A/N hey, i literally have no restraint when it comes to chapters. i wanted to post this so i could reply to all those reviews that you guys left. Okay so wow y'all are really catching onto to the way im writing this story, like the personalities and the actions of the characters you guys are really looking into. I just want to start off and say i will NOT introduce a love interest for Santana because even I couldnt handle writing that. Reading my own story makes me mad because i just want them to get together already. Anyway to the people who said Santana and Puck were harsh in the last chapter and only focused on Bartie and an excuse for why she got denied. YOU GUYS TOTALLY PICKED UP ON THAT, i wrote it from her view and i tried to put myself in her position because when u get hurt u tend to focus on the biggest thing, and to her the whole Bartie this is what hurts most, you get me? She's not looking from Brittany's view because she doesn't understand fully yet and she doesn't want to talk because it hurts her too much. Everything you guys put in the review is basically what i included in the chapters i wrote beforehand so that's awesome you guys want to see the same things i wrote. The whole Santana denying Brittany at first will come up in this amazing talk i have planned out but don't worry guys. BRITTANA IS END GAME. Also to the person who said Santana singing a song at a bar was childish of her. Well this is a glee fanfic, and glee sings songs based on their life problems at the moment. So i wanted to incorporate that aspect of glee in here. Oh and i'm also sorry this is so sad and angsty but it'll get better i promise. Also if you leave a review can you tell me if you're liking the story or not because i love how you guys put thoughtful insights on the story but i kind of got mixed signals about whether or not you liked it. THANks!
TLDR; Santana and Brittany will have a talk later on about everything.
Santana and Puck are harsh in the last chapter, and in this one sort of, because they aren't seeing the full story, just the Bartie bit.
i'm NOT introducing a new lover for Santana
Brittany is NOT a villian in this story, just confused about what she should do
This is a glee fanfic so songs will be included, because i always find songs that suit what i'm writing. ESpecially in this chapter lol
The weekend ended and school rolled around again. It was no different than it was the week before, Santana still refused to acknowledge Brittany inside or outside of school. Brittany would wait at their lockers just so she could be close to her former friend for even a fraction of a second.
Weeks passed and every single person knew about the fall out between the two girls, the glee club was especially concerned.
"What is going on with those girls? Seriously, Santana's acting like she's never seen Britt before and seeing Britt sad physically hurts me, right in the heart," Kurt said to Mercedes as they sat in the middle row of the choir room, waiting for glee to start. She nodded and frowned.
"I know right?! They must have had some big ass beef because I can't imagine anything tearing those two apart. They're practically joined at the hip." Kurt nodded in agreement.
"Santana has been extra bitter lately, have you seen her during practices? When Rachel came wearing this sweater, she slashed her and made her take it off. She, and I quote, said "that sweater is seriously the ugliest thing I've ever seen. The amount of times switch from okay looking sweaters to downright illegal ones gives me whiplash. Kind of like your off and on relationship with Puffers. Take it off before it bursts into flames on its own accord." Mercedes laughed, and Kurt slapped her on the shoulder.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry. But you got to admit, that was a good one," Kurt rolled his eyes, "and I have to agree with you, she's usually mean but lately she's been hella mean. I guess Brittany always brought out the best in her." Just as she finished that sentence, Santana strolled through the door.
"What up bitches," she said to no one in particular, not looking at any of them before taking a seat next to Mercedes. They greeted her but she made no motion to pick up conversation, pulling out what looked like a schedule and scribbling things into it. Mercedes looked at Kurt, who just shrugged. Then she got an idea.
"Hey girl, did you hear about the party Rachel is having this Saturday?" Santana looked up from her cheerios schedule and rolled her eyes.
"Berry is throwing a party?" Santana scoffed and narrowed her eyes," a three year olds birthday party at Breadstix would be more eventful than that." Mercedes stifled a laugh.
"Yeah, true that. But I heard Puckerman convinced her to have liquor, and he's supplying. All the glee kids are invited, so you should come," Mercedes said convincingly.
"I guess I'll go, are all the glee kids coming?" Santana asked sounding uninterested, focusing writing down her routines again.
