disclaimer: stephAnie, not stephEnie

a/n: thanks go to emmy (pippapear) for pre reading and as always to my beta arra584. she's got finals coming up so wish her luck.
italicized portion in the beginning is a flashback *waves hands and sings a la waynes world*
i have more to say, but i'll share at the end, as to save you from an endless a/n.

Chapter title comes from Tokyo Police Club's song "If It Works." Lyrics don't apply.
Chapter songs: "Slow Show" by The National. This song rec comes courtesy of anniej13 who is amazing.
"Honest Mistake" by the Bravery
"Hold" Saves the Day

At home I was able to think back on my brief conversation with Vanessa.

"She didn't say yes."

"Did she say no?" Because that was what I really wanted to know.

"Well…no."

Any hopes I had deflated in my chest.

"Then she didn't say no." God, what was the point of telling me anything if she didn't even say no?

"That's not the point, Edward."

"Then what is?"

"Oh Eddie, Eddie, Eddie." She shook her head like she thought I was a retard or something. "If she wanted to marry him, she would've said yes."

"Yeah, but…what?" Wouldn't it make more sense to say that if she didn't want to marry him, she'd have said no? That was what really mattered. Her saying no, so that I could be with her.

"You don't hesitate to accept a proposal if you want to marry the man."

"This is just fucking confusing." And annoying. Vanessa was so fucking annoying prattling on about how if you don't say yes you are really saying no. Couldn't she just be fucking straight with me?

"Listen to what I'm saying, Edward. She didn't accept. Can you imagine how hard that would be? To basically say no, without actually saying no, in front of all your peers. She's been with Jake for a year. And now she's basically throwing everything she knows away on a chance. Don't be a complete fuck-up. You need to recognize what's staring you right in the fucking face."

"And what exactly is that?" If she didn't just come out and say it already, I was going to bat shit crazy. I did not have time for this fuckery.

"Bella likes you. She. Likes. You. It's so obvious. Only someone as dim as you could miss it."

"Let's pretend for a second that you're right. Bella likes me. So what?"

"So what? So what? So...God, Edward! I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. So what? So, you fight for her. Make her see you're worth it."

"Why are you trying to help me?" All I got was a shrug. "What would you suggest I do?"

"You're so slow." Again with the stare-down. I wasn't a complete idiot. "Be nice to her. Flirt. Compliment her. Go out of your way to see her. Smile. It's not that hard, Edward."

And then she was gone.

--

Lying in bed, my mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Vanessa said Bella liked me, said it was obvious. Just like it was obvious how much I liked her. But if it was all so obvious, why didn't she say something to me? Why weren't we together?

Vanessa could be lying to you.

True. She could be. But for some reason I didn't think she was. Vanessa didn't strike me as the type to be that conniving.

Not trusting myself to have an easy and peaceful sleep, I shook out some Oxycodone only to realize I was using the last of my supply.

Fuck.

While I could convince my doctors that the pain in my leg had intensified and I'd altered my dosage accordingly, that was a slippery slope I wanted to avoid. Getting hooked on prescription drugs was not an option for me.

Though apparently I didn't find fault with illegal substances since I was still planning on a trip to Laurent's.

Whatever.

--

My PT sessions were coming to an end as, no doubt, Irina would be giving the okay for my return to work. With restrictions of course. Nobody wanted to overwork me and cause a potential fuck-up during a critical procedure. I was ecstatic to be done. Not just because I missed work. But because sessions were getting too awkward. Ever since I'd blurted out that bullshit about wanting to spend time with Irina, she'd been insufferable: pressing her tits into my back as she "helped" me stretch, wearing ridiculous outfits to show off her best assets, and offering extra rubdowns afterwards.

Just, Jesus, no. It seemed I'd unwittingly unleashed a monster. Irina Sex-a-saurus was on the prowl. Why was I her only prey? I mean, besides the obvious, being the hottest motherfucker around. Couldn't she direct her attention to someone more willing?

Hmm, I bet Laurent would appreciate all the ways she can bend and stretch. Note to self: pawn Irina off on Laurent.

