Chapter Fourteen - Homecoming VI

Mass was beautiful. The church was full and hushed, so many people working together to be quiet and come to the same understanding. It filled Castiel with a feeling of wholeness, of serenity that was almost... magical. He was thankful, that Dean was such a pig-headed wonder of a person. Endlessly surprising and yet blissfully familiar. His eyes felt hot with gladness and with thanks, because Dean was right - it would have felt so wrong to be without this.

He looked to his left, his family all lined up shoulder to shoulder, all looking the same. Quiet, thoughtful, reflective. Humbled. Even the ever-wisecracking Gabriel.

He sat in the pew, listening to the Monseigneur talk about that night so long ago, the manger and the people that opted not to show them kindness, and he thought about what it must have felt like, to have nowhere to go. He knows there are a lot of boys like himself, who have felt that way. Because their parents didn't approve. Or their community shunned them. He looks over at his father and mother, and he sees him take her hand. They don't look at each other, they don't have to. It's thirty years worth of second nature. God... he thinks, to have that. He swallows the lump in his throat because he knows, that he doesn't have to feel like those other boys do, or like Joseph and Mary did. Because he's so infinitely lucky. Blessed, you might say. Because his parents love him, and they would never throw him out. He's never gonna have to know, first hand, the pain that Dean has known, of having no one to turn to.

All in all, Midnight Mass does for Cas what it always has done - it humbles him, and fills him with love.

The night is still and crisp, boots crunching across the hardened dusting of snow as the family returns home. They speak in hushed tones as they bustle into the house, as if they're still in the church.

They're on to the next part of the tradition - post-mass gathering at the kitchen table with cider or tea or whichever. His mother ushers his brothers away into the kitchen before they start swatting each other with their gloves. Castiel's father lays a warm hand on his shoulder and says quietly, "Why don't you see if Dean's awake."

Cas smiles at him and nods. Just as his father is turning away, he can't help but pull him in for a hug. "Thanks," he mutters into the collar of his father's coat.

His father pats his back and then smiles at him, before clearing his throat awkwardly and heading to the kitchen. And Castiel feels better, about everything, than he has since he first came out three years ago. It's like a weight he hadn't known was strapped to him completely dissolves. And the only thing he can think in that moment, is that he never would have realized, so acutely, how utterly lucky he is, if Dean hadn't been here to show him.

When Castiel creeps into his own bedroom and sees Dean sprawled on his bed, face down, completely asleep in his regular clothes, he can't help but smile. The bed dips as he sits beside him. He brushes his fingers softly through his hair. He feels warm, and he looks, though amusing in his childlike sprawl, utterly beautiful.

Dean feels the bed dip, and he feels a hand smooth through his hair. For a minute his sleepy brain is called back to an earlier time, a safer time, with his mother. But then he smells that ancient, spicy smoke and he knows it is Cas. He makes a small sound in lieu of actually saying Hello.

Castiel leans down and kisses his temple.

Dean sleepily rolls to his side so he can face him. Cas keeps carding his fingers through his hair, letting them scratch lightly over his scalp. Dean leans into it ever so slightly, making a sleepy, happy sound. "How was church?"

"It was a religious experience."

Completely deadpan.

Dean chuckles and even with what little light in streaming in from the hallway, he can see Cas crack a smile in the dark.

"Thank you," Castiel whispers. He leans forward and presses his lips to Dean's, kissing him slow, and soft.

"Anytime," Dean smirks up at him.

"Would you like cider? We're warming some up in the kitchen. Samandriel's having hot chocolate. I think Gabriel's having both," Cas adds with a look of disgust.

Dean snorts a laugh at that. "Sure."

When he's properly upright, clothing pulled back into place, he and Cas go down to the kitchen where the family is bustling around the table, Cas' mom reprimanding Gabriel for instigating a marshmallow fight with Samandriel who is laughing as he pelts his older brother good with a marshmallow to the chest. Cas' mom meets Dean's eyes, she rolls her own at her boys, shaking her head, but Dean can see she's smiling. He and Cas join them at the table.

"Mornin' sunshine!" Gabriel greets loudly, chucking one last marshmallow at Dean, who catches it as it bounces off his chest then promptly pops it into his mouth.

It wasn't a forced interaction. It felt honest and easy, and Dean was comfortable with them as the sat there, sleepily chatting and drinking their cider.

By the time they got to bed, both he and Cas were utterly exhausted. They barely got under the covers before their breath slowed and their muscles went warm and heavy, and they fell asleep side by side.

The rest of their trip passed in peace - aside from the occasional brotherly attack between either of the two and Gabriel, whose greatest skill, it seems, is instigation.

As they pulled away from Castiel's house in the Impala, heat blowing full blast for Dean's benefit despite the flush on Cas' cheeks, Dean couldn't help but grin and feel pretty damn pleased. A job well done. An effective family visit. He feels good about it.

"I've been a real ass on this trip," Cas says fifteen minutes into the drive. "You've caught the brunt of all my angst and insecurity," he adds with a self-depricating smile.

"Nah, you were alright," Dean tells him.

"Dean," Cas starts, and Dean recognizes the be serious please tone. "Thanks."

Dean nods. "Thank you," he says lightly, trying not to let too much of his heartfelt sincerity show. "It's been awhile since I got to have family dinners and awkward talks with mom and dad." He tries to chuckle like it's a joke, but one glance at Cas tells him the other boy knows exactly how serious he is. So he figures, why not? "Love you, Cas."

He doesn't have to look at Castiel to feel his eyes on him. But he does have to wait several gut-wrenching seconds before he hears the boy's reply, scratchy and a little more high-pitched than usual - "I love you too."

They barely make it thirty miles after that, before they're pulled off on the side of a rural road, steaming up the Impala's windows with the over-excitement of anticipation for touching that's been held off for the extent of one very long week.

The End.

Ok. One storyline wrapped up. I liked writing it, so it works for me. :)