"Yeah, most people are like Puck, Finn, Sam, Quinn, Bri-"Mercedes cut herself off and froze when she saw Santana stop writing and grip her pen. Kurt saw as well and cut in.
"Just everyone in general, you shouldn't miss it," he said trying to clear up the awkwardness. Santana only stared down at her schedule before looking up again, her eyes told no story and her face gave no emotion. She blinked a few times and shrugged.
"I'll see." Santana said, ending the conversation. She went back to writing while Mercedes and Kurt gossiped. She felt the presence of more people coming into the choir room, but she paid no attention to her surroundings. Until she heard Mercedes and Kurt go quiet, as well as the rest of the room. She frowned and started to look up when her nose picked up a familiar scent. The smell she had grown accustomed too, but the smell that still lingered on her sheets and most of her clothing. Brittany. Oh god.
"Hey San," the blonde softly, in a voice so sweet it could make cotton candy look like a sour treat. Santana gripped her pen tightly and made no move to look up. The room was silent before Kurt realised Santana wasn't going to give any reply, so he stepped in.
"Hey Britt!" he said overly cheerfully. Brittany only gave him a sad thank you smile before looking at Santana again, who was finding the top corner of her note book to be very interesting. She let out a deep breath when she felt Brittany go past her and sit in her usual seat near Artie. She felt two blue eyes lingering on her though, and she forced herself not to look. It was getting easier, not being around the blonde. But that didn't mean she didn't miss everything there was about Brittany. You can't just shut someone you love out completely and expect to not feel anything.
The choir roomed filled with more people, and Quinn walked in. Her eyes instantly found Santana, and she walked up to her.
"Hey Santana," Quinn said. Brittany's ears perked up and she looked over at Santana, who stopped writing and looked up.
"Hey Quinn," Santana said coolly. Mercedes looked at Kurt and mouthed ouch, Kurt nodded and his eyes flittered to Brittany. The blonde felt her stomach drop, she didn't even acknowledge me. Quinn could feel blue eyes watching them intently, "you need something?"
"Oh, no no, I don't. I just wanted to apologise for what I said, I didn't mean to blow up like that," Santana nodded, her face void of any emotion. It was concerning how well she seemed to wipe her emotions off of her face, "I'm sorry, and Puck was right. You deserve head spot. Congrats San," The Latina's mouth twitched upwards and she gave a timid smile.
"Thanks," she said, nodding once before turning her attention back to her schedule. Quinn looked over at Brittany, who watched them with sad eyes; she smiled at her sympathetically before going to sit in the back seats near Sam.
Mr Schue strolled in and greeted the club. They mumbled their hello's back and the lesson began. Santana blocked out most of what he said, a lot of it was useless. It was even worse when Rachel got up and started talking, Santana completely zoned out until she felt everyone's eyes on her. She looked around before scowling.
"What are you all staring at?" She hissed, raising one eyebrow. Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Were you not listening Santana? It's crucial you don't miss any important details about this." Rachel berated. Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes, she reached up to tighten her pony tail.
"Watching paint dry is more entertaining than your three hour speeches about you" Santana said, "or Finn." Rachel huffed when she heard Quinn laugh loudly, and people holding back laughs.
"I asked you a question before, if you were listening, you would have caught it," she glared at Santana, who looked at her blankly. "As I was saying, I am having a party on Saturday and-." Santana droned the rest out.
"Okay, Rachel. Thank you for that, uh announcement." Mr Schue said, clapping his hand and cutting her off when he realised the Latina wasn't listening again. "So, I know you're all egar to find out what our lesson is about. This week's assignment is… Heartbreak!" Santana looked up from her fingernails. Oh you got to be kidding me? Is the universe out to get me? The entire glee club groaned.
"Hey! Come on guys, we need to get in touch with our inner pain. All aspects of singing are great ones, and emotional pain is one. So this week, I want you to find a song that represents a pain you might have felt, related to love." Santana felt her heart clench. The room was getting hotter and she could feel Brittany and Quinn's eyes on her. There was absolutely no way she was going to sing about heartbreak, so everyone could see a weakness in her. A vulnerability.
