A/N: …I know what this looks like…but let me explain: I wanted to write a chapter that was based off of an idea given to me by mockingjay-lawliet-paramore, but then I got to thinking; I just wrote TWO OTHER CHAPTERS containing characters singing popular tunes for our generation. And…well, this isn't a songfic, so why keep doing that?
Therefore, being the captain of this fine vessel, I steered this story in A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION! Hope you will still enjoy reading this!
Disclaimer: Me no own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Disney, Square Enix, any of the crusty old guys at Square (I'm kidding, I'm kidding…), etc.
The train slowly pulled to a stop right outside of the Cosmetics aisle at the very back of the store. From a spectator's point of view, it looked as if four sketchy guys in black coats stumbled out of a still-moving train, tripped over each other until they just looked like a jumbled ball of people, straightened themselves out, fixed their hair at lightning-fast speed, ran like total loons into the makeup department, and jumped some poor guy with wild red hair. In actuality…yeah, that's basically how it happened.
"There he is!" screamed Zexion, who was sitting in the set closest to the train's exit. The four of them all sat up at once, but Riku was the one who made it out the door first. He burst out the hatch and skidded to a halt as he glanced downwards and gasped in horror. "Huh, it's a good thing I noticed that my shoes were untied. Some other idiot would have tripped and gotten themselves in an accident," he said to himself, bending down to tie his shoelaces.
The other three squeezed out the exit at the same time, slamming into Riku with such force that all their hoods and zippers got caught within each other and pressed them all together into a giant ball.
Roxas batted them all away with the Keyblade and freed himself first, heading towards the red-headed pyro. Pretty soon, the others were free as well, and heading in for the kill.
"Aku!" shouted Roxas adoringly, giving him a big hug.
Axel blushed at being called his embarrassing nickname in public, but screamed like a woman as the others rushed forward and tackled him to the ground.
Zexion jumped up and gave Roxas a fist-bump once Demyx and Riku had secured the target, meaning they tied Axel to a coupon dispenser. "Nice distraction, Roxas!" Zexion said like an army general. He handed Roxas 50 munny.
Axel squirmed in his prison. "Wha—Hey, Roxas!" he cried, watching his best friend deceive him.
Roxas chuckled evilly in response, but stopped breathing when he laid eyes on Axel's shopping cart. "OH. MY. ANSEM," he breathed, setting his gaze on the children's seat at the front of the cart. He jumped, flipped over the handle of the vehicle, and plopped himself down on the hard, plastic seat. "Teehee…" he giggled, kicking his legs in excitement.
Zexion reached into Axel's back pocket, trying to find what he had already taken from the store. "Yikes! What're you doing?" screeched Axel, trying to shift away from Zexion's cold hands.
Zexion rolled his eyes and reached into Axel's boot. "I'm trying to find—aha!" He took his hand out and held a bottle of Shadow's Breath.
Demyx took the time out of his sadness to be confused. "Why would he need Shadow's Breath?" he asked.
Zexion narrowed his eyes. "Hmm…" he said, deep in thought. He suddenly ripped Axel's boot clean off his foot and shook it like crazy. "Shadow's Breath is a mixture that is only compatible with other mixtures of the same compound, usually making elixirs that affect someone's voice."
"Geek!" Axel coughed, averting his eyes as the others snickered.
Suddenly, hundreds of tiny bottles poured out of Axel's boot, all with their own colors and labels.
Zexion picked each of them up, examining their titles. "Wyvern's Wart? Eye of Neoshadow? Large Body Lard? This could only mean one thing…"
"Nerd!" Riku sneezed, pretending to be deeply interested in the makeup on sale as he felt the Cloaked Schemer's eyes bore into the back of his head.
Zexion went back to his conclusion as he paced up and down the aisle. "That means that you decided to get revenge on Vexen by making him go through the same experience as you only worse, meaning that you were going to use these potions and mixtures to form some sort of vocal-messing megalixir to make him sing some sort of embarrassing tune, hence the Lard, except you were probably planning to broadcast it on World-Wide television so that whenever he goes on a mission for the rest of his miserable life he will still hear the mocking laughter of friends, colleagues, and even strangers, correct?"
"Pfft, no dip, Sherlock!" Roxas scoffed.
This time, Zexion was sure he heard someone making fun of him, thus he whipped out his Lexicon, mumbled some magical mumbo-jumbo, and caused the young boy's mouth to zipper shut.
