Author's Note: Hey, everybody! Just a week to go till Christmas, I hope you're all pumped : ) I saw the new Nick Christmas bumper on TV the other day with all the Nick stars which put me in the best mood I've been in all week. But enough about my holiday woes, I've got a killer chapter for you. And yes, sockstar, you will have to go camping for this one ; ) I hope you all like this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or 17 Again, only my creative whims.
Carly strolled through the patio door of her home, shaking her tousled black hair out of her face, which was covered with small beads of perspiration. She had been watering the plants and removing some unwanted weeds from the newly refurbished backyard. Her skin and clothing were caked in a thin layer of dirt and sweat and her hair was a mess. All she wanted to do right now was indulge in a long hot shower before sinking into her mattress and taking a much deserved nap.
Just as she entered the kitchen and removed her garden gloves, a sudden intake of breath alerted her to the fact that she wasn't alone in the house like she initially thought. She whipped around sharply and came face to face with none other than Felix Gibson leaning leisurely against the refrigerator, his signature smirk on his face.
"You scared me!" Carly exclaimed reproachfully.
"Sorry." Felix offered, sounding like he didn't mean it in the least.
"Felix, what are you doing here?" Carly demanded impatiently when she finally got her breath back.
"Looking for you," he replied nonchalantly.
"You shouldn't be here right now. I made my feelings very clear the other night when I told you to stay away from my kids and from me." Carly declared coldly.
Felix shrugged and moved away from the refrigerator door till he came to stand in front of Carly, his hands at his sides.
"You did. I just didn't believe you," he murmured confidently.
Carly was finding it difficult to concentrate with him standing so close to her, his cool breath fanning her cheeks and nose. He smelt so good, it was practically making her mouth water with desire.
"Felix, you need to go," Carly whispered through gritted teeth, trying her best to calm her rapidly beating heart.
"Why? Do I make you uncomfortable, Mrs. Benson?" Felix questioned seriously, tilting his head ever so slightly so that his forehead was almost touching Carly's.
"Yes," Carly admitted hoarsely.
"Do I make you uncomfortable…the good way?" Felix asked softly, a sly grin etched onto his face.
"No." Carly answered in as firm a voice as she could muster.
"Are you sure about that?" Felix questioned serenely, his fingertips moving idly through Carly's black tresses as he spoke.
"Y-yes." Carly replied hollowly, her breath catching in her throat while she made to move Felix's hand out of her hair.
"Now I definitely don't believe you," Felix whispered demurely, his lips a millimetre away from Carly's.
"Felix…" Carly whispered painstakingly, closing her eyes momentarily to give herself time to think.
"What is it, Carls?" Felix asked gently.
Carly opened up her eyes sharply and locked on Felix's hazel-brown orbs, staring lovingly back at her. They were the exact same shade as Freddie's eye colour. She gasped softly when his hands moved towards her cheeks to caress them gently.
"Tell me what you want me to do," he commanded patiently.
His fingertips were leaving a scorching trail of fire across her skin, causing her intake of breath to come out in shallow and unstable spurts, unlike what she initially planned. She had planned on saying something, anything to distract her long enough from the storm currently raging in her chest. But the words she needed and loathed to say most just wouldn't come.
"Stay," she mumbled drowsily, gazing deep into his eyes for the first time since his arrival.
That's when she felt her back hit the back of the kitchen counter and Felix's lips moving feverishly against hers, his hands moving around her waist to steady her. Her hands automatically moved towards the nape of his neck and towards the collar of his shirt, as if they had a mind of their own, pulling him infinitely closer till there was no more room between them as they kissed passionately. Then Felix's lips began worshipping Carly's neck and collarbone, causing her breath to come out like torrents of water crashing through an aqueduct. It was all too much – this intense feeling of falling accompanied by a bizarre feeling of drowning at the same time.