She had to get out, but she needed an excuse. Cheerios! She didn't have practice today, because she had spent hours yesterday whipping the team into shape, but the glee club didn't know that. She got up and dusted off her skirt.
"Uh Santana, where are you going? Glee isn't over yet." Santana picked her books up and ignored the stares, only looking straight at Mr Schue.
"It's over for me; you already told us our assignment. I have practice in 10, and as much as I would rather sit and listen to Berry here," she gestured behind her to where Rachel sat with her mouth open, "talk about her endless heartache she suffered from getting egged by St. James, I have to go set up." Santana picked her bag up and strolled out the room, not waiting for a reply. Puck frowned and got up, ignoring Mr Schue calling him as he went out the door to follow Santana. Brittany clenched her jaw. I should be the one following her. Artie noticed his girlfriend's tense look.
"Everything okay baby?" He asked sweetly, Brittany looked at him and gave him a tight lipped smile. "Is it Santana again?" Brittany nodded glumly. She had told him that she and the Latina had gotten into a big fight, but what about she left a secret. He never questioned it though, and she was thankful he didn't.
"It's okay Britt, she'll come around. How about we get some ice cream after school? That always cheers you up, right babe?" He cooed. Brittany gave him a soft smile, he's so sweet. She couldn't help but remember how Santana would always take her to get ice cream, without her even asking to. Somehow the brunette just knew.
"San, wait up!" Puck jogged up and grabbed her arm. Santana scowled and ripped her arm from his grip, seething at him. He held up his hands in defence, "woah hey calm down, I just wanted to see if you're okay. I know you don't have cheerios right now. I would know, I watch all the time." He waggled his eyebrow and grinned when he saw Santana deflate and fight a smile off her lips.
"You're gross," she said, shaking her head. They walked side by side down the hall. "I'm fine, just pissed about Mr Schue and his stupid assignment. It's like he wants me to break down in front of everyone. Can he smell the sadness off of me?" Puck grimaced when he remembered Santana sobbing halfway through her performance at the bar.
"Yeah, it was pretty shit timing. But don't worry about it, if you're really concerned, I can help you," she turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
"You'd do that for me?" She asked quietly. Puck nodded seriously.
"Of course, you're my lesbro," Santana hit him in the shoulder," ouch, sorry, too soon?" He asked sheepishly
"You think?" She said, but smiled anyway.
"Anyway, I can totally help you sing if you want, he didn't say anything about other people not being able to help out. I can play guitar and you can sing. And that way if you start crying, I can get to you quicker." Santana stopped walking and faced him. Her mouth was curling up into a smile. Before her mind could tell her to stop, she reached out and pulled him into a hug, which he reciprocated.
"Thank you, Puck." He shrugged. They pulled away from each other and continued walking.
"So, you know what you want to sing?" Santana thought for a moment before getting an idea.
"Yeah I do, but you won't know the song, come over to mine afterschool and I'll show you it. Bring your guitar." He nodded and walked her to her car, unaware of the confused and suspicious hazel eyes watching them for the end of the hallway.
Santana walked up to her room and sighed. Every moment she had alone she was reminded how really alone she was. There was no bubbly blonde pulling her by the hand towards her bed. No happy feeling graced her as she walked into the cold room. Her exhaustion kicked in when she got home. In between running the cheerleading squad and everything else in her life, she barely had a moment to gather her thoughts. And when she did, they were all the same subject, all on repeat. She'd close her eyes and all she'd see was blue ones sparkling back at her. She'd pull on a jumper and immediately rip it off because it smelt like Brittany.
She walked to her desk and picked up her song writing book, more pages were filled with lyrics she'd written. So far she'd written one complete song, Mirrors. Her heart clenched as she re read the lyrics. She wished she could go back to the person she was when she wrote this song. But she couldn't, she was different now. She picked up her pen and flipped the pages to a nearly completed song. She traced over the words, taking in every lyric and tear drop that stained the page. She sighed and shook her mind clear, trying to think of lyrics.
She had finished memorising the full song when she heard a knock on her front door. She was confused for a minute before she remembered she had invited Puck over to help her with the assignment. I can't believe I'm actually going to do this. She walked downstairs and opened the door to reveal a grinning Puck. He gave her a lopsided smile and winked at her.
