"I don't like it," Denise said as they walked over to their first barracks. Each of them carried a broom, a bucket, a rough brush and a handful of old rags. One bucket was filled with bleach, another with ammonia, the other two with icy cold water.
"Me neither." Eva sighed. "I think I rather watch Hogan's Heroes at home on the couch. Instead of living it live." She wrinkled her nose. "As a cleaning lady no less."
"We could always try to escape," Linda suggested.
Sue let out a little laugh. "Escape? No one escapes from Stalag 13. You know that."
"You've been watching the show too much," Denise chided.
"And you forget all the people Hogan successfully smuggled out," Linda reminded her. "But that's not what I meant. LeBeau sort of said that we cannot escape from the story. That they – as the authors – are the ones who hold the strings. Well, I'd like to put that to the test."
"But then you have to escape from Stalag 13," Eva pointed out. "You want to ruin Klink's perfect record?"
"Exactly." Linda's eyes sparkled at the thought of the adventures she might encounter, and of course she totally ignored the mention of Klink's record. "Because once I'm out of camp, and they don't know where I am, that means they can't write about me anymore. Which means I'm free to do whatever I want. And they can't stop me any longer!"
Sue shuddered. "I'm not so sure I want to get out of this camp."
Eva agreed. "Here we are under the protection of Colonel Klink."
"Of Colonel Hogan!" Denise corrected heatedly.
"Of both, I suppose," Linda appeased her two fellow authors before they could launch into a full-blown argument.
"Whatever." Eva sighed. "Anyway, here in the camp we're relatively safe. But out there you're at the mercy of those nazi beasts. Like Hochstetter. Is that what you want?"
"And besides," Susan remembered, "the invitation said we got to be here for a week. So for one week, Colonel Hogan and his men apparently have complete power over us. But if you leave their custody, their sphere of influence, what do you think will happen to you at the end of the week? You say yourself that they can't write about you if they don't know where you are. But if they can't write about you, how are they going to get you back home? To our own time? You may be stuck in this war-torn country for the rest of your life!"
"Hm." Linda frowned as she thought that over. But soon – too soon, according to her friends – her face brightened again. "It doesn't matter," she told them. "If I do get stuck here, you guys can always write me out of that pickle once you're back home." She looked as if she wanted to take off here and now, but then thought the better of it. "I'd better wait until tonight. It's safer."
"And in the meantime we'd better start cleaning," Sue pointed out. "If none other, for the sake of not attracting attention."
"We attract more than enough of that as it is." Eva nodded towards the young men who were watching their every move with eager eyes.
"Right. A-cleaning we will go." Linda picked up her bucket again and marched on to the first barracks. "Anyone care to share this barracks with me?"
A handsome young private suddenly blocked her way. "I certainly wouldn't mind."
Linda put down her bucket and looked him over from top to toe. "Yeah. You'll do. Are you any good at scrubbing floors? Or would you prefer to clean out the stove?"
The sensual look in his beautiful dark eyes became haunted as he held out his hands in defence. "I didn't mean that! I meant..."
"Pity. That's what I meant." She picked up her bucket and busted through the door. "Allo guys, move it. We're going to clean here."
Some of the POW's moved obediently outside, but two American corporals defiantly remained seated at the table.
"Ooh, a lady in the house. How long ago since we saw a lady, Charlie?"
"I don't know." The one called Charlie winked obnoxiously at the three ladies in the doorway. "I can't remember. How long have we been here: some forty-five years?"
"Then it's about time you retired," Linda retorted. "Now get out of here, or we'll have to report to Colonel Hogan that you were obstructing the course of justice." A little threatening gesture with her bucket full of bleach did the rest.
As soon as they left, the others came in.
"Well done," said Denise as she looked around the deserted barracks. "Now we can tuck up our sleeves and get to work. I'll start scrubbing the floor; nice and easy. I love throwing water around."
"Not a good idea," Eva remarked as she put down her things.
"And why not?"
"If you clean the floor first, then all the dirt and dust that you wipe off higher surfaces will come on that clean floor. Which means you'll have to clean the floor twice."
"Hm. Okay. I hadn't thought of that. So we should start at the top, eh?" She grabbed her broom, climbed onto the table and started awkwardly brushing away at the ceiling. It looked like it hadn't had a good scrub since the barracks was built: it was full of cobwebs, and suddenly...
