Chapter Fourteen: These Small Hours

A few days had passed and Meredith was looking like she, physically, was going to be okay. The emotional trauma she had sustained however was another story. Today she and Derek were going to meet with a couple different physiatrists and then Meredith would pick the one she felt most comfortable with. She had already decided she wanted a female doctor because she would be more comfortable that way and Derek understood her reasoning and found 10 of the top shrinks in the country to come out and meet her. They were at home getting ready in the morning before heading over to the hospital. Derek stood leaning in the doorway watching her brush her hair and give her last looks in the mirror. When she glanced into the mirror all she saw was a shadow and at first did not recognize it as Derek's so she jumped and turned around.

"God Derek you scared me" her pulse had sped up and she was breathing heavily and this did not go unnoticed by Derek.

"Mer are you alright?"

"I'm fine now I just saw your shadow and I didn't connect it to you at first and all I could see was the shadow of a man and I am alone and I got scared" God I can be such an idiot sometimes he thought. "Look Mer I am so incredibly sorry I wasn't thinking and I promise you that I will not do it again" He took her in his arms and held her body close to his. She held onto him as though she was slipping away, like she never wanted to let go because honestly; she didn't.

Soon enough they had made it to the hospital and were heading up to Derek's office to meet with the first shrink. While they were sitting down waiting Meredith was very fidgety and she was wringing her hands he simply reached over and put his hand over hers. "Meredith calm down"

"I know, I am sorry I shouldn't be so worried"

"Meredith just stay calm, everything…." he stopped himself before he said it, "It will be fine"

She nodded her head as the first doctor walked through the door.

"Hi I am Dr. McGee you must be Derek and Meredith" the woman said reaching her hand out to shake theirs

"Thank you for meeting us Dr. McGee" Derek said smiling

"Well it is my pleasure, Meredith what you are going through is not easy. I work with many rape victims a year and I just wanted to say that I follow my patient's plans. I do everything at your speed"

God Meredith already hated this woman. She had that oh poor you look on her face and sympathy is not what she was looking for. So Meredith didn't pay much attention at all to much of the interview only the part where the doctor walked out the door.

"She seemed nice Mer"

"No! Definitely not!"

"What is wrong with her?"

"She was looking at me like a wounded puppy, I don't want a shrink who thinks I need sympathy I need someone who will help me!"

Derek sighed; this was going to be harder than he thought, "Let's just have the next doctor come in then"

000

Three candidates later and Meredith was still not liking any of the shrinks. Then a woman named Dr. Garret came in.

"Hi there! You must be Derek and Meredith, oh I have heard wonders about you as a couple. You look beautiful together"

Meredith was already rolling her eyes.

"And Meredith I want to flat out say what happened to you is terrible. Rape patients always have the hardest recovery plan but I am dedicated to my patients. I want to help you get all those dark and scared thoughts out of your head and fill it with bright and happy thoughts."

"Oh God, NEXT!"

"Meredith! That was just a little rude" Derek said resting his hand on hers.

"I am sorry Dr. Garret, you seem to be like a wonderful doctor but you are just too cheerful, and you are not what I am looking for in a surgeon."

The woman just slowly excused herself from the interview.

000

The tenth shrink came in and Meredith had a good feeling from the second she walked through the door. Dr. Susan Kent. She was very straightforward and loving, without being overwhelming, and she promised Meredith she was going to follow a personal plan written up by Meredith. They were going to do this her way. When the interview was over Meredith told her that she had the job and she was so glad she had found a shrink because she wanted to get better, she needed to get better; for her sake and for Derek's.

000

When they returned home that night they were laying in bed cuddling up as close as possible. Meredith clinged to his shirt for dear life, but he didn't care; he would do anything to make her happy right now. She had her head resting on his chest and she looked up at him to see if he was sleeping but his eyes were wide open. She planted a soft and gentle kiss on his lips.

"Thank you for being so supportive today Der, I appreciate it"

"Anything for you baby"

He initiated another kiss, deeper than the first one their tongues exploring each other's mouths. Meredith's hands moved down Derek's body and over his pants, she felt how hard he was as she took of his pants. She straddled him and removed his shirt. He removed hers and unhooked her bra, throwing them both aside then he took her breasts in his hands, pushing her over so he was on top. When he worked his way down to her pants and got them off, he slowly began to finger her when she had another flashback. She was thrown onto the cold hard cement as he ripped her clothes aggressively fingering her. She was crying and screaming for help but no one could hear her. Although when she opened her eyes she saw Derek she started to cry and begged him to stop. He instantly got off of her and held her.

"Shhh Mer, it's okay. It's me, it's Derek. I am here and I love you. I am not going to hurt you"

When she calmed down she rolled over to face him, "I am so sorry Derek I just can't. I am not ready"

"I know, Addison told me that rape patients always have a hard time ever having sex again"

"But my issues shouldn't affect you Derek. You want this; and I haven't been able to give you anything since the accident."

"Meredith I can wait, I will wait."

"But look at you" She looked down at his very erect penis "What are you going to do?"

"Cold shower, in the morning, right now however, I just want to hold the love of my life until she falls asleep"

"Thank you Derek I love you"

"I love you too Meri"

Our lives are made, in these small hours

These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate

Time falls awake, but these small hours

These small hours, still remain