Before Carly could register this strange dichotomy of her varying emotions, Felix had scooped her up effortlessly into his arms, as if she didn't weigh a thing, as he carried her into the master bedroom. And then Carly's back hit the duvet on her bed soundlessly, Felix's body covering hers, hovering ever so slightly so as not to crush her beneath him. And Carly found that it was she who was most impatient of the two, pulling at the scruff of his shirt so that their lips were reunited once more. She groaned in ecstasy when Felix nipped sensually at her bottom lip, trapping that little bit of her skin between his teeth with sudden ferocity that made her want to whimper with pleasure if she weren't already otherwise occupied. With surprising agility, Carly changed their positions so that she was on top, straddling Felix's hips and kissing him furiously, weaving her fingers through the strands of his heavenly hair. The faint pressure of his hands on her waist caused Carly to break their kiss mid-way and begin moaning his name sharply.
"Felix…" she whispered huskily, her eyes shut tightly as she drank in his angelic scent.
"Freddie…" she gasped out when she felt his lips on the bottom of her chin.
And before Carly could stop him, Felix had shifted their weight once more to put himself back on top. The abrupt action caused them both to lost their balance and tumble over the edge of the bed.
But Carly was the only one who actually made it to the ground. Groaning softly and massaging the side of her head that had met the wooden tiles, Carly sat upright with her legs crossed and glanced in confusion around her bedroom.
Where had Felix gone?
And that's when the truth hit her with crestfallen foolhardiness.
It had all been a dream. Felix wasn't here, he hadn't set foot in her house since she had ordered him away from her and her kids. Exhausted from her activities in the garden, she had collapsed onto her bed and dozed off immediately. Carly cursed quietly at the sudden realisation, revealing her inner frustration at not realising any of this sooner.
This was the third time that she had had a dream about the mysterious teenage boy who had abruptly entered her life and that of her family's. Each dream had been different in setting and dialogue, but the theme was innately the same every time: Carly fighting off a persistent Felix and failing miserably each time. Why was she having these erotic dreams about someone more than 10 years her junior? And more importantly, why did she always make an uncanny connection back to Freddie right before the dream's end?
I kind of thought that I'd be better all by myself
I've never been so wrong before
Carly knew exactly why this was happening, but had been purposely avoiding dealing with the inner turmoil in her heart that was becoming more and more difficult to ignore. This was all because of Freddie's letter that Felix had read out in the courtroom three days ago. The two seemed completely inseparable in her head now. She could still see Felix's pained expression in her mind's eye when he had locked eyes with her before leaving the courtroom with Gibby in tow. Why had he looked at her like that? It was almost as if he knew exactly what Freddie was feeling, what he'd been trying to express in the letter he had written to her.
You've made it impossible for me to ever love somebody else
And now I don't know what I left you for
And then there was the letter too that was frustrating Carly to no end. Not a single scratch of pen inked onto the page to convey what Felix had read out. But he had known exactly what to say – how? Too many questions and not enough answers to make any of the scenarios playing out in Carly's mind probable. She was feeling a steady migraine coming on from trying to figure any of this out, and the web history on her laptop wasn't helping matters either.
Spencer had asked her two nights ago if he could borrow her computer to surf the web – he hadn't said for what reason though. And in her annoyance the day before, Carly had found her bookmark menu riddled with a score of ridiculously-sounding websites that seemed to be about 'reincarnation', 'transformation' and the like. After practically being raised by Spencer nearly all her life and having insight into his eccentric tastes, Carly had learnt a long time ago not to question her older brother's strange whims. But even this sudden interest in Theology and the occult was a little worrying to her. What had he been trying to look for?
After some deliberation, Carly finally opened up her laptop and began looking at some of the websites that Spencer had dredged up. And what she discovered from the little that even Spencer had been able to piece together himself made her all the more disconcerted. Without thinking twice about it, Carly grabbed the wireless phone in her bedroom and started dialling Sam's number.
"You've reached Sam Puckett's private line. I hope you're tall, dark, handsome and carrying a ham 'cause Momma don't like to beg for her meat." Sam purred sensually on the other end.
"Oh my God, Sam. How many times have I asked you not to answer your phone like that? It's just plain wrong," Carly complained in a revolted tone.
"It wouldn't be wrong if you just dialled my normal line and not my private line," Sam responded unabashedly.
"I forgot the number for the normal line," Carly quipped sheepishly.
Sam's ears pricked up at the sudden melancholy evident in her best friend's tone. Something was definitely up.
