Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, and as such not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Shadows of a Nightmare Future - Chapter 14
Gesturing to the materials before us, I proceed to give an in-depth explanation as to the proper application of the seals to an attentive Temari. Holding up one such example of the intricately drawn arrays for her to examine, I explain clinically, "As I mentioned before, we`ll need to apply these seals to certain points on our body before connecting them together with Chakra ink. Naturally we`ll need to help each other apply and link up the ones that are difficult to reach such on our backs."
Pointing down to my drawing of an ironically crude person, at least in comparison to the intricate seals I produced earlier, I gesture to the circles on the diagram. "These circles indicate were the seals need to be placed."I remark plainly, my tone turning apologetic while my hand indicates the seals situated on the chest, "Unfortunately, as you know four of them have to be placed in these areas with one directly over the heart."
Gauging Temari with wary eyes, I can't help but be concerned that she had become more apprehensive over that particular seal placement since the matter was last discussed. Admittedly it was something I hadn't even considered might make her uncomfortable when I first expounded my plan to her back in the medical tent. The reason being that during the first dark days of the alliances resistance against Sasuke, modesty was a luxury no one could afford to care about. Furthermore, I found myself almost forgetting sometimes that the Temari before me was not the wife of many years who I had shared the marital bed with.
No the Temari of this time had never even been naked in front of another man let alone allow them to touch them outside of sparring. The regretful result being that despite my innocent intentions, Temari was understandable nervous about the prospect.
Naturally once I realised my idiotic lack of sensitivity, I practically fell over myself trying to explain the technical reasons behind the positions in order to head off any misunderstandings. Yet, despite her evident apprehension she quickly accepted part way through my explanation, stating simply that she trusted me.
"It was idiotic of me to worry like I did." I lament, chastising my foolish lack of consideration as well as the panic that emerged when I thought she would get the wrong impression, "Temari invested her total trust in me from the moment she accepted my tale as being genuine. And given her highly professional nature I should have guessed that she wouldn't let any natural feeling of anxiousness get in the way of our objective."
Thankfully gauging by her reaction it appears that her attitude remaines unchanged as Temari simply gives a resigned nod to my statement. Relieved that she had appeared to make her peace with it, I carry on, "Naruto designed these seals to temporarily tattoo themselves to a subject with the simply infusion of Chakra into the matrix."
"Is it really as easy that?" Temari queries, her own experience of seals spurring an apparent professional interest in Naruto`s creation. Yet as the words leave her mouth a faint hint of worry is also detectable within her inquisitive words.
Wanting to belay any fears and knowing from experience that they thankfully were I assure confidently, "Yeah believe me Naruto put them through extensive testing to make sure even someone with an inept grasp of Chakra control could use them. Something that Naruto`s use of them thankfully proves." I joke with a light chuckle earning a amused smirk from Temari, Chakra control having never been Naruto`s strong suit.
Indeed, despite becoming a master of various shinobi arts in his later years the precise control and patience necessary for genjutsu and medicine continued to elude him. Not that it was really necessary for him to excel in those areas given his aptitude for the other fields he engaged in. But it's fair to say that the low level of Chakra control needed for the seals application was partly born from the slight chip on his shoulder with regards to this grey spot.
Still the seals, which Naruto had partly drawn inspiration from the unfolding and spreading properties of Orichimaru`s curse seal, were by no means perfect. For one thing the protection offered by the seal array only lasted twenty four hours before the troublesome process had to be repeated again. More irritatingly however, was the fact that the array system took a great deal of Chakra to activate in the first place. The unfortunate result being that even an average Jonin`s reserves were usually not enough to spring the seals into life. As such most users were required to store up Chakra into a special energy storage seal in order to meet the high cost the array demanded.
"Thank Kami Naruto found a way around it." I think wistfully, the permanent tattoo Naruto later designed to fix both faults a huge boon for our operations. "Sadly I have neither the time nor skill to make use of that technique. I just have to make do with what I've got. What a drag."
Putting my lamentations to the side, I continue on, "Joking aside, you've been using the sealing and summoning arts from a young age right." She nods affirmatively, confirming what I knew as a matter of fact "With your Chakra control and experience I can't foresee any problems."