"Hey there sexy lady," he said brushing his way past her into the house, his guitar strapped to his back. She stepped aside from him and playfully glared.
"Now, what would your girl say if she found out you were hitting on me?" Puck looked back at her with confused eyes.
"Oh, I thought you knew. Lauren and I broke up," he shrugged. Santana's eyes went wide, she hadn't heard about that. Maybe since she never listened in glee.
"Wow, I uh, I'm sorry to hear that," Puck laughed.
"Don't worry about it, didn't hurt that much. Besides, I'm better as a lone wolf." He bragged, "But she'll always be the one who got away… Really slowly." Santana laughed and walked up the stairs, Puck following. He walked into her room and sat down casually on her bed, pulling his guitar around in playing position.
"So, what's this song I have to learn?" He asked. Santana suddenly felt self-conscious.
"Well, uh, the song doesn't really have a tune yet." She said sheepishly, "I wrote it but I haven't really found the beats and stuff," Puck widened his eyes.
"You write songs?" He asked, impressed. Santana nodded, her eyes trained on the floor," that's freaking awesome. Can I see it?" She smiled at his enthusiasm; he was clearly trying to make her as comfortable as he could. She was thankful for that and for him in general. Losing Brittany and Quinn all at once was pretty hard on her, even though she was pushing them away. She walked over to her desk and picked up her song writing book, this was the first time she was ever going to show someone it, and she was glad it was Puck. He took the book carefully, like he was holding a baby. He read over the lyrics and nodded, like he was figuring out the tune in his head. He finished and let out a breath.
"Whoa, that's some emotional stuff. Did you write this for…?" Puck said, not wanting to upset the Latina further. Santana focused on the book and nodded.
"Yeah, I did," She said, looking back up at him. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Puck started strumming his guitar. He sang a few of the lyrics before frowning and changing to strumming. Santana joined in, singing as well while he tried to work out what sounded best. They spent the next hours experimenting with the tune and the melody. Soon enough it was almost mid night and they had finished.
"…no way we can be friends" Santana sung the final words, and Puck played the ending note. They looked back up at each other and Santana smiled widely. "That was awesome Puck! Thank you so much, really." He smiled at her and then yawned.
"It's all good San. That song sounded awesome. I should really head home though," he got up to walk out the door, she followed him. He turned around and hugged her," listen, I know you're hurting and all, but you can't mend a broken heart by breaking other peoples too. She's hurt as well, just because you can't have her in your life like you want to, doesn't mean she shouldn't be in your life at all. That's all I'm saying." He pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead before giving her a tight lipped smile and walking out the door. Santana stood rooted to her spot, mulling over his words. She knew he was right, she knew that she was killing Brittany by ignoring her existence. But fuck, she was so hurt, and she didn't know what to do about it. Her pride was stronger than anything else; it told her she couldn't let anyone in if she never wanted to be hurt again.
Santana took a shaky breath and got ready for bed. She walked out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth and removing her make up. She took in the way her eyes were dark and empty, her cheeks sunken and her facial features overall sad. Santana climbed into bed and picked up her phone. She scrolled down to Brittany's name; her finger hovered over the call button as her mind weighed out all the pros and cons. Her finger twitched as it came down to press the green button.
Brittany was lying awake on her bed, staring at the ceiling like she'd done every night since Santana had told her she loved her. Her mind raced round and round but she couldn't make out any thoughts. She missed her so much, so much. All she wanted to do was go to the Latina's house and fall asleep in the same bed with her, like they had done countless times. Just sleep together, no making out or fucking. Just watching movies or talking until sleep took them over and they held each other while they dreamt. She was conflicted; everything about her life was confusing to her. She had waited so long for the Latina to tell her how she really felt, but she had done it at the worst time. If she had done it a few months earlier, they could've been in the same bed right now, smiling at each other with eyes full of love. But no, Brittany was lying on the right side of her bed, the left side cold and Santana-less.