"What's on your mind, Cupcake? You're breathing harder than a fat kid on the look-out for Eskimo pie," Sam noted shrewdly.
"Sam, can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can, Carls."
"No bullshit answers?"
"I promise, no bullshit answers. Spit it out, Kid." Sam urged seriously.
Carly took a deep breath before answering, the phone attached tightly to her ear.
"Sam, do you believe in reincarnation?" she asked softly.
"Which part?" Sam questioned sceptically.
"The part where…do you think a person can come back…but as someone else?" Carly queried seriously, biting her bottom lip nervously while she awaited Sam's answer.
"You mean like if James Dean came back as say…Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino?" Sam asked quizzically.
"Yeah, something like that," Carly relented, even though the comparison puzzled her to no end.
"Is this about Freddie's letter and that Felix kid?" Sam pressed instinctively.
"Maybe," Carly relented uncomfortably.
"Look, Carls, we've been over this already. It was a beautiful letter…beautifully dorky and corny, much like Freddie. But you shouldn't let yourself get sucked back into all of that drama. Freddie's just trying to mess with your head," Sam answered painstakingly.
"What if he's not, Sam? What if he really meant it?" Carly persisted vehemently.
"Meant it? Carly, if he had meant it, he would've at least showed up at the courtroom to stop you from going through with the divorce. Instead, he lets Gibby march into the courtroom like the chump that he is, followed by his obnoxious son who by the way, read you a letter from a blank page. You can't possibly buy that he cares about you just from that," Sam spat derisively.
I thought that I could replace you
You can't love me the way you do
Till now
I never knew
But then she stopped short abruptly, an involuntary gasp coming out of her mouth a second later. And Carly knew that her best friend was finally grasping what she was trying to imply.
"Carls? Please…please tell me that all that reincarnation stuff you're talking about isn't because of…Felix?" Sam asked in horror.
"Sam, listen to me," Carly tried, but to no avail.
"No! You can't be serious! Carly, it's impossible that Felix is Freddie!" Sam exclaimed hysterically.
"But he could be, Sam! All the evidence is there! The way he looks, the way he talks. And how he seems to know certain things about me and the kids," Carly protested heatedly.
I tried to tell myself that I'd be over you in a week or two
But baby, that was 'bout a year ago
"He could've found all of that stuff out from Gibby – he knows you almost well as I do or the nub for that matter. Based on what I saw at Gibby's house the other night, it's obvious that Felix likes you. He could be stalking you for all you know." Sam stated worriedly.
"I don't think he's doing that, Sam. I haven't seen him since two days ago in the courtroom. And I don't think that Matt's even spoken to him either." Carly replied calmly.
"Maybe he's not stalking you, but it's still a little weird." Sam stated with revulsion.
"Carls, for all you know, Felix could've made the whole thing up about Freddie writing a letter! Did you stop to consider that?" she demanded excitably.
"I don't think he'd do that, Sam. You saw the way he looked right after he finished 'reading the letter', he was totally heartbroken. Besides, Gibby would never let his own son get away with something like that," Carly protested vehemently.
"I thought you just said that Felix isn't really Gibby's son," Sam reminded shrewdly.
Carly groaned in exasperation, causing Sam to chuckle with satisfaction.
"I really don't think that you can explain any of this away with reincarnation, Carly." Sam remarked more sympathetically than before.
"Have you seen Freddie at all since that day two months ago when you walked in on us having that big fight?" Carly demanded impatiently.
"Well no, but-"
"Don't you think that's a little weird, Sam?"
"A little! But that doesn't mean that Freddie's disappeared and come back as a 17 year old kid, Carly. Besides, doesn't he have to be dead first for that to happen?" Sam questioned sensibly.
Carly hadn't considered that. And now that Sam had mentioned it, her entire theory seemed to fall flat on its face.
"Carly, I don't think you're worried about Freddie and Felix being the same person." Sam remarked knowingly.
"I'm not?" Carly asked in surprise, not expecting this from her best friend.
"No, I don't. I think what really worries you is that you're getting the two of them mixed up in your head." Sam answered quietly.
"What do you mean?" Carly demanded sharply.
"Felix isn't Freddie. But maybe you wish that he was because it reminds you of who Freddie used to be and how much the two of you loved each other before everything went to hell." Sam responded earnestly.
