his lips and his tongue. As he mused over it, he felt his inhibitions slip away as he dreamt.
He dreamt of Skyhold, on the day he kissed Josh for the first time. It was like he was reliving that day as he saw Josh give him a sad look as the courier came in to interrupt them. Cullen looked at the fool with an angry look; the man didn't know what to do at first but a few more seconds of his glare, the courier scampered and Cullen went in for the kiss.
The Inquisitor tasted of honey and sweat as he felt tears, from the mage's eyes and his own as he wept into the kiss. It was desperate kiss was Cullen pulled him closer but soon Josh pulled away with yet another sad look.
"Thank you."
"For?" Cullen gave him a confused look as the mage smiled. In the distance, he watched as the white wolf that protected Josh nod to the former-templar as Josh moved in for another kiss, this time, he felt his body surge with fire.
"For everything. Ar lath-"
Cullen awoke, terrified as he checked for burns. His armor was warm but other than that he was fine. He had a lucid dream, just as mages do and it terrified him to know that he could explore his dreams- that demons would soon plague his thoughts as he dreamt to possess him.
He lifted himself from the mattress and straightened up his appearance when he heard the bell chime five times. It was Josh's funeral soon.
Josephine informed him that every inquisition member would be attending, to make matters worse, the leaders of Ferelden and Orlais were going to make an appearance too.
He took a bath and pulled on his armor as the first guests arrived in the early parts of the morning. There was no body to cremate so it was decided to plant a tree in his honor, as it was the Dalish custom to do so. As everyone gathered in the garden, Cullen saw King Alistair and Queen Anora greet Alara, they seemed to be familiar with her. He saw Morrigan tense up when the King approached her and Kieran, but she eased up when she saw Cullen looking at her and she greeted Alistair with a slight bow.
He saw the Cousland's make their way over to the tree to pay their respects. Aedan waved him down and gave Cullen a knowing look as he pulled the Commander into a hug. Cullen eased into it when he heard Aedan snuffle slightly and he realized that Josh affected the Couslands deeply.
He saw Cole smiling beside Belle as they spoke with a man and a woman he did not recognize, a mage and templar that Cole seemed to know. They waved to him as they paid their respects to the tree planted in Josh's honor. He also saw Branson, Jaime and Bethany sitting together, chatting as Rosalie passed them by with Krem leading her to the Chargers. The motley crew for once was on their best behavior but looked genuinely saddened by the Knight-Enchanter's passing.
Next, he saw the Council of Heralds and the Empress arrive with Briala on her arm. They had sad looks as they moved over to Alara and the inner circle then him. People were abuzz as the Empress and Marquess expressed their deepest heartfelt condolences and hugged Cullen. For once, Cullen saw tears in Celene's eyes. She was a shrewd woman, but Josh seemed to have defrosted her cold heart by reuniting her with Briala.
People came and went by him, offering him condolences as the day went by. It didn't really take note until an old woman he remembered nodded slowly to him as she apologized, but he immediately snapped at her and caught everyone's attention.
"You don't deserve forgiveness. You come here, after he has died like some sniveling hag and you ask me, the man he loved for forgiveness? The gall! You are lucky that you remain, Lady Trevelyan." Cullen sneered as he pointed at her. "Despite your horrid treatment and trying to change him, he was a better man than anyone here and his father would be proud to have such a son. Do not speak to me and do not dare ask for my forgiveness again. You will never get it."
The old woman, whose face was always pulled into a perpetual frown buckled backward in sadness and a younger woman caught her from falling and asked her father to seat her on one of the benches.
"Forgive my aunt, Ser Rutherford. My name is Evelyn, I am- was Joshua's cousin."
Cullen nodded to her but she remained at his side as people greeted him.
"If you do not mind me asking…" Evelyn began as she straightened her hair and looked at him with her bright green eyes as Cullen looked at her and saw her wearing a templar uniform. "Was he happy with you? I always wondered, I sent him a few letters but he never replied."
"He was."
"I'm sorry if I'm prying Ser Rutherford." Evelyn bowed as she spoke and gave him a sad look. "I was stationed at the Ostwick Circle. We…were not close."
"Because he loved Ser Jason?" The templar nodded to him meekly as he gritted his teeth.
"I…was the one who got him and Jason into trouble. It was Aunt Aurelia's plan. She could be quite convincing."
"I see." Cullen gave her an expressionless look as he turned back to the stones that signified Josh's resting place by the Dalish customs. He saw a man with brownish gray hair wave to her as said uncle spoke to Aurelia. "Lady Evelyn, let me be frank. I do not care for you or your horrid family. Josh's family was the Inquisition. Now excuse me, my lady."
The woman nodded sadly as she bid him farewell and returned to her parents and Aurelia. Cullen watched as Alara waved to him and pointed to his left. Keeper Deshanna made her way to him with a poignant smile as the Dalish clan's began to pour into the garden with Velanna and Loranil, much to every noble's bewilderment.
The Keeper of Clan Lavellan expressed a deep found respect for Cullen and his partner. She gifted him with a halla, carved out of ironwood in honor of the mage. He flushed as he held the intricately carved masterpiece in his hands and took in its finer details. He placed it at the foot of the newly planted tree and Deshanna nodded to him as she disappeared into the crowd.
