"You're her substitute boyfriend!"

Justin & Alex stared at their parents in shock, "What?!"

The two exchanged looks. Well, both couples exchanged looks, but Jerry spoke up first, "C'mon... there's no way-"

"Alex is my sister!"

More looks exchanged. Theresa spoke up, "Look, there is just no way that you two aren't humping like monkeys, okay? We just wanted you to know that we love you anyways!"

She leaned forward and pinched their cheeks.

Alex huffed, "Mom, I'm with Mason!"

"And I'm with Juliet!"

The parents let out a snort, "Yeah, dog boy and dead girl. C'mon... this is us you're talking to! You're always pulling each other aside..." Theresa grabbed Jerry's hand, "Always whipering secrets!" Her eyebrows bobbed, "And always emotional!"

"We hate one another!"

It was then that the door opened. Harper lead in everyone they had ever met; Dean Moriarty, Mr. Laritate, TJ, Rosie, Felix, Professor Crumbs, Nelvis, Riley, and Tina. Juliet and Mason were last. Even Gigi made an appearance.

They all had the same knowing look on their faces. Dean spoke up, "C'mon, Russo, you tellin' me ol' J-man never checked under yer hood?" His eyesbrows wagged. She huffed disgusted.

The entire hoard nodded in agreement, "I knew all along," Professed Laritate.

Harper sat next to Alex, "I know this must be rough for you, but... You've got to admit, they've got a point!"

Alex sighed, "We hate each other!"

"Mmmhhmm-hmmm, keep telling yourself that sweetie," Harper patted her friend's hand, as if a child's.

Max walked in, "Alright, now I can finally get to meet all the people I've known all my life in one place!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"No sweetie, we're here about 'Jalex.' Understand?"

"Did they come out yet?"

Justin popped up, "That's it! No more! Look, me and Alex are siblings okay?" He put a protective arm around her. The entire crowd went; "hmmm-hmmm."

They leapt apart as if on fire. Alex spoke up, "This is ridiculous! everyone out! I have never, I repeat, never felt that way about Justin!"

Everyone gasped. Rosie leapt forward, "No... you're breaking his heart!"

There was absolute silence. Justin and Alex exchanged weary looks, "There's no way any of you will believe we aren't meant for each other, is there?"

The crowd voiced a 'no'.

"Fine," He pecked Alex' cheek, took her hand, and stated in monotone, "We are going upstairs to make love. Go away!"

The crowd started to disperse, with the exception of Alex's exes.

Dean winked suggestively, "Riiiiight... Justin's the shy one, but Alex doesn't mind showing off...!"
"OUT!" Alex shoved them brutally towards the door.

The two sighed, banishing everyone. Harper was the last to go, endlessly pointing out how the two of them were always looking at each other, "It is so Jalex! You two are meant to be!"

Finally, they were alone. Justin and Alex. Alex and Justin. She slipped off her shirt, hot from the exertion. Justin rolled his eyes at her lack of modesty, but slipped his off too.

They comisserated at the table, complaining about how everyone was so stupid.

"And how are we supposed to even date? It's not like we can just go out and get along for more than two minutes!"

Justin nodded, adding, "you're a terrible date!"
She laughed, "I really am!"

He laughed, and draped his arm around her, "I can just see it now," He make his voice sickeningly sweet, "Oh, Alex, baby, I love you so much, but we just can't be around each other anymore!"

Alex, playing along, pouted, "Oh, but Justin, I want you so bad? Don't you know that's why I taunt you and tease you?"

She crawled into his lap, "Take me now! I've saved myself for you!"

Justin burst out laughing and pushed her off. He was still laughing after opening the fridge, getting out their movie snacks, and putting the popcorn in the microwave.

It ended when he saw her face, "What?! We were just messing around!"

Alex swallowed a single tear, "I've not... you know..." She blushed.

Justin gaped, "But- you- Dean! Riley! Mason!"

Alex looked down, "They weren't the right guys."
Justin nodded understanding. He took the popcorn out and got her a glass of coke with a splash of lemon, light ice. Her favorite.