"Well I am pretty amazing on that front its true." Temari replies with mock arrogance, her knowing smirk on full display." Sobering, her tone brooks no argument as she continues, "Fully warranted praise aside though this is something new to me Shika. If I start doing something wrong make sure to say something before I make a fool of myself."
"Troublesome." I chuckle good naturedly, finding her at times demanding nature more amusing than anything else after so many years together. "Your more than capable Temari so don't worry about it." Seeing her eyes narrow dangerously, the Temari of this time apparently appreciating my flippancy about as much as her other self, I hold up my hands in a placating gesture, "Sorry, sorry your right. I mean it when say I don't think you will have a problem but I'll keep a close watch ok."
Giving me one last scowl, Temari features soften into an amused smile as she nods her head in satisfaction.
"Troublesome Woman." I muse with equal amusement, well used to her antics. Yet not wanting to give her the satisfaction I continue on as if hadn't seen it, my tone regaining its professional calm, "That aside, once the seals have been applied and linked up we`ll need to feed Chakra into this energy storage seal."I direct her attention to the underlined circle situated at the top of the right arm with one hand while the other gestures to a smaller pile of seals.
Remembering how long and arduous the process was when done in a single sitting, I continue glumly, "Usually we would fill them up in stages, but unfortunately we don't have that luxury so it's going to be troublesome I'm afraid." I sigh wearily, "And on top of that it`ll take a few hours to fill them up. We`ll need to use Chakra pills to keep our levels topped up without overdoing it or we risk exhausting ourselves."
Knowing how unproductive my negativity is, I instil my voice with a more positive outlook while countering, "However, on the plus side when the Tsukuyomi hits the seals will activate by themselves and shield us from its effects. It should give all the time we need to deal with Sasuke." Bringing my explication to an end I ask, "Is there anything you want me to explain further?"
Shaking her head to the negative, Temari replies firmly, "No I understand what I need to do. You can count on me to do my part."
Nodding happily at her determined self assurance, I reach over and take one of the prepared seals, "Well let's begin."
"Why did I promise to keep a close eye on her?" I chastise myself for what must have been the hundredth time since we started our task as I complete the first section of the array. "This is what I get for giving in so easily when I know it be fine. What a drag."
To say that we were initially a little distracted when we began to apply the seals to our bodies would be a understatement. Honestly, not long into the process I almost managed to make a fool of myself by applying the energy storage seal to my torso rather than the arm in which it belonged.
Temari too, face crimson with obvious embarrassment, nearly spilt the sealing ink when she first started and had since smudged a couple of lines. Yet it was not ineptitude that dogged our efforts but one simple factor. The current state of undress we found ourselves in.
"I suppose it was wishful thinking on both out parts to think this wouldn't be awkward. "I acknowledge wearily as I draw a thin line down my arm from the storage seal, doing my best not to glance at Temari until I had to. "But I guess that would have been far too troublesome to ask for."
The unfortunate truth was that in order to apply the seals our arms and torsos needed to be largely exposed. Unfortunately, for both of us this meant stripping off our respective green and brown flack vest along with the black undershirts beneath. A state of affairs that left my torso entirely exposed and Temari with only her white breast bindings to cover her modesty.
"I tried to keep my mind on task." I acknowledge guiltily, my will power being tested keenly as I glance at Temari`s current efforts, "I truly did. But I keep having to check her work and the temptations right there. Always trying to entice me when eyes pass over. What drag."
As soon as Temari began to relieve herself of her garments and reveal the form beneath, I found myself beset by a storm of temptation. My lust tinted eyes revelling in every curve of her toned body in quick glances despite my rising shame. The sights prompting my memories to serenade me with unbidden recollections of our carnal escapades. My troublesome impairment apparently deciding to join forces with my teenage hormones to lead my traitorous eyes astray at every opportunity they could.
"Not that they have to work too hard." I acknowledge with a scowl as my brush slips, my gaze having decided to dart to Temari`s defined abs at the worst time. Erasing the ink with a burst of Chakra, I start the section again with ever growing frustration, "Temari was always a beauty and having that fact constantly drawn to my attention is not helping my troublesome will power right know."
"Ahh Shikamaru could you please do my back?" Temari calls with a degree of hesitation slipping into her voice, drawing my attention.