After my appointment was over, I went in search of…Vanessa. I kind of wanted some Bella-coaching because I didn't know what to say to Shortcake. At least, I didn't know what was the right thing to say. Flirting was easy. I was a fucking flirting master. But when it got more serious than just a flirt to fuck, I was kind of out of my league.

So that's why I was in search of the redhead rather than the brunette for the first, and hopefully only, time in my life.

Of course, because I was trying to avoid her, Bella popped up in front of me.

"Shortcake!" I surreptitiously looked down to her left hand, wanting to make sure she hadn't said "yes" in the past 24 hours.

No ring. Good.

"Hello…well I don't really know what to call you anymore."

"Edward. I've always preferred-"

"Not Handsome?"

"Only if you want to, Beautiful." But when I looked up to smile at her, I realized she was scowling. She wasn't being cute. She was being mean...which, oddly enough, made her even cuter.

"You're so frustrating, Edward. What was up with the "Dr. Cullen" stuff yesterday?"

I decided honesty was the best policy. Well, at least mostly complete honesty. Didn't need to blab everything to her right then, did I?

"I panicked." That didn't seem to go over well. "Bella, you have to know I like you more than just,"... friends... "a patient to a nurse. More than just coworkers." Could I be anymore obvious right now? "And you're…attached. I guess I was just worried how our relationship would look to Laurent. I didn't want him coming up with any crazy ideas about us." Mostly because they'd be true, or at least I'd want them to be. And if he knew my intentions towards Bella, he'd either hassle me nonstop or chase after her too. Just for the thrill of it. Just to say he got her first.

We had made a past-time out of it after all. And I was up by two. But I didn't want him sampling the Shortcake. She was not on the menu for him.

"So you're worried our friendship will sully my good reputation?"

"I guess so."

"Oh Edward, that's so stupid." Huh? "But sweet. You don't have to worry, I'm a big girl."

Yeesh! Kind of. I mean, in comparison to my age, she was still a girl. And part of me felt like I was, or rather would be, taking advantage of Bella.

"I'll try and remember that."

"Will I have to worry about you getting all distant on me in the future?"

"No. I'm probably already going to hell so I might as well be thorough." Only I mumbled the words, not wanting Bella to hear them.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

Her face looked like one big question mark. But I didn't want to repeat my words. Then she'd really have questions for me.

"Ok…"

"Are you still mad at me?" I had to know.

She blew out a long breath, delaying her answer and making me nervous in the process.

"Well…" Her left hand went up to the hair she had pulled back. She was kind of running her fingers through it, diverting my attention from her beautiful face. "No, I'm not mad. For some reason, I have a hard time staying mad at you." She rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. But judging by the tone of her voice, she was happy.

Yes.

"Good, because I couldn't stand it if you were. I don't want to ever make you mad, Shortcake." I reached out and tugged lightly at her ponytail.

"Stop that." She tried to slap my hand away but I brought it forward instead, letting my fingers graze her cheek.

"Sorry, couldn't help it. You're so cute." And soft and smooth and too bad she wasn't blushing so I could feel how warm.

"Cute," she huffed.

Had I said something wrong?

"Are you doing anything tonight?" Shit! I hadn't meant to just blurt that shit out, as if asking her out on a date.

"No, why?" I noticed her cheeks blush strawberry-red and wondered if she was actually hoping I was asking her out on a date. I was merely sniffing out answers to her relationship status with McTool. But maybe I should ask her out.

"Bella! Eddie!" Vanessa called out, ruining my timing. Bitch.

I noticed Bella quirk an eyebrow at me.

"Eddie? Didn't think you liked that nickname."

"I don't really." I spoke softly, as Vanessa jogged over to us.

"What if I wanted to call you Eddie?" Bella smirked and I was seconds away from admitting she could call me fucking Bob for all I cared. But Vanessa was already next to us.

"Glad I caught you, Eddie. May I have a word?" She grabbed my arm and started dragging me away from Bella.

Shortcake's face was back to that question mark look as I was pulled out of earshot by the redhead I'd originally intended on approaching.