"Aargh!!!!"
In a flash the others – who had started on the beds – turned around. But all they saw was a frenzied Denise throwing down her broom, jumping off the table and with a clownesque run disappearing into the office at the far end of the room.
One moment they stood motionless. But as the alarming cries and bumps continued from the other room, they rushed after her as one woman.
Unfortunately, they were not one woman. And of course the door wasn't designed to let three people pass at once.
"Ouch!"
"Ouch!"
"Hmpf!"
But even though they could not enter all at once, they were definitely able to see the damage all at once.
There was Denise, in her underwear, dancing frantically to get out of the legs of her overalls.
"What are you doing?" Linda asked concerned.
"A spider!" Denise squeaked out. She was trembling so badly that her teeth clattered as she spoke. "A spider! A big, black spider! He fell down the ceiling, right into the neck of my overalls!" She shook herself anxiously. "Is he gone?"
Eva picked up the overalls Denise had finally untangled herself from and shook them out. No spider appeared. And while Sue checked Denise's back for bites – "I felt him on my skin," Denise shuddered. "It was as if he had at least fifty long hairy legs!" – Linda checked the room to see if the little vermin had simply run off into hiding.
"The spiders in this part of the world don't bite," LeBeau pointed out. "And even if they did, they're not poisonous."
Newkirk chuckled. "But those bloody Yanks won't know that. Let them sweat!"
"Did he bite you?" Sue asked anxiously.
"I don't know." Denise took back her overalls and started to turn them inside out to make sure no spider remained in there. "I was so distressed when I felt him crawling on my back." She shuddered again with horror. "But I don't think I felt a bite."
"I don't see one either," Sue confirmed as she checked Denise's back once more. "Seems to me you got off lucky this time."
"Yeah." Denise started pulling her overalls the right way around again – satisfied that no spiders were left crawling in there. "Well, that was that. Let's get back to work. Does any of you want to take over the ceiling? I think I've had my share of spiders for today."
Eva, Susan and Linda looked doubtfully at each other. Apparently none of them was very keen on getting a spider down their neck.
But at last Eva gave in. "Allright, I'll do it. After all, someone has to brave the dangers of this place."
They worked on in the companiable clatter and wishwash of their cleaning ingredients. And of the occasional shriek of terror of course, since four more spiders came dropping down from the ceiling when their homes were mercilessly destroyed. But one of them...
"Ggggg....!" the others certainly heard.
They instantly turned to Linda, whose turn it was to brave the dangers from above. They saw her gagging and coughing ferociously.
"What's the matter! Are you choking?!" Sue inquired anxiously.
But Linda just hopped off the table and rushed over to the water fountain, where she kept gurgling her throat under the watchful eyes of her friends for at least ten minutes.
"What is it?" they all urged her as she finally surfaced again.
"A bug. I swallowed a bug that fell down from the ceiling. At least..." She paled at the thought. "I hope it was a bug. And not one of those big black spidery things..."
There was one more source of minor consternation when Susan let out another shriek as she discovered something really creepy crawly in the water basin as well. But with undaunted bravery Eva brushed the indistinct creature into a coffee mug and disposed of it outside.
Denise shuddered. "Someone will drink from that cup again tonight..."
Eva shrugged. "What they don't know, won't hurt. And besides, they're men. They love living life dangerously."
But further they dusted, scrubbed and washed, and when Linda at last threw their final bucket of water out over the floor to wash away even the last specks of dust...
"Out!!" four female voices yelled in fierce unison.
"Why?" Charlie marched unperturbed through the room with his muddy army boots. "I'm just getting my cigarettes; then I'll be out of your way again, I promise."
Eva huffed indignantly. "Men!"
"Oh, by the way, Charlie..." Denise's voice was all sugar and spice all of a sudden.
"Yes?" The young corporal had no hunch.
"Is this your cup?"
He came back for a good look. "Yep. That's mine allright. It's chipped here, see?"
"Good." She smiled sweetly at him. "Because that's the one we used to throw out all the creepy insects we came across."
His face split open in a wide grin. "Yummy! I love spider-tea!"
And with that, he put his mug down on the table and marched out. Leaving even more mud and sand on the only just scrubbed floor.