A/N: Back to updating my chaptered fics! Well, at least for one chapter then I'm going to start on a request. But here we are! Sorry but totally not sorry for the length of this chapter. I'm actually satisfied it turned out so long. Anyway! Read read read and let me know what you think! Thanks!

Albus knew he was far ahead of Scorpius. That he had trekked off quite a bit faster, regret and disappointment fueling his fast pace.

But Scorpius should have been here by now. There was absolutely no reason he should be waiting here for an hour…. Waiting in their special room under those silken sheets with his clothing folded neatly upon the bedside table. He was seriously ready for this, and yet…he was still sitting here completely alone.

"Fuck it," Albus whispered to himself, climbing out of the bed. He was trying not to cry. He was trying not to worry. There had to be a good reason he wouldn't show up. Someone distracted him with something. It had to have been something important. Or, at least that was what he was going to tell himself for now. It made him feel better. It made him able to worry less for the moment. So he redressed as quickly as possible and just bolted.

He didn't look back, tried not to think on what had happened. Tried to forget that they'd had a stupid, fucking date in the first place. If he didn't think about it – if he didn't remember it happened – he could pretend it hadn't fazed him.

Today was nothing to him anymore.

XxX

"You fucked up, Allie."

It had been two weeks since the disaster in Hogsmeade. It had been ample time for Albus to put that date completely out of his mind. In classes with Scorpius, he was civil but distant. The other boy was much the same. It was a working relationship with very little time spent outside of class. Neither mentioned that Saturday and neither made advances. It was a slightly tense and stuffy set of interactions, but it seemed to work.

And it kept Albus' mental health at bay for the moment. "I assure you I don't know what you're talking about," he said quietly, only giving his cousin Louis a momentary look. "And I'm sure I don't want to. Thanks."

Louis sighed, looking around and ducking his head in closer to the other boy to whisper, "You know this is about Scorpius. And you know you fucked up – big time." He leaned back again, trying to catch his cousin's eye. "It's time for both of you to stop pretending it doesn't bother you."

"What do you even know about it?" Albus asked, keeping his tone neutral as he surveyed the Daily Prophet. He didn't want to let on that this conversation was actually getting to him a bit. He could feel every single one of his nerves currently on fire. Itching to discuss what had happened. Eager to figure out what had gone so horribly wrong. Wanting so badly to have a normal reaction to having a fall out with the man he had been so ready to love.

"I know that…. Let's just say I know quite a bit. Maybe we should find a quieter place to talk?" Simultaneously, the boys looked across the Gryffindor table to eye Rose and Frank. They were quite busy with themselves, doing the whole disgusting kissing in public thing. But there was still a slight chance they would detach and tune in to the rest of the world again.

Nodding, Albus stood and muttered a goodbye to his friends (who weren't even paying enough attention to notice he was leaving). He walked out of the Great Hall, Louis at his heels, and aimed for his closest secret spot. The one where he and Scorpius had first decided to do that dumb deal. Once inside, the Gryffindor boy leaned up against a wall and sat down to the floor. Curling up into a tight ball. Trying to contain the thoughts inside of him that screamed for more information. He didn't want to desire anything with Scorpius anymore. He knew on the surface that this had been a bad idea from the beginning. It was a good thing it had fallen on quiet terms. It had to be.

"Scorpius talks to me. You could almost say we're friends. Merlin knows he could use one now that Aubadon's gone." Being the priss he was, Louis didn't join his cousin upon the floor. He stayed standing in the middle of the small room, arms severely crossed over his chest. That upper-class French side of him showing as clear as day. "We've been over this. Anyway…. He's not really eager to show it, but he's disheartened by what happened in Hogsmeade."

Albus scoffed. He didn't dare raise his eyes from the floor, vision flooded with tears. What right did that boy have to be upset over what had happened that day? He was the one who hadn't shown up! He was the one that had thrown this away with very clear defiant action. He was the one who had ultimately ended this. "Like he has the right…."