Having been totally lost in thought I look up sharply, initial reply making my confusion evident before my brain catches up with reality, "W-what... yeah of course." Glowing with embarrassment I shift closer carefully, our eyes locked onto each other. Yet despite myself my self control weakens and my gaze darts downwards towards her bound chest. A flash of movement that does not go unnoticed.
When my eyes return to where they should never have left I'm greeted by a crimson visage whose eyes boasted a perturbing level of cognizance. Yet Temari says nothing, her features becoming calm and measured as she turns her back to me and starts to gingerly undo her bindings. More damning than any word she could have said.
"Damn it, get a hold of yourself Shikamaru!" I admonish harshly as she exposes her back, the now loose binding held protectively to her chest as guilt envelops me, "You knew know how uncomfortable this was and you just made it all a lot worse. The last thing you want to do is emulate that the old pervert Jiraya." I affirm while moving to apply the array, disturbed by the unbidden phantasm by the name of `Shiraiya` that the comparison inspires.
Shuddering slightly as I picture myself old and withered all the while giggling with perverse delight thankfully begins to bring me back to my senses. Sadly attached to this coherence is the remembrance of the soul crushing fallout that could ensue if I got this wrong because of my inattention.
Indeed, now all I can see is a macabre re-enactment of all who died as a result of Sasuke`s war. The illusion of Temari`s death at the forefront as they swirl around my head like a maelstrom of pure despair. And yet, as foul as the images are I latch onto them tightly, happy to suffer if it meant some relief from the needling temptation that pesters my mind and body.
"A troublesome balance to maintain." I acknowledge irritably while adding another brush stroke to her soft skin, focusing on using the competing emotions and memories against one another. "But a damn sight better than having to start a section over again over one moment's distraction."
With my focus secure for now, I apply my brush to the outer rim of the second array and trace a line down her back. As my stroke travels I take care to press down more firmly on the scarred portions of her otherwise smooth skin. The possibility of the array not functioning correctly due my brush gliding over the blemishes and failing to properly deposit the connecting ink always a potential risk unfortunately.
"Not that I would wish away those marks."I muse absently as my brush connects the final seal of the section, "Each one holds a story that shaped the woman I came to love. As troublesome as they can be in seal work, I can't fathom removing something that only adds to her beauty."
Finishing my task with no issue, I let out a weary sigh, "Well that should about do it." Looking down at my own incomplete left arm, an annoying reminder that I had become distracted and fallen behind, I suppress my embarrassed guilt over the whole scenario, "I've still got this arm to finish so you might as well take care of your frontal array before we do my back."
Nodding faintly Temari lets out a soft "Ok" as I turn my back to her. The one bit of privacy I am mercifully able to give to her in this whole awkward mess. "I just hope I haven't offended her."
"Shikamaru?" Temari calls from behind, her voice laced with uncertainty.
Keeping my gaze straight ahead, I mask my unease at what she might say and reply "Yeah Temari?"
"I..." She pauses as if struggling to find the words before letting out a disappointed sigh, "Its-Its ok, never mind."
"Kami I did offend her."I reason with creeping dread recalling how Temari had always been highly critical of any Shinobi that allowed themselves to be distracted by their earthly desires during a mission. Indeed, although not being on an official mission the stakes were such that she should be utterly furious with me. "I didn't mean to do it of course and this damn mergence is proving more troublesome than I ever imagined but is that really an excuse?"
Suddenly my trepidation increases a hundred fold as a terrifying supposition forces itself to the fore front of my mind, "What if she starts to hate me for it. What if our rekindled relationship is snuffed out before it even has had a chance to really begin? And all because I couldn't keep my eyes to myself. Kami I'm such a fool."
Such is my sorrowful horror that I refuse to entertain any other possibility until I feel Temari put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Still haven't finished your arm huh." Hesitatingly I turn my head to hers, Temari`s eyes roving over the rest of my array, "Looks like you smudged the line at the bottom as well" She says sympathetically, confusing me to no end as I look down and realise that I had indeed smeared the seal line due to my inattention. "Look at me Shika."
Turning my body to face her unthinkingly at her commanding tone, I'm relieved to note that her binding where back in place. Though the fact that my gaze had went there at all was once again noticed. Meeting her eyes I expect to find nothing but scorn to be held within their teal depths; yet instead they contain something quite different.