"Nice, Edward." I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic so I stayed quiet. "Looks like you're doing a good job with Bella. But I don't think you should ask her out just yet."

"How did you-"

"I was eavesdropping." Her face was a big "so what" of emotions. "But I did come up with a genius idea."

"And?"

"And…Chinese or Italian?" She pushed a paper in my hand before walking away. It had her name and number on it.

--

"So, let me get this straight." Hours later and I was on the phone with the last girl I'd imagined talking to outside of work. "You're trying to help me get Bella by having me go out on a date with you?"

Now who's the retard?

"Not just a date. A double date. Edward, nothing brings out someone's true feelings more than a healthy dose of jealousy."

Oh Jesus. Really?

"I don't know." The idea had me feeling wary at best.

"Trust me. Okay?"

Should I?

"I guess-"

"Great!" She started reciting her address before I realized the implications of a date.

I'd have to drive.

"Listen, as much as I hate doing this, could you pick me up? I'm in between cars still."

"Huh?"

"No wheels."

"Oh." It was silent for a beat before she resumed speaking, just as excited as before. After giving her directions to my place she practically shouted out, "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7." Then she hung up.

--

When I woke up the next day, I had every intention of going to the hospital. Somehow during the night my courage had been bolstered as the idea of taking out Vanessa instead of Bella firmly rooted itself in my brain. I wanted nothing more than to have a little heart to heart with my Shortcake. She would hear me out. Then she'd leave McTool so I could have her all to myself. And instead of going on a date with Vanessa, I'd be taking Bella out. It would be perfect.

Except then Emmett called. And ruined everything.

"E, my man. How's it going?"

"Fine, Emmett." You're only fucking up my master plan. No big deal.

"I'm good, too. Thanks for asking."

"What did you want Emmett?"

"I wonder if there will ever come a time in your life when you just relax...chill out, ya know? You're always so ornery."

The man had a point. Not that I'd ever admit that to him. I was probably just cranky from the raging case of blue balls I was experiencing.

"Is that the only reason you called?"

"No man, I found a few interesting prospects."

"Prospects?" For what? Sex?

"For a car. I thought we could go check 'em out together. What do you think?"

I really needed to cut the man some slack. Emmett, while having poor taste in women, had a big heart and tried his hardest to bridge the age gap between us. For as long as I could remember, Emmett was the one following me around, trying to do the same things I did. When he got older and we realized that we shared a mutual love of cars, we finally became more like brothers rather than strangers just sharing DNA.

It wasn't his fault there was a ten year gap between us. That was all on Poppa Carlisle.

I should try and reconnect with the man.

"That's cool. What time?"

"Meet me at my place in an hour."

"Ok. Sounds good."

"Sweet, see you then."

It hadn't occurred to me until after we hung up that meeting at his place meant me driving there. I tried calling back to well...not explain but ask him to get me. Only there was no answer.

Shit, shit, shit.

Half an hour later, I was in the godforsaken Volvo, giving myself a fucking pep talk. So goddamn ridiculous, but apparently necessary. Because every time I went to start the engine my hand shook.

"You can do it, Cullen. You're stronger than this."

After about twenty more tries and a hundred curses, I got the car started. I would've been relieved, only I had to actually drive now that the car was on. I triple-checked the mirrors, fidgeted with the seat over and over until I couldn't put it off any longer. By the time I had finished stalling, I had just ten minutes to get to Emmett's.

"Man up, pussy."

I inched out of the parking spot slower than a fucking snail. I was so paranoid someone would come speeding down the parking lot and ram into me. Putting it into drive was a relief. It had been so long since I'd driven that I would have killed the engine shifting into first if it was in a manual. I crept through the lot, thinking maybe driving wouldn't be so bad.

Then I reached the exit that led to the main street and I saw all the traffic zooming past me. Anxiety found its way inside me as I tried to visualize merging with the flow of traffic. I sat there for at least five minutes, just staring at the cars passing by, wondering how the fuck I was expected to drive and why I was so terrified.

PTSD.

My mind called it out, trying to be rational despite my wish to deny the possibility. Me? Post traumatic stress disorder? No. I was stronger than that.