I've never seen the word 'love' so personified as I do with you
And that is why I just can't let go
Carly chewed on her bottom lip for quite some time while digesting this piece of information.
"So what are you saying? You think I'm still in love with Freddie?" she asked quietly after a long pause.
I'm spoiled by your love
Boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point?
It's just a waste of time
"You tell me. You postponed the court date. What did you do it for?" Sam questioned seriously.
I'm spoiled by your touch
The love you give is just too hard to find
Don't wanna live without you in my life
I'm spoiled
Spoiled
"I don't know, I guess I just need time to think about things and sort through my feelings. I don't wanna do anything rash," Carly murmured truthfully.
And I would only be fooling myself
If I tried to believe there's room
For someone else in my heart
"That's a good idea." Sam agreed readily.
"Maybe I do still love him, Sam." Carly conceded after a long while
"I'm just not sure if it changes anything," she concluded sadly.
There ain't no way I'm getting over you
I don't know what I've been trying to prove
I'm hopeless, helpless
When it comes to you
And while Carly continued her conversation with Sam, the object of her affections stood alone on a basketball court at Ridgeway waiting for someone. The person whom he was supposed to be meeting came strolling towards him slowly, carrying an orange basketball in his hands.
"Hey, Matt." Freddie greeted solemnly.
"Hey, Felix." Matt greeted back, matching his tone.
"Thanks for meeting with me. I really appreciate you coming," Freddie thanked sincerely.
"No problem," Matt replied stoically.
"So…what's on your mind?" he asked after a few seconds of silence.
"I just wanted to meet with you to tell you in person about how sorry I am for what went down at the party the other night," Freddie began painstakingly.
"Felix-"
"Just hear me out for a second. What happened with your Mom…I was way out of line for kissing her and I'm really sorry it happened." Freddie continued sincerely.
Matt studied his friend's face for a few seconds till it made Freddie slightly uncomfortable.
"So…when you went out of your way to be friendly to me that day in the bathroom…while we were friends the whole time, you weren't just using me to get close to my Mom?" Matt asked carefully.
"God, no! Matt, it wasn't like that, I promise you. I became friends with you because I thought you were a cool guy, I still do. I know that we probably can't go back to the way it was before, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, I never went out of my way to hurt you. You have to believe me." Freddie pleaded vehemently, unshed tears stinging his eyes mercilessly.
"It's ok, bro. I believe you." Matt replied graciously, throwing Freddie a small smile.
Then he did something that surprised Freddie even more: he held out his fist towards him. Freddie took the gesture gratefully and bumped his fist against his son's as a sign of solidarity. Then Matt began chuckling softly, which amazed Freddie to no end.
"What?" Freddie asked curiously.
"You have a crush on my mom," Matt replied with a smirk on his face reminiscent of his father's.
Freddie blushed a deep shade of red at this and began spluttering abashedly.
"I wouldn't call it a crush exactly, it's more like admiration and…"
"Felix, it's cool. It weirds me out a little, but I get it. I don't blame you entirely for liking her, my Mom's pretty amazing." Matt intercepted graciously, a sense of pride filling his tone when he spoke about Carly.
"You're right, she is." Freddie agreed sincerely.
"It's too bad that my Dad doesn't get it. He had a chance to make things right by coming to the courthouse the other day and he didn't even pitch. He just sent a letter with you and Uncle Gibby." Matt retorted, his tone rife with disappointment.
This remark tore at Freddie's insides like a punch straight to the gut. But he kept his emotions in check and looked at his son steadily as he spoke.
"You're right, it sucks that he didn't come, Matt. For what it's worth, he regrets that he couldn't be there. I guess writing a letter to your Mom was a final ditch-effort for him to let her know…let you and Corrie know too that he still cares." Freddie offered earnestly.
"I guess," Matt remarked with a shrug.
"Before you go, I wanna give you this," Freddie stated abruptly, reaching quickly into his jeans pocket.
He retrieved a small object and placed it awkwardly into his son's hand. Matt glanced down at his hand and saw what looked like a key ring with a small basketball attached to it made out of pewter.
"What's this?" Matt asked quizzically.