True Temari was obviously embarrassed by the unprofessional ogling, her radiating awkwardness and flustered complexion all the evidence I need to prove that. However, much to my bewildered elation not a trace of anger mars her features.
"It's ok Shika?"She soothes not a moment later, befuddling my mind further as I struggle to process the reality of the situation.
In this moment despite the natural relief I feel at her comforting words, I can't help but be totally and utterly bewildered by it. "Im relieved beyond belief of course, but why is she so calm?" I ponder, perplexed by Temari`s decision, "She clearly realises where I was looking so why?" I study Temari`s fidgeting form as I puzzle over the thought. A mortified regret rises from the ashes of my anguish as I realise that regardless of anything else I had still made her uncomfortable.
"H-how can you be so understanding." I ask hesitatingly, uncertain whether I really wanted to hear the answer, "I know how uncomfortable you felt about this part and for me to…."I trail of shamefully, unable to finish the confession that I hated myself for. However, upon seeing her shaking head I force myself to admit my most damming crime before she can rebuke me. My fear being that I wouldn't find the courage to so after gaining a measure of clemency.
"Besides."I begin through gritted teeth, my words thick with self loathing as I can no longer bear to gaze upon her forgiving visage, "How can you be all right with me getting distracted when the world's future literally hangs in the balance?"
Deathly silence follows in my words wake as I stare doggedly at the ground. "Perhaps, she hadn't realised the full import of my actions until now." I brood sadly, preparing myself for the worst, "As troublesome as it is, I deserve any contempt that comes my way."
"Shika! Look at me!" Comes Temari`s stern bark, her displeasure evident yet at the same time filled with an irritation that seems out of place. I raise my head slowly, my curiosity to discover the source of the odd annoyance overwhelming my fears.
"You said it yourself. Naruto made it as easy as possible for non- seal users to do this so a few mistakes can be easily fixed you idiot." She admonishes in exacerbated vexation while drawing my attention to the array that I had nearly ruined, my deduction about the source of her ire clearly wrong, "Hell I already made two myself. Not to mention nearly spilling the ink at the start which I know you saw. And even if that wasn't the case we`re almost done anyway right?"
Distracted by the thought that she was angrier about myself inflicted blame rather the perceived offence, it takes me a moment to register her question. Rolling the query around in my head for a moment as Temari stares expectantly at me, I give a reluctant nod. Letting out a weary sigh she ventures, "Then by your own calculations we still have plenty of time despite these mistakes?"
"That should be the case." I admit reluctantly, my reasoning far from fool proof in this quandary of cause and effect. However my earlier crisis of faith did, if nothing else, convince me I had no choice but to work with my predications as best I could. With that in mind, Temari`s assertion was as correct as it could be given the situation.
Seemingly pleased, Temari stresses with a triumphant smile, "Well then it doesn't matter does it?"
Not having anything to retort her claims with bar my cynical fears that I refuse to mire in again, I concede with an irritable grumble, "Fine, I guess that true." Yet, given that was only a piece of the crime I charged myself with I continue, my voice brimming with disgust as I stare challenging into her eyes, "It doesn't change the fact however that I made you feel awkward because of my lack of control."
With a hand upon her weary brow, Temari massages her temples in slow rhythmic patterns as she laments arduously, "What am I going to do with you Shika?"
Certain that Temari`s question was rhetorical, and not really having an answer in any case, I remain silent. Waiting in uncomfortable silence for the reasoning behind her apparent forgiveness. Thankfully, Temari soon ceases her ministrations and imprisons me within a steely gaze.
"Look." She begins with a heavy sigh, "I should have said something at the start of all this and I've been trying to broach but I was kind of..."She lets of a defeated sigh as she looks away in an uncommon moment of self-consciousness that only seems to appear with regard to our relationship.
Gathering herself she continues, "I was too embarrassed to admit it at first but I was also guilty of getting a little..." She waves her right hand around aimlessly in an apparent search for a word she finds acceptable. "...`Distracted `." She decides before a mischievous smile forms, "Though outside of nearly knocking over the ink bottle I was apparently better at hiding my glances than you were."
Sitting down close beside me she grasp my hands in a calming and tender embrace. With increasingly crimson visage that matches my own she asks nervously, her self-assured façade breaking, "The point is I don't mind you looking at me like that and besides we`re technically dating now right?"