Demyx was now fully involved in the situation. "But wait, didn't he mumble something before about 'tights'?"
Axel pretended to look away. Zexion scrunched up his nose as he realized that someone was trying to out stage him, but paused as he realized that, now that Demyx mentioned it, he did say something about…
*FLASHBACK TIME!*
"So…do you have any pets?"
Jasmine smiled sweetly. "Oh yes," she said. "There's my pet goldfish, whom I call Goldie; my pet lizard, whom I call Scaley; and—oh! How could I forget my cat, Rajah—"
"Oh, well that's very—GAAAHHH!"
As if on cue, a giant tiger leapt up from behind Jasmine's stool and began clawing at Demyx's face like a new toy.
Axel continued to scheme behind him. "Yes, that's right…potion…I'll make him…and tights…oh man…I am good!"
Zexion tried clapping his hands in front of Axel's face, but he couldn't bring him back. "We're losing him!" he shouted.
*FLASHBACK ENDS!*
Everyone stared at Axel for a long moment. Axel pretended to whistle a completely non-related tune, his eyes looking down at his shoes.
Zexion grabbed the hem of Axel's coat and lifted it upwards, only to have everyone see Axel wearing a pair of pink tights, exactly like he said.
Riku cleared his throat. "…T-That's just disturbing…" he mumbled. When no one else responded, he turned to Zexion. "Zexion?"
Zexion's face was bright red. "I-I…um…I didn't think…sorry," he said briefly, dropping Axel's coat back where it belonged. Demyx was too busy being sad, and Roxas was too buys semi-spinning around in his seat, singing "Spinning spinning, round and round…"
After another prolonged silence, Axel snapped, "I couldn't find anywhere else to put them, okay?"
Suddenly, Axel's phone began to ring.
'Cause when I'm kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find
Falls right into place, you're all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you…
Zexion went as stiff as a board. "Please don't tell me that your phone is in your tights," he said.
Axel grinned. "Okay, my phone is not in my tights," he said, almost implying that it was. When Zexion's eye began to twitch, Axel shook his head vigorously, causing his phone to fly out of his mass of spiky red locks and hit Roxas in the nose. "Oh, sorry Roxy!" he cried.
"Mmph-mmphh!" Roxas replied, his voice muffled by the zipper over his lips.
As Zexion grabbed the phone to answer it, Riku put his hand to his chin. "Wait, I thought Zexion told me that you're ringtone was 'Simple and Clean'?"
Axel shrugged and shifted around a little. "I…switched from Verizon to Sprint, so…they changed the ringtones on me…" he mumbled, making it up as he went along. Silly Axel, everyone knows that Verizon is better than Sprint.
Zexion flipped open the phone and answered. "Hello?"
"She's tearing the place apart!"
Zexion's blood ran cold. "L-Larxene's on another one of her rampages?" he asked in a low voice so as not to attract any attention.
"You'd think a sweet-looking girl like that wouldn't have a demon inside her…but she's a monster…"
Zexion shrugged. "Well, that's Larxene for ya," he said casually.
"…N-Not Larxene…someone else…"
"…Who?" Zexion didn't know of any other women who knew how to enter the castle.
"…Run and hide, Zexion. I won't be able to talk much longer…my time is running short as it is…"
"Hey man, just take it easy! Just tell me who…"
"XIGBAR!"
"Oh crap."
…
"Your call has been disconnected…"
Zexion tossed the phone aside and untied Axel from his post. "We gotta go," he said, rushing to get Axel down from his perch.
Axel fell on his butt, his head hitting a makeup sample tray on the way down. "Yeesh," he winced, rubbing his aching everything. "What's the big idea?"
"Trouble at the castle," said Zexion. And that's all he had to say. The others swiftly nodded their heads and followed Zexion's lead as he rushed through a dark corridor.
Roxas squirmed around in his seat, but no matter how hard he tried he could not get his legs out of the leg holes. He pushed and he pulled. "Mmph-mmph!" he groaned. "Mmph-mmph!"
When the others continued walking on without him, Roxas sighed and leaned forward, causing the whole cart to move forward two inches.
Smiling at his sudden epiphany, Roxas shifted his weight forward, grunting and panting as he struggled to move forward. Only a few feet from the entrance of darkness, Roxas gave himself one final push, causing the whole cart to tip forward.
Thankfully though, the Organization didn't have to pay for any cart damage, considering Roxas' face broke…the fall.
At the Castle That Never Was….