"My mom gave this to me when I played my very first basketball game. I've never played a single game without this pendant attached to the chain that I wear around my neck. Maybe it's kind of corny, but it's like a good luck charm to me. I hope it'll bring you some luck along the way too. I wanted to give it to you before the last game of the season tomorrow in case I don't see you afterwards." Freddie explained hurriedly.
Matt sensed there was more than what Felix was telling him.
"What do you mean? Are you going somewhere?" he asked suspiciously.
"Well, there's college after graduation, which is a couple of weeks away. I've been accepted into a few places out of state, but I haven't decided where to go yet." Freddie offered in a non-committal tone.
"So you're leaving?" Matt asked sadly.
"Yeah, I am. I just need a clean slate, somewhere new to start over." Freddie replied, matching his son's tone.
"Well, it sucks that you have to leave. I hope you find what you're looking for, bro." Matt offered stoically.
"Yeah, me too." Freddie responded gravely.
As he prepared to leave, Freddie thought of something else he wanted to say to his son.
"Matt?"
"Yeah, Felix?"
"Are we still friends?" Freddie asked weakly, afraid of the answer he would receive.
Without warning, Matt moved towards Freddie and gave him a quick brotherly hug before pulling away.
"Yeah, we're still friends, Felix, but my family needs me right now. My mom's going through such a hard time with her and my Dad getting divorced and Corrie's still upset about breaking up with Reed. I've gotta be there for them as much as I can. You understand, right?" Matt asked seriously.
Freddie understood all too well. And he couldn't have been prouder of his son if he tried.
"Yeah, I understand." Freddie answered sincerely.
"Thank you for the lucky charm…and for all your help with Nicole. I wouldn't have had a shot with her if it hadn't been for you," Matt thanked earnestly.
"You don't have to thank me for that. You're the one who did all the hard work and plucked up the courage to talk to her in the first place. I just provided the party that screwed everything up," Freddie reasoned sardonically on the last part, causing Matt to guffaw loudly.
"I'd better get going," Freddie greeted slowly as he made to leave.
"You got a lot to do today?" Matt inquired curiously.
"I'm doing the rounds with different people today. You're not the only person I have to apologise to." Freddie joked lightly, causing Matt to laugh.
"See ya around," Freddie greeted brighly.
Matt smiled at him and waved. As Freddie started walking away, he looked back once more and saw Matt begin his round of basketball drills. He grinned to himself when his son made a flawless 3-point shot, the ball swishing comfortably through the net.
Freddie felt distinctly out of place in this lavish neighbourhood, preparing to ring the impressive doorbell on the house which he stood outside of. But he squared his shoulders and rang the doorbell, clutching a piece of paper in his hand. Gibby would most likely dip him in bacon fat and roast him over an open flame if he knew what he'd taken from his private collection, but Freddie was desperate to make amends. And if that meant violating certain codes of discretion between best friends, then so be it.
He heard soft footsteps approaching the door before it opened, revealing Tasha Baxter on the other side.
"Felix?" Tasha asked in surprise, opening the front door wider to get a better look at him.
"Hi…Principal Baxter," Freddie greeted with an awkward wave.
"Felix, what are you doing here?" Tasha demanded in amazement.
"Do you mind if I come in for just a second?" Freddie asked gently.
"Just for a second to talk," he added hurriedly when Tasha looked like she might refuse.
With a deep sigh, Tasha finally relented and allowed Freddie to walk past her as she softly shut her front door behind her. Then the two stood together in the hallway of her house in somewhat of an awkward stance: Tasha folding her arms tightly over her chest while Freddie's arms swung at his sides.
"You have a lovely home," Freddie noted with evident awe in his tone while he subtly surveyed his surroundings.
"Thank you, Felix." Tasha replied graciously.
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked pointedly, her tone business-like taking effect once more.
"Well, you see…it's about my Dad actually," Freddie began hesitantly, still uncomfortable with referring to Gibby in this manner in front of his high school principal.
Tasha sighed again, but didn't say anything in response, allowing Freddie to continue.