"Y-e….."I begin with a jittery squeak as my mind fully processes our proximity, my mortification hard to hide. Clearing my throat, I try to salvage my male pride with a gruff, "Yes, I would like to think so."
Allowing an amused smirk, but having the good grace to let my troublesome error slide, Temari responds with poorly concealed satisfaction, "Well given that its official now I can't really hold it against my Boyfriend can I?"
"N-no I suppose not." I admit with nervous joy as I allow a small smile to form, my mind latching onto that all important word.
"Boyfriend" I muse pleasantly, the word tasting just as sweet as the first time Temari referred to me as such so many years ago. Happy beyond measure that my fears of rejection proved to be quite the opposite, a brief window of tranquillity begins to form within me. Drinking in our shared contentment, I can't help but mentally indulge in the warm feelings of delight that spring forth as a result of the affirmation of our relationship.
"I'm glad you agree Shika." She continues carefully, her voice openly revealing a vulnerability that few were allowed to witness, "With that in mind I don't mind if you find me….." Trailing of Temari begins to wave her hand vaguely around in the air as she again seemingly struggles to find a suitable word.
Letting out a frustrated ` Hmph ` Temari continues with evident embarrassment, "…..If-if you find me `Desirable`." She gathers herself, her tone unbending, "The feelings mutual ok. So let's just agree that that we both find each other equally attractive and it's ok to appreciate that fact."
Smiling softly, I agree with evident relief, "Ok I think I can definitely agree to that." With my melancholy over the affair waning in light of not only Temari`s barrage of logical reassurances, but also that our desires for one another were mutual I add mischievously, "Though I don't know, you'd have to be practically rapturous to match me Temari."
Letting out a small chuckle Temari bats my arm playfully as she responds with false affront, "Pervert."
Sharing in each other's resulting laughter, my relief begins to peter out with our merriment as Temari`s smile slips and her features becomes tense once more. Breaking our gaze, Temari transfers one of her soothing hands from mine to her other arm before rubbing it in absent uneasiness.
"It something wrong?" I ask worriedly, my mind jumping cynically to the possibility that her understanding was not as all encompassing as I hoped.
"Since we`re airing everything out in the open there's something I want to ask you that I'm been afraid to in case it made things worse." Temari replies, her voice thick with apprehension.
"It`s ok Temari," I respond encouragingly, not wanting her to be left in a state of uncertainty despite my natural concerns over what it could be, "I'm sure it will be fine. Go ahead."
Letting out long breath, Temari fixes me with resolute eyes as she asks searchingly, "Your mergence with your younger self hasn't been the smoothest transition has it?"
Shocked I`m rendered inert as the insightful question reverberates around my head. Temari, likely in response to my intense reaction, explains worriedly, "I've noticed that there have been times when you seem to lose focus and become overly agitated Shikamaru." She bites her bottom lip offerering tentatively as a sliver of uncertainty enters her voice, "I only have what you've told me about the merging process and how you were before you got here. But, if it didn't go smoothly then maybe that's why you seem to be acting more dysfunctionally insular than you really should be."
Taken aback, but finally able to articulate myself as my stupefaction wears off I begin to respond hesitatingly, "Temari thats…."Trailing off, I find it hard to complete the sentence. The truth being that I had hoped to conceal it from her and spare her the worry. Not only for the immediate complications but also for those later down the line.
"Would the process ever be complete?" I wonder apprehensively, the thought that I would remain so emotionally and psychologically unstable scaring me. "My condition has improved somewhat since the mergence but who's to say it will get any better or indeed worse. Hell, Naruto`s Jutsu was an untested and dangerous proposition to begin with. I could keel over dead at any moment for all I know."
The fact is that we had no idea what the merging process would do to a person in the long term even under optimum condition. Given that my experience was obviously a flawed example there was the very real possibility that even if my quest was successful that I would not live to see the outcome. Sobering as the thought is however, I promised myself that I would try to not let pointless `what if` situations distract me from my goal.
As such, even though the thought of dying and leaving Temari is harrowing indeed I manage to force away such selfish thoughts for the moment. The knowledge that it would all be worth if it in the end if I managed to save her and everyone else in the world is all I need.