Honking broke me out of my reverie. Looking in my rearview mirror I noticed an elderly lady behind me, waving and mouthing words at me. Fucking crazy old bat. Left with no choice, I found an opening and drove out.

I had a death grip on my steering wheel, knuckles turning white as I drove to Emmett's. At first, I thought I was fine. Then I passed through an intersection and saw a car driving up to the light. The guy was going too fast, no way would he stop in time.

My foot slammed on the brakes as I closed my eyes, bracing for impact…only nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes just in time to see the little old lady behind me swerve to avoid hitting me. Her wrinkly middle finger was sticking straight up as she passed.

Well fuck you too.

I realized I was at a complete standstill in the middle of the fucking intersection. Jesus Christ! At this rate, I'd cause my own goddamn accident.

The rest of the drive was spent flinching, braking, and swerving. By the time I made it to Emmett's, I was covered in sweat…and thirty minutes late. I checked out my appearance in the mirror, wanting to make sure I looked okay, only to find out I didn't. I looked like shit. Pale skin, hair plastered to my face, circles under my eyes. I needed to calm down before going in to see Emmett or he'd figure something was up.

So after sitting outside Emmett's complex for another ten minutes, I finally made my way to his apartment. I knocked on his door and heard a "come in" from inside. But when I walked through the door and into his living room, Emmett was nowhere to be found.

"Em?"

"In the bathroom, E. You took so long to get here, I couldn't wait anymore. I had to take a dump. It may take awhile, so just have a seat."

Jesus. Disgusting. But at least he wasn't making a bigger deal about me being late. Plus it gave me more time to get my shit together.

I sat down on the overstuffed chair, probably a gift from Mom, and started looking through Em's magazine collection. SI, Maxim, SI: Swimsuit Edition, Men's Fitness, FHM: all typical Emmett. I grabbed whatever was closest, not paying attention to what was on the cover, when I heard the doorknob turning.

Fuckin' A.

Trapped, there was nowhere for me to run. I'd have to face Satan head on with no Emmett to act as buffer as he was currently occupied by a bout of IBS.

"What are you doing here?"

Lovely.

"Waiting for Emmett. Car shopping." I figured the less I spoke, the quicker she'd leave.

"Is he in the bathroom?" I nodded. "Good. I wanted to talk to you."

What. The. Fuck.

"Um…no thanks?"

"Like you have a choice." A guy could hope, right? "I've been wondering, do you think we should tell Emmett?"

"What? Are you fucking crazy?! Wait, never mind. I already know you are. No way in hell should we tell him."

But a little voice inside my head that sounded suspiciously like Bella was saying otherwise.

"But, what if it comes out later?"

"And how would that happen if neither of us says something?"

"He's concerned, Edward. Emmett loves you. He looks up to you for some reason and really wants your approval. It kills him that we don't get along. And it kills me to see him like that."

"So you really care about him?"

"What-"

"I mean, you're not just using him for the money?"

"How could you say that?" I looked her in the eye and received the shock of the century. Rosalie "Satan" Hale was crying. Crying! "I love Emmett. Love him. Why would you think that?"

"Because..." I waved a lazy hand between us. "Don't act like you weren't getting into my pants just to get into my pockets. And when you realized you'd never get a cent from me, you flipped the fuck out."

Words seemed to have failed Rosalie as she stared at me with wide, unblinking eyes. I was seconds away from asking her what the fuck was wrong, when she burst into hysterical laughter.

"Oh my God, Edward." She was wiping tears from her eyes as she cackled. "You think I was after your money?"

"Well, yeah, I did. Until you started laughing. Now I'm just confused."

"Not that it's any of your business, but when we were together, I was going through a really rough time." Rosalie sat beside me, avoiding eye contact. Whatever it was, it was serious and suddenly I had no desire to hear her story. "There was this guy, Royce, and he…well he did things to me."

"What," huge gulp, "kinds of things?" Did I really want to know?

She shook her head. "I don't really want to get into details. I just, responded pretty poorly to everything that happened between us and thought I had to use my body to get men to notice me."