"He has every right!"

Startled, Al looked up again. He wiped his eyes, tilting his head at the Slytherin. The outburst wasn't really expected from him. The boy had always been quite a serene, albeit tactless, person. If he wanted a point conveyed, he weaseled in as many insults with his striking details as possible. He didn't shout. Which meant he must feel quite passionate about his stance on this matter…. "And what makes you say that?" he whispered, a harsh challenge in his stare.

It was Louis' turn to make a derisive noise. "Excuse me?!" he said on a dark laugh. The boy took a few steps towards his cousin, then settled down into a squatting position. He had amazing balance, keeping this position without bracing himself upon the floor but by the curve of his toes. "You," he hissed, pointing his finger dangerously into Albus' face, "did this to your relationship. Or whatever it was. Do you know he was trying to make steps? He's not someone who really longs for commitment. I'm sure you're well aware of that. But did you know that he actually wanted to try with you? Hence the date I helped him set up…."

With a sigh, Albus tried to look away. Tried not to feel guilty. Tried to be brave as his house placement suggested. But all he could feel right now was that gnawing feeling in his gut freezing every forward-thinking thought. "Ehm…. But he's the one who…who didn't show…up…."

"And you're the one who took what could have been a special moment between the two of you – twice – and turned the subject immediately to sex."

There was the problem. There was the cause that Albus hadn't wanted to see. He really had messed this up. Is that why he was so subconsciously willing to allow this to disintegrate? Because he deserved it for what he had done? He bit his lip and did look away this time out of complete shame. "I'm not excellent at human interaction…," he explained. "I'm fairly sure everyone knows that."

"So that means you can't try a little harder?" Louis didn't interact much with people, either. But he did so intentionally. He walked around as if he was better than everyone and didn't need to be social to be happy. Like he was better off alone. He didn't understand the need to be able to talk to someone and feel comfortable, because he didn't care enough to. He wouldn't be able to feel sympathy, let alone empathy, for him. Lack of confidence was just an excuse to him. "I'm telling you what you did wrong. I'm sure you've realized it before now and just didn't want to see it. So you could have done something about it."

"Like what?!" Albus dropped his head into his hands, pulling in deep and steadying breaths. He felt like he was about to throw up. He had realized what he'd done wrong before today. He'd realized it just before he'd done it again that day. Why was he so destructive…? "Apparently I like to make decisions that have horrid consequences, Louis! And I have no idea how not to do so…."

A darkness shifted into Louis' eyes. He looked at his watch, then stood. His whole demeanor screamed of boredom. In the span of a second, he had gone from caring to completely the opposite. A classic argument for why people didn't even bother to get close to him. Not that he had a bipolar personality, but because he rarely even deemed anyone so worthy of his attention. "Would you just fucking apologize to him or something? I don't care if the two of you go back to fucking. Really. Just at least come to some sort of agreement so I don't have to see him moping around anymore. In that freaky, quiet…unnatural way that he does."

Needing no response, Louis turned to leave then. As he was about to the exit, he turned to add one more thought. He didn't even bother with subtly to his words. "Actually, do everyone a favor and stop sleeping with him. Neither of you seem to understand how to handle this the proper way. It's annoying; it's disgusting; it's pathetic. If you're not going to have a 'normal' relationship without hiding a single damn thing from anyone, then just stop."

The silence in his cousin's absence left Albus deaf. He crushed his palms over his ears, trying to stop the harsh ringing in them. In his head he heard every single word the other boy had said, and yet he heard nothing. It was all just a screeching blur that made it seem like his cranium was about to explode. At the same time, he was horrified by just how empty his mind felt. He just couldn't focus on anything. He felt like he was thinking about too much.

Too much. It was too much nothing and too much everything and too much of just being too much!