Even so, I naturally feel guilty for burdening her as much as I already have. Not wanting to add to Temari`s concerns, a part of me honestly just wants to deny it all. Indeed, in this moment a whole plethora of possible lies and half truths that could save me from my current predicament dance before me should I wish to indulge that desire.
However, the game was clearly up and any lie would probably be caught and only cause her to worry more. Worst still is the possibility that by lying to her I would be doing irremediable damage to the trust we we`re building with each other. With that in mind I look at Temari, who is waiting for me to elaborate with patient understanding, and admit resignedly, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice, but there's has been some troublesome complication unfortunately."
Nodding her head in sad understanding, Temari rests her cheek in the cusp of the hand not holding mine as she prompts, "And I'm guessing some of these `Troublesome` issues are emotional in nature?"
"Yes they are." I confirm, my voice thick with resignation as my emotions maintain their attempts to draw me into the morbid consequences of that fact. Wondering if that possibility formed part of the reason for Temari`s calm response to my ogling, I ask curiously, "Was that another reason for your leniency?"
Looking slightly annoyed Temari explains firmly, "The reasons I gave you earlier were the main factors since I couldn't be sure about my theory. In fact, all its confirmation did was validate my decision to cut you some slack given the pressures you've been under. Is that clear Shika?" She concludes sharply, her tone demanding only one answer.
Holding up my hands in defeat I respond with nervous laugh, "Yeah, crystal clear."
Seemingly mollified, Temari features turn mischievous as she leans over and bops me gentle on the head. With a pleasant smile, which I still take the time to admire despite by irritable confusion at her action, Temari elaborates, "Remember how I said I'd knock some sense into you if you lost yourself again."
"Yes." I answer slowly, stroking my chin quizzically as my brain takes its time in making the connection before realisation finally dawns on me.
Nodding happily as she sees the dots connect in my head Temari subjects me to a self-satisfied smile, replying impishly, "Well consider your sense knocked back to where it should be."
"Ha ha."I reply sarcastically, my eyes silently chastising the amused Temari.
"Sorry." Temari says insincerely, not a drop of remorse present as she suppresses a small chuckle. Yet, having apparently had her fun, Temari`s levity soon disappears as she continues seriously, "The point I'm trying to make is that you're going to lose yourself if you unjustifiable keep all your troubles bottled up like you have. Especially since your mind and body is working against you at the moment."
Gazing at me softly she continues fondly though with a degree of chastisement sneaks in, "I know you don't want to burden me and I appreciate the thought, I really do. But if you had been a bit more open with me then maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer so much. Hell given your situation it's not fair for you to feel that way." She laments with a degree of sad admonishment, her guilt over not being able to help me clear to see.
Feeling my own remorse spike at the sight, I respond with clear regret infusing my words, "I'm sorry I was being troublesome again Temari. I didn't really mean to do it, but I promise that I'll talk to you about any future problems that crop ok." I offer honestly, not seeing the value in troubling her with the other unfortunate possibility's that the mergence may hold at this juncture but knowing that I would have to eventually for both our sakes.
Letting out a relieved sigh, Temari accepts tenderly, her resulting smile content, "Thank you Shika. Just remember that no matter how small it is, if it's troubling you I'll gladly listen."
Elated and indebted by the depths of care Temairi is extending me, I allow myself to gaze affectionately at her for a moment before responding gratefully, "I'll remember that Temari, thank you."
Staring at each other warmly, we both revel in our unspoken ardour as we reach a more complete understanding of each other. Instinctively, I feel myself moving closer as an irresistible passion takes hold of me. Mirroring my actions, I can't help but be sucked in ever closer by the teal orbs that projected such intense desire.
However, the spell is soon broken as I wince in pain, my broken leg catching uncomfortable against an obtrusive boulder. Clarity returning to her features, Temari clears her throat awkwardly as she retreats back from me. "Well we …eh… might as well finish up the array…I guess." She stumbles out nervously, her eyes looking anywhere but my own.
"Eh yeah….. of course" I respond with equal embarrassment as I withdraw as well, easing my foot carefully into a more tolerable position. The moment gone. "Only a little bit left to do after all."
Logically I know as well as Temari obviously does that this was not the time or place for such dalliances, no matter how much we both apparently wanted such a scenario. Still as I freshen up the ink on my brush and begin to restart my previous task I can't help but muse disappointingly, "What a drag."