Fuck, I could only imagine what happened. And I didn't want to. Because right now I was feeling pretty bad for Rosalie. Sympathy for the Devil? What was happening to me?

"Well, ok…" I had no idea what to say. None. Whatsoever.

"It wasn't about using your cock to get your money. I thought if I could get in a relationship with someone... anyone, I'd feel better about myself. It never really occurred to me that I needed to work through my problems in a more professional manner. I think I wanted to avoid that situation if possible because then it would make everything way more real and scary. But forcing myself into "relationships" didn't work. Obviously."

"So…you weren't using me then?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Well, at least she was being honest. "The sex was good and-"

"What sex?"

Uh oh.

"Emmett!" Rosalie flew off her seat towards a man I hardly recognized.

Em was always bigger than average. As an infant, he was all rolls and dimples. As a kid he was chubby. Then he hit puberty, grew into his weight and turned all that fat into muscle. Yet through it all, he had this baby face and sweet disposition that softened the overall effect his body created. I'd never seen him in a fight, as his size scared off would-be bullies. As a result, I'd never seen him truly angry. Until now.

His face was red, mouth set in a scowl. I could hear each knuckle crack as he clenched and unclenched his fist. His eyes were narrowed and glaring at me. Then Rosalie. Then me again. Then Rosalie again.

I was kind of freaked out.

"What. Sex."

"Listen, it looks like now's a bad time. Maybe I should head out-"

"No. Stay." Emmett was facing me now. He looked more sad than angry. Probably he'd reached a conclusion he really hoped wasn't true. "What is she talking about, E?"

"I... uh, don't, ya know, think I should-"

"Emmett, please. Let me explain. I can explain." Rosalie sounded shrill as she tried to get Emmett's attention back on her.

"Edward." He was effectively shutting her out though, focusing only on me. Begging me to deny it.

And fuck, I couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Emmett." It was the only thing to say. Never adequate though. I didn't think he actually wanted to hear me say the words. Hear 'I fucked Rosalie.' "It was a long time ago. I never wanted you to find out."

"So if I hadn't overheard your conversation just now, you'd never have told me? You'd have just kept this huge fucking secret from me? Your own brother?"

"Yes."

The air was thick with tension. Emmett's eyes moved away from mine, lids half-closed to mask his pain. Pain that I had caused. He didn't have to voice his disappointment in me. His face, the way he held himself, said it all.

Still, he managed to choke out, "You can leave now."

It wasn't a request.

--

I don't know how I managed to drive home. I think my mind was too preoccupied with what just happened. It was scary that I was too busy lost in thought to realize I was driving. Lucky I had arrived safely, though not in good shape. I was worried what life would be like now that the fucking pussy was out of the bag. Would Emmett tell Mom and Carlisle? Because I just didn't think I could handle the disappointment and criticism.

Really though, Emmett was mature enough to leave our parents out of this, right?

Thinking about what was going on with Emmett and Rosalie was just giving me a headache. Besides, they were probably busy having makeup sex right now anyway. Better to spend my time worrying, er, thinking about my date with Bella tonight.

You mean your date with Vanessa.

Meh, whatever. Same thing.

Nervous didn't even come close to describing how I felt about seeing Bella outside of the hospital. Not to mention she'd be on McTool's arm. And I'd be stuck opening doors and pulling out chairs for fucking Vanessa.

Not because I wanted to. Because Bella would be watching and I wanted to make a good impression.

Though how good an impression could I make if I was on a date with another fucking woman? I was beginning to really think about this whole situation. It wasn't a mistake... I had to keep thinking that. Vanessa said jealousy was a good thing. And it wasn't as if Bella didn't know I'd be there tonight. For all I knew, she could be anxiously awaiting the date too. Nothing bad could come of it. Nothing bad would come of it.

Trying not to dwell on any possible horrible outcomes of my "date" tonight, I got ready. Showering, shaving, moisturizing, all the stuff I never admitted to doing for fear of being called a queer. But doing all that shit didn't take up enough time. Even with changing my clothes five different times. Because I couldn't settle on what to wear. Jeans? Slacks? T-shirt? Button up?