He watched as the Legion of the Dead came to Skyhold with Sigrun and Oghren came with King Bhelen, a blonde dwarf with scheming eyes and his royal guard. They greeted everyone and Cullen and stood at the tree for a moment until everyone turned to the main hall's entrance and gasped.
Neria appeared, arm in arm with a large qunari, the first Cullen had ever seen without horns. He wore distinct red armor that Cullen recognized from Kirkwall. This man was the Arishok and he was followed by his personal guards.
Everyone backed away as the hornless qunari made his way to the tree and placed his hand on it. He spoke in qunlat and unfortunately, Cullen did not understand what he said. He moved over to Cullen and nodded but sent a glare towards Iron Bull as he spoke.
"Shanedan, sataareth. Thedas has lost a great man. I have never met him but he is kadan, like the warden is to me." The Qunari pointed to Neria who smiled solemnly as she turned to the tree and paid her respects. The Arishok nodded to her as they turned to take their places in the garden but Cullen grabbed his hand and the huge man gave him a curious look as he shook it eagerly.
"Thank you for coming, Arishok."
"Do not thank me. The Qunari respect the Inquisitor. He was a good man even if he did not follow the Qun. I must honor him. Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit." The former-sten smiled slightly as Cullen released his hand and nodded to him as Neria led him to Morrigan and Alistair. Bull rushed to his side and grinned ear to ear.
"You just shook hands with the most powerful man in the Qun." Bull patted his back and smiled as he pointed to the tree with a sad grimace. "Kadan is the word we reserve for true friends, lovers even. For him to come here and call Josh that is a massive deal. The Inquisition has his attention now."
"That sounds bad."
"Not really. It just means that the Qunari respect what Josh did. They respect his actions. He's…a hero." Bull gave him a worried look as Cullen turned his attention to the mercenary captain. "That said, how are you holding up Cullen?"
"I feel like crap." Cullen snarled as he rubbed the back of his neck and flushed.
"It's alright to feel that way. So long as you remember that we're here for you. Boss…he was kadan and so are you." Bull said as he pulled Cullen into a bear hug, Cullen didn't mind the contact, truth was he needed the hug. He didn't care who gave it to him.
"I appreciate it, Iron Bull."
"Any time, Cullen. Red's going to sing for us." Bull pointed to Leliana, who hugged at a blond elf he remembered from Kinloch Hold, an Antivan Crow called Zevran, the elf smiled at the bard as she pulled away and placed herself at the foot of the tree as the crowd quieted down at Josephine's behest.
"For my dear friend, the man who saved us all: Josh." Leliana nodded to herself as Cullen saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. He moved to comfort her but Bull held him in place as she began her song.
hahren na melana sahlin
emma ir abelas
souver'inan isala hamin
vhenan him dor'felas
in uthenera na revas
vir sulahn'nehn
vir dirthera
vir samahl la numin
vir lath sa'vunin
Cullen bowed his head as he left the gardens when he saw the Seeker approach Alara with the standard-issue Knight-Enchanter blade to declare her as the new Inquisitor. Cassandra called out to him to stop, but he persisted as the world lost color once more and the crack played in his mind again, over and over. He locked himself in his tower and wept as he recounted every day he had with Josh in a single song sung by Leliana and the sword used to appoint Josh as Inquisitor. He pulled out the half of Josh's necklace and he clasped it and wore it around his neck. He wiped his tears and gritted his teeth.
He heard a knock at his door after he was done packing up his things and Alara scowled when she saw him pull his helmet over his head.
"Where are you going?! Cullen?!"
"This is all too much for me. I will visit her when I can but I cannot remain. She needs the Inquisition to be her family now. Without Josh…I can't…I can't do it." Cullen said as he descended the stairs and made his way down to the main gates with Alara and now Cassandra on his tail. "I joined because the Seeker asked me to, but I stayed because of your brother. He is gone and there is no reason for me to stay. Sulahn has the Inquisition. I cannot be her father without Josh. He was my rock, my heart-"
"I…don't understand…"
"I am no longer Commander of the Inquisition; however I will be a part of the Inner Circle. Call on me when you have need of me, but for now- I would like nothing more than to find my own way. Until then, I entrust my daughter to the Inner Circle."
"Cullen." Cassandra hugged at him with teary eyes as they stopped in front of the drawbridge and the rest of the inner circle arrived and stood behind her."Maker be with you."
"Will He be with me like He was with His Herald?" Cullen cursed as he gave her a fiery look. She tilted her head in confusion; even Sera looked at him bamboozled as he snarled. "I will find my own way in this god forsaken world. Do a better job with Alara than you did with Josh. We failed him. I failed him. Do not fail her!"
"You didn't fail him, Cullen. He saved-" Cole spoke and the other nodded in agreement.
"Compassion- I am beyond your help. Help Alara. Help Sulahn. I need to find my own way."
Cullen saw his siblings approach with Sulahn holding Rosalie tightly. She reached out to her father but he shook his head as he drew Rosalie and Sulahn into a hug.
"I love you Sulahn, but I need to find my way. I will return soon, I promise ma ashalan."
The Lion of Skyhold strode outside of the fortress with nothing but his belongings and a broken heart. He lost his place in the world and now it was up to him to find a new place in a world without Joshua Trevelyan.
All was silence as the inner circle watched in shock as Cullen disappeared into the distance and all that remained was an overwhelming sense of dread for the times ahead.