Zexion, Axel, Demyx, and Riku appeared at their homebase a few moments afterwards, their footsteps being the only sound they heard in the usually bustling castle. …Okay, maybe it wasn't always bustling, but it was still eerily quiet.
Zexion strained his ears, but still he heard nothing. "Something's not quite right," he whispered.
The three of them inched forward simultaneously, creeping along so slow that they all jumped out of their socks when a hand suddenly sprang up from a loose floorboard, grabbed Demyx by the ankle, and pulled him under without a sound.
Demyx struggled to adjust his eyes to the dim lighting underneath the floor. "What the…?" he said, realizing that nine other faces were staring back at him.
"Gaah!" he cried, realizing that the whole rest of the Organization was hiding under here.
As if it weren't weird enough, Marluxia hung leis around his neck. Now he matched everyone else sitting down there. "Welcome," he said gently.
Demyx opened his mouth to say something, closed it, clenched his fists like he was going to yell, but didn't, and finally growled and said, "What are you guys doing down here?"
Xigbar lay curled up on the floor opposite him. He pressed his knees up against his chest. "Hiding," he grumbled.
Vexen nodded, his eyes holding a crazed glimmer. "They took everything away from us!" he glowered.
"We couldn't bare it any longer!" Lexaeus wailed.
"Who took what away from you?" cried Demyx, a little creeped out at this whole situation.
"Yuffie," they all chanted at the same time.
Demyx's heart stopped. It was Yuffie. The girl who dressed up as an arctic mammal, the girl who saved his life, the girl who shared his love for anything H2o, the girl who sipped wine with him while they listened to Michael Buble, the girl who agreed to spend the rest of her life with him, the girl who said "I do", the girl who lied about everything, the girl who broke his heart, the girl who…
"Okay, you really have to stop doing that," said Xaldin, staring at the strange, goofy-nostalgic look on Demyx's face.
After the others explained to Demyx what the heck was going on, Demyx went silent for a long time. Finally, he spoke up. "So, you're telling me that Yuffie came in here, claiming that she had 'marriage rights'?"
They all nodded.
"And then she had some muscly guy take all the furniture away?"
"She took away the fridge," whispered Lexaeus.
"And the pool table," squeaked Luxord.
"And the Xbox Live," moaned Xaldin.
Everyone turned towards him. "SHE DID?" they screamed.
Xaldin shook his head. "No, but she probably will," he said. The others groaned.
Demyx sat cross-legged, deep in thought. "But…you guys ALL HAVE WEAPONS!" he cried, throwing his arms up in the air. The rest of the Organization glanced at each other with looks of uncertainty.
"Yeah, umm…mine broke…"
"Yes, I have that thing…"
"Mine too…"
"It just…won't work…"
"Rust and all…"
Demyx shook his head, appalled at his fellow members' pathetic display of man-tude. He jumped up. "Look at you guys," he said, placing his hands in his hips. "We used to be the most frightening group of assassins in black coats in the entire world-space!"
Saix spoke up. "Um, that was because we were the only assassins in black coats in the entire…"
"Look at us now!" Demyx cut him off. "That little girl from Wonderland could probably beat us up in the state we're in!"
The other members nodded, feeling a little more motivated by Demyx's speech of glory.
"WHO created an entire group of super-humans on the basis of knowledge?" Demyx shouted as he began to pace back and forth.
"…W-We did," the group half-mumbled.
"WHO created an entire world that can only be unlocked by a special gate?"
"We did!"
"WHO sought to harness Kingdom Heart's power in order to attain hearts of their very own?"
"We did!" they all shouted, Saix especially loud.
"And WHO stalked a teenage boy, lured him into Castle Oblivion, brainwashed him, created a copy of his nobody to suck out his memories, kidnapped his future-girlfriend, battled him one-on-one, slowly perished in smoky explosions, then miraculously came back to fulfill the same goal while forming public relations?"
"WE DID!"
"So are we just going to let this chick invade our castle and take our stuff?"
"NO!"
"Am I right, Xigbar?"
"Right on!"
"Right, Lexaeus?"
"Yeah!"
"Right, Xemnas?"
"…I hate you all."
"Exactly!" screamed Demyx, pumping his sitar into the air. "Now who's with me?"
In response, the entire rest of the Organization (minus Xemnas) raised their own weapons into the air and screamed their ultimate battle cry.
Up on the Surface….
Riku crawled across the floor, tapping at loose floorboards with his knuckle and pressing his ear against the tiles.
"I still cannot believe that you lost him," Axel said, his arms folded across his chest. Zexion smirked along with him.
Riku shook his head. "I could've sworn that I saw him get sucked under here," he pressed.
Zexion gave Axel a look, then sighed and sidled over to where Riku crouched. "Let me, you're just going to make a mess of things," he said harshly. He placed his own ear against the tiles and listened, surprised to hear a loud rumbling coming from below him.
Zexion sat up straight. "What the…?"
The entire Organization (led by Demyx) burst up out of the floor, their momentum and will so strong that the floor exploded, sending Zexion flying into a pillar.
The group paused for a moment to collect their bearings, and waited for their leader's signal to move forward.
"FOR HONOR!" Demyx screamed in a dramatically-false British accent, rushing forward. The rest of the Organization flew on behind him, their own screams echoing throughout the almost-vacant halls of their palace.
Axel and Riku pealed Zexion off the wall and ran after the mob in deep confusion, with Roxas rolling along behind them.
Demyx and the others raced up flights and flights of stairs until they reached the main lobby on the top floor and burst through the doorway.
Yuffie stood before them, twirling her large Fuma Shuriken in the air as she bossed her muscly assistant around.
"I want that sofa over there and I want that table over there—oh, and the gumball machine also," she demanded. Cloud just grunted and continued to carry everything.
Demyx cleared his throat loudly to catch her attention. "Ahem!"
Yuffie spun around and smiled wickedly. "Oh, hello dear," she said in a mocking tone.
Roxas wheeled up next to Demyx as the young musician gulped and forced himself to not look at the large pile of goodies that she had already claimed for herself. "I have a bone to pick with you right this very instant!" Demyx cried, slamming his fist down on the handlebars of Roxas' carriage.
The carriage flipped forward and shot the young boy out of the seat like a rocket, slamming right into Cloud and making the warrior lose his grip on the gumball machine, sending gumballs flying everywhere.
"Quick, men; grab as many gumballs as you can!" shouted Xemnas, pushing everyone else out onto the floor to collect the colorful, chewy orbs.
Yuffie rolled her eyes and turned back towards Cloud, who was standing upright once more. "I can take it from here, you can go," she said smoothly.
Cloud frowned and stretched his hand out for a payment, making Yuffie rummage through her pockets for the 200 munny she owed him.
"Thanks," Cloud murmured, then walked out the door.
~o~
Cloud strolled through the abandoned alleyways in Radiant Gardens, his hands dug deep in his pockets as he was deep in thought. He liked the alleyways; it gave him a sense of knowing that he was the king of his land, the "top dog" so to speak. And how he got from The World That Never Was to Radiant Gardens in the first place—you didn't need to know.
The coins that jingled in his pocket were only a reminder of the pain in his backside. He rubbed his aching buttocks and growled. He knew he wasn't going to be able to sit for a week, and it was all because of that stupid Organization kid with the spiky hair.
He stopped, and almost laughed to himself. That kid's hair might've been cool, but not nearly as cool as his own spiky locks. He ran his fingers through them, but stopped short as he almost felt a pair of eyes watching him.
He spun around, startled and bright red with embarrassment as he realized that there actually was someone standing behind him—a short guy with large round ears and another one of those dorky coats.
Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but halted when the mysterious figure shushed him quietly. The tiny man glanced around, making sure that they were the only ones. "I need your assistance," whispered the mouse-like figure.
Cloud tossed his hair to the side and turned his back to him. "No thanks, I've already got a job," he said bluntly. He began walking away.
"I'll make you a very generous offer," said the mystery person quickly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large sack filled to the brim with money.
Cloud's eyes seemed to be drawn to the Royal Seal printed on the large sack in his hand. That was A LOT of munny, way more than that cheapskate ninja was paying him.
"And there's more where that came from, too," the mystery person continued, shaking the pouch like a treat.
Cloud's mouth began to water, and suddenly the change in his pocket seemed so little compared to what he thought of it earlier.
The tiny man put the sack away and reached out his hand. "So, do we have a deal?" he said, raising one eyebrow under the hood.
Cloud extended his own hand, but paused as he seriously considered the offer. He withdrew in the slightest. "What do I have to do?" he asked.
An abrupt ending, but a deserved abrupt ending, in my opinion.
Please review, soooo sorry for the long wait; I assure you the next few chapters will be coming in more quickly!
(And I hope, mockingjay-lawliet-paramore, that you don't mind that I changed the plot! I think your ideas are awesome anyways!)