"Look, it was all my idea to throw a victory party for the basketball team at my house, my Dad didn't even know about it. I took advantage of the fact because I knew that he wanted to take you out to dinner on the same night-"
"Felix, I think that's very sweet of you and loyal to take your Dad's side, I wouldn't expect anything else in a similar situation. I also appreciate you coming here and taking responsibility for your actions, that's a very mature thing to do. But this is between me and your Dad. We're both grown-ups and we'll deal with the matter accordingly." Tasha intercepted in a sensibly firm tone.
Then something else began bothering Tasha while she studied Freddie's face.
"Did your Dad send you here to talk to me?" she prodded suspiciously.
"My Dad doesn't even know I'm here," Freddie explained swiftly, causing Tasha to widen her eyes in surprise.
"And he'd probably kill me if he knew I was here talking to you. I'm gonna go now. But there is something I want to leave you with."
Freddie unfolded the slip of paper in his hand and gave it to Tasha who examined it with a raised eyebrow.
"What's this?" she asked curiously.
Oh, it's Carnival Night
And they're stringing the lights around you
Hanging paper angels
Painting little devils on the roof
"I know my Dad's not the coolest or the smoothest guy in the world. He says a lot of inappropriate things when he's nervous and he spends way too much time playing video games. With that said, I've never seen him look at anyone else the way he looks at you, Principal Baxter. He really likes you a lot and even though he'd never admit it to me in a million years, he really wants you to give him another chance. I hope that slip of paper I just gave you will help convince you of the kind of man my Dad really is and not who he's pretending to be." Freddie concluded seriously.
Oh, the furnace wind
There's a flickering of wings about your face
In a cloud of incense
Yeah, it smells like heaven in this place
"You have a good day, Principal Baxter."
He grinned one last time at her before letting himself out through the front door. Tasha stared at the door for a good minute before turning her attention to the paper that Felix had just handed her.
A dream that flies
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
It goes from every corner of your life
She went to sit down on the sofa in her living room and grabbed her reading glasses from the coffee table. She realised with sudden chagrin that Felix had given her a poem which looked like it was written by Gibby.
Up in the balconies
All the Romeos are bleeding for your hand
Throwing theatre kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand
"'The Fly and the Sun'," Tasha read aloud, frowning again at the strange title located at the top of the page.
She pursed her lips and began reading over the scrawling script:
I can't eat, can't sleep
Still I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside
My Tasha
Angelic Cherubim
Radiant Beauty
Your brilliance is like the glistening sun
And I, pestilent fly
Flew too close to your burning flame
Now I'm falling quickly, meeting gravity head on
No wings to help me glide
No parachute to break my stride
No loving arms or caresses to warm my bones
No whisper or lullabies to silence this buzzing drone
Pitiable creature am I
Hopeless, witless, foolish fly
But who will deny me metaphor or pun?
Hapless fly who collided purposely with the scorching sun
Tell me how you know now
The ways and means of getting in underneath my skin
Oh you were always my original sin
Tasha's breath caught abruptly in her throat, feeling like she couldn't breathe for a moment. Just to make sure that she'd read the words correctly, as if they belonged to another hand, she poured over the contents of the poem several more times, drinking in the words like a baby tasting milk for the first time. Soon she became so absorbed in her task that she didn't notice the seconds, and later the hours, ticking away seamlessly.
Tell me why I shudder inside
Every time we begin this dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin
Freddie made it back to Gibby's home quite quickly after his rendezvous with Tasha. He didn't say where he'd been and Gibby hadn't asked either, sitting on his sofa with his laptop in his lap, playing a video game with yet another adolescent online player. Gibby had his earphones tightly shoved into his ears and Freddie wasn't slow in noticing that Gibby's usual taunts to his young opponent weren't nearly as robust or as obnoxious as usual. Sighing quietly, Freddie made his way into his bedroom and plonked himself onto his bed, more than willing to take a nap and just drift off for a little while.
But unlike his best intentions, sleep didn't provide him the necessary relief that he desired or enough of a distraction from his abstract thoughts. And he awoke two hours later, disgruntled and groggy, his thoughts drifted absurdly back to one particular inanimate object: the hammock. Why Freddie wasn't suddenly preoccupied with the fact that he had never finished it was anyone's guess. But it was plaguing his mind now, taunting him and every other endeavour he had never been able to complete, including his marriage. Carly's words about the unfinished hammock from their previous argument kept ringing in his ears like a persistent gong.
