Angels in the Kitchen

Chapter Fourteen: Saying goodbye

Castiel wakes up in pain. He knows he has to go, probably tonight, but he's not sure how to say goodbye to everyone. Especially Dean. Of course Castiel loves Dean, and he's fairly certain he's in love with Dean. Unlike Dean, though, he's not telling anyone about it. If he dwells on it too long, who knows what stupid things he might do.

Like staying.

Dean will never grow as a person without being on his own.

Castiel sits up and heads into the kitchen, where Dean is looking around confused. "Hm? Is something wrong?"

"…Gabe left a note saying he took Sammy out…" Dean explains, "I should have never let them get close, of all the people Sammy could befriend he has to be the worst!"

"Trust me, he would not be the worst." Castiel frowns, "He might be in the top ten, though…"

"Ugh, the nerve of that bastard…fucking stealing my brother, I'll kill him!" Dean yells, "Cas, we ne-!" His anger suddenly fades as he gets a good look at Castiel. "You…are you okay?"

"I am fine, why do you ask?"

"You're freakishly pale." Dean points out, reaching over and feeling Castiel's forehead, "Your head is warm too, you should lie down. If it will help you can let your wings out, or whatever."

"Lying down is not what I need to cure this illness, Dean, and being able to use my wings is not enough to make it better." Castiel mutters as his wings spread out behind him, flexing to work out the kinks gained from hiding, "I must leave. Tonight." He watches Dean's expression fall, can almost feel the man's heart sink into his stomach. No doubt he thought they had more time, Castiel thought they had more time.

"I understand…" Dean sighs, scratching the back of his head. "I suppose it's not exactly unexpected…"

Castiel glances at the note on the table that Gabriel wrote, "I will not leave until they return, and from the looks of it we have a few hours until they do…"He mumbles, looking to Dean.

"Yeah, um," Dean's eyes look everywhere but Castiel's face until they find something in his wings, "Your wings look a little weird." He observes before going behind Castiel. "Here, I'll straighten them out…or something?"

"Wa-!" Castiel's eyes widen as Dean's hands are placed on his wings, pressing down on them and moving them to look less disheveled. Warm hands press against Castiel's still knotted wings, long and slender fingers brushing through the feathers to help spread them out as they used to be. His heart starts racing as Dean continues, repeating the actions lower and lower on the angel's wings until Castiel lets out a strangled moan. "Dean…"

Without another thought, he turns around and grabs the confused man, slowly pulling him down into a chaste kiss. His inexperience is fairly obvious as he simply stands there with his lips pressed to Dean's, unable to do much more than that, but soon he doesn't have to. A hand comes to bury itself in his hair and bring his face closer before Dean begins to deepen the kiss. Passion, desperation, and no small amount of aggravation play into Dean's attack on Castiel's mouth so when they pull apart the angel is truly breathless. Something he honestly didn't think an angel was capable of.

The break doesn't last long as Dean's fingers go back to his wings, gently running them through his feathers and Castiel loses it. Within the blink of an eye he has brought them to Dean's bedroom. He pulls Dean back into another kiss almost immediately, allowing the man to inch them onto the bed.

Once settled amongst the blankets, Castiel looks up at him through half-lidded eyes and he can see the satisfied smirk on Dean's face. "That's not playing fair." He mumbles and Dean frowns a little.

"Sorry. You're sick I shouldn't have taken advantage-"

"Do not apologize for something you are not actually sorry for." Castiel scolds and Dean cups his face.

"I want…this…even if it's just once, but I can easily stop if you want to." Dean says, making Castiel laugh a little.

"If I didn't want it you would not have gotten me into this bed, Dean. I am not that lost to carnal desires." He points out and the man rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, the almighty angel doesn't do what he doesn't want to." Dean mocks before letting go of his face and placing his hands on Castiel's wings, stretching them through the feathers as the angel squirms underneath him. "Does that really feel so good?"

Castiel nods, biting his lower lip, "It feels really good." He admits and Dean stares down at his wings confused.

"Angels are weird." Dean teases, but continues playing with his wings anyways.

"Humans are stranger," Castiel counters, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and pulling him into another kiss.

"You won't tell me how you feel about me," Dean begins unbuttoning Castiel's shirt, "Yet you are okay with having sex. I'm fairly certain that makes you stranger."

"Your best friends are an old man and a teenage boy," Castiel points out, easily sliding Dean's shirt off, "I refuse to be told I am stranger than you."

"You're forgetting Charlie." Dean says, working at Castiel's pants.