A scream that sounded somewhere between human and animalistic tore through his vocal chords. It startled him and he opened his eyes, clutching his throat. Had he really made that terrifying noise? Was that something he was capable of? Slowly, his fingers slid over his lips. He stared down at the ground and pondered what he'd just done. It had made him feel better….

And he was able to think clearly now. It almost felt like he had been holding that scream in for the last two weeks. Now…. Now he could actually think a little bit clearer….

"Why did I do that?" he whispered, his brain stuck back on that date. Exactly two weeks ago, why had he done that to Scorpius? The boy had shared something with him that extremely heartfelt. That wasn't something the Malfoy heir did! Was it even something Malfoys did at all?! From the rumors he'd heard, he was sure they didn't. He was sure they were all heartless assholes who only cared about themselves. They didn't talk about things that made them cry in public little tea rooms meant for cutesy couples. Scorpius had done that…. He was taking steps to try for a relationship.

And Albus had royally fucked up.

"It's because you're an idiot. An idiot that doesn't deserve to be loved by someone like that. Why do you love him? Why do you think he'd ever love you back? He's too good looking for you. And he actually has a heart. You don't. You're the type of idiot that only knows how to fuck with no feelings and get clingy the morning after. If he wants to try for something he's not really comfortable with, let him try with someone else. Let him find a sweet guy that knows how to listen to him when he tells a sappy story about his mother having a miscarriage! He deserves that! You don't. All that you deserve is to sleep around with people that don't even want to stay attached to you. That's what you deserve you worthless excuse for a human being. If you don't even know when it's actually appropriate to suggest sex, you don't deserve anything but to be miserable for the rest of your life. And the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be at accepting your fate. The better off Scorpius will be for not having to deal with your crazy ass any longer."

XxX

"You've been particularly moody lately. Like a different moody. A sad moody. What's wrong with you, Albus?"

Someone was talking to him. Albus cringed, hunching in closer to his books. He didn't think anyone would come up here on a Saturday night to bother him. Or he had hoped desperately that no one would want to. They should all be joking around in the common room or off sneaking around the castle. It was a Saturday night, for Merlin's sake! But he supposed he shouldn't expect his friends to just ignore him completely on such a night. He was expected to be down there with them….

"There apparently are a million things wrong with me. I'm allergic to commitment. It apparently turns me into an asshole that only cares about sex. And I don't know how to properly talk to people. Let's not forget that I can't stand to be anywhere public alone. Tack on my apparent need to burst into fits of rage over absolutely nothing and there you have it – me. The fucked up me that just…is too pathetic to actually be real. Wonderful, right?"

Albus hadn't even looked up from his book. He had even managed to read and comprehend a few paragraphs while speaking. All day he'd been saying the same things over and over again in his head to himself all day. It was mindless telling them to Rose. That didn't mean she didn't furrow her brow at them, though. "You're so down on yourself – that's what's pathetic," she said gingerly, sitting herself down upon the edge of his bed.

He shrugged, completely unfazed. He didn't need to hear it from her. He knew what he was. He knew he was sad in multiple ways. "Yes, I know," he said simply.

His bubbly cousin wasn't going to let him off that easy. She wasn't like Louis. She did genuinely care without having to put on any sort of act. Smiling softly, trying to look him in the eyes, she scooted up towards the head of the bed. Her arms wound around the sulky boy and her head rested upon his shoulder. For a moment, their eyes followed the words on the page in-sync – almost an art form they had perfected in their massive free-time as children. They had gotten it down to where they could read the pages of books nearly in the same amount of time so that they could read together. So that neither knew the plot before the other did. It was a thrilling exercise that no one in their family quite understood. Well, maybe Uncle Percy sort of had. He possessed a similar thirst for knowledge.

"I'm assuming this is about your most recent boy toy…." Albus remained silent, but the stiffening of his shoulders answered for him. "Are you going to tell me who it was so we can get Lily to kick his ass?"

It was tempting – to unload everything Albus was feeling upon Rose. They were close, after all. She could probably understand what had transpired. She could be sympathetic, even though she actually was very opposite than him when it came to sexual encounters.

