Thank you all so much for your reviews. I hope you will enjoy this new chapter. Let me know what you think about Steve's progress.
All Clear - Chapter 14
Steve looked in frustration at the assortment of squishy balls on the table next to him. His 'job' was it to pick one up, handle it for a few moments first with his injured right hand and then give it over to his left, back to right and then throw it into the basket that stood about ten feet from him.
So far none of the freaking balls had made it into the basket. They had landed everywhere but the basket. "I hate this," Steve muttered under his breath and threw the ball against the wall with as much force as he could muster.
"That was a pretty good throw," his therapist said with a smile.
Steve narrowed his eyes and wondered if she was being sarcastic or not. "Can we stop now? My head hurts."
"Of course, Steve. You should have told me that you weren't feeling well," Traci chided him.
"No, I was feelin' fine, just gettin' a headache," Steve assured her.
"I'll get the wheelchair, and then I'll take you back to your room," Traci said and moved to get the chair they had left outside the gym.
"Can I walk, please?"
"You sure you're up to that? It's quite a long way."
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Really," Steve told her and hoped she would agree. He hated the wheelchair even more than all the stupid exercises. Even after over a week he didn't feel like he had made any progress.
His speech was still not much better if he didn't concentrate really hard on pronouncing every word, and his hand coordination was totally whack. Hell, he couldn't even get dressed on his own, at least not if he wore anything that had any buttons. Even tying his shoes was a challenge.
"Steve? You ready to go?"
"Huh? Sorry, I was just..." Steve looked at Traci and saw her smiling again.
"I know you don't see any progress, but, Steve, you have come a long way in just a few days. Trust me, you're doing really great."
"Yeah, right," Steve grumbled and took the offered arm to make his way out of the gym. "I can't even walk without help."
"Of course you can walk on your own. That's what you're doing right now."
"If you'd let go I woul' walk into the next wall, or table, or wha'ever would be in the way," Steve corrected her. He was not able to walk in a straight line without a guide by his side.
"Yeah, so? Your balance is still a bit off. That's no big deal."
"Easy for you to say," Steve grumbled again and squinted when they stepped out into the sunlight. They had to cross over to the next building where Steve's room was located.
"Where are your sunglasses?"
"Left them in the room," Steve said and grimaced when the intense light hurt his eyes and made his headache pick up a notch.
"That was not very clever. Close your eyes, Steve." Traci grabbed the hand that lay on her arm and assured him she wouldn't let him run into anything.
They slowly made their way into the building and Steve opened his eyes with a sigh. "Can we stop for a minute, I'm dizzy."
"Of course, come on we can sit over there," Traci said and led Steve to a group of armchairs.
If it weren't for the brace still around his knee and the cast on the arm, no one would think Steve was a patient. He didn't look like a seriously injured patient in his tee shirt, shorts and sneakers. But that was what he was, a patient with a serious brain injury. But so far Steve didn't see it that way. He hadn't realized yet what a miracle it was that he was up on his feet. And that he had his faculties all intact and, given some time, was expected to make a full recovery.
"Why are you in such foul mood today, Steve?"
"Nelson won' le' me go home," Steve told her. "I talk' to him dis mornin' and he said 'm no' ready." Steve became frustrated that his speech got worse when he became agitated and banged the armchair in retaliation.
"Steve, you've just been awake for a week. You can't expect to be released just yet," Traci told him with a smile.
"Why not? I could come to tera... therapy as an... come here and go home after."
"Steve, calm down." Traci stood up from her seat across from Steve when he started to lose the ability to speak in a clear manner.
Steve knew he was very close to losing it completely. He was so angry. So angry that his body was betraying him. He wanted to scream, but knew that would only result in him staying even longer in this freaking hospital. "I hate this!" He suddenly yelled, and a few heads turned his way, but he didn't really care.
Something had to give or he would explode. He felt so trapped in his body that just wouldn't do what he told him it to do. He knew how to talk correctly, but the words just wouldn't come out the way they should. Nothing worked like it should, and he simply couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He simply couldn't see that he just needed time to get back onto his feet.
"I know you do," Traci rubbed her hand across his shoulders and consoled him as best she could. Where is a girlfriend when you need it?
"I don' wanna be like dis," Steve whispered and turned into Traci, holding on for dear life when he started shaking with barely contained rage.
Traci was not a psychiatrist but had worked with enough patients with brain injuries of all kinds to know that this happened to most of them. It was a lot more likely for the ones who were not as bad off as others. They grew frustrated a lot easier than patients who were severely handicapped. Although she was a bit surprised that the SEAL broke down so early in his therapy, but it was probably better to get it over with now.
The faster he put this phase behind him the faster he could keep working on getting out of here, as he liked to call it.