She just needed to hear her talk, and not just in general, talk to her. Really talk to her, like she use to. Talk to her without avoiding eye contact, or without crying, or without cold eyes. All their latest conversations included all three. Quinn tried to help as much as she could, but it was fruitless. Neither girl knew what to say, they missed their best friend.
Brittany closed her eyes when she felt her bed side rumble; she groaned and felt around for her phone. Who is calling me at 1 AM? She thought as she looked at the caller ID. Her eyes shot open and she sat up straight on her bed, staring at the screen like she couldn't believe it. Was this a pocket dial? She thought. She shook her thoughts and picked up the call.
"Santana?" Brittany breathed softly, like she was scared that she'd wake up in the morning from this dream. The line was silent, but Brittany could hear the shaky breathing on the other side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Santana covered her mouth with her hand to hold back the sobs. No Brittany, I'm not okay. I'm so fucking hurt. I just need to hear your voice, she thought. She opened her mouth to reply but all that came out were sobs. Brittany felt her heart breaking as she listened to her friend cry.
"Santana, please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm coming over, don't go anywhere." Brittany demanded as she made a move to get up. Santana stopped her sobs and opened her mouth in horror. Brittany couldn't come over, not while she was like this. She when all she wanted was to fall into her arms and stay there for eternity. She recoiled harshly, berating herself for calling.
"No! No don't come over. I shouldn't have called, this was a mistake. I won't call again. Do-don't come over," she said quickly, she didn't wait for a reply before she pressed the end button. Listening to the room fall back into the piercing silence it once was, she needed to forget. Right now. She got out of bed and walked down quickly to the kitchen. Her parents were out of town visiting an aunt; Santana had said she had too much work to go, so they let her stay home. She walked straight to the liquor cabinet and ripped open the door handle, she didn't care about her parents finding out. She needed relief, and she needed it now. Grabbing the first bottle she saw, she opened the lid without reading the bottle and took a swig, sighing in relief as the liquid burned her throat and dropped to her stomach.
Brittany listened to the phone go dead and she stared at the door of her room, unsure if what just happened actually happened. She was confused again, Santana had called her while crying, and when the blonde was about to come over, she recoiled and told her not to. Brittany wondered why she had called in the first place, there was something left of their friendship, she concluded. There was hope. Brittany suddenly wondered what she was still doing here; she needed to get to Santana, not caring that she had told her not to. Brittany was her best friend, and she needed her right now. Even if she didn't act like it. The blonde got up and pulled on track pants, grabbing her keys and racing out the door to Santana.
She pulled up at the Lopez residence and noted that Santana's bedroom light was out, but the kitchen one was on. Her parents' cars weren't in the drive way so it had to be Santana in the kitchen. Brittany got out of the car and knocked on the door, but was met with silence. She heard the faint clinking of something, but she couldn't make out what it was. She opted for a more James Bond style entry. She climbed the tree she had climbed so many times, and tugged on the window. She thanked god as it slid open, Santana must've forgotten to lock it at one point. She slipped into the room, she hadn't been in here for so long, it almost seemed unfamiliar. She shook her head and looked at the empty bed, she walked over to it and pressed her hand against the sheet, it was still a little warm, which means Santana couldn't have been gone for too long. She walked out of the bedroom and crept downstairs. The clinking got louder, and she now heard the sobs that came paired with it.
Santana was on her living room floor, empty bottles of everything spread across the floor. Brittany inched closer, trying to figure out way to announce herself without scaring the brunette, who was currently wiping her eyes and taking a swig of brown liquid. Suddenly, as if they could sense each-others presence, brown eyes looked up to meet blue. Santana dropped her bottle and gasped.
"Bri-Brittany?" she asked, like she was unsure if it was a hallucination or not. Brittany walked a little closer.
"Hey San," she said quietly. Santana swallowed thickly. This was the first time they had talked face to face since the night in the car.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" she slightly slurred. She got up to stand but stumbled, Brittany shot forward and grabbed her by the waist, holding her up. Their faces were inches apart, again. Santana's eyes went to the blondes lips but she didn't act on it. Instead she pushed away and steadied herself on the couch arm.