And yet he just couldn't admit anything. He couldn't speak that name because he knew the most horrified of facial expressions and questions would follow. "Ehm…." Slowly, Al shut the book and looked over at his cousin. Took in her worried features and reached out a hand to smooth the frowning wrinkles away. "I don't really feel like outing him. Sorry…." He sighed and rested into her. Allowing himself to relax just slightly. Her presence was calming. "Let's just say I'm fairly sure it's over. And it's my fault…."

"If this boy isn't smart enough to chase after you even with your copious amounts of flaws, then he's certainly not the right one for you."

Rose's words washed a brilliant wave of relief over Albus. He smiled faintly, setting the book aside and resting into her completely now. "Thanks, Rosie."

"Oh, Allie…." Those deft fingers ran through his hair in the most perfect way, just lightly running her nails over his scalp. His back arched like a cat, encouraging her further. "You really are messed up, you know." They both chuckled, both knowing full well that it was true and they shouldn't even try to deny it. "But that's not on you. Someone out there should be able to deal with it. Someone should be sweet enough to take you in all your flawed glory. Someone should be willing to take you in and love you without restraint of secrets and such. Someday, someone will love you like that. For now…hold out for that. Hold out for your somebody."

It sounded like a fairy tale a parent would tell their ugly duckling child. And yet it was absolutely reassuring to Albus. He nuzzled into the girl's neck, pressing his lips softly to her flesh in the most familiar of ways. "That man will be perfect, you know. He will love me and I will love him and we will both be so flawed that all we can see is what makes us beautiful."

Giving a delighted laugh, Rose combed Albus' hair back into place. "Of course! I can see that happening, love! You just hold out for that, alright?"

Albus nodded and squeezed his cousin's arm once before sitting up. "What are you doing up here, you weirdo?" he asked, stretching his stiff limbs. He'd been up here in the same, unmoving position all day….

"Frankie was supposed to meet me up here. We made a bet that would have a Seeker to replace you by next week's game. I said she wouldn't do that to you, just in case you changed your mind about quitting. It sort of was a weird, snap decision you made. But it has been two weeks and it seems as if she's gone Frank's route. Now I owe him the blow job of his life."

After the botched date, Albus had quit the Quidditch team. He was too depressed (even if he wouldn't admit it to himself) to keep pretending it was something he enjoyed. Lily had cried and begged and yelled at him for hours, but it didn't change his mind. Nothing could change his mind. And so it seemed she had to make amendments. It didn't honestly bother him in the least. "I didn't need to know that," he mumbled, rolling his eyes at her blatant answer. No shame, that one. "And when he comes up here, please refrain from giving it to him. I don't feel like leaving and I most certainly don't want to witness your nasty sexual acts."

"Oh, c'mon! You weren't even supposed to be here!" Frank must have been hiding just outside the door. For how long, Albus wasn't sure. But he came bursting through the door then, hands thrown up in a slightly distraught manner. "I think she should have to go through with my winnings as planned, personally. You being here won't matter. Might be a bit of a turn on, actually."

"You're spending too much time with her…," Albus warned, getting up off the bed and watching Rose cross over to her boyfriend. In the time he'd had to adjust to them being together, he'd come to see that it might not be a bad thing. So far she had been loyal to him. She'd even accepted his love confession, now. At the moment she wouldn't say it back – but that was because she wanted to be ready. It was all new for her. And even with their small kinks, they truly were wonderful together. Like right now. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as she'd never held a boy before. Curling her fingers against his back, wanting to just latch into him forever.

"I'm bringing him out of his virginity shell," she whispered, moving to take his lips in a sweet kiss. It was almost sickening with just how perfect they were for one another. Albus could see the two of them after graduation rushing for a wedding. Having children. Raising those children to be just as cute and quirky as they were. The perfect little lives with absolutely no worries. Both of them changed and molded perfectly to fit with one another.