What had become of it?
He, Matt, Carly and Spencer had moved it out of the backyard and stored it in the garage while refurbishing the garden. He remembered how weighty it had felt on his back when he had moved with it, as it was tied to him both literally and figuratively.
Why had he never fixed it?
In Carly's words, he had simply given up trying. That part was true, but there was more to it. He had been afraid to finish it. If he had completed it, would it have changed anything? That sense of finishing that measly contraption and moving onto the next bout of nothingness, that insoluble feeling of failure which constantly plagued him, he just couldn't do it.
But what left now?
Suddenly, Freddie was on his feet, having climbed out of bed and hastened to put on a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie over his boxers and vest and sneakers on his feet. It was pure lunacy to even consider going back to his former home, especially if anyone (or more specifically, Carly) caught him in the act. But he had to try, he had to make it right somehow.
Sneaking into the backyard had been infinitely easy. With his newfound agility and strength, Freddie scaled the wooden gate in one fell swoop, landing soundlessly on his two feet. Sneaking into the garage to grab the hammock and the necessary tools on the other hand proved to be a Herculean task. But to Freddie's relief, no one came out to inspect the slight noises he made when he dragged the unfinished hammock onto the wooden deck. It was nearly 7pm and the moon was already high in the sky, reflecting off of the plants in the backyard. He could only see one light on in the house near his and Carly's bedroom. He surmised that Corrie, Matt must be out for the night. Spencer's room was near the back; if he was in his room, he probably wouldn't come out to inspect. With that added assurance, Freddie ripped off his hoodie and tossed it to the side and began his work.
Once upon a time
We swore not to say goodbye
Something got a hold of us and we changed
After her phone conversation with Sam a few hours prior, Carly had left the house abruptly and taken to driving around the city for a while with no set destination. She had gotten home around 5pm and found that she still had the house to herself. Corrie was sleeping over at Michelle's house and Matt was out on a date with his new girlfriend, Nicole. Spencer was having dinner with a prospective client who wanted him to make a sculpture for a new art gallery opening up downtown. Still feeling decidedly abstract from her talk with Sam and her own lingering thoughts about Freddie, Carly immediately went to the attic and began sifting through some of hers and Freddie's boxes of prized possessions from their high school days.
Then you sat alone in pride
And I sat at home and cried
How'd our fairytale just end up this way?
It took a long while to find what she was looking for. But when she found it, she dusted off the faded blue book and took it out of the attic with her and made her way back into her bedroom. Switching on her bedside lamp, Carly crept under the covers and began skimming through the contents of her old yearbook from senior year.
I can't wait to hate you
Make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
She smiled when she caught sight of Gibby's main picture, his goofy face grinning back at her in his normal clothes and in his mascot uniform. Then she turned a few pages to get to Sam's picture. Her best friend still looked as imposing as ever, the only difference being that she was more aware of her beauty and her sex appeal, using it constantly as a tool to ensnare unsuspecting men. She looked at any and every picture while trying her hardest to ignore the one picture she wanted to see most. Finally, with a sigh of resignation, Carly began turning the pictures towards the front part of the alphabetical list of her senior class till she came to the letter 'B'.
I can't wait to face you
Break you down so low there's no place left to go
And there he was: his signature smirk etched on his striking face, brown eyes sparkling with mischief, his shaggy brown hair looking mussed and tousled against the blue backdrop of the artificial screen behind him. After years of suffering through his mother's ritual hair cuts, Freddie had insisted on growing out his hair during senior year and Carly hadn't minded in the least. It made it all the more easy for her to run her hands through it when she kissed him, which happened quite often. Her fingers began tracing fine lines along the glossy page till they reached his eyes, lingering ever so slightly on his mouth while he smiled up at her…
I can't wait to hate you
She couldn't look at him anymore; it dredged up too many memories that she would prefer stay dead and buried. In her sudden annoyance, Carly closed the yearbook with a loud snap and tossed it haphazardly beside her. That's when she heard the slightest of noises coming from the backyard which sounded like footsteps. She sat up straight atop her duvet and listened intently.