She accepted it willingly, "Do you still want to play along?"

They both smiled devillishly and zipped to the door.

"Oh! Justin! I love that!"
"Alex... we can't, this is so wrong!"

"But it feels so right! Ah!" Panting heavily, she took off her tank top, "Oh, Justin, more!"

Justin turned red. A snort escaped him when Alex started screaming incoherantly. He took off his shirt too. It was getting uncomfortable.

Sounds from the hallway were discouraging. Apparently people had placed bets; Dean that she was a screamer, Jerry that Alex would have to convince Justin.

Alex rolled her eyes, and accepted the refreshments when Justin returned. She grunted rhythmically until she got bored with it. Crumbs won the endurence bet.

"YOUOYYYAAAAAAAAAAA!" Zeke walked in on them, "I knew it!" He covered his eyes, "Oh, Justin... I'm sorry man."

Justin through his hands up in frustration. There was no coming back from this. Zeke, hand over his eyes, went back into Justin's room. Alex laughed and snuggled up against her brother.

"Justin..." Her eyes went all vulnerable on him. She could do that so fast! "I think I lost my boyfriend tonight."

They put their arms around each other, "Yeah, well I didn't lose my girlfriend. If Juliet thinks that you and I are together, I wouldn't want her in the first place."

Alex laughed. The four were supposed to go watch a wizard movie tonight as a double date. It was only logical their parents would have an intervention before something horrible happened, but this... this was too much. Alex and Justin wanted to watch a movie with their significant other.

The 'couple' cuddled in for the movie they were watching. Alex was supposed to be holding Mason's hand, and Justin was supposed to be petting Juliet's hair, but this is what they had.

Justin excused himself to talk with Zeke.

"Zeke... would you chill? That's my sister! It's gross!"

The nerd's eyes were racing. He saw Alex and Justin without a shirt. It was a bit too much. Finally, he came back to his senses, "No... it's not enough. You are her boyfriend. Really, you are!"

Justin rolled his eyes and sighed, "What are you talking about?"

Zeke huffed, "I'm talking about the scientific meathod!"

Justin crossed his arms, but made a motion for his friend to continue.

"You are her friend, and a boy!"

Justin rolled his eyes, "I don't kiss her!"

"And I didn't kiss Harper for forever! So what?!"
Justin rolled his eyes, "If this is one of those, 'you guys fight then mysterious hang all over each other' things, I don't believe it! Really?"

Zeke lost his train of thought. Years of watching them sneak off, speak their doubletalk, and hug like lovers was not enough for a principled man, "Fine... it's not sexual then."

"Thank you!"
"It's much worse."

Justin sat, "What do you mean?"

Zeke explained, "Who in Alex's life is really her boyfriend? Who is there for her, no matter what? Who does she use as a standard to compare the men in her life to? It's not her father, it's you. From the time she was young, she has relied on you the same way a woman does her lover. You were her protector, her most ardent supporter. You pick her up when she's fallen, and give her someone to aspire to. No one else does that."

Justin remembered posing as Max's parents, how natural it had been to fall into that role.

"Maybe you two don't kiss, but who are either of you closer to? You may not get along, but no one is closer to you than Alex. She knows more about you than I do, and I'm your best friend. Wizard."

Justin laughed. Zeke was right; even without the kissing, Alex had always been his girl. And he was always her boy.

Really?

Really.

Alex called from the other room, "Justiiiin... I'm bored...!"

Justin smiled and returned to his girlfriend. She huffed before pulling up beside him, "Took you long enough. Did you get it all straight?"

Justin smiled, "Yeah..."

She pecked him on the cheek, thanking him for defending her. He didn't think about it, just settled into the role fate handed him.

A.N. This is my personal theory; Justin is her substitute boyfriend. Whenever her boyfriend lets her down, Justin is there. In a way, they are surrogates for one another, a safe partner who can't leave them. It's just my way of looking at the show knowing that they will never kiss! :(