Nodding, Albus reached for his knapsack. He shouldered it before crossing the room, making sure to nudge the pair with his shoulder before exiting. "Have fun with your winnings, Frankie! I'm going to find a bathroom to razz in until I can't remember what you're up here doing in my temporary bedroom…."

Albus didn't go far. The couple's chuckles ringing in his ears, he marched simply down to the common room and found the only seat empty – the window. He curled up on the ledge, looking much like a sulky cat, and pulled his book out again. Nothing very interesting, just an assigned read for Defense Against the Dark Arts about pacifistic defense. But it was the perfect way to distract himself. The perfect way to get over being in love. A good book. For now….

Over the weekend, Albus thought a lot about what he wanted to do with his life. What would make him happy. Who could make him happy. If Scorpius could be the one to potentially fill that hole in his heart. It seemed like a lot of hard thinking, but with time on his hands due to being weeks ahead on all of his assignments, it really didn't make much of a difference. He was able to put his sole focus on it once he was ready, sitting all by himself in his bed with nothing but the journal at his side.

He read over the notes inside so many times they were memorized now. Not just his own, but Scorpius' as well. And the schedule. He knew the schedule by heart. He knew when exactly he would have to see the boy, where, around whom, and for how long. It was an important batch of information for him to remember because it helped he get through the awkward silences. He could count down the time until he was able to leave of focus on someone else in the library.

There was a plan to be up in the Astronomy tower for their assignment under the full moon that month. It was the first time they would be working together truly alone since their date. It was nearly a fortnight after Louis had spoken to Albus about what he'd done wrong. He had resolved what he was going to do just after that weekend, but had deliberately waited until now to do anything about it. It was imperative that they were very alone. He wanted to hear exactly what Scorpius had to say without anyone around to hinder him. This night would be perfect.

The two weeks passed by in a slow blur. As the day drew nearer, his nerves grew larger and larger. And by that night, they were almost to the point of making him back out. He sat up awake in his bed, curling around the journal like a cat. His stomach was in knots and he couldn't keep his brain from racing.

In his mind, he knew that Scorpius wasn't going to want to talk about anything. Especially not so late after the fact. He would be angry and aggressive. Could Albus handle that?

"If he gets mean about it, all you have to do is stop talking. Just walk away. It can be simple. Really."

"What if my resolve breaks…?"

"Stay strong. You can do this, Albus. Just stay strong."

Albus held the whispered conversation solely with himself. He'd noticed in the past few weeks that he'd been talking to himself more and more often. The frequency of it was a bit startling, but it was a problem that went on the backburner for now. Just another thing to add to the list of why he was incapable of ever appearing sane. Besides…it was consoling to have someone to talk to, even if it wasn't another person.

Midnight hit alarmingly fast. Before he knew it, Albus' watch was beeping at him in the dark. It startled him into reluctant movement with a shaky sigh. He put on his cloak and slipped on his shoes, wearing casual Muggle clothing. In no way did he want to come off as trying to impress Scorpius. That was imperative. He wanted to look like he normally would on a normal day. Because that's all it was.

With that reassurance set into his brain, the Gryffindor shuffled off towards the Astronomy Tower. He had left his dormitory right at midnight so as to show up late. Another strategy to show the other that he really didn't care anymore. As he came out into the crisp night air, the brilliantly orange full moon shining high above him, he kept his eyes towards the floor. By no means did he want to end up making eye-contact with Scorpius before he was ready.

"It's a habit of yours to be late, isn't it?"

With a sigh through his nose, Albus made his way over to the sound of the voice. Scorpius had set up their cauldron of violently bubbling liquid in the same spot they'd been after his grandfather had died. He tried to forget the emotional attachment to it and leaned against the stone wall. "It is midnight, Malfoy. I fell asleep for a little bit. Get over it." Feeling satisfied with his snappy answer, he slid down the wall and settled upon the cold floor a good distance away from the other.