"I never met Charlie, so I cannot judge that." Castiel mumbles, quickly removing Dean's own pants.

Dean smiles sadly, "That's true…just keep in mind she is actually my age."

"Mm, good for you. One person your age."

"Shut up, you're not cute when you're being a brat." Dean scolds, bringing a hand to Castiel's thigh.

"I am an angel of the lord, Dean." Castiel sighs, "I am never cute."

"You're always cute. Except right now." Dean mumbles, spreading Castiel's legs before leaning down and kissing his inner thigh.

"You seem pretty into touching someone who isn't cute." Castiel observes as he writhes under Dean. The two of them continue touching and kissing, Dean making sure to leave as many marks as possible on Castiel and vice versa, until finally the experienced man pulls out a little bottle from his drawer.

"Alright, time to get to the main course." Dean says and Castiel raises a brow. Is sex like food to humans? He's fairly certain it isn't…

"What is in the bottle?" Castiel asks, a little worried it is some strange condiment and Dean might actually think it's a meal. Or perhaps Castiel knows even less about sex than he thought and food is perfectly normal during it.

"It's lubricant…" Dean begins, looking at him curiously, "You look really confused."

"Is lubricant a sort of condiment I have not heard of?" Castiel asks, "You said this was a meal."

"It's a saying, idiot." Dean laughs, "Just how little do you know about sex?"

"I know the basics." Castiel admits, "What goes where."

Dean pops the bottle open and places some of the liquid on his fingers, "This is to help things go where they should go." He brings his fingers down and slowly slides one inside of Castiel. "See? There would be a lot more resistance without it." Taking his time, Dean prepares Castiel and after a while they are having sex. Awkward, out of synch, sex.

It feels good, but it's odd, and rather than losing himself to the pleasure Castiel is watching everything. He's staring at Dean and presumably freaking him out because all of a sudden he reaches out and begins digging his fingers into Castiel's wings, using that as leverage for his thrusts.

The sensation sends Castiel over the edge and he begins moaning, his hips beginning to meet with Dean's as the man kisses him and rakes his fingers through the wings.

"How does is feel now?" Dean asks, his voice low and husky in Castiel's ear, "Good, right?"

"A-amazing," Castiel admits, breathless as Dean continues thrusting into him and raking his fingers through the black feathers. He then lets out a loud moan when Dean's fingers reach past the feathers and to his wings' skin. Castiel gasps, thrusting his hips up faster and writhing underneath Dean.

"Fuck, Cas, these wings are sensitive." Dean moans, "I haven't even touched your dick and you're already close to coming." He teases, lightly running his nails through Castiel's feathers to drive him more insane.

"Dean," Castiel moans, digging his nails into Dean's back and wrapping his legs around his waist. "I'm so close, Dean, don't stop."

Dean's thrusts lose their rhythm and become more erratic as the two grow closer to reaching their limit. Castiel tenses up, his fingers and toes digging into Dean as he reaches the edge, toppling over it when Dean leans forward and lightly bites his wing. Dean finishes soon after and the two take a shower together before collapsing onto the bed.

"So, remind me to never let Sam touch an angel's wings again." Dean jokes and Castiel rolls his eyes.

"Angels do not usually feel aroused from their wings." Castiel explains, "It's not normal. If Sam encounters another angel, or touches Gabriel's wings, it will be fine." He looks over to Dean with an intense stare, "And I am only aroused by it when it is you."

"Well that is a relief…" Dean sighs, "I'm sorry about this, though, you were very adamant about not doing that yesterday."

"I thought I had more time yesterday," Castiel admits, "More time to mull over the idea. Today I decided, though, that I wanted to do this with you at least once before I go. You can never forget the one time you've had sex."

Dean smiles awkwardly, "I can't really say that. You could be the last one I ever have sex with, though."

"Do not be stupid, Dean." Castiel scolds, "You're young, and to just give up because of one person you can never get back is foolish."

Dean glares, "I will decide what I do with my life, Cas."

"You are right, choose what makes you happy." Castiel relents before coughing a little.

"Are you alright?" Dean asks, fretting over him now. "Shit, sex made it worse, didn't it?" He looks to Castiel with a pained expression, "I am so sorry, Cas, oh my god we never should have-!"

"Sex has nothing to do with this." Castiel mumbles, unable to move from his spot on the bed. His head is starting to spin and his entire body feels weak. He'll have to have Gabriel bring him back, because his body will not be able to get there on its own. Perhaps the sex did do something to make it worse, but he wasn't going to tell Dean that and make him feel guilty. "It's just because I'm still here."