Freddie was just putting the finishing touches to the hammock. He had discarded of his vest 30 minutes ago, his upper-body gleaming with sweat while he worked tirelessly. After screwing in the nails once more, he shifted the hammock slightly so that it rested in a better position on the wooden deck. Then after putting his vest back on, he examined his handiwork with a strange sense of pride. It looked better than he could've possibly imagined, its freshness feeling like an omen of new and exciting things to come.
But then came the hard part when Freddie finally realised with a sinking sensation in his belly that nothing new was happening, but that everything was ending, and far quicker than he ever believed.
We went round for round till we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring not making a sound
And if that's a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye?
He had only had just enough time to leave behind some mementos when he heard sudden footsteps coming towards the patio door. He grabbed his hoodie and leapt off the deck onto the gravel pathway and hid quickly behind a clump of bushes. He had made it just in time when none other than Carly opened up the sliding doors and switched on the lights to the patio.
Everything appeared to be exactly as it should be. Perhaps she had imagined that she'd heard footsteps in the garden. Just as she was about to berate herself for being far too neurotic, Carly turned to her left and recognised what had been wrong with the picture all along.
The old hammock was on the deck.
This was a love phenomenon that no one could explain
And I wish I could press reset and feel that feeling again
But it was no longer dusty, splintered or mouldy-looking. It was bright, shiny and new. The wood had been sanded down and varnished to make it gleam and blue and white cotton cloths upon which the recipient slept had been attached to the device.
Carly surmised correctly that whoever she thought might've been in the garden a few minutes ago could have something to do with the hammock being in its current position.
I sit and press rewind
And watch us every night
Wanna pause it, but I can't make it stay
But who had finished it? And where were they now?
Carly glanced frantically around the garden before her, her eyes lingering on a particular bush momentarily before she digressed. Then she saw a piece of paper resting on top of the hammock. Curious, she moved towards the hammock and picked up the piece of paper, which was the exact shade of blue as the hammock. It was a letter, written in an untidy scrawl, which read:
I wish I could finish everything I started.
Freddie.
That's when she noticed the metallic object she had cast aside in her haste to read the letter. It had been resting on top of the page and Carly finally recognised it as Freddie's gold wedding band.
It was a short letter, far shorter than the one Felix had read out in the courtroom. But the message behind this letter was infinitely clearer than its predecessor. The former had declared Freddie's love for her in abound. The latter, however, practically dismissed the former.
No need to call my phone 'cause I changed my number today
Matter fact, I think I'm movin' away
Sorry this frustration's got me fading away
And I just keep having one last thing to say
A tear slipped from Carly's eye, which she wiped at hastily while she pocketed Freddie's ring. And she stood there on the deck for a long while, holding the blue piece of paper in her hand and reading the letter over and over again.
And I just wanna hold you
Touch you, feel you, be near you
I miss you
Baby, baby, baby
Freddie watched her from the bush where he hid, a forlorn expression on his face. There was no point wishing that he could undo every last cruel thing he'd ever said and done to hurt Carly. They were past the point of no return now.
I'm tired of trying to fake through
But there's nothing I can do
Boy I can't wait to hate you
With a heavy heart, Freddie made sure that Carly was otherwise absorbed in reading his letter before he slunk away from his hiding place. He made the leap over the gate without a sound before Carly could even register that she was well and truly alone in the backyard.
And then he trudged slowly into the night, his hands deep in his pockets, back to his own personal exile.
Musical References:
1) "Spoiled" by Joss Stone
2) "Original Sin" by Elton John
3) "H.A.T.E.U." by Mariah Carey
Author's Note: Phew, I definitely broke a mental sweat while writing this. I hope you all enjoyed the Creddie-ness (or Celix) at the start of the chapter, I do so love to embellish ; ) A special thank you to The Earl of Sandwich and chapter 1 of "No River To Take Me Home" for inspiring Gibby's poem to Tasha. In case anyone's wondering, I did actually write the poem, just wanted to clear that up. With a playlist of some of my favourite ballads, writing this chapter was easily the highlight of my entire week. Thank you to all of you out there for making it a pleasure to write this story. Happy holidays to all of you!