Snow was falling around tower, but something kept it from actually reaching the pair. There was like this impregnable bubble from the door to where they sat that stayed dry. It even felt a little warm for being late November.

Scorpius gave a derisive snort, but said nothing in return. A silence they had become accustomed to slipped between them. It was awkward as it always was, but it was becoming more and more comfortable. This could be fine – working like they had thought from the beginning. No kissing, no fucking, no sharing any romantic feelings whatsoever. Just remember how much they hated one another.

"Read me the instructions for tonight," Scorpius said quietly a few moments later. His voice was distant and cold. A very helpful spur for what Albus had planned to say tonight.

Biting his lip, Albus nodded and grabbed his journal. He flipped mechanically to the schedule page and slid his finger down until it hit November 27. "Step twenty-three," he said to himself before reaching for the instruction book where he had noticed it sitting before. Expecting to feel the hard cover, he jumped when his fingers met something warm and fleshy. Immediately he pulled back his hand and looked down at what he had touched.

Scorpius' hand was resting over the book as he stared into the cauldron. It was hard to tell whether he had left it there on purpose or absently. His face was so calm and devoid of any tell. "Ehm…. Can I have the book, please?" Albus asked quietly, sorely lacking the Gryffindor courage he was supposed to have.

Without a word, Scorpius closed his fingers around the spine of the book and held it up towards Albus. He didn't even so much as tilt his head towards him. A reflexive movement.

"Thanks," Albus whispered, taking it from him as quickly as possible. Careful not to let their fingers brush even the slightest amount. He went to the page with their directions for tonight and read meekly, "'When the full moon is at its peak, dust the surface of the cauldron's contents with finely crushed mermaid scale. Let sit for sixty minutes time. Stir counter-clockwise until the liquid begins to take on a slightly green hue. Let sit without movement for ninety minutes more.'"

Basically, the two boys were stuck together for at least two and a half hours tonight. By no means had Albus readied himself for that…. He set the book aside and finally completely looked up at Scorpius. Their eyes didn't quite meet, the silver ones kept slightly down to the left. Avoiding intimate contact. As he allowed himself to look the Slytherin over further, Al became aware of the bruises under his eyes and the way his clothes hung off of him in a slightly disheveled look. Like he hadn't been sleeping well. His hair wasn't pulled back in its usual low ponytail. It hung around his face, framing the sharp angles of his cheekbones from view.

Louis hadn't been lying about how this had affected him.

Albus cleared his throat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He tried to shift away, but ended up edging just a little closer to the other. The part of him that was a decent human being wanted to make sure he was alright. The part that loved him with every fiber of his being wanted to hold onto him and never let go. The part that hated him for being so unapproachable and such an all-over-the-place asshole screamed to just run and never look back.

"If you have something to say, just say it. Your fidgeting is bothersome," Scorpius hissed. He kept his eyes firmly trained upon the potion as he sprinkled shiny luminescent specks over the surface of their assignment.

It was now or never. No longer could Albus put off this conversation. He had the opportune moment to say whatever he needed to. The permission had been granted…. Slowly, he set both the book and the journal down so that he could have his hands free. Having them free, though, meant that he was able to wring them ceaselessly together.

"I, uh…." He wasn't exactly starting off strong. Though he couldn't bring himself to look, he was certain he was being glared at. "IjustwantedtoapologizeforHogsmeade…." The apology came out in a rush of tangled words. His nerves had gotten the best of him, even though he'd gone over this a million times in his head.

Scorpius raised a delicate eyebrow, pushing the hair shadowing the left side of his face back behind his ear. He looked down to the general direction of Albus' body and nodded very slowly. Like he was trying to process just what those words were supposed to mean to him. "Thank you for…apologizing?" he asked uncertainly.

