Chapter Fourteen

Sick

Hermione,

I think I'm ready to tell my friend how I feel about her. It's time. I'm afraid if I don't do it soon then I never will, and I'll lose her. I feel that I lost her once before, and I can't handle if I let that happen again. Please, wish me luck, she's a strong woman, stubborn even, and I'm greatly afraid of rejection by her. Funny, how she can evoke such fear in me.

Your Friend

Hermione sadly smiled. One girl was going to be very lucky. She wasn't sure why she was sad though. Maybe because it wasn't her her mystery writer was referring to? She shouldn't be liking him like this. It didn't make any sense...

She went outside, and picked up a carnation out of the flower bed outside of her house. It would have been easy to accio it up, but she lived in a muggle neighborhood, and it would look odd for a flower to magically be floating up to her house. She went back to her desk, and changed it into a lovely white Camellia.

Friend,

I'm sending you the best of luck in here. The Camellia is a form of good luck for a man, but I don't think you need it. If she rejects you then it is her loss, you're a great man, keep that in mind.

Your Friend, Hermione

She tied the flower, and the envelope to Lunus' leg once he was done eating the treats at his feet. She sent him off, and began dressing for work in a simple brown suit, her hair up in its usual bun. She carried her briefcase to the fireplace, and went to work.

In her office she saw Draco sitting on her desk with a familiar flower twirling it between his fingers like he would a wand. She sighed heavily, and said, "Draco, get off my desk. Why aren't you working?" She thought he would give her one of his annoying smirks, or anything but look at her the same way he did last night when she left.

"We need to talk."

"Lets forget last night, okay? We have a lot of work to do..." She sat at her desk, and saw the flower drop in front of her.

Now she knew why it was familiar, it was the same flower, the Camellia that she sent to her pen pal. It had to be coincidence. "Get on with it, what's this about?"

Draco leapt off her desk, and twisted her chair sounding a loud scrap of wood on tile towards him. "Do you really not know?"

She shook her head, almost scared under his intense gaze. She felt like she was under a microscope, all of her being examined. She wanted something to cover her, even if her suit was modest it wasn't enough.

"Writing you was only hope that someone, the very person that shouldn't, may be able to forgive me."

Her eyes widened with understanding at the sentence she read from her confidante. It was him. Draco Malfoy was her pen pal. She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to leave, and she went to stand only to be roughly pushed back. She opened her mouth to protest, but was interrupted before she had a chance to begin.

"You forgave me..." The words were sweet on him, handled with care on his tongue like it was the most precious thing she could have done. "Hermione, the only reason I wrote you was for your forgiveness. There was no ulterior motive. My mother is dying slowly, and made me promise to right my wrongs. She never agreed with my dad, she feared him, and feared what he was capable of. The first person, and only person I wanted to apologize to was you. I should have stopped what happened at my house. Should have done something to help you, but I couldn't because I was selfish, and was only thinking of what would happen to me if I did. I'm sorry, I'm so deeply sorry. I never meant to feel this way towards you. One day I would've told you who I was, but when I saw you at the ball I knew I had to see you again, so I took on this job. I needed to be by you, to make you forgive me in person."

Hermione's mouth had gone dry, and she felt sicker. All that time, all the things she told him... She never wanted to really believe it was Malfoy, so she treated the situation as though he wasn't him. He was her confidante, her friend, the person she looked so forward to writing to every night, and it had been Malfoy! She jumped out of her seat pushing him back. He staggered in a couple of his steps, but soon was standing straighter, challenging her. With a shaky finger she pointed towards the door, "get out."

Draco was appalled; he glared at her. "You told me you forgave me! You're going to take that back? I never knew what a hypocrite you were!"

"You never knew me to begin with!"

"I know you now!"

She shook her head, and it made her feel nauseas, "get out, Malfoy!"

"Why, tell me why!"

"You lied to me," she cried. "This entire time you've lied to me. What is it that you want from me?"

"You! I want you!"

"You're crazy."

"Damn it, Hermione, you have no idea what you've been doing to me, you're killing me."

"Humor me!"

"I'm in love with you! In those letters we weren't enemies, we were friends, we confided in each other, and I found that you are different from me, but not in the sense that I'm above you. I was wrong my whole life, you in fact are pure, I'm tainted with the things I've done in my life, the way I've felt, and how I've treated others. I'm sorry, I need your forgiveness, Hermione."

She felt the tears. "You don't love me, you don't even know me."

"Thirty-eight letters, Hermione! There's been thirty-eight of them, I think I know you. I know your favorite color is blue, your middle name is Jean, after your mother. You have the most gorgeous brown eyes, you're smart, and love books. You have this wonderful look on your face when you read. You've taken eight years of flute lessons. You have a mean right hook. You have a fire of passion in you to heat the coldest place in any man's heart. I can go on forever, so does that small amount of information satisfy you?"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing this to you," he repeated incredulously. "It was one apology letter. I didn't expect you to write back, but you did. I didn't mean to fall in love with you, but it happened! Why did you write back?"

Her head pounded more furiously. "I don't know anymore."

"I think you do. You want to help people, it's an irrepressible need with you, but you love me too. I know you do."

"Stop it," she meant to say stop spinning, but was unable to finish.

"I'm not going away!"

"Please... Don't do this."

"Don't love you? Too late for that. I swear to you that it wasn't intended, I can't help this... Tell me you forgive me, I want to hear it from your lips."

She sobbed, her body aching. "No..."

"Why in the bloody hell not," he yelled.

"I... Can't." She felt dizzy, and tired. She felt herself shaking, her heart beating beyond its average rate, that headache, the back pain. She was worse than tired, she was drained. She was losing it. It was all too much. Draco was blurred, and she grasped the desk for support.

"Hermione? Are you okay?"

She heard him, but it sounded distant. Her hand fell from the desk, and she felt herself falling. She was too far gone to feel Draco's arms around her holding her upright. She was hanging limp, no energy left to keep her awake.

"Hermione? Hermione?! Help, someone help!"