"I know you told me not to come, but I was worried about you." Brittany said, concern lacing her voice,
"You shouldn't be, I'm fine." Santana said, shaking her head. She closed her eyes, the room was silent except for their breathing, and Santana finally processed what was actually happening. Brittany was in her house, with her, alone. She pinched her eyes closed and sighed. "You should go home, I don't fucking need you," Brittany's face contorted with hurt, but she refused to back down.
"No San, you're hurting, I can tell. My heart breaks every time I see you," Brittany said, inching closer. Santana never took her eyes off the couch, but she inhaled sharply. The room was deathly quiet.
"Well that makes two of us," she mumbled. Brittany cast her eyes downward. She couldn't think of anything to say, she just wanted to hold the girl again, just one last time. So she acted on it, she took a bold step forward and reach out, tugging the Latina's arm until she let go of the couch arm.
"What are y-"Santana started, but she was cut off by Brittany pulling her into a hug. Santana wanted to reject it so badly, but it had been so long since they had touched like this. She felt herself melt into the hug, fuck it; she could feel shit about this in the morning. Right now, she relished in the way the blonde held her tightly. Brittany smiled sadly when she felt Santana wrap her arms around her, Brittany's heart soared and crashed at the same time.
"I'm sorry San," Brittany said, unsure of what else to say. Santana shifted her head so her lips were resting on the blonde's neck. She felt the Latina pinch her lips together as she thought of something to say.
"I know Brittany, but that doesn't help." Santana sighed into the hug, her heart slowly reopening its wounds. She couldn't do this, not while Brittany still had Artie, she wouldn't let herself fall back into what they use to be. So she pulled away from the hug, ignoring the blonde's hopeful expression. "You should go; I don't know what else you want me to do."
"Just talk to me San, I want our relationship to be what it was before," Santana looked up; she felt a lick of hope enter her. What they were before? "I want us to be best friends again, that's the best I can offer right now." Santana deflated, she had gotten a tiny bit of her hope up and yet that still got crushed. Just best friends? She thought bitterly. Santana let out a low chuckle, and shook her head.
"That's not enough for me," Santana said honestly, Brittany could hear the bitterness in her tone.
"I don't know what else I can do San," Brittany said sadly, shaking her head. Santana took in a shaky breath; she was two seconds away from just caving and telling the blonde she'd be whatever she wanted as long as they were what they use to be. But Santana wanted something more and she couldn't stand around and watch the girl she loved belong to someone else.
"You should go. I think I need to go to sleep now," Santana said, turning away. She heard the blonde protest.
"San you aren't listening to me, you won't let me explain-"Santana cut her off.
"Just go Brittany. Make this easy on the both of us and just…" she sighed, "Leave." And with that she walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. She prayed the blonde wouldn't follow her up, because Brittany in her room alone, with a bed, was not a good thing. She exhaled out of relief when she heard the front door close and a car start up. Santana closed her eyes to relieve herself of the stinging sensation from tears threatening to fall.
She wondered how much longer she could take this.
The choir roomed slowly filled up, and Santana was talking lowly to Puck in a corner.
"I don't know if I can do this," she said, running her fingers through her hair. He grabbed her shoulder and steadied her. He looked her right in the eyes with a serious expression.
"Calm down Lezpez," Santana scowled but kept listening," it's okay, this song rocks. And so do you. Just look at me the entire time and everything will be fine." He assured. Santana took a deep breath and smiled at him fondly. She felt someone grab her arm and pull her away. She processed what was happening by the time she was near the door. She ripped her arm from the grip and seethed.
"What the fuck Fabray?" She spat, rubbing her arm where the blonde had a tight grip on it. Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Stop being a pussy. The fuck is going on with you and Puck? You guys are awfully close now," Santana glared at her and looked around the room, everyone's eyes were on them, especially a pair of striking blue ones. Her mouth twitched with anger and she pulled Quinn out of the door and into the empty hall way.
"What are you talking about? Me and Puck? Are you insane?" She said, gesturing her hand towards Quinn's head. The blonde slapped her hand away and glared.
"Am you insane? Hanging around with Puck? You know he just wants to get in your pants. And from the way you guys are buddy buddy, it looks like you want to get into his too." Santana rolled her eyes and clenched her jaw.