What hadn't been clear about that? Albus' eyes narrowed and he pushed up off the wall. He knelt forward onto his hands and knees, crawling forward just a few steps and angling his head funny. From this position, he tried earnestly to meet the boy's eyes. To try and get him to actually look at him instead of boring holes into his occupied space. But the other just wasn't having it. He looked away completely now, staring off into the starry sky. "Goddammit, look at me!" Al nearly shouted, smacking the stone floor with the palm of his hand. Pain shot straight up to his elbow, but he paid it no mind for the moment.

"And why should I look at you, Potter? Why should I pay you any unnecessary or special attention? You've already shown to me what you do with that attention, and I was certainly less than impressed." Scorpius' words, as soft as they were, cut roughly through every inch of Albus. They were meant to by the hard look to his features.

At least he's not yelling, he told himself. You can do this. Just say what you have to say.

Nodding, Albus settled back against the wall. It didn't matter if he couldn't achieve eye-contact. He could get everything out as necessary without it. "Fine, don't. It doesn't matter either way. I just wanted to tell you that I really do feel bad for what I did. Louis talked to me, as I'm sure you're aware…. Sometimes I don't realize the way that I say things. Sometimes I'm not exactly sure how to act in social situations. Something happens in my head that muddles up what I really should say and twists it. I couldn't think of anything to console you or something to share in return, so I panicked. I suggested that out of stupidity and I'm fucking sorry..."

He really was sorry. He didn't like the way he acted sometimes. Didn't like the things he said and the things he did when he became nervous. He genuinely felt bad.

"So, what? You're apologizing so we can hookup tonight? Was that your intentions?" Again, Scorpius' words made Albus flinch. Was that how he came off?

"No! I don't know about you but I've been thinking... We can't handle this. Or maybe you can but I can't..." Albus sighed, shrugging his shoulders in defeat. As much as he wanted to keep this up, he knew that for the sake of his own health, he just couldn't. "So I'm going to call off the deal. You don't have to plan any more silly dates and...you can find someone else to sleep with..."

Dead silence followed Albus' solution. As much as this would hurt, he was giving up on trying to make this work. It was hurting too much, the pulling in all directions and the worry and the constant emotional turmoil. He couldn't do it. There was no way they could be in a normal, open to the public relationship. And he just wasn't the kind of person, apparently, who could be in that type of relationship, anyway. Maybe he wasn't yet mature enough. Or maybe he just wasn't stable. Whatever it was, it had to be on his end. The problem had to be with him. Scorpius was just too relaxed and collected for anything to be wrong with him….

The moon shifted a full hour before either of the boys spoke again. Albus was humiliated. He kept his mouth closed due to fretting inwardly over himself. All he wanted was to hear something about his decision. Good or bad. Disapproval or mockery. Something. Sitting here with nothing but his own thoughts was torture. They kept telling him he was dumb for giving up so easily. But then another side of his brain would come back and tell him to stick to his guns. He was conflicted, if he could call it that. It felt ten times worse….

Finally, just as he was grabbing the glass rod to stir their forming salve, Scorpius parted his lips. Albus had been watching for it, so his breath caught in anticipation once he noticed. Waiting eagerly to hear what he had to say. "Would you please do this step?" he asked quietly, his tone giving absolutely none of his feelings away.

Very slowly, Al bobbed his head up and down. He shifted back to his hands and knees, crawling upon the cold stone to the other side of the cauldron. "Sure," he whispered, reaching for the stir stick. "Let me know when to stop."

Stirring the potion was a rather hypnotic experience. It was calming, just watching the liquid turn round and round, controlled only by his movements. A small smile spread over his lips as he watched the color, making sure it was still purple.

"Stop."

At the command, Albus' wristed halted all movement. The surface of the potion was just beginning to take on an aquatic green hue. A stunning color that he'd never realized he quite enjoyed. Very gently, he pulled the glass tube from the potion, careful not to move the contents even the slightest. He wasn't sure how imperative it was to keep everything still, but he didn't want to find out the repercussions if he messed up.