Dean frowns, "You have to leave, like, now, don't you?" He asks and Castiel nods weakly.

"Gabriel is on his way, I can feel him. I can't move from this spot though so they will have to come up here." Castiel mumbles as feathers begin to fall off of his wings.

"Oh shit!" Dean hisses. "Oh Cas, oh shit sun of a bitch what can I do?" He asks, his voice pained, "You're falling apart."

"It's alright." Castiel says, sitting up, "I'm feeling a little better." He lies before Gabriel and Sam appear in the bedroom.

"You. We're going. Now." Gabriel orders, setting Sam down and pulling Castiel to stand up.

"No Cas!" Sam cries, clinging to him, "Why do you have to go? No one said you had to go!"

Castiel frowns at Sam and picks him up, swallowing his pain. "I am sorry, Sam, but I must return to heaven now. We'll see each other again, though. You, me, and your brother will be reunited when you all pass away of old age." He promises, and means it. Even if he is the first angel to go to the human's heaven, he will when they come. "Only when you die of old age, though."

Sam frowns, "Alright…" He mumbles, wrapping his arms around Castiel's neck and pulling his head down and turning his cheek to Castiel's lips. Castiel smiles at the gesture and kisses the boy on the cheek, before receiving a kiss on his own. "I'll see you again, then."

"Yes, I will meet you both again." The angel promises before handing Sam over to Dean and going to Gabriel, who takes them away.

He will never forget them, his favorite humans.

A few months after Castiel's departure Dean is cleaning out Sam's room. The boy is taking a bath with Kevin and he decided it was a good opportunity to clean the messy room. It has been strange since Castiel left, but he has taken the angel's words to heart.

Not once since the day he went out drinking with Castiel has he touched alcohol, nor wanted to. He's opening to his friends more, who are always there to lend a hand, helping him to feel like part of a family again. Looking around the room, like every other place in the house, Dean thinks of Castiel.

He wonders if the angel can hear his prayers, and decides to try it out. Sitting down on Sam's bed, he closes his eyes and clasps his hands together.

"Hey, Cas, if you are listening…I'm not sure if you can request a specific angel or not. With my luck your stupid brother is listening to it instead of you, in which case thanks a whole fucking lot for telling my baby brother you two needed to leave the house so Cas and I could have adult time. You know how many times he has asked what adult time is? Not cool you stupid angel.

"Anyways, Cas, if you can hear this…thanks. You didn't exactly go about it in a way most people, and probably angels, would have…but you helped me and Sammy out so much. I have redeemed myself in his eyes, and my own, and I have been able to stop dwelling on our parents' death." He sighs heavily, "Of course I haven't been able to stop dwelling on you yet, but I'm sure it'll happen. Someday. No, actually, since god can probably hear this and tell you if I'm lying or not, fuck it. I'm sorry Cas, but I won't be able to move on. I fell in love with you so fully, I can't imagine being with someone else, ever.

"Nobody else will be able to do what you did for me, and in the way you did it. The way I needed you to do it. Including that time you kicked my ass. I won't ever be with someone else, whether you like it or not, but I will be happy. I've never really had romance in my life anyways, and I can have a completely satisfying life without it, despite what movies and books tell you. This is my choice, you have to accept it." Dean smiles to himself.

"Thank you so much, Castiel, and Gabriel, to a far lesser extent, for sending Castiel to us. I wish I could have realized I loved you sooner, that I would have stopped being so damn stubborn for five seconds to realize it at a time where we could have been together longer, because I am pretty damn sure you were in love with me too. It's alright, though, because in reality I probably would have just relied on you more if we had become an actual couple. Then I would have been completely lost when you left. So it's alright, I will still always have that last day."

He frowns, "I'm not sure how you are supposed to end these. Just, take care of yourself, and smack Gabriel a couple times for me. Um…god is good, god is great, raise your hands and celebrate? I don't know, some jackass told me you need to say that in a prayer. But, anyways, amen."

A/N: When my niece was like 15 months old she did what Sam did to Cas in order to get a kiss out of me. I'm a highly emotionally stinted person. (Kiss her all the fucking time now though) And I once told someone that you are supposed to end prayers with that little thing about God. Why? Because I'm a massive dick. Sadly a friend of mine corrected it not long after. One more chapter leeefffft. Please excuse the horrible sex, like, I have no excuse, but excuse it anyways.