Fuck, my dick was probably going to shrivel up any minute from being such a pussy. I'd take my "outtie" and turn it into an "innie."

Left with nothing to do, my mind wandered back to Emmett and Rosalie. Why did I even care what happened there? If Em ditched her, my own personal Hell would disappear. But just remembering Em's reaction, that look of defeat and hurt, was getting to me. Not to mention, Rosalie wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe.

Wondering how they'd patched things up, I called Emmett. The phone rang and rang…and rang. I didn't bother leaving a message, not knowing what to say. I did text him a simple "hey" though, figuring he'd get back to me after he was done with the make-up sex.

This is the first time I've ever hoped for sex between those two.

I expected to hear back from him soon. I mean, how much angry fucking did they need? But two hours had gone by and I'd yet to hear from him. It was making me worried.

Maybe things weren't okay between them. Maybe they were still fighting. Maybe they were-

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. It had to be Vanessa picking me up. When I opened the door, I had never been happier to see her. It had nothing to do with the low-cut shirt she was wearing. It had everything to do with her taking me to Bella's. I was going to know where she lived.

Dude, Stalker.

What-the-fuck-ever. I wasn't a stalker. I wouldn't just show up at her place or anything. It was just useful knowledge. For the future.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I grabbed a jacket, followed Vanessa out, then closed the door behind me.

Having to be picked up and driven around like a little bitch was embarrassing. But not as much as exposing my fear of driving. So when Vanessa jokingly opened the door for me, I bit my tongue. I didn't want to provoke her.

"Already on your best behavior, huh Eddie?"

"Something like that. Just, don't test my limits, okay?"

"Don't worry. Jake will be driving so Bella won't have to see you being chauffeured by me. Though it may make her feel better to see."

"Why would that matter?"

"Seems like less of a date when the woman's driving, right?"

The girl had a point.

While Vanessa drove, I checked my phone obsessively, hoping each time to have a text or message from Emmett. Each time I was disappointed. There was no way he was still too busy to get back to me.

Is he ignoring me?

If Vanessa noticed me fidgeting with my phone, she never let on, only speaking up to say we'd reached Bella's. Shortcake lived in what looked to be a basic apartment complex that no doubt had a cookie cutter layout, each unit a mirror image of the previous one. Not that it was important. I'd want to see Bella's place even if she lived in a shack. Plus, if we ever needed more space, my place was always available.

Look at you, already imagining something happening. Quite sure of yourself, aren't you?

I couldn't help but feel hope for something more after tonight. This date would prove to be a really good thing for Bella and me. I just knew it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I felt relief at Emmett's better-late-than-never response. Except it was from Alice. And after reading I was even more worried.

Can't get a hold of Em

Heard anything?

Fuckity, fuck fuck. I didn't need this worrisome shit right now. I was on a date for fuck's sake.

"By the way, Eddie, Bella doesn't know you're my date."

"What?!"

I watched in equal parts shock and horror as Vanessa rang the doorbell. Bella not knowing was not what I had anticipated. If she wasn't prepared, how could I know she was okay with things?

"Ness, hey! I'm so excited to see this date of yo-" Bella's eyes met mine and I realized how completely taken off guard she was. "Edward?"

But even with the surprise and trepidation, she looked fucking fantastic. Denim skirt that showed off her legs. Christ, her legs. They went on for fucking days. I'd never seen them bare before. Plus she was wearing a tank top with some kind of sweater over it, showing off just enough skin to have my mind in overdrive.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Just looking at her had me forgetting all my worries. Emmett who?

"Hey, Shortcake."

lemme know what you think. and if you, like my dearest annie, have any songs you think would go with the tone of the story, also lemme know.
now, as many of you know, FGB is almost upon us once again. last time, i entered really late. this time, however, i've already signed up. so i thought i'd let you know what i have offered up.
4 o/s, any prompt, any pairing, any continuation of previous stories/one shots: first come first serve.
BPOV for TAITA: that one's up for bids.
so...if you want to see bella's pov...you can bid. winner gets to choose which part of the story they want in her pov.

and now i'll be done shamefully pimping myself out