"Ninety minutes of stillness, yes?" Scorpius asked, taking the rod back and setting it aside.

Albus answered with a nod and settled back against the wall. To wait again, in uncomfortable silence. A desperate part of him wished he had brought something to read while waiting.

A delightful surprise arose, however, not but a few moments later. Though his words were quiet, Scorpius did speak again. And finally there was a glimpse awarded to the Slytherin's inner thoughts. "Louis keeps telling me I have feelings for you," he said on a soft chuckle, examining his nails, giving off the impression of a composed demeanor. "Apparently I moan your name in my sleep. I'm fairly sure he's lying about that one."

"And what am I supposed to think about that?" Albus asked, speechless. Knowing that the boy thought about him as he slept didn't help his situation. It made getting over him that much harder. And the fact that he was openly admitting that…. It might have been too much to handle.

An amused smirk on his lips, Scorpius finally looked up at Albus. Their eyes met for the first time all night and it felt like Al's heart was going to beat straight out of his chest. Why did he have such an effect on him?! It was just a normal look! But for some reason those liquid silver eyes felt like they were boring into his soul. "You can think whatever you want about it. As long as it's in the privacy of your own head…." The Slytherin boy shifted his position just slightly, raising his hand like he was going to run it through his hair. Instead, he changed direction and coursed it through Al's messy locks, catching his breath halfway into his lungs. "Since you're so keen to end this…thing between us…. Guess I'll just have to imagine what you're going to do with that later…."

The thought of pleasuring himself to thoughts of Scorpius groaning out his name in the middle of the night sounded bloody brilliant. Albus' lips fell apart in a sort of silent gasp, those fingers grazing over his scalp sending sinful shivers down his spine. He was helpless against this man. "You wish," he hissed, his cheeks lighting up pink from the embarrassment of still desiring this boy. He was fairly sure he wasn't great at hiding it, either.

"The only reason you're here right now…," Scorpius said under his breath, coming even closer so that he was practically sitting in between Al's legs. His lips were mere inches from the Gryffindor's face, spreading his sweet-smelling, hot breathe right into Al's nose. "The only reason you're still sitting here is because…you're unsure on your decision. You're hoping you'll change your mind…. And you're hoping I'll help you with that. Correct?"

Helpless, Albus nodded in affirmation. He couldn't deny that, it was why he was still sitting here. It was why he was allowing this boy to be so close. The warring sides in his head were screaming at one another, deafening him to any sign of reason. Vision swimming, he leaned in closer. His lips aimed to close the distance between them. He even slicked them for good measure.

But just as he'd closed his eyes, feeling like he was nearly there, he was met with only empty air. Albus gasped softly, lashes fluttering open in surprise. Scorpius sat back in his place, looking as if he'd never even moved. His expression was passive once again and he was staring down at the pages of the instruction book. Had he even moved? Or had Al just imagined all of this to have happened…? He swallowed a tear-filled lump in his throat, drawing his knees up to his chest.

He swore he could still feel that warm air upon his lips.

"I-I think I'm gonna…turn in for the night. You can handle it from here, yeah?" Albus didn't even look to see if Scorpius nodded. He couldn't stand to get a single glimpse of him anymore. This was too painful. "Sorry that I'm not much help…but I just have to go." He sighed heavily, heaving himself up off the ground and shuffling towards the exit. "Goodnight, Malfoy…."

"Pleasant dreams, Albus."

Holding back a yearning sigh, Albus rushed out of the Astronomy Tower. He kept his teary eyes down on the Marauder's Map, trying not to focus on something that wasn't his thoughts. Something that could keep him sane until he was back in his bed. Something that wasn't how badly he wanted to do just as Scorpius had expected he would tonight.

But he missed him so much. He couldn't deny that he was in love and desired that boy more than he desired to breathe air. And if he could only wank to that thought alone for the rest of his life, he felt like he could be satisfied in it.