"Steve's it's going to be okay, I promise," Traci told the now quietly crying man.
Tears were rolling down his face, but no sound escaped. Steve tried very hard to get his emotions in check. He was totally embarrassed about the sight he must be. "I'm sorry," he breathed and pulled back a bit.
"No, don't be. It's fine. Just let it all out," Traci told him with a smile when he finally looked at her.
"You don' wan' me to let it all out, trust me," Steve said with a tentative smile.
Tracy actually laughed at that, "Okay, I'll take your word for it. Do you feel better?"
"Uh huh... yeah... thanks fo'... you know..."
"Come on, let's get you to bed, I think you can use a little nap."
Steve hated to admit it, but she was probably right about that. His head was killing him, and crying in public was not his idea of a good day.
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Steve groaned when they reached his room. Danny was waiting for them; he was the last person he wanted to see right now.
"Hey, there you are," Danny greeted him but stopped when he took a good look at his friend.
"Hi," Steve said but didn't dare look his friend in the eyes.
"I see you're up and running."
Steve only snorted at the running part. He was actually trembling by now and couldn't wait to lie down in bed.
Traci made him sit on the edge of the bed and then helped him get his legs on it. She took his sneakers off and put a light blanket over his legs and up to his waist. "Do you need anything? How about something for the headache?"
"No, I'll be fine. Thank you, Traci," Steve said and hoped she knew he meant it as a thank you for all she had done for him today.
"You're welcome. Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow," Traci said and turned to Danny. "Don't stay too long, Steve needs to sleep for a bit."
"I won't, I promise," Danny answered and looked at his already softly snoring friend. "Guess that was my shortest visit yet," he said with a laugh.
"Can I talk to you for a few minutes, Danny?" Traci asked and motioned for him to follow her out into the hall.
"Is there a problem?" Danny asked as soon as they were in front of the closed door.
"Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss Steve's progress or anything concerning his medical history with you, but I would like to advise you to seek a conversation with Dr. Nelson. Steve and Catherine should also be there," Traci told Steve's friend.
"Why? What happened?"
"I just think that Steve is not in a good place right now. He needs more support than he lets on."
"I know he's a little frustrated because he's stuck here, but he's a SEAL, Traci. He'll suck it up and moves on. He always does," Danny assured her.
"No. No, not this time, he won't. Trust me on this, Steve doesn't know how to handle this situation. Something must have happened this morning. We need to get a handle on it before it is too late," Traci warned Danny.
"Too late? Too late for what?"
"Danny, talk to Steve. He is very vulnerable at the moment, so choose your words carefully. And make an appointment with Dr. Nelson. I can't really tell you more than that."
Danny was left standing in front of Steve's room. He looked at the closed door and knew what he had to do.
H50 - H50 - H50
Catherine sat in the chair next to Steve's bed and watched her friend sleep. He looks exhausted, Catherine thought and wondered how that could be. She knew that his schedule was not very intense yet. He only had short PT sessions twice a day, and speech therapy in the afternoon. The rest of the day he was supposed to rest or practice his speech while reading aloud.
She looked down at his legs and wondered how much longer he was going to use the brace for his knee. His orthopedist had told them that the knee was fine. But Steve insisted that it felt in unstable and that he needed the brace. Catherine had found that very strange since Steve had never been one to use any aids longer than recommended.
But she had kept quiet and the doctors had told them it was very common for patients with brain injuries to act differently than was expected. If Steve felt safer with the brace they shouldn't worry about it. And they didn't really, but it added to the strange little things Steve was doing that he hadn't done before.
Catherine was worried after she had received Danny's phone call. It sounded a bit cryptic, but she understood that Traci couldn't go into detail without getting into trouble. Steve had to give his okay every time they wanted to sit in on a consultation or even talk to his doctors. They were very strict here about that. And oddly enough Steve had asked a few times for them to leave when he had talked to his doctor.
Cath knew that Steve was able to make his own decisions, and she respected that, but still it felt odd. Steve had never acted that way before. It was just another thing that added to his slightly strange behavior. He had even gotten angry at some point and had told her and Danny in very certain terms that he was neither a child nor an idiot who needed other people making decisions for him.
That outburst had happened yesterday, so now Cath was a bit worried whether or not he would agree to talk to Dr. Nelson with Danny and her present. She was afraid he would see that the wrong way. She knew she needed to be very careful in her choice of words to get him to agree.
Catherine was interrupted in her musing when Steve started to stir.
H50 - H50 - H50
Steve knew even before he opened his eyes that Cath was sitting next to his bed. He hadn't been happy to see Danny, and he wasn't any happier to chat with Catherine. Right now he was angry and disappointed with both of them. He really didn't need them to rub it in how useless he was at the moment. Or how dependent he was on others. If they didn't want to help him, fine, he didn't need them. He would just do this on his own.