"You don't know shit Fabray, Puck is a good person. And he knows I don't want to get into his pants, or any guys pants for the matter." Santana shut her mouth and looked around the hall, her eyes closing in relief when she saw no one there. She chastised herself for not thinking about what she was about to say. She opened her eyes and saw Quinn looking at her speechlessly.
"You mean, he knows that you're-"Santana cut through, not wanting to hear the words.
"Yes, and what happened with Brittany too. So before you go and judge everything about my life, stop and think for a second" she said, rolling her eyes. Quinn softened her features and sighed.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you about him. But it really looked like you were crushing on him. That kinda pissed me off, especially since you were all over Britt like a month ago," Santana clenched her fists.
"Don't talk about that," she seethed. Quinn frowned.
"Santana, you have to talk about it at some point, it's not good to bottle it all up. You guys can work through, I know you can. You just have to let her in," Santana scoffed.
"And what? Let her ruin me again? No thanks." Quinn rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.
"She wouldn't do that to you," Santana laughed bitterly,
"You're right; she wouldn't, because she already did. The only thing written in the stars for us was this. We don't have a happy ending, this isn't a love story, it's real life Quinn." Santana said coldly, her eyes drifted to inside the choir room, where she met a pair of blue ones instantly. Santana forced herself to look away, not wanting to get lost in them again. She turned back to Quinn, who shook her head frustrated.
"She loves you San, but she doesn't want to hurt Artie." Santana clenched her jaw again; she was fed up hearing about Brittany and Artie.
"Jesus fucking Christ, don't you think I know that? Don't you think I hear it every single time we talk about this? She just doesn't get it. All she wants to be is friends but what kind of friend does that?! She made me sing that fucking song in glee club and led me on to believe she wanted what I did and, when I finally fucking admit to her about how I feel, she throws it back in my face" Santana spat, her anger bubbling, "All I ever fucking hear about is how Artie is a sweet boy and how she doesn't want to hurt him but holy fuck she should have thought about hurting me when she wanted me to talk about my feelings." Santana's chest was heaving up and down out of anger, and she felt her facial features curl into a snarl. The rant had silenced Quinn, who looked at her with a pained expression. Quinn shook her head in disappointment.
"You aren't listening S, there are other reasons too. You never want to talk with her; right now you're being the selfish one. Just talk to her and get her side, maybe then you'll realise she wasn't the only bad guy. " Santana scoffed.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Just talk to her S, that's all I'm asking. What you're doing right now isn't solving anything; you can't fix a broken heart by shoving it into a corner and blocking it out."
"I can't promise you anything," Santana warned bitterly, "Now if you're done interrogating me about nothing, I have a song to prepare for." Quinn frowned at her.
"You're singing?" She asked, she thought Santana would've opted out of this assignment. The Latina rolled her eyes.
"Didn't I just say that?" She said, before walking back into the choir room and towards Puck, who looked her with a look that asked if she was okay. She nodded and they fell into conversation. The entire time she could feel Brittany watching her. Mr Schue walked in and greeted the class, getting the same half assed greeting he always got. He droned on about some stuff that Santana, as always, blocked out. Only tuning back in when he announced her and Puck as their first singers.
"Take it away guys," he said warmly, walking over to the seats. The entire room watched with anxious eyes, waiting to see what kind of heartbreak the Latina had been through. She ignored the stares and walked over the band, handing out sheet music to the drummer. She walked to the centre and sat down on the stool, smiling when Puck sat next to her and nodded reassuringly.
"Okay, so this is a song I wrote myself," she felt her heart speed up when the choir room filled with whispers, "yeah I know, surprise surprise. Anyway here it is." She nodded to Puck and the drummer, who got ready to start playing. She kept her eyes on Puck as he strummed and smiled at her encouragingly. She took a deep breath and started singing.
Look what this girl done did to me
She done cut me off from a good good love
She told me that those days were gone
Santana tried her best to keep her eyes on Puck, but she found them drifting to Brittany's, who held onto her every word. She knew this song was for her, and she hated that it had already started off upsetting.
Now I'm sitting here goin' half crazy
Cause I know she still thinks about me too
And it ain't no way in hell
That I can be just friends with you
Santana's eyes never left Brittany's, but the rest of the club was oblivious to their eye battle. Brittany's conveying hurt and apology, and Santana's conveying ache and sorrow. The blonde felt her face crumple with hurt at the last line.
And I wish we never did it
And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you
and now it ain't no way we can be friends
The blonde felt her heart clench when the Latina sang about falling deep in love. She knew they were more than friends but not girlfriends. They were just lovers, drifting in and out of denial. But the message was clear; Santana couldn't be just friends anymore. It was either all or nothing; her fragile heart couldn't take anything more or less. Brittany felt torn.
The way it felt no fakin' it
Maybe we were movin' just a little too fast
But what we've done we can't take it back
Brittany shifted uncomfortably. The song was cutting directly into her heart and she knew she'd never forget this moment. The entire glee club was silent, hooked on the song the Latina was singing. Santana looked at her with tear filled eyes, she tried to look away but she couldn't. The club wondered who this song was about, no one wrote a song that sad just for fun.
Now I'm sitting here halfway crazy
Cause I know she still thinks about me too
And it ain't no way in hell
That I can be just friends with you
Brittany felt the words cut deep into her heart. Santana was right, the blonde did think about her constantly. She knew that Brittany wanted to be friends, she announced that plan several times, but she couldn't. She couldn't be friends with someone who she was so deeply in love with.
And I wish we never did it
And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you
and now it ain't no way we can be friends
Santana smiled a little when some of the members of the glee club caught onto the lyrics and sang along. Santana turned back to Puck who smiled at her proudly. She was so glad that she hadn't broken down yet, but as her eyes met Brittany's again, she wasn't sure if that would stay true.
And if I knew it ends like this
I never would have kissed you causeI fell in love with you
She thought back to the first time they had kissed, on the floor of the Latina's bedroom. She wished that had never happened, looking back now, she realised that's when she had started developing feelings for Brittany.
We never would have kicked it
Girl now every things different
I've lost my only lover and my friend
Everything was different now. The blonde caught onto this and felt her heart clench for the nth time during the song, her eyes welling up with tears. What happened to us? She thought sadly. Quinn took Brittany's hand and held it comfortingly; aware of whom the song was for. She had to admit the song was pretty good, if it wasn't for the depressing subject on which the song was written, she would've been nodding her head along to the song like the rest of the club. Brittany thanked god that Artie was sick with the flu and couldn't come in, 'cause this would've been hard to explain.
That's why I wish we never did it
Oooh yea
And I wish we never loved it (I wish we'd never loved it)
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends (we can't be friends)
The music stop and Santana waited. The entire club burst with applause, but Brittany didn't clap. Her heart was shattering. Santana had written the saddest song she'd ever heard, and it was about her. The club buzzed with their approval but Santana listened to none of it. She stared directly into Brittany's eyes, saying a hundred things without moving her mouth. She tore her gaze away and listened to the club praise her.
"Damn girl, that song was catchy! And you wrote it yourself?" Mercedes cheered. Santana smiled and nodded.
"I agree, very well done Santana, and Puck." Mr Schue said approvingly. The glee clubs excitement died down and the brunette went to take a seat at the back, Puck following closely behind her. He tugged her arm and she turned around, he gave her a comforting smile and pulled her into a tight hug.
"I'm so proud of you San," he whispered. She closed her eyes and smiled, hugging him back.
"Thank you, Puck.' But Santana didn't feel proud. A part of her felt guilty, she just threw Brittany under the bus with a song. She wondered if singing that was the best idea, and she wondered how she could feel proud when she hurt the one person she never wanted it. Oh god she hated this weeks assignment
A/N you know, now that i read over that again i hate myself for making it so sad like good god Santana just talk to her. But das okay cause they will talk in the next chapter, or maybe the one after that depending on how you guys react to this one. oh and remember, she sang that song for the assignment, not cause she felt like it. Leave a review and tell me what you think. Laterz Skaterz
song used : can't be friends- trey songz