"Steve?"
"What?" Steve snapped at his girlfriend, and regretted it the second it came out. " 'm sorry."
"It's okay..."
"It's not," Steve interrupted her. "Stop treatin' me like I'll break. 'm sorry I snapped at ya." Steve was angry at Catherine, but that was no reason to be rude. At least not in his book.
"What's going on with you, Steve?" Cath asked. "You have been injured before, and this is not you."
"I neva had a brain injury befo'. Dis is differen'."
"Steve, your doctor told you that your brain will be back to hundred per cent in a short while. You haven't lost any 'brain functions'. You just-"
"I jus' what?" he bit out, glaring at her.
"Need to show some patience. You are doing so good," Catherine tried for to get him to see reason.
"Yeah, right," Steve snorted at that. "If I'm doin' so good, why don' you want me at home?"
"What are you talking about?" Catherine looked at Steve in shock.
"Doc said he woul' let me go home if someone help' me get to therapy, an' be at home with me. Bu' you an' Danny said you wouldn' do that."
"What!? Steve, that is not true. What gives gave you that idea?"
Steve didn't even grace that with an answer. She should know what she had told Dr. Nelson. He fiddled with a loose string on his cast and refused to look up. In a voice so low she had to strain to hear, he said, "First ya didn' like me when I couln' rememba comin' to Hawaii, an' now you don' wan' me because 'm damaged,"
Catherine jumped up, and for a second Steve was actually afraid she would leave, but she sat down on the bed and took his face in both hands, forcing him to look at her. "Listen to me very carefully, Steve."
He looked at her and wondered what she was about to tell him. "Are you listening? I will always love you. No matter what. I would never leave you even if you were to be like this for the rest of your life. Which you're not. You got that?"
Steve could only nod. But obviously Cath wasn't quite finished yet. "None of us know what the future holds for us, but, Steve, an injury would never be a reason for me to stop loving you. I want you... with or without memory. With your brain fully working or not."
" 'kay," Steve meekly said.
"I'm not done yet," she warned, but took her hands from his face and dropped them to his shoulders, never breaking eye contact with him. "It is true that Danny had a real problem when you lost your memory." She stopped and sighed before continuing, "It was like losing his best friend, and he felt guilty. He didn't handle the situation very well. Period. But he never ever rejected you, or didn't want to have anything to do with you. He tried, he really did... but in his own way," Cath added with a smile. "And about you going home... we only voiced our concern to the doctor about if we were the right people to help you."
"Nelson said you didn't wan' me to come home, he said you weren't comfortable with me needing so much help," Steve told her. "What? Wha' a' you lookin' at?"
"Nothing," Cath answered and smiled at him.
Steve hadn't realized that he had talked with almost perfect pronunciation. "What?" He asked in irritation.
"Steve, I think Dr. Nelson is right not to let you go just yet," Catherine said and held up one hand to stall his attempt to interrupt. "I know you think you are ready. But, please, Steve, be realistic. A week ago you were in a coma. Right now, you can't walk in a straight line, you can't get dressed on your own, you can't do a lot of things you normally don't even have to think about. Your right arm is in a cast, you get dizzy spells and terrible headaches," Cath brutally listed Steve's problems. "Please just stay here a little longer, do your therapy and then come home."
"You don' have to rub it all in," Steve grumbled. "I know my lim... limitations. An' it's no' gettin' better," Steve told her in frustration.
"Okay, that is not true. I heard that this morning you and Traci walked back from the gym. That is a major accomplishment. I get that you're frustrated and we can tell you how good you're doing until we're blue in the face... and you still wouldn't believe us," Catherine told her stubborn friend. "You have to believe in yourself." She had a sudden thought and smiled at him. "Steve, do you trust me?"
"Yes, I trust you," Steve told her and was surprised at how true that really was. " 'm sorry I made you think I didn'."
"It's fine, really, we're good. Now... I have an idea... and I want to discuss it with Dr. Nelson. Will you allow me to do that? I promise you will like what I'm planning. Actually I'm sure you will love it," Cath told him with a grin.
"What? Wha' are ya plannin'?"
"Uh uhn, it's a surprise, but you will love it."
"Hate surprises," Steve mumbled under his breath.
"Not this one... I promise," Cath told him with a smile.
" 'kay, fine. Go an' surprise me," Steve finally agreed.
He could see that it made Cath incredibly happy that he gave his okay to talk to his doctor. Sometimes it was really simple to do something that made another person smile. Steve decided to do that more often, and not be so negative all the time. That wasn't him anyway.
H50 - H50 - H50
So, what will Cath surprise